Disclaimer: I own nothing
AN: Hey long time no update! I am so sorry, I don't really have an excuse. Hopefully this chapter helps to clear up some things in the story and I hope to update soon!
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Previously:
"We should talk and hang out. Saturday good?" she asked and I nodded. She looked at her cellphone, "The bell is gonna ring. I should go." I nodded and she kissed me on the cheek before walking out the door.
Chapter 31
I woke up to the buzzing of my phone on my bedside table. I sighed and rolled over my hand hitting hard against the table as I picked up my cellphone. I blinked rapidly allowing my eyes to adjust to the morning light seeping in through my window and I glanced at the clock. 9 am and Saturday morning.
Get ready. I'm getting you in 30. It said. I rolled my eyes and hopped out of my bed. I didn't respond, because she was coming whether I did or not. For some reason I found myself more nervous for this Saturday breakfast than I have been around Ashley in the past two months. I hopped into the shower and ran my hands through my hair liking the soothing feeling from the tips of my fingers.
Once I slipped out of the shower I slid into some jeans and a tee and put on my converse. I figured casual would be fine for our breakfast. I quickly grabbed my wallet as I heard the doorbell ring and I ran down the stairs to my Dad opening the door and revealing Ashley. I don't understand why my parents always have to be there when she's at our front door.
"Hello Ashley," my Dad said giving her one of his eye crinkling smiles as I stepped up next to him.
"It's nice to see you Mr. C," she said smiling at him, unearthing a nickname that had not been used in quite a while, before turning to me, "Ready?" I nodded.
"Dad, I'll be back later," I said stepping outside into the warm sun.
"So where are you taking me Ms. Davies?" I asked jokingly as I slid into the passenger side of her slick black car. She smiled as she climbed into the drivers seat slipping her aviators over her eyes.
"I'm thinking Patty's" Ashley said as she whipped out of my driveway and down the road. I nodded in agreement as she adjusted the volume on the radio. Patty's was a little diner in town run by, of course, Mrs. Patricia Reynolds. It was small and quaint, with a homey feel, and if you didn't know about it you wouldn't be able to find it. It was definitely a well kept secret.
The 10 minute drive past in relative silence with occasional small talk here and there. It was a beautiful morning and I was enjoying the mottled sun making patterns on my thighs as Ashley drove us to Patty's. At the first stop sign she laced our fingers together silently and I couldn't help but to smile.
She parked her car and we both quickly got out and started walking to Patty's. As we walked our arms lightly brushed and she laced her pinky with mine; it brought me back to the day on the beach for a moment. I could feel myself blushing, this was stupid. I've been doing this weird thing with Ashley for nearly two months and a simple lacing of our pinky fingers shouldn't send my heart into erratic beating.
"Just two?" our hostess, Lou Anne, asked us in one of those grandmotherly tones as Ashley nodded and followed her to our red leather booth.
"Well here you go darlin's someone will be right with ya'" Lou Anne said with a slight twang indicating that she wasn't originally from California. Ashley and I slid into opposite sides so that we were facing one another.
"I hope you don't mind this," She said as menus were placed in front of us, "I just thought we would be able to talk here."
"Ash, it's fine. It's great," I said glancing down at the menu. Pancakes. I definitely wanted blueberry pancakes. Our waitress came and placed down a glass of ice water for the both of us. Ashley and I both ordered coffee and juice and our breakfast and were left sitting together in silence.
"So..." I started but trailed off realizing I had nothing to say. Ashley sighed and looked down and her hands playing with her fingers. Suddenly the air between us turned from comfortable to awkward and I had no idea how or why, or how to fix it. Our plates were placed in front of us, my pancakes and her waffles with strawberries. The both of us dug into our meals. I focused on my food swallowing thickly.
Ashley dropped her fork with a clang and I jumped.
"This is stupid," she said and I looked at her curiously.
"I know you want to work out whatever the hell is going on between us and I know it's not fair to you. I'm sorry," she said and I laid down my utensils as well.
"Well then let's talk," I said and she nodded. She opened her mouth and then shut it quickly and swallowed.
"Ash, you have to say something," I said lightly taking her hand in mine across the table. It seemed to have the desired effect and Ashley took a deep breath and made eye contact with me.
"I like you Spence," she said after a moment. I was going to make a joke, but stopped. It wasn't the time or place, something told me Ashley had been waiting for this moment for a while.
"I've like you for a while," she said sighing and looking up at the ceiling, "I like girls Spencer...and that's the first time I've really said that to anyone. It was easy to just kiss you and not say anything, you know? But it wasn't fair to you."
I didn't really know what to say. Clearly I knew already that she liked me. But she obviously has had trouble admitting it, and it was here that I was lost. With Stacey when she needed help, it was an obvious answer because I knew she hadn't discriminated against Carmen or I. But with Ashley I went three years thinking she hated me only to be thrust into this crazy, whirlwind relationship with her.
"I'm sorry Ash, I just am having trouble forming words," I said honestly and she nodded understandingly.
"How long have you..." I asked. She smiled sadly, "Around the same time as you I guess. I just didn't understand what I was feeling. And God Spence it was like everyone was pulling me in a different direction. You were my best friend, and I wasn't supposed to feel that way for you! And then Aiden was there making everything so confusing and Madison and Sherry were pressuring me to go out with him. And Madison knew, I mean she's not stupid, she eventually figured it out but she was just trying to protect me. That's why we were fighting in the bathroom the other day. She's scared for me. I just made stupid decisions, ones that I completely regret," she said her eyes starting to water.
"Ash, it's okay. You know that right? I understand what you were going through. I understand it's scary. But it's okay now. It's the past," I said trying to somehow soothe her by holding her hands across the cheap diner table at our booth. Tears were silently streaming down her face as she vigorously shook her head.
"How can you say that Spencer? I was horrible to you! And now we're in a position where our feelings are involved in some secret thing," she said once she stopped crying.
"So what now?" I asked and Ashley shrugged leaving us both sitting there uncertainly with empty plates drizzled with syrup between us.
"Something has to change Ash," I said defiantly. I wasn't going to let this conversation turn out like our other ones: unresolved.
"I know, but Spencer I'm just...not ready. Not yet," she said and I nodded.
"Could we just...stay like this? At least for a little while?" she asked and once again I nodded re-lacing our hands together as our waitress cleared our dishes. I wasn't going to force her out. I wouldn't do that, but I knew I couldn't stay like this forever.
"Yeah, we can," I said. Eventually something would give, but for now I guess it was good enough.
After we had finished I followed Ashley out of the diner and towards her car when she stopped short. I looked up to find Madison walking toward us. She stopped in front of Ashley and I surveying us. Ashley was tense but her face didn't show it.
"So this is what you're doing?" Madison finally said breaking the silence. Ashley nodded. Madison's face softened and nodded before turning her attention to me. She held my gaze for a moment before saying, "You and Sanchez still not speaking?" I nodded solemnly. I didn't need reminding that Carmen and I still weren't speaking from that incident in the bathroom.
"You'll sit with us at lunch," Madison said before nodding to Ashley and continuing to the diner. Funny, I think that was almost an apology.