Chapter 21

Cloud

He was swimming in a pale mist, feeling and seeing nothing. He heard nothing, not even his own breathing. Was he breathing? Maybe he wasn't even doing that. But he did exist, didn't he? So it had to mean he had a body and that body must breathe. Or else it would stop existing. Why couldn't he see his body? Had he gone blind? Why couldn't he feel anything? The fog drifted inside his head as the formless existence of Clouds being simply floated in the nothingness. Flashes of memories swam past by him with people he knew and people whom were complete strangers to him. He didn't even care what that meant, if it even did mean anything. The nothingness swallowed him whole and his mind sank back to the black hole that gave him no recollection of any time passage.

His mind was changing the levels of acknowledging his surroundings. Sometimes Cloud was sure he could hear a voice, sometimes it was a pressure on his fingers, sometimes a sweeping feeling of warmth on his forehead. It was all confusing and Cloud wasn't sure when exactly he had started to recognize the brush of fingers or the smell of something familiar. He knew, at some point he was starting to gather his waking consciousness. To be more aware of everything, including his own body and its functions. The mist moved around him slowly, lazily. His head was swimming and pounding from a distant feeling. Probably a headache, if he his head was somewhere around to be aching.

Cloud tried to shake his dreaming self and to focus but as it usually was, in dreams you control basically nothing even if you are aware you are dreaming.

It was odd to be dreaming of nothingness. Usually his dreams were vivid and full of sharp images of people he had met and places he had visited. Something must have happened if his head was so empty it produced nothing but this. He wanted to wake up already. It felt like he was dragging himself in a lake full of tar. He was stuck and it scared him. He saw nothing, he felt achy and hurt and he was stuck in this fog like state paralyzed. Cloud wanted to scream and cry but he had no mouth or voice to cry with. He struggled against his sluggish state of mind as violently as he could.

Slowly, painfully lazily his consciousness turned towards the reality and in few moments Cloud gasped for air, waking up from his weird dream state and to feel immense amount of strange aches and pain washing intensively over his whole body like spear stuck thru his side. His heart was racing and he had tears in his eyes even if they were still closed. Cloud gasped for air like a man trying to stay above the water surface, afraid he would be pulled under there where everything was white and horribly slow and lonely. Trying to open his eyelids was pure panicking hell. He couldn't get his vision to focus and he kept feeling a wave of nausea crashing inside him, making him close at hurling all over himself.

Why was he hurting so much? Why did all this feel so wrong?

He tried once more to open his eyes and slowly he managed at it. But only his right eye started to focus on the ceiling above him, the left eye was stubbornly shut no matter what he tried. He was in an unfamiliar room that was hidden in semi darkness. He tried to feel his body more. Legs seemed to work even if they were very stiff. No broken bones there. Same went for his arms and fingers. Cloud moved them slightly and a throb of pain went up from his hand. An iv-tube. So he was in a hospital then.

What had happened?

Cloud closed his eye and tried to remember. It was all a big blurry mess, but when he pushed his memory further remembered he had been driving back from the demolition area and it had been raining really hard and then... Suddenly all was first very bright and after that complete darkness. Next thing he knew he was here, in this room where no light was on and only machines whirring and softly beeping. Cloud wished... Actually, he didn't know what he honestly wished. For the pain to ease for starters perhaps.

Cloud took a deep breath and found his chest making an angry protest at that. He seemed to hurt most from his upper torso. He tried to take another breath as deep but gave up halfway as the throbbing pain got worse and he let out a soft groan. Then he felt it.

Someone moved on the same mattress he was laying. Trying to move as little as he could, Cloud turned his head and peered into the grayness. His neck was protesting against this movement and Cloud could only steal a quick glance to his other side. A form was stooping next to him, lying on the edge of the bed. This someone had their head bent to their folded arms that lay upon the sheets. That someone was fast asleep and snored slightly. Who this person was Cloud had no idea and he was feeling tired again.

He slipped back into healing slumber and didn't notice Squall stirring next to him and looking at Cloud's motionless form with eyes full of exhausted worry.

A week after the accident

The next time he woke up the room was brightly lit but not by lamps. The sun poured into the small room and gave Cloud the perfect opportunity to scan its contents better. Not that there was anything in particular to see, really.

It was, as those hospital rooms usually were; small, white and impersonal. Very clean and the smell was pretty much revolting.

Thinking of this made him hear his stomach. He was hungry. How long had it been since the last time he had eaten anything? For his knowledge he remembered eating a sandwich at Vincent's place few hours before he had left to drive back home. As he had no way of knowing the current date Cloud guessed he had been out maybe few days or in worse case; weeks. Though he didn't feel that weak and there of course was the tube connected to his vein. Most likely some kind of nutrient was being fed to him. The sleep had been good and had healed more of the aches since the first time he woke up.

Cloud glanced to his side and saw it was empty. Wondering who had been sleeping there he also noted his room was meant only for one person. Couldn't have been an adventuring roommate then, he mused to himself and yawned. His jaw felt stiff and a wave of dull pain coursed thru him. It was not a good idea to make any sudden moves it seemed. Every single muscle seemed to scream in agony and stiffness. Oh, he wanted answers so badly.

Maybe he should call for a nurse and find out what had happened.

As Cloud turned slowly around to find a button he heard a noise from the closed door and froze. He settled down again and closed his eyes, pretending to be still asleep. Why he did this and not let the person entering see him awake, he did not know. For curiosity perhaps. Or out of learned caution. He didn't even know who had submitted him into the hospital and for all he knew the person entering the room could be someone he didn't know at all. It had never hurt anyone to be a bit careful.

The door closed, softly clicking and the person entered the room silently. Cloud didn't dare to try and peer thru his eyelid. The stranger sat down next to his bed where there had been an armchair placed and sighed. So it wasn't a nurse. A nurse would have gone straight for checking the machines and whatever those things were doing and would have then had left. This person now sitting next to him had to be someone Cloud knew.

There was silence for a long while before Cloud heard the person speak and recognized the speaker at once. Squall. His heart throbbed painfully when he heard the pleading in Squalls voice.

"I hate this. Please wake up soon and come back to us. We need you here. I need you here. Can't seem to make things to go back in order again without you telling me I'm a blasted fool.." Cloud was sorry for his friend but didn't move. He felt warmth creeping up to his body as he now knew Squall was there. It gave him comfort. Squall kept rambling, keeping his tone down like he was afraid of actually waking Cloud up.

"I've been an idiot. A complete dimwit. A blind fool. Didn't see what was right before me. Or maybe I did but just didn't want to admit it. Well, not out loud at least. It's so stupid that people wake up only when something drastic happens. I'm so happy you are alive, Cloud.. Only if you'd wake up I'd tell you everything straight to your face and ultimately ask one thing and th.." Squall let out a gasp and jumped up to his feet.

"Then ask now." Cloud whispered and found his throat dry as the desert of Sahara. He coughed. "Water?" He definitely had been out of this world a long while. Squall stared down at him in shock.

"Cloud?" Squall mechanically reached for the water cup on the side table. "You're awake.. Oh sweet lords, you're not dead…" There were almost tears in the blue eyes. "You've been sleeping so long we got worried you would never wake up…" Squall held the cup to Clouds dry lips carefully and poured few drops in.

"How long?" Cloud managed to raise his voice enough to make audible noise. "And you wanted to ask something?" His left eye was still closed so he tried to make a pleading look with the one that was working.

"You.. heard?" Squall looked ashamed suddenly. Cloud merely nodded. "I thought you were still out of it.." He looked like someone had caught him stealing apples.

"Pretended…" Cloud croaked and tried to understand why Squall looked suddenly so uneasy, standing there, hair ruffled and obviously untouched, eyes shadowed like a man who had not slept well in a while. Squalls clothes were wrinkled like he had been in them for too long, probably slept in them too.

"I.. uh.." Squall sighed and hung his head low for a moment. Then he sat down again and looked Cloud into his eyes. Well, one eye. Squall was quiet for a long time and Cloud found himself wondering had he been muttering something embarrassing in his long sleep or was Squall trying to prolong telling him something like he was moving out of town and Cloud would have to say his goodbyes to the one thing that made him happy these days. The thoughts raced sluggishly in Clouds head, spiced with a throbbing headache.

"Look. Here's the thing. I.." Squall started then paused to take an unsteady breath. "I've been a fool, like I said. The biggest asshole in the universe most likely and I wouldn't even dream of you forgiving me everything but I'm.. I've... fallen in love with you and I can't seem to function without you any longer." Squall finished quickly and hung his head lower. Cloud had to blink more than once before he understood what had just been said.

"Could you repeat that last part..." He whispered his heart racing anxiously inside his chest. Squall kept his eyes cast down and seemed to find the floor very interesting. "Please repeat it." Cloud was sure he had heard right, but how could it be? After all this time! After all these games of cat and mouse he would hear that one thing he certainly did NOT expect to hear!

"I've fallen for you, Cloud Strife…So badly it hurts me to be away from you even for minutes. So please don't hate me and please come back home." Squall looked up into Cloud's eyes and the blond felt his heart skipping few beats out of sheer shock. Squall kept his silence and waited, patiently like he usually did but somehow Cloud guessed he was a lot less calm underneath.

"You really are an idiot." Cloud finally breathed. "Having to ask that in the first place is extremely dumb and second are you even sure I'm in all my wits yet? I might just as well be so happily drugged that I will forget this the second I fall asleep again." Cloud saw how Squall was rapidly turning blank faced. "You know me though, moving fast is one my of best qualities anyway.." He paused, not to consider the answer, but to have courage to say it. "I will come home. And I don't hate you." He swallowed and kept talking even if hurt to do so. "This is what I wanted to talk to you about. I went away to get my head straight and gather the courage to tell you I love you, you stupid motherless mongrel."

"..." Squall was out of balance and gaped at Cloud. Then he reached to take Clouds hand and entwined their fingers gently. "Good. I was starting to think you really were still drugged or being a blond idiot. After all, one can't expect you to be too bright." But he smiled so gently Cloud never could have misunderstood that and returned the smile, his heart bursting with joy.