Chapter 7

They continued walking down the street, but they could find no way into the building. Shatner began getting agitated, but Nate was preoccupied with something else.

"My feet hurt," said Nate.

"Ok…" said Shatner, slamming his body into another boarded up door, getting nowhere.

"We should find a vehicle," said Nate, examining the abandoned cars on the road, "Do you think any of these still work? They weren't exactly built to last."

"Without a proper mechanic none of these will ever run again," said Shatner, giving up and heading down the street once more, "Now stop whining and help me find a way inside somewhere!"

They reached an open square, at the end of some sort of park. Shatner examined the buildings and calculated the best way in.

"But, seriously," said Nate, "A vehicle would drastically make all this easier. Think about all the ground we could cover!"

"Ok, as soon as we find Brian we'll head off in search of a vehicle," said Shatner, then he looked around, "Man, this place has seen some action. I didn't think that Britain got hit as hard as us but dang."

"The world got hit," said Nate, "I'm surprised there's a world left. I mean… when bombs started flying everyone started shooting at everything."

"It's a shame, you know?" said Shatner, looking around again, "I mean, this was once a great city and-"

"TANK!" yelled Nate suddenly, causing Shatner to jump, and Nate pointed directly in front of him.

"Look, it's a tank, Shatner! We're SAVED!" continued Nate as he ran towards the tank.

"Wow," said Shatner, observing the tank, "It's a British Challenger. It must've been left behind from all the fighting."

Nate ran straight for it. Sitting on the side of the road, the tank was still, and appeared undamaged. Nate leapt before he slowed down, slamming into the tank, and he climbed on to it, examining it as he did.

"Oh, wow," said Nate, smiling big, "Is it our lucky day."

"Yeah… we found a tank… wooonderful," said Shatner, sarcastically, "Now stop playing around, let's go. We need to get into that building."

"I'll get us in," said Nate, eagerly, and he climbed onto the turret, eagerly picking at the top hatch.

"No, enough kidding around, ok? Let's go," said Shatner, turning and walking away.

"Wait, kidding around? Are you serious?" asked Nate, "This is… awesome! We're not leaving it."

Shatner turned around, now surprised, "We're not TAKING it. It's a tank."

"EXACTLY!" exclaimed Nate, "It's a TANK!"

Shatner shook his head, "You have GOT to be kidding."

"I don't see what the problem is," said Nate, crossing his arms, "We need a ride… we need some protection… we NEED a way into that building… we need-"

"I can't believe you're actually considering this," said Shatner, "We are NOT taking a TANK. Ok?"

"But, Shatner… It's a TANK!" said Nate, jumping from the tank and walking towards Shatner, "It's a TANK Shatner!"

"I know it's a tank," said Shatner, "We need a more practical form of transportation. And… we don't need to bring any attention to ourselves. Wait… How about the fact none of us are QUALIFIED to drive that thing?"

"How about this for an idea," said Nate, straightening up, "It's… the end of the FRICKIN' world and NO ONE is authorized or qualified to drive ANYTHING anymore. And what's going to happen? We going to go to jail?"

"Ugh… how about crashing?" said Shatner, "After the plane incident, I figured we'd have learned that."

"It's a TANK!" said Nate again, " Crashing is not a problem for it. It's a ta-ank!"

"I KNOW it's a tank," said Shatner, getting more agitated, "Look, we're not taking it, ok? Now STOP and come with me. We need to find Pandora… ugh… Bailey before he bleeds out somewhere."

Shatner began walking away, while Nate stood, amazed, watching him leave.

"But it's a TANK, Shatner," yelled Nate, after him, "It's a TANK!"

"I KNOW it's a TANK!" yelled Shatner back, then he stuttered for something else to through back, and then he found one, "Do you KNOW how much GAS a tank sues? We wouldn't get… a MILE out of it. You'd get from…"

Shatner looked around for a bit, then pointed at the tank, then down the next street.

"You'd get from THAT side of the street to THAT side of the street," said Shatner, then he continued walking away.

"Oh, CAN I?" asked Nate, dropping on his knees and begging, "From that side to that side? Please?" Shatner said nothing, "But… It's a TANK! A TANK, Shatner… a TANK! Shat-NER!!!! It's a TANK!"

"I KNOW IT'S A TANK!" yelled Shatner, stomping off still, observing the building for openings again.

Nate's face hardened, and he got up, "I'm an ADULT! Fine, I don't need YOU! I'll take it for a spin ANYWAY! Then I'll catch up with you LATER!"

"Whatever…" said Shatner, under his breath.

Nate smiled at, what he thought, was no response from Shatner and he greedily ran backwards, clamoring back onto the tank. Shatner continued down the street, shaking his head to himself.

"I hate this… I hate this… these kids are going to get me killed," said Shatner, shaking his head, "Or I'm gonna get shot… either by Zombie Hunter Nate or Tank Commander Flint… I'm going to die like Church! Oh god…"

After walking a little ways down, Shatner smiled. A large roadblock of rubble blocked his path, but it was from the building. The rubble showed Shatner an opening he could climb up to, and he smiled to himself.

"Now to find that kid," said Shatner, "And hopefully not die from that idiot."

In the blink of an eye, a figure jumped on top of the pile of rubble, a large metal stick in his hand. Several other figured popped out from behind different positions of the rubble, and in shops and stores at either side of Shatner. Shatner's face frowned as he looked around, aware of what was happening. The figures began making whooping and yelling noises, most of the brandished bows or sticks of some sort, a few had what appeared to be guns. Shatner shook his head.

"Damn," he said under his breath.

"Surrender," said the figure on top of the rubble pile, "How DARE you come to MY land, and trespass in MY CITY!"

"How did I know this would happen," said Shatner, careful as to how he would get his rifle ready.

"I, I am the lord of this LAND," yelled the figure, lifting up the mask and cape he had to expose his body, "I am the MIGHTY IAWN! Beg for MERCY, trespasser!"

"Shut the hell up, you boob," yelled another figure from lower down, "You're not the f***in leader, I am!"

"Silence, BUSWANKER!" yelled the figure from above, "Your leader DEMANDS it."

Shatner shook his head. Brits, what do you know… Nate was right about something after all. The figure seemed to be a small boy. Long, blondish hair, pale white skin, and some sort of war paint all over his body. At closer examination, Shatner rolled his eyes at the fact most of them were very vulgar phrases and pictures.

"Oh… this is ridiculous," said Shatner.

"Silence, you!" yelled the person from above, "The Mighty Iawn will order your execution if I hear another blabber out of your hole before I finish my speech-" a small rock hit him off the side of his head, and he turned bright pink in anger, "Who threw that? I DEMAND to KNOW!"

"Quiet, you loon," yelled that other figure again, "You're making us look bad!"

"Leanord! I swear…" yelled Iawn, "I will come DOWN there and rape you like I didja mum."

"My mum's dead, you cheeky bastard!" yelled the figure from below.

"Oi! Mates, pa-lease!" yelled another figure, not far off, "The prisonah!"

"Rioght," said Iawn, "I was JUST getting to that before SOME stupid buggah interrupted me."

BOOM! Not far behind Shatner, pieces of a building shattered, and Shatner, along with all his new captors, ducked down in surprise. The one called Iawn let out a high pitched squeal and pointed, and Shatner turned around, his eyes widened.

A tank, the same tank from earlier, now crushed cars as it barreled down the road. Shatner saw the explosion from earlier was it actually crashing through a building, and now shed the debris from the crash down the road.

Shatner allowed a smile to spread a little bit, especially when Iawn and the other ambushers ducked or hid, many dropping whatever weapons they had at the time. The tank came to a stop several yards behind Shatner, and Shatner adjusted his rifle, smiling.

"Attencion, British peoplez," came Nate's voice through the intercom, a seriously bad German accent to accompany it, "I vant your veapons, I vant zem on ze ground NAOW! And I vant you aall in ze streets in a singol file zine! Handz in ze AIR!"

"Alright," said Shatner, the grin now spread from ear to ear," good work, Dude! Now for the rest of you, DO it, NOW!"

The ambushers dropped the rest of their weapons, and they all walked out, hands up. Shatner now saw all of them were much shorter then he, and probably all around the same age. Young boys…

"Now," said Nate, continueing the strange accent, "I vant you to, All TOGEZER, do ze chicken dance… NAOW! Go! Shnell! Shnell!!"

The new captives seemed to look at each other frightened, and then they awkwardly started doing the chicken dance. Shatner's smile disappeared, and he rubbed his face.

"God…" he said to himself, "I am SURROUNDED by idiots. When will it END?"

BOOM!

Shatner's ears rang, and he couldn't hear a damn thing. He grasped it in pain, and clenched his eyes in pain. All the young kids did the same, some falling to the ground and screaming. Shatner could not hear them, but the ringing got louder and louder. Eventually, He looked around, and the sound of his own breathing slowly crept up on him. He looked up, seeing the results of an impact blast on a building down the road, and the shot caused it to shake and crumble slightly, sending tons of debris to the street.

Shatner was grasped by the shoulders and spun around, Nate was in his face, yelling something over and over again. Slowly, Shatner could hear a hum, which turned into a mumble, which slowly sent his hearing back with a flood of sound.

"Oh my GOD are you alright?" said Nate.

'What…. OW," said Shatner again, his ears in a lot of pain, "What the HELL was that?"

"My bad, sorry, sorry!" said Nate, cleaning out his own ears, "I was trying to hit the Brits. I missed, and forgot how loud it was going to be and the fact we were so close!"

"You shot the damn TANK?" asked Shatner, "What is WRONG with you?"

"Right now?" said Nate, "I don't know how to reload it!"

"Bluff them, then," said Shatner.

"Ok… uh…. That was a WARNING SHOT," said Nate, aiming his rifle at the now dizzy captives, "Anyone else try anything, you're dead!"

"We didn't do anything you-" started the one called Iawn.

"I… I saw that!" said Nate, again, "Don't play stupid with me. I will F*** You UP!"

"Woah, dude, calm down," said Shatner, pushing Nate lightly on his chest, "They're only kids."

"We're not kids," said the one who had been fighting with Iawn most of the time.

"Ok, whatever," said Nate, turning towards them, "Now... who's your leader?"

"I AM," said Iawn and the other at the same time, and they both glared at each other.

"Now, listen here you bubble-headed loony," said the unnamed one, "You are NOT our leader, and if you were we would've been dead years AGO!"

"You couldn't lead us out of this rotten CITY you TRAMP," yelled Iawn, back, "I am the GREAT and Mighty Iawn! I own this city and there is NOTHING you can DO about it!"

"Shut up," returned the other one.

"Hey, can you two stop it!" chimed in Nate, stepping forward a little, "God… they ARE a bunch of kids."

"Hey," said another child, "Check out their accents. They're Yanks!"

All the kids turned towards them, and Nate and Shatner eyed each other awkwardly.

"It… means we're just more likely to KILL YOU!" said Nate, returning to aiming his rifle at the kids.

"Yanks?" asked Shatner.

"Americans," whispered Nate, "Stick with the PROGRAM!"

"Yeah… they're yanks," said the one called Iawn, "What are you doin' in England?"

"Mind your own Business!" snapped Nate, "That's not for you to know. We have secret business here!"

"We're just passing through," said Shatner, lower Nate's rifle barrel, "Nothing more. We don't want any trouble. Right, Major Pain?"

"Fine, we don't want any trouble," said Nate, getting Shatner's hint-filled glare, then he smiled and raised his rifle again, "But only because killing you would be a complete waste of bullets, YEAW!"

"Shut up," said Shatner, walking towards the captives, "Now, seriously, who's in charge here? Where's an adult?"

"I'm in charge, and I AM an adult!" yelled Iawn, again, stepping forward, "I am the Mighty IAWN!"

"Ok, Eon, kid… look here," started Shatner.

"IAWN," said Iawn.

"Iyawn," answered Nate.

"Iawn," said the kid, "Eye-On! Like Ion. You want me to spell it?"

"No! Gah…" said Shatner, rubbing his face, "Iawn… you obviously aren't the leader here… so…"

"Yeah, you're NOT!" chimed in the other kid, "I am the leader. They call me Mr Sir. Name's Leonard Miles."

"Drop dead, Leonard!" said Iawn, shoving him aside, "You couldn't drive your mum down the street!"

"None of us can drive, you boob!" said Leonard, pushing back.

"Hey, shut up!" yelled Shatner, "So… you're telling me there are no adults here? None at all?"

"What you see is what you get!" said Iawn, smiling, "We're all that's left. We're the Army of Iawn!"

"Can you CLAM UP!" yelled Leonard, "You're not our bloody LEADER! Hell, you're name isn't even 'Iawn'. You're name's Gertrude!"

"Gertrude?" said Nate, walking next to Shatner and smiling, "That's kind of funny, Where did 'Iawn' come from?"

Iawn's face turned beat red in anger, and he glared at Leonard.

"Where did you HEAR that?"

"It's right here," said Leonard, and he flashed a card, the threw it at Nate, who caught it.

Iawn reached for it quickly, and when he noticed that he lost it to Nate, he turned bright red, and punched Leonard HARD. Nate looked over the card, and examined it. It was a school ID, and Iawn's face was on it, but the name next to it was NOT Iawn.

"Uh… Gertrude A. Yeilm?" asked Nate, smiling on the inside, "That's your name, 'Mighty Iawn'? Gertrude Yeilm?"

"Piss off, WANKAH!" yelled Iawn.

"Ok, let's all just calm down," said Shatner, "Ok, now you kids go along and play nice. If you're not going to be any help I don't want you to be a nuisance. We have a friend to find."

"I'll kill you," said Iawn, glaring at Leonard, "And you too," he said to Nate.

Nate did his own glare and began to raise his rifle before Shatner placed his hand on his shoulder, "Nobody's shooting anybody!"

"Freeze!" yelled Pandora, from a window. He had somehow appeared from nowhere, and he held the rifle he had very carefully, aiming it at the Brits, "Or I'll shoot YA! I will."

"Hey, Beatle!" said Nate, smiling, "You made it!"

"Yeah, I told you, I'd meet you out on the other side and protect you," said Pandora, smiling.

"Nice job, moron," said Nate again.

Pandora's eyes lit up at the sight of a tank.

"Oh my! Is that a tank?" said Pandora, then he pointed at the building down the street, "Oh my, was that the explosion! Cool! Can we drive it? We need a vehicle anyway. Driving a tank would be SO COOL!"

"Toldja," said Nate, smiling and nodding towards Pandora.

"Ugh… let's get out of here," said Shatner, "We need to get to… wherever."

"What, you're leaving?" said Iawn and Leonard together, and then Iawn continued, 'Why don't you stay. We have a small base, with food!"

"Maybe it's a good idea to rest for the night," said Nate, "We got a long way to go nowhere, maybe a place to sleep and people to… talk to."

"I don't want to sta-" started Shatner.

"Cool! Let's do it!" said Pandora, jumping from the window onto the car and down next to Nate, "We got some new people, AWSOME!"

Nate smiled, and looked at Shatner with a grin, "Two against one, looks like we're staying."

"Great, this way," said Leonard, and he led the group of kids down the road, Pandora following eagerly.