A/N ok I did it again. Sorry but I hear these songs and they remind me so much of chapters I've written its quite weird coz the first time I heard his was like a week after I wrote the chapter Snow patrol - It's beginning to get to me x

Are you beginning to get my point

That all this fighting with aching joints

It's doing nothing but tire us out

No one knows what this fight's about.

It's so thrilling but also wrong

Don't have to prove that you are so strong

Cos I can carry you on my back

After our enemies attack

(X)

Danny was sat on the veranda. His head going round and round with circles. All he wanted to do was crawl in bed and wake up 1 month ago. When Lexi was fine and Alice loved him. And Ethan and he got along great. He wanted his normal life back. Not this world where everyone hated him and he had to cope with stuff by himself. He desperately wanted this to be a bad dream.

He heard someone's heavy footsteps walk out on the veranda.

"Here man!" Dupe said.

Danny looked up and saw that Dupe had sat next to him and was handing him a bottle of beer.

"Thanks." Danny had no intention of drinking it though last time he'd felt remotely like this he'd almost killed himself. The pain he felt now was amplified by a million. So he wasn't touching a drop of alcohol No way José!

"You ok man?" Dupe asked.

Danny shrugged. "I'll be ok thanks Dupe."

"Its' your kid isn't it. The girl?"

Danny looked at him. Nodded.

"She ill?"

Danny nodded again.

"Seriously ill?"

"Its about as serious as it gets." Danny whispered.

Dupe sat, deep in thought. He took a big drink of his beer then looked at Danny.

"My wife was ill, not Caroline. My first wife Elizabeth. The doctor told me and I asked him not to tell her. I convinced him that I would break it to her gently at home. It was terminal so what did I do? I didn't tell her. I tried to keep if from her. It didn't work. O she didn't know what was the matter but she knew something was wrong. With her, with me. I snuck around. Crumpled up tablets in her breakfast and drinks. What I didn't now was my secrecy only made it worse. Made her worse. I only did it because I didn't want her stressing. Unfortunately I was too blind to notice all the strain I had put her under. Until she collapsed and was rushed into hospital. I ruined the last few months of my wife's life! Oh, she lived for a while in hospital and she told me she understood why I snuck around and lied. She even said she forgave me. But to this day it still hurts. That time we could have supported each other, had some good times. Made some good memories for the dark days ahead. I told myself I couldn't tell her because she wouldn't be able to handle it but the truth was I couldn't handle telling her. I didn't want to see her heart break. I didn't want her to see my heart break!"

Dupe went silent for a moment. Then carried on softly.

"Now this isn't at all the same situation and I have no doubt your daughter will be fine but Danny you NEED to confide in your wife. She's stronger than you think!"

"But the baby…" Danny started.

"Will be fine too! Don't underestimate your woman! Beneath her soft shell is an iron exterior. I know it. Her eyes tell a million stories. She's a fighter. Your daughter too, she's her fathers daughter. Trust your family Danny!"

Dupe then walked into the house. Leaving Danny alone with his thoughts. Dupe words went round and round his head. He put down the drink Dupe had handed him. He realised he'd had it in a death grip. His knuckles white with the pressure. He jumped from the chair. Went to find Alice, before he lost the bottle to do this.

"Alice!" he jogged through the house

"Surgery!" Dupe replied.

"Thank you Dupe, for everything!"

He sprinted from the house and into the hospital. He burst in. "Alice." he said breathing heavily. "We... need to... talk!" he panted. He bent over and put his hands on his knees. Taking deep breaths.

"Oh God Danny honey are you ok? Is it the kids? Or is it you?" she asked concerned.

She asked panicked.

"Both, fine." he held up his hand when she started to talk again. "Catch, breath!"

He waited for a minute, took some deep breaths. Then stood up straight took her hands and led her into their small office. He sat he on a chair. And sat opposite her. He thought for a moment.

"I'll start at the beginning." he said softly. "From the day we met. No actually the moment we met. The very first time I felt this spark between us I knew I had to be with you. Not only because I loved you beyond anything else I ever know. Or that I love you to distraction. It was because I knew that no one loved you enough to take care of you. Protect you. Shield you. Tell you things were gonna be ok. Even way back then I picked up on it subconsciously. Alice can't you understand that I have to PROTECT you from everything that will bring you harm. Protect you as much as I can! All of you. I can't let anything hurt my family! See I'm the man, the father, the husband. I'm supposed to shield you all but I can't!" he dropped his head and she saw how the admission cost him. He looked so dejected.

She realised that this conversation should have been had a long time ago. She'd let him play protector all these years simply because she sorta liked having this person taking care of her. She hadn't realised that sometimes HE needed someone to shield him. Take care of him! She hadn't realised the stress he'd been under! She could see that whatever he was keeping from her was his nightmare. He isn't able to protect them and it's driving him crazy!

Alice put her hand on his face. Lifted it so he was looking in her eyes. "Danny honey we don't need protection. That's what YOU need to understand. How do I put this?" she wondered." Right us, me, you and our kids, we're like a wall. Each one of us is a single brick in that wall. Put the 5 of us together and we're impenetrable but if one stubborn mule headed brick tries to take all the strain then he weakens himself and the whole wall! Don't be a single brick Danny!"

He nodded. God her analogy was so true! His soul felt decimated. His secrets had became a poison in his soul which had weakened himself and the bonds which had made their family so strong. He just hoped those bonds weren't permanently damaged or irreparable.

"Alice you were right!" he admitted. "It's Lexi. She might be ill! I've been trying so hard to keep it together for her. For you but Alice. I think I'm cracking up! I…" he faltered. "I need help!"

"Danny that's why I'm here, confide in me!" she whispered softly.

"Lexi might have…" the telephone range.

He swore, exhaled then picked it up. "Leopards Den surgery. Daniel Trevanion speaking." he paused. "Oh Caroline yeah put him through!"

Another pause.

"What is it, is it bad?" Danny asked anxiously,

Danny went pale. "Um ok."

Pause.

"Yes."

Pause.

"Ok."

He put the phone down mechanically and was sat staring at the wall behind her, his eyes dark. Blank. Devoid of anything. She turned and saw the kids standing at the door. She rose from her chair to get them to go to the house. She and Danny needed to talk in private! As she reached the kids Danny came alive.

"NO!" he yelled. Pushed everything off his desk. And tossed the desk so it fell against the wall.

"NO!" he yelled louder still tears coming. Streaming down his face. He crumpled to his knees. "No." his voice broke. "This isn't happening! THIS IS NOT HAPPENING!" he yelled. He put his face in his hands and cried.

(X)

Alice and the kids watched Danny is shock. They stood and watched his one man wrecking show. They had all seen him angry before but this, the way he was lashing out here! He crumpled to the floor in tears. The kids stared at him worriedly. They'd never seen him like this before, he always held it together.

"Mum is everything ok?" Lexi whispered.

"I dunno sweetie, go up to the house. We'll talk later. I'll find out. Don't worry about your dad. He'll be fine. He's just been a bit stressed out recently."

Ethan and Lexi turned towards the house. Ethan saw Lexi's face and put his arm around her shoulder to comfort her. He pulled her closer as they walked.

"It's you or Daniel. That's the only reason he'd crack up like that!"

Lexi frowned and burrowed closer to his side as they walked. "But I'm fine!" she whispered. "Oh God what's the matter with my baby brother?"

Ethan shook his head. "I dunno but it's obviously something bad!"

They walked inside the house, praying that everything would be ok.

(X)

Danny's upper body was folded over his knees. He was rolled so tightly. Like he was trying to fold in on himself. He mumbled continuously. NO over and over like his will could stop whatever was plaguing him. Sometimes he hit the floor in anger. Most if the time he just cried soft tears. Alice sat on the floor in front of him.

"Danny honey tell me what's wrong. I can help you!"

He raised his head. "It's Lexi, our baby girl." his red rimmed eyes leaked more tears. "She's ill." he paused. "Oh God Alice she has leukaemia!" he crumpled again. That was the first time he'd had to say it out loud. That made it even more true. Actually saying the word.

"Lexi…" her face turned confused. "Leukaemia….no it can't be! That's not true! They're wrong! So she's been ill lately but it's not that!" she said angrily.

"What we gonna do Alice?"

Alice didn't answer just sat on the floor in front of him. Her hand over her mouth. Her mind racing. Thinking of something else it could be. A single tear fell down her face. It all fit.

Danny came over and wrapped her in his arms.

"Not Lexi Danny no!" her voice broke and tears feel fast.

Danny's heart pounded in his chest as he heard his wife cry. His tears were still falling. Slower now but still there.

After 5 minutes. Although they still felt devastated they both stopped crying and sat on the floor again.

"Right!" Alice said determinedly. "We need a plan to beat this!"

"The doctor has sorted the specialist coming out here to visit her. Explain the procedure and stuff. He's here tomorrow. Josh is also on his way. We'll, we you will all have to be checked to see if your compatible for bone marrow. He's the most compatible donor by the way because he's… well you know."

"So that's why he HAD to be here!" she said softly.

"I couldn't tell you. I didn't know for sure and I didn't want to hurt you. You and baby don't need the stress."

"What about you Danny? What about your stress? You haven't eaten in 2 days. Haven't slept in 36 hours. Maybe longer. Your probably on the verge of collapse and you don't even know it!"

"I'm so sorry Alice. For everything. I did it because I love you. I love you all!"

She nodded. "I know honey. I'm sorry too. For the nasty words. I didn't mean them."

"I know. Don't worry about them." he kissed her hand.

"Ok, first thing first!" Alice said her tone businesslike. "We tell Lexi about her can… well her illness and that Josh is on his way. He is in NO way to find out until he has too! We'll tell him we need his blood typed for some other reason. Then I'll phone my mum who can get in touch with Shauna and Missy. She'll kill me if I didn't get in touch ASAP. Danny though, what happens if none of us match her. we'll be screwed. I'm the last in my line. I only have a few distant cousins!"

"Ssshhh, don't worry about that. Someone will match her!" Danny murmured.

He then stood up and put his arm around her waist and lifted her from the floor.

"Thanks. I was wondering how to get up without embarrassing myself."

He twined his hands with hers.

"We'll get through this together, as a family!" Alice told him. "Now lets go talk to Lex!"

They walked to the house. Found Ethan and Lexi in Ethan's bedroom sat crossed legged on the bed. Both kids eyed Danny and Alice wearily. The look on their faces was serious.

"I'll leave you alone." Ethan said getting up.

"No Ethan, your part of this family. This involves you too!"

"What the matter with Daniel?" Lexi blurted.

Alice looked at Danny.

"I'm fine." Danny said softly.

"Not you, baby Daniel." Lexi asked. "And don't tell me there isn't something wrong. Me and Ethan have been talking and we both agree that the only reason dad would kick off and crack up like that is if something was wrong with Daniel, or me or him. And since me and Ethan are both fine that leaves the baby."

"Lexi baby, baby Daniel is fine!" Danny said softly.

Lexi looked at Ethan. "Is it you? Have you not told me something? Or is it you mum?" she asked looking at her mother.

"No baby, it's you." Alice said softly.

"Me but I'm fine." she said. "A little peaky but I'm getting through it. All teenagers go through peaky stages."

Alice shook her head sadly and sat opposite her daughter. Took her hands. "Baby you have leukaemia,"

Ethan went pale and felt sick. He knew about leukaemia. "God!" he muttered. And covered his eyes with his hand.

Lexi was confused. "But what does…when…how?" Lexi asked. "WHAT is leukaemia?"

"It's a serious illness baby."

"Well I know but WHAT is it? Like a virus or something like diabetes? Will I need an operation or be on medication for the rest of my life?"

"Danny walked over to her and knelt down in front of the bed. "Lexi leukaemia is a type of cancer." Danny said softly.

"I h…have cancer?" she choked. "God I'm gonna die!" she said disbelievingly.

"No Lexi. There's things people can do." Danny said hugging her. "Josh is on his way. You might need something called a bone marrow transplant. Your father will be the most compatible. I wish I knew more but I don't."

"I know something, I'll tell her if she wants to know." Ethan said in a calm voice, inside he felt anything but calm. "There's stuff you don't know about me. Stuff that wasn't in my file."

Danny and Alice frowned at each other.

Lexi was still sat on the bed. Numb from shock. Her hand over her mouth. A frown marred her face.

"We're not gonna let this beat you Lex." her mum said.

Lexi's eyes were focused on the carpet by the bed.

"I'm gonna go and ring nana, dad will stay with you." Alice said.

"No can I just you know be alone. This has really just sort of thrown me for a loop." Lexi admitted.

Both her parents kissed the top of her head. "We're here baby when you need us!"

They walked from the room. "I'll go to, if you wanna be alone."

She grabbed his hand. She shook her head. Her face full of fear. "No don't you go. You stay you can't go ever!"

"But you said."

"I had to get them away. Mum can't be going through my hysterical behaviour. And Danny he can't see this either. Coz he'd tell her. I have to be strong for them!"

"No Lexi, you don't you have to let people help you. You can't hide your feelings from your parents. They'll know what your going through.

"I can try. Mum doesn't need this!"

"Lexi you'll be fine."

She looked at him square in the eye. "No Ethan I'm gonna die. People who have cancer die!" she said seriously.

"Yeah and they live too!" he retorted.

She shook her head. "It took Danny's mum. Took mums mum. Now it's gonna take me too." she looked contemplative for a minute. "Do you think dying will hurt? or will it be like going to sleep. You know just drifting away."

Ethan jumped from the bed. "You are not going to die Dammit!" he punched the wall. "So stop talking like that yeah!" he then turned on the CD player so her parents didn't hear her talking like that.

"I'm being realistic Eth!"

Ethan hated the matter of fact way she spoke about her death. Like it was set in stone. inevitable Like she was sure she'd never live to see her 16th birthday.

"Well don't be like that. Your gonna be fine!" he fumed and then paced.

"You know I thought I'd be scared to die but I'm not. I just wish I had longer that's all!"

"Dammit Lexi if you don't shut up you will die coz I'll strangle you so stop talking like that!" he yelled.

"I'm sorry Ethan. Really I'll stop. I was just thinking out loud."

His angry brown eyes looked at her. "That hurt hearing you talk like that Lex."

"I'm really really sorry."

He relented sat on the bed beside her.

"Tell me what you know Eth." she asked softly.

"I only know a little bit. It's your white blood cells Leucytes. They're all messed up. It's how you bruise easy and bleed loads. Your blood doesn't clot at the site of a cut."

She nodded. "Do you know about the treatment?"

"It varies coz there are different types of leukaemia. But the outline is chemotherapy first. To try to kill the disease. Then they'll check again to se if it works. If not they do this radiation with more chemo and then give you the bone marrow transplant. If its successful you go home after 6 weeks. They monitor you and give you medication for 3 years though. Then you get the all clear."

"How do you know all this? Oh no you had it too?" she asked worried.

He shook his head. "Not me. My little sister."

"You've got a sister? Wow I didn't know. You should tell mum and dad they'll find her and adopt her too!" Lexi said.

He ignored her last statement and told her his story. "My 3 year old sister had something Called ALL, acute lymphobalstic leukaemia. It's the most common in children. I was nearly 12. I wanted to help her so I looked on the internet and learned everything I could. She was so pretty. Big brown eyes and brown hair. She looked my mum. Anyway I looked I didn't understand all of what was said but I got the gist of it."

"Did you help her?"

"No I couldn't. See we were all tested but it turns out Lauren wasn't my fathers daughter. And I didn't match her coz we had different dads. To punish my mum my dad wouldn't let her find Laurens dad."

Lexi gasped.

"She was 3 years old and died in pain coz of him. I wanted so badly to kill him. He told the doctors that her father was dead and warned mum if she told he'd kill me. She picked my life over her infant daughters. I hate him for that."

"Aw Ethan." she pulled him close for a hug. "You poor thing, you've been through so much!"

He hugged her tightly back. "Lexi I'm here for you. If you need me to do anything for you just tell me. I'll do it! I promise"

She pulled away. "I might ask you to do one thing for me."

"Anything" he vowed.

She leaned over slowly and kissed him softly and then deepened it slowly. He realised what she was doing.

He pulled away. "No way I can't do that Lex!"

"Why you promised me anything!" she said.

"Lex I love you I really do. But I can't sleep with you. There are too many reason to count but the main ones being your not ready and we're underage!"

"What if I die?" she countered.

"What if you don't? Your first time wasted!"

"It won't have been a waste. Ethan you gotta know I love you. Just think about it!"

"Lex, anything except that! I'm sorry!"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Fair enough."

"Lex I'm not saying no coz I don't want to you know."

She shrugged again.

He exhaled a breath then changed the subject.

"How do you feel about Josh coming tomorrow?"

She decided to forgive him for refusing her. She'd just have to make him change his mind before she went into hospital. She smiled inwardly. Then replied to his question. "I dunno, I mean I'm meeting my father for the first time. What do I say? Do? Especially after what he did to my mum! He ripped her and Danny apart. If it weren't for him I would be Danny's daughter. I really despise him for that!"

"You want my opinion?" he asked.

"Yours is the only one that matters!" she said honestly.

"Attitude. All the way. If you don't like him tell him. The way I see it you've got a dad whose been there your whole life. Whose a good person and never hurt your mum or you."

She smiled widely. "Yeah I like the attitude bit. I can't make this easy for him can I?"

He smiled and shook his head. "C'mon I'm the king of attitude problems. I'll give you some pointers!"

They sat together and discussed what she was gonna say and do.

A/N Aw bless lexi trying to protect her mum from her hystrical behaviour and ethan being lexi's supporter. Josh here next chappie.

hope u enjoyed and as always leave me your thoughts in a review please x :)