Chapter 9
"Ok…" said Nate, looking around and smiling, "I wonder, I wonder."
"We need another vehicle," mentioned Pandora, "Any suggestions?"
"Way ahead of you, Beatle," said Nate, "Already had my eye out for another Tank for an hour now."
"If we get a vehicle it is NOT going to be a TANK!" said Shatner, "Drop the tank thing."
They were quiet for a few more steps, and then Nate attempted another topic.
"So… You think Kevin will be happy to see us?"
"He shouldn't be upset, if that's any help," said Shatner, "Just let me do all the talking, ok?"
"I need to go to the bathroom," said Pandora.
"Go… piss over there," said Nate, "Run ahead so we don't leave you behind."
"It's not THAT one…" answered Pandora.
"Hey" yelled a distant voice.
Shatner and Nate looked at each other, then to Pandora, then behind them. Three figures chased after them. Waving their arms and running at full speed.
"Hey, you YANKS," yelled another one, "Wait up!"
"Damn, run," yelled Nate, and he took off, "They found us, they're coming!"
"Knock it off," said Shatner, "We're caught AND followed… we have to at least see what they want."
"Brits…" mumbled Nate, under his breath.
Another few minutes and they had caught up. Nate could then realize that the figures were Iawn, Charles, and Leo. Charles and Leo lay on the ground, gasping for breath, but Iawn tried his best to remain standing and upright.
"You chaps have some splannin' to do!" he said, finally.
"We have some 'splannin' to do?" asked Nate, "Listen here, Ricky, I think you're the ones with the 'splannin' here."
"You left," said Iawn, "You left me behind."
"Yes," said Shatner, "Sorry, we should have thanked you for you… uh… hospitality?"
"We didn't even eat or anything," argued Pandora.
"Now where do you think you're buggin' off to?" asked Leo, putting his hands on his hips.
"We're continuing on," said Shatner, "We got a long road ahead of us. We're sorry."
"Then we're coming too," said Iawn, standing up and puffing out his chest, "You need a leader, a wise man who knows these lands!"
"We already HAVE a leader," said Pandora, then he looked at the others, "I think?"
"Between us having one of HIM leading it?" asked Nate, "Hell yeah we got a damn leader. The positioned is FILLED so…. Yeah!"
"Let us come with you," said Charles, "Please? We want to come too!"
"What? No!" said Nate, "No you cannot come!"
"Why would you want to come with us?" asked Shatner, "You know we're trying to find the remnants of the United States Government, right?"
"Yeah, so?" asked Iawn, "You think we can't make it all to way to Africa? We're ENGLISH! We own Africa!"
Nate sighed heavily and rubbed his head as Charles stepped forward and said "Look, there's nothing left of the England we once knew. Maybe… if we help you… we'll find this… we'll find some help."
Shatner looked at Nate, and Nate shook his head vigorously. Shatner sighed, and looked back at the kids.
"You know… we cannot guarantee anything. Anything at all," said Shatner, "We can't guarantee we'll all make it back alive… We can't guarantee that there's anything even in Africa, we can't even guarantee we'll make it TO Africa."
All three of the kids heads nodded, even Pandora's nodded with them. Nate stepped forward, puffing out his chest.
"What we CAN guarantee is it won't be easy," said Nate, "There'll be danger… there'll be adventure…. There'll be a lot of walking, and lot of EVERYTHING you ever DIDN'T want in your measly LIVES!"
"Yeah," said Leo, high fiving Iawn.
"Like in the films!" replied Iawn.
"Worse, this ain't no movie, son," said Nate, leaning over to stare at Iawn, "This is hell… miles and miles of post-apocalyptic hell. And we're gonna take you right to the CENTER of it."
"How do you know Africa is the center of hell?" asked Iawn, crossing his arms, "Maybe somewhere else is."
"Because Africa was hell before the bombs and lifelessness and war," answered Nate, "And they have disease beyond belief!"
"Alright, then," said Shatner, crossing his arms, "Now that we have stragglers… ok, ok fine, they can come with us to Wales."
All three of the kids broke out in a cheer, and a grin spread on Pandora's face from ear to ear. Then the three stopped, and a confused look crossed them.
"Wales?" asked Leo, "Now why in hells name do you want to go there?"
"There's nothing out there," said Iawn, "Except… rain and ponds and sheep."
"Still better then those Northerners," said Leo.
"Bloody F***, yeah," answered Iawn, high fiving him.
"We have a contact there," answered Shatner, "We're going to need what they have there. Alright? It's important."
"Fine, then let's go already!" said Iawn, "we gonna stand here till tea?"
"Ok, wait, first," said Nate, stepping forward and pointing at the three, "We don't go ANYWHERE with three jungle children, Savy?"
"What?" asked Charles, tilting his head.
"We need to make a stop somewhere before we get to Wales," said Nate, pointing at the ratty and too-small clothes the three boys now wore, "I am NOT gay but these kids are gonna make us look better if they didn't look like a scene from Oliver. Let's MOVE OUT!"
Down the road, they took a detour into a small town. Lucky for them, in that town was a very large store devoted to clothes and several dedicated to outdoor gear. They ducked inside, and did a quick sweep of the place, and then they met back at the front door.
"Ok, I hope you spotted something you like," said Nate, looking at the English kids, "I know I have. Now let's be quick, go nuts!"
The three Brits, as well as Pandora, took off and began checking out different types of clothes. Shatner shook his head and looked at Nate.
"Well… maybe they'll be happier with clothes that fit," he admitted, "I'm going to look around and gather what we might need. Including maybe some guns or something."
"Oh, come on," said Nate, "I'm going to baby sit?"
"That's what you get," said Shatner, smiling, "Don't burn the place down."
:Aw, come on," complained Nate, and he continued until Shatner walked away, and was out of earshot, "Yes…"
Nate smiled and took off into the store. A few minutes later, everyone was trying on something or throwing clothes into the air.
Nate approached Pandora, who was trying to find himself a leather work coat, similar to one Nate and Shatner wore. Pandora looked over, and his eyebrows furrowed.
"Nice hat?" asked Pandora, smiling slightly, "Indy."
Nate slid his hand along the brim of the brown Fedora he had found and he smiled. His goggles were over his eyes, and he stood a little more heroically.
"Why, thanks Brian," said Nate, "You have no idea how much this has made my day…. And it fits!"
"You like that style?" asked Pandora.
"I had one not long ago," said Nate, "Even kept it through the war. It fell apart one day… too much wear and tear. It broke my heart."
"Sorry to hear that," said Pandora, laughing a little bit.
"I called it!" yelled Iawn from somewhere else in the store.
"Screw you!" yelled Charles.
"I will! Right up the arse! All night long," yelled Iawn again, and a smash was heard.
Nate shook his head, almost laughing, "Oh my… anyway. Plus, the ladies dig the Fedora."
"Yeah, sure they do," said Pandora, shaking his head.
"You got a girl, Pandora?" asked Nate.
"No… not really," said Pandora.
"You got your eye on a girl?" asked Nate again, emphasizing a little more.
"Well…" said Pandora.
"Oh, hey hey," said Nate, getting a little excited, jumping over an overturned shelving unit and he got closer to Pandora, "Spill the details, dude."
"No, it's nothing," said Pandora, "Just… a girl back at DC."
"Oh…" said Nate, smiling smugly, "So… what have you done to get her heart, huh?"
"I haven't done anything," said Pandora, "Just some talk, you know… help her out with things."
"Help her out? Right on! Bow-Chicka-Bow-Wow," said Nate, smiling to himself, "Alright, so… what are you going to do when we get back?"
"What do you mean?" asked Pandora.
"You know, to steal her heart," answered Nate, "Sweep her off her feet."
"We're hopefully bringing back some help… so… that should be a big deal," answered Pandora.
"No, no, that makes you a hero, not a White Knight," said Nate, shaking his head, "There's a difference. You have to make her feel incredibly special. Somehow make her feel like she's the reason you lived or something. For instance…"
Nate jumped onto the counter of a watch and cufflink section and grabbed one of the wilted flowers from a hanging basket.
"You need to give her an African flower, look deep into her eyes, and say, 'I traveled all the way to Africa to get you this flower… because it reminds me of you.' Or, you can say it matches her eyes or something."
"Her eyes are brown," said Pandora, crossing his arms.
Nate nodded, thinking, "Brown is good, everything matches with brown."
Pandora shook his head and rolled his eyes, walking away without anything.
"I'll stick with my sweatshirt," said Pandora.
"Fine, whatever," said Nate, "But I tried to help you, that's all."
"Ok, we're ready," said Iawn, and Nate turned around, sighing heavily.
Iawn, Charles, and Leo all looked like buffed out Pillsbury Doughboys. They had put on a lot of clothes, and they could barely walk.
"Whata re you doing?" asked Nate.
"These are nice clothes," said Leo, "We couldn't just LEAVE them."
"Well, you're gonna have to," said Nate, "Get your butts back there and pick 1 set which you're willing to travel MILES in, please."
All three of them sighed and turned around, wobbling away.
"Good God," said Nate, shaking his head, "Well… maybe they could keep it and it'll act as cushioning… or bullet proofing."
Nate continued to think about that as he walked around the store, just gazing at what was there. A half hour later they all gathered back at the front of the store and Nate smiled.
"Alright," said Nate, then he looked around, and didn't see Shatner, "Alright, now, who's hungry?"
Shatner sat alone on top of one of the buildings. He had an extra rifle by his side, and a bag of supplies. Medicine, band-aids, things like that. He had found them in this barber shop, and now he sat, satellite phone out and looking into the distance. He had a shopping cart on the street below he had filled with bags and supplies as well, and hopefully the cart would last quite a ways before they had to carry all the luggage themselves.
"You there, Zurom?" asked Shatner.
"Yeah," said Zurom, "What's on your mind?"
"Oh, I was just thinkin'," said Shatner, "We've gained three stragglers, have barely any plan at all… UGH! What about you, you find anything?"
"Well… after a brief scan of the entire North African Civilized areas I see no… respectable fortresses or castle like structures in the works or made. Such a structure would be pivotal to locating an essence of a military base and final government structure in… modern times. And let's not forget the Sahara Desert… I can't find a damn thing out there."
"Nothing…" said Shatner, leaning back and giving out a loud sigh.
"Keep in mind I am not very skilled in using these yet. I need some military programs and maybe a training program to access the real features that would 'yay' or 'nay' this." Continued Zurom.
Shatner sighed heavily to himself, shaking his head and frowning. A lot of thoughts rushed through his head, and he suddenly felt overwhelmed with emotion.
"What if it isn't there?" asked Shatner, suddenly, "What if we came all this way for some… stupid rumor that isn't even true! What if someone gets hurt, or worse? It's my fault, MY fault. I volunteered to go on this stupid adventure to find… I DON'T KNOW! I didn't even think we'd make it this far…"
"Well," said Zurom, "So what if it is? So what if it isn't?"
"What?" asked Shatner, suddenly, "What do you mean, 'So What'? If we travel half way across this stupid planet for some shred of hope at some stupid-"
"Right there," said Zurom, calmly cutting Shatner off, "A shred of hope. Do you really think that's not worth getting?"
"Well…" stuttered Shatner, "It's just… it's not that's it's not worth getting…. But… Ugh! Are we even getting it?"
"Listen, that boy… uhh…. Pandora but his name is… Brian in real life?" asked Zurom.
"Brian Bailey, yeah," stated Shatner.
"Tell me how he's been handling this whole experience," said Zurom.
"Oh, he's have a ball," said Shatner, almost laughing, "He has NO idea how screwed we are right now. He's just… under this impression we're doing something important. He smiles and fools around with these British kids we found and… they just don't 'get' it. I just… He just has…"
"Great Hope," said Zurom, "He has unyielding faith. Not in the American Dream or the hope there's still a US government, but in you, Shatner. In you and Nate, that you'll get them through it and that you will have a plan when and if you get to Africa and nothing IS there. That's why. He has that Shred of Hope."
"Well…" said Shatner, feeling defeat, "What about the colony? We're supposed to be getting help."
"Then get help," said Zurom, "North Africa isn't the only place in the world with people. Far from it."
"Who knows, it might be the only thing left," said Shatner, then he paused and said, "Or it might be all some large and wild story. Good for nothing!"
"Nothing? What did we just talk about," said Zurom, then he sighed and continued, "Look, even if it is nothing, this is what the United States needs, this is what all of us need. Every human. Humans thrive off stories, and sometimes… a story, real or fake, gives us what we need to carry through hard times."
Shatner nodded, then looked at his watch. It was far past time for him to meet up with the guys. He said his fair well to Zurom, and headed off of the roof. Pushing the small cart down the street, he calmly looked into the shops and houses on the side as if strolling through the supermarket. A loud sound caught his attention, and he jumped. From a nearby café, a radio began to blare, and Shatner recognized a guitar riff being played, then a drum beat. He walked cautiously towards the café, and peered inside.
Nate did some sort of dance on the café counter, singing into a ketchup bottle, and he wore some sort of…. Indiana Jones hat. Pandora danced inside the kitchen, and the three Brits were dancing and hollering around the diner, throwing napkins and plates around. Shatner stood by the door, and shook his head, an amused smile barely showing on his face.
"On the floor of Tokyo-oh! Or down in London town to go, go: with the record selection, and the mirror's reflection, I'll be dancin' wit myself-elf!" sang Nate, softly with the loud voice of Billy Idol over his, "When there's no one else in sigh-ight. In a corwded an' lonely nigh-ight! Well I wait so long for tha' love vibration I'll be dancin' wit myself-elf!"
"So let's sink, another drink!" continued the three Brits, and they continued singing.
Nate jumped from the counter, into the kitchen, throwing down a thing of French fries and flipping a few burgers that grilled on stove and he slammed a wrench into some sort of tank, which roared to life. Nate turned around to the counter and smiled to himself.
"Welcome to the Good-Burger, home of the 'Good Burger', can I take your ooordeeeer?" he yelled, then he spotted Shatner and waved, "Hey, Brom! This place still had electricity. Fries and burger making stuff are ok. Not the best, but who cares? Soda is always good, so I'm not worried too bad. It's like a free meal here!"
Shatner shook his head, and entered the café. He looked around, then sat at a bar stool nearby. He leaned in towards Nate.
"I didn't think you could cook," said Shatner.
"McDonald's, two years," said Nate, winking, "I can't cook, but I can guess. Besides, this will be good stuff."
"Look… you really think this whole trip is a good idea?" asked Shatner, pulling Nate in closer.
"Yeah, our three boyscouts over there looked like they'd eaten the Alice and Wonderland cookies. Now they probably feel better in new clothes," said Nate, "Besides, look what I found. Extreamly rare in Europe, and I FOUND one. Boo-Yeah!"
Nate slid his hand across the brim of his hat, and smiled at Shatner. Shatner nodded his head and then shook it.
"No… I mean this whole thing, this WHOLE trip," said Shatner.
"Oh, oh yeah. I totally think that finding Kevin will help us out greatly," said Nate, "Besides, I always wanted to meet him. He seemed like a nice… bearded guy. And some civilization would be nice, too."
"No," burst Shatner, placing his head into the palm of his hand, "Ugh! The whole Africa thing!"
An alarm went off in the Kitchen, and Nate jumped back, "Fries and Burgers, dude. Talk later!"
"Gah!" said Shatner, but he leaned back and shook his head, then chuckled at the antics of the British kids before turning around and yelling, "No onions on mine! Extra Pickles."
"No pickles," yelled back Nate.
"Dang!" said Shatner, but he was still smiling.
The Brits armed up outside, now taking on their share of the supplies and the load. Shater's surplus of supplies was a good find, but he found a lot of medical supplies. More then they could carry. So, it was voted on they'd keep the cart for as long and as far as they could while keeping an eye out for some sort of vehicle.
Now it came down to who got the new rifle Shatner had found in a barber shop. Nate, Pandora, and Shatner looked over the three British kids, and shook their heads.
"Do we have to arm them?" asked Nate, "I always imagined giving them sticks and having them run at any danger while we flanked them."
"Or ran away," said Pandora.
"Well… Charles is out, he's the youngest," said Shatner.
"Hey!" pouted Charles, and he crossed his arms around his crossbow.
"Yeah, but I don't trust a gun in either of the other two's hands," burst Nate.
"Oh, come on…" said Leo, "I probably got more training then any of these other kids."
"Don't give me a gun, I'll shoot him," said Iawn, pointing to Leo.
"Hey," barked Leo, pushing Iawn and starting a small scuffle between them.
Nate walked over and broke them up, "Knock it off!"
"Piss off, wankah!" yelled Iawn.
"I'll knock you block off," yelled Leo back, "You overstuffed turkey!"
"I said, can it," said Nate, suddenly letting go and allowing the two boys to lunge together, knocking each other's head and falling to the ground.
Shatner rolled his eyes, and examined the rifle.
"All three of you aren't ready for this!" he yelled, "But Iawn IS the only one with the arm strength to lift and properly fire this weapon for miles and miles."
"Yes!" burst Iawn, jumping up, "Suck on that cock, bitch!"
"No fair and not true!" argued Leo.
"Look, Leo, you're the best crossbow shot out of all of us," reasoned Shatner, "And I promise, one screw up by Iawn and we'll shoot him and you'll get it, or the next gun we come across we'll give to you. The thing is we simply don't have enough for everyone, but I don't even think we'll need them. It's not that long until we reach whales."
Iawn grasped the rifle eagerly, and stuck out his tongue at Leo.
"How does it taste, ass-kissah," muttered Leo.
"Like your mother's dead ass-hole after she's taken a HUGE S***," said Iawn, smugly smiling as he examined his rifle.
"You… have a lot of problems," said Nate, taking two steps back from Iawn.
"Damn right, I do," said Iawn, laughing to himself.
"Ok…" said Shatner, "Now that that is done, let's head off. We'll keep an eye out for some shop or something that might have more weapons but that is not our mission. Our mission right now, is to get to Whales."
"I thought it was Africa," said Leo.
"It is Africa, but right now we got a side mission," said Shatner.
"Wouldn't that be an objective?" asked Charles.
"They're right, that would be more like a mission objective," said Pandora.
"Ok, Shut up!" yelled Shatner, shaking his head, "We are heading to Whales, that's FINAL!"
"Ok," said Nate, and he headed off down the road.
The others followed, and they began their usual rough housing and joking antics. One of them began to whistle, and the others joined in. Shatner gave out a large sigh as Nate and Pandora joined in as well, and before long they were all whistling to a tune.
"Not again," whined Shatner, "Why me? Why me? I hate this trip… why does it always have to be me?"
"Cuz I have walked five 'undered miles and I will walk five 'undered more," said Nate, "To be the man who walks a-thousand MILES to wind up at your door."
"When I wake up," sang Leo, "Yeah you know I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to YOU!"
"You realize how you faggots sound right now?" said Iawn, "Singing about waking up next to each other."
"Screw you, pal," said Nate, "The song is about traveling to see a lovely lady."
"Then why doesn't it go, 'When I'm f***in, you know I'm gonna be," started Leo.
"No," said Nate, "You're ruining the song."
"Because if he was talking to a girl about when she knows he's f***in then why in the name of pornography would she NOT know if it wasn't her," said Iawn, "That would make him a liar and it means he screwed everyone from point A to point B and would, therefore, make the song AWSOME!"
"Ok, that song's ruined," said Nate.
"How long before I kill you all?" asked Shatner.
"Like this? I give another mile before they're all dead," said Nate.
"Wanna bet?" said Shatner.
"Money doesn't mean anything anymore, so I'd put 5 dollars down," said Nate.
"You ruined the bet," sighed Shatner, and he continued about walking.