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AN: Look an update! told you I'd have the next one up faster :) Please review.
33
Previously:
"How long have you..." I asked. She smiled sadly, "Around the same time as you I guess. I just didn't understand what I was feeling. And God Spence it was like everyone was pulling me in a different direction. You were my best friend, and I wasn't supposed to feel that way for you! And then Aiden was there making everything so confusing and Madison and Sherry were pressuring me to go out with him. And Madison knew, I mean she's not stupid, she eventually figured it out but she was just trying to protect me. That's why we were fighting in the bathroom the other day. She's scared for me. I just made stupid decisions, ones that I completely regret," she said her eyes starting to water.
This is weird. And I know I'm not the only one who feels it either. From the moment I walked into the building with Ashley people have been talking, pointing and whispering. Did you see? Spencer and Ashley were walking together. There was no blood! Alert the media!
Now, in the cafeteria it's like we're on display at a museum for people to gawk and gossip at. Madison came and sat down, followed by Glen and Kyla. Madison sighed as she pushed around her food with fork; eyes glazed over as she stared across the cafeteria.
"What's wrong with her?" I whispered into Ashley's ear, partly out of curiosity and partly due to the fact that I hadn't been this physically close to her all day. We were keeping our relationship as private as possible, because I didn't want to pressure Ashley to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. And I could respect that for a while.
She nodded toward a table on the other side of the cafeteria where Aiden sat with Sherry who was shamelessly flirting with Aiden.
"You are so much better than him, he's a dickwad," Ashley said getting Madison's attention. They shared a small smile and I was amazed at how Ashley could be so caring for Madison who clearly has feelings for her ex. She just amazed me at how she chose friendship over any resentful feelings she might have.
"Yeah says the girl who dated him for years," Kyla said earning a scowl from Ashley.
"I'd rather not remember that time of my life," she said half joking, but I have a feeling she wanted to stop talking about Aiden. Maybe because I was sitting there, or maybe just because she really felt uncomfortable talking about her dating Aiden in front of Madison. Either way the conversation stopped and there was the awkward lull where everyone is trying to think of something new to say.
Kyla started talking about something she saw in a magazine with Madison and Ashley leaving my brother and I to share a look of confusion. Ashley was the heels kind of girl, while I was more of a converse kind of person. I just had no interest in what in what they were saying.
It didn't matter anyway because I became distracted by the two people who walked into the cafeteria. Carmen took one look at who I was sitting with before storming out. I think I felt my heart break as all the air escaped my lungs. Stacey's eyes connected with mine, they were sad but she turned and followed Carmen out of the cafeteria. I felt like crying. Ashley's hand found mine to provide some sort of comfort. It worked, but it was bittersweet. Because in essence my choice to forgive Ashley for the past and being in relationship resulted in the loss of my friendship with Carmen and Stacey.
I squeezed Ashley's hand before standing up and grabbing my tray and throwing out my garbage. I walked into the relatively silent hallway lit by cheap fluorescent lighting and looked up and down to see which way Carmen and Stacey had gone. I heard footsteps behind me, coming out of the cafeteria and I knew Ashley had followed me. I felt her come up next to me rather than saw her and I walked down the hallway with her trailing me not a foot behind, to find my ex friends.
They were talking in hushed tones against the wall around the corner. As soon as she saw me coming Carmen stiffened and stood up straighter, a natural instinct to make her seem more intimidating. I walked over despite my slight hesitation.
"What do you want?" she asked me menacingly. I glanced over to Stacey who had an apathetic look on her face, as she tried to not display her emotions.
"Carm, come on" I pleaded.
"No Spence, you've gone and changed. You've sold out! And for what a stupid, mindless, closeted cheer bitch!" she yelled, I felt Ashley cringe with each insult Carmen threw at her.
"Hey! I'm not going to defend myself to you Carmen, I don't need to! You don't get to decide what I do!" I shouted. I was vaguely aware that a small scene was forming so I took a deep breath in trying to calm myself down. Carmen lowered her voice but it was still filled with venom, "So what you're going to stay hidden now? That's pathetic Spencer, especially after everything we went through. All because of her!" Carmen said pointing angrily at Ashley who was still standing behind me. With that I decided I had enough and turned around, and pulled Ashley with me.
I was angry, not just at Carmen but at myself because somewhere I felt like she had a point. And I felt horrible for thinking that.
I slowed down as I walked away. I sighed, feeling worn out from my argument with Carmen. We were best friends and something as simple as forgetting the past and forgiving has caused this riff in our friendship. It's so stupid, if I'm being honest. I can see both arguments, but I don't understand why Carmen is taking it so personally. And I just wish we could put this past us, because I miss my friends. It also puts Stacey in the middle of us, which doesn't seem fair.
I leaned against the wall for a moment and breathed deeply, Ashley sighed next to me just stared at her feet. Here in school, right in this moment, all I wanted to do was take her hand for comfort; but I couldn't because Ashley wasn't ready. For a brief moment I realized what Carmen meant about being closeted again, even if only for a little while; because right now all I wanted to do was take my girlfriend's hand and hold it. Feel the warmth of it in mine and lace our fingers together.
"I'm sorry," she hoarsely whispered. I could tell she was trying to stay composed, but her face just looked so broken.
"You didn't do anything," I said carefully and safely placing my hand on her shoulder.
"You guys are basically fighting because of me," she said not making eye contact.
"Hey," I said making sure she looked at me, and after a moment she did, "I don't regret it Ash." We shared a smile, and in that moment we were understanding each other. Things would turn out fine because we had each other, and it was meant to be that way. And hopefully, eventually, my friends would realize that.