Fourth of July
"Ok, a little to the left," said Nate, "It needs to look PERFECT!"
"Alright," said Seth, "This, is ridiculous. How am I supposed to get any of this off?"
Kate walked up on this scene, shaking her head and putting her hands on her hips, glaring down at the group she now saw. Nate, Shatner, Seth, Pandora, Andy, and Fred all sat behind a bunker made of rocks and broken wood pallets, as well as other garbage. A salvaged American flag hung over the bunker, flapping in the wind, and they all cleaned and loaded guns, several of them with their faces painted blue.
"My God," said Kate, rubbing her face, "What ARE you Americans doing?"
"Oh, hey Kate," said Shatner, looking up and noticing her.
"You know what today is?" said Nate.
"It's July Fourth, Unknown year, yes. Why?" asked Kate.
"Today is Independence Day!" said Fred, "Our four fathers' day of great victory over British tyranny!"
"Oh… that's right," said Kate, sighing and crossing her arms, "Fourth of July…"
"That's right," said Seth, pumping a shotgun he held in his hands, "One of the greatest days named after the actual date since 'Cinco de Mayo'."
"What's 'Cinco de Mayo'?" asked Andy.
"Some Mexican holiday. God and the Mexicans know what happened that day. I don't know what it is," said Nate.
"Please, it's 'Independence Day', call it right," said Shatner, "You don't call Thanksgiving 'Second Thursday in November' do you?"
"I thought it was the fourth," said Nate.
"I thought it was a Tuesday," said Andy.
"Thanksgivingk Day?" asked Kate.
The Americans just shook their heads at her, not wanting to explain.
"Now you're going to tell me you don't know the 25th of December Day either," said Pandora, "Or call it 'X-Mass' like some Atheist punk who hates puppies."
"You mean Christmas?" asked Shatner.
"Fine, whatever," said Kate, "Sorry I asked. Wait… no… I'm REALLY sorry for asking this: Why are you in a dumb looking fort with an old American flag?"
"Well, you see," started Shatner, "We, as Americans, thought it was important to reenact our greatest triumphs AS Americans."
"Yeah," said Pandora, "So we've made up this Declaration of Independence and we all signed it."
"'Score is Four to One, seven years ago, and our fathers before us fought to end tyranny of anyone who wasn't Americans'," read Andy, from a piece of paper beside him, "And to the Republic, for which it stands, One Nation, about 27 soul survivers, and the Taco Bell Dog…'"
"Ok, I get it," said Kate, holding up her hand, "I really don't need to know.
"And, we reinvented the WHEEL," said Nate.
"And the plane," said Seth, throwing a paper airplane.
"And the telephone," said Shatner, holding up his satilite phone.
"Hey, Americans didn't," started Kate.
"And indoor plumbing… sorta," said Pandora.
"And a Castle, and anything else military oriented," said Seth.
"Right… you know vhat, fine," said Kate, holding up her hands and backing up, "You guys do whatever. Just don't hurt anyone."
"Hurt anyone? This reenactment is perfectly safe," said Shatner, smiling and pointing away from them.
Kate looked, and gasped in shock. Iawn, Leo, Charles, and a tied-up Kevin were all painted red, and their cloths had been dyed red, and they stood out not far off, a torn British flag in their hands. They made war chants, and beat their chests.
"My GOD, what are you doing?" asked Kate.
"Duh, we're reenacting our day of glorious victory!" said Nate, "The Brits will attack us, and we will DEFEAT them!"
"Why is Kevin tied up?" asked Kate, "He's not even British!"
"He's Welsh, and that's good enough," said Pandora, "Besides, we NEEDED to make it fair… more fair, and he didn't want to help. Now he's tied up as the British officer."
"You MUST be joking," said Kate.
"I thought the idea was slightly retarded myself, but after preparing for it, it seems like it's the PERFECT thing to go along with the rest of our celebration plans," said Shatner.
"Oh… I'm going to regret this," said Kate, saying something else in German, then switching back to English, "Fine, what ELSE to you have planned."
"See that building over there?" said Nate, pointing.
Kate looked, in the distance was a broken city, Moscow, and the damaged Kremlin stood in the wreckage.
"Yes," said Kate.
Nate pulled out a detonator, and slammed the button with his thumb as hard as it would go. The building instantly erupted in a giant explosion, fire and smoke being thrown up for possibly miles. Everyone laughed and cheered, except for Kevin and Kate. Kate rubbed her face, sighing.
"You just blew up the Russian Kremlin…" said Kate, "Why?"
"He's already got a good amount of national landmarks under his belt," said Shatner, "So we just let him add one more. Guess who won the cold war? We just DID!"
"It didn't work," said Nate, his eyes welling up with tears, "I painted them red white and blue so that they would be nice and colorful when they went off. Why didn't it work?"
"This is ridiculous," said Kate, turning around and walking off, "Enjoy your day, boys."
"Hey, come back!" said Shatner, "We need you! We're going to do a reenactment of Trench warfare!"
"We already dug the trenches," said Nate, "And we'll need you for when we storm our reenacted Normandy!"
"Oh… I'll give you something to reenact," mumbled Kate, cracking her knuckles as she walked away, "Just try and tie ME up."
"Damn… oh well," said Nate, "OK, Brits, you ready? And… ACTION! 'Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes, boys!'"