Chapter 19
"I think I should change my name," said Iawn, cautiously stepping over some wrecked part of road.
"I would too," said Leo, "If my name was Gertrude Yeilm, I'd want to DIE!"
"No, I mean… the Mighty Iawn was really just a tyrant, a dictator, a power hungry leader," said Iawn, "I was thinking… maybe I should do something Flint would like more of, you know?"
"Oh my GOD," yelled Nate, "I swear, kid, you keep going on about this stuff I'm going to… I'm… I'm going to knock you out, and burry you with nothing and LEAVE you for the ants!"
It had been an entire day. Walking aimlessly through the badland. Not even the roads had survived out here, and Fred began to wonder about nuclear fallout and radiation. Iawn was acting strange ever since their ordeal, and he was getting on everyone's nerves more then usual.
"Really," said Iawn, "I mean, what does 'Iawn' even mean, anyway? I was thinking... maybe I should have something more permanent. Like… 'Harmony'."
Kevin coughed, choking on some spit or booze or something that was in his mouth. Everyone else stopped, slowly turning towards him.
"I don't think 'Harmony' really constitutes as a name," said Shatner.
"Good lord," said Charles, "What HAPPENED?"
"You can't be serious," said Nate, "All I did was drag you ALONG!"
"Ok, ok, maybe 'Harmony' was a bad idea," said Iawn.
"Sounds like a bloody Whore's name," said Leo, "What are you, a dancer?"
"Ok, ok… what about… 'Lyra'?" asked Iawn.
That exploded the group, and through moans and painful yelps they continued forward, walking aimlessly.
"What?" asked Iawn, trying to keep up.
"There is NO way after all this time we're calling you anything but Iawn," said Nate.
"I didn't know you picked up a girlfriend back there," said Seth.
"I swear to GOD, Seth," said Nate, getting upset.
"Why don't you just go with 'Gertrude'?" asked Leo, "And does this mean I'm the leader?"
"No," said Shatner, "What did I say about that?"
"Really, I think I need a new name," said Iawn, "I feel I need to redeem myself."
"Look," said Seth, "A name means crap, it's what you do with that name that counts, ok? I came along this tyrant in Oklahoma, named 'Richard the Rapist', anyway, so he's got this rap as being-"
"So, you're from Oklahoma?" asked Charles.
"How did you get to the California colony?" asked Shatner.
"It's a long story, with family and adventure and all that junk," said Seth.
"Well," said Nate, "We have a long way to go."
"Oh? Why?" asked Iawn, running up to Nate, "Are you tired? Are you wary? Can I carry something for you? Can I help?"
"Get away from me," exclaimed Nate, stepping back, "My GOD, kid. You are just trying my patience with everything that you do, don't you?"
"He's even scaring me," said Charles, Leo nodding with him.
"I don't know, I like him," said Andy, "Comedian, make him do a flip, make him bark, Oh! Make him lick your boot."
"Now that's screwed up, Lovecraft," said Nate, "Seriously… that's not right."
"Stop," cried a voice from seemingly nowhere, "ihr seid umziegelt!"
Everyone clumped up, Shatner looking around, Seth bringing up his rifle, Kevin plugging his bottle and slipping it into his pants for hiding. They all looked around. The rocks seemed to be good cover, but otherwise they couldn't see anything.
"I… don't see anybody," said Shatner, "But the little German I know tells me that they are not friendly."
"They? Multiple? Damn!" said Nate, looking around, "What do you suggest."
"Ich sprechen kein Deutsch," yelled Shatner, looking around carefully, "Wir kommen in Stücke!"
"What are you saying?" said Nate, "Good things?"
"Tell them we'll rearrange their face if they don't show themselves," said Seth.
"Tell them 'That's-What-She-Said'," said Leo, "Please, do it!"
"I don't like this violence," said Iawn, "Can't we all just… learn to Love each other like me and Nathaniel have!"
"I swear, Iawn, you say anything even close to that again," said Nate, poiling his rifle at Iawn, "I will… have no issue firing a bullet into your face, and then shooting your crotch until nothing is left."
"That's harsh, dude," said Pandora.
"You're next, Beatle," said Nate.
"Wir sind kein Gegner!" yelled Shatner, then he shrugged.
"Don't sound so pissed," said Fred, "We don't want to sound like we're fighting!"
"It's German, they ARE pissed," said Nate, "Oh, I know, tell them we've come for the body of Hitler! That should scare them, and put them in their place."
A figure jumped up not far away, and fired a burst from a sub machine gun into the air before pointing at the group.
Everyone jumped, but they turned to face the person.
"Drop it, English speakers," spat the figure, a strong feminine voice behind the shielded mask she wore, "You are surrounded and stand no chance!"
Shatner, Kevin, Seth, Pandora, Andy, Leo, and Charles had their rifle leveled at her in no time, while Fred and Iawn stood back, Fred without a gun and Iawn, still in his weird daze.
Shatner's eyes turned to Nate, and his face furrowed, so did everyone else. Nate stood, hands half raised, and he had dropped his rifle. Looking around, Nate saw everyone pointing at the figure, and then he shrugged, picking up his gun and pointing at her too.
"Yeah! Take that! What?" said Nate, "What? That's right. Yippie-Kie-Aye!"
"You embarrass me," said Shatner, turning his attention on the girl, "We mean no harm, we want no trouble."
"Then drop your weapons," said the figure, "And put your hands up… NAOW!"
"What? Hell no," said Nate, "We outnumber you, 10 to One!"
"Ah, but I outnumber you, 5 to one," said the woman, now obviously a woman, "My men scour this land, and they are all trained in on YOU! If you do not surrender, you will all die."
"No, if YOU do not surrender, then we'll all shoot YOU!" said Nate.
"Then you will die," said the woman.
"Then it appears we have reached an impasse," said Shatner, throwing the group into uneasy silence.
They stood uneasily for some time, and they looked at one another. The woman began getting agitated, staring uneasily at each one of them. The others stared her down, unable to read her facial features.
"She's bluffing," said Nate.
"Take that chance, American," said the woman, "But believe me, you don't give up and you will find yourself riddled with bullets!"
Nate looked around, carefully meeting everyone's eyes.
"Umm… how do you know we're American?" asked Nate, throwing a heavy Scottish accent into it, "You 'ave no idea who we are, lass."
"That's actually pretty good," said Leo.
"Oh PLEASE," spat the woman, "Everything about you guys screams American. How you walk, how you breath, how you handle a situation. Please. And I can also tell that teeth on the small ones, there, point them to be English."
"Hey!" yelled Iawn, Charles, and Leo together.
Kevin began to laugh, finding the observation humorous.
"And you," continued the woman, "Your teeth are better, but your being is not American. Therefor, I'd guess that you are from the British Isle, a real Scott or Whale."
"Whale?" asked Kevin, hurt, "Am I… looking a little big?"
"So, lucky guess," said Shatner, "We could be French."
"Oh, please," said the woman, "You're too stupid to be French. Besides, if you were French, you would be heading the other way."
"Ah, she got you there," chuckled Nate, allowing himself to lighten up for a minute.
"Enough talk," she commanded, "I do not have all day."
"Look, you have no IDEA what we've been through," said Shatner, "Now, you listen here. If you are so INSISTANT that we head with you, we will NOT go as prisoners. Understand? I am so sick and tired of this BULL!"
The woman was silent, and no one said anything.
"So… YEAH," yelled Shatner, "We don't mind making a FRIENDLY stop, but we're not going ANYWHERE to be anyone's prisoner again. All we want to do… is just… get… BY!"
Shatner began to pant at his outburst, and he held his head, swaying slightly. Nate reached over, holding his shoulder.
"You ok?" said Nate.
"I don't feel so good," said Shatner.
"Drink this," said Kevin, "It'll make you feel better."
"No, drink this," said Seth, "You might actually be willing to fight her."
"That'll do, Pig," said Pandora, smiling awkwardly, and patting Shatner.
An exasperated sigh came from the woman, and she lowered her weapon, "Definitely American. Alright, look. We can go in peacefully, and my men will not shoot. But they shall stay HIDDEN until we reach the Festung. Ya? Any issues und they will fire without mercy. Ya?"
"Deal," said Nate, "But if you make any sly moves, I'll be sure to thank you with a few steel connectors as well. Got that, ma'am?"
"Steel Connectors?" asked Shatner, looking strangely at Nate.
"Deal, but I will watch you carefully," she said, pointing off to their left with her gun.
Nate looked at Shatner and the rest, and they lowered their weapons. The Brits were first, and they began walking. Shatner and Seth never tore their eyes from the woman, and Nate scanned the outskirts and the land looking for movement or anything else.
"Any indication they're out there?" asked Shatner.
"Not one," said Nate, "We're being bamboozled."
"We're coming in peace," said Fred, "Besides, we need that map and some help. They could help us!"
"Fred's got a point," said Shatner.
"We can overtake her and return her to this place alive, that would show we meant business, and we'd have something they wanted," said Nate.
"We should overtake her, now," said Iawn, "And we could rape her, each one having a turn. After her limp body stops giving up a fight, we'll find a camera and take pictures of us doing various things and then we can tie her up, hog style, and leave her for the Bandits!"
Everyone stopped, giving Iawn a really strange look. Iawn shrugged, looking back at the woman with the SMG.
"There's the old Iawn," said Nate, "Welcome back."
Iawn's face turned red, and he shook his head, clearing his throat and saying, "I was… joking… we should definitely just go with her."
"That was a joke?" burst Pandora, "That joke was terrible! Absolutely terrible. But he had a point, why are we following her just to get into more trouble. We've been through enough already!"
"Just stay calm, boy," said Shatner, "Fred's point still stands. We need help and we have no clue where we're going."
"So, it gives her use, therefore we need her," said Nate, "Great…"
"I can HEAR you guys," barked the woman, "I'm shtanding right here!"
"Great," said Nate, "Want a cookie?"
It wasn't long until they rounded a hill, and they saw it. A Large scale city, right here! It had a good sized wall around it, but otherwise the city itself was big enough to scare off any wrong-doer. As they got closer, signs of life were easy to spot, but signs of death were equally easy to spot. The city was built off a lot of scrap metal and stone work. It looked old and menacing, but it was modernized with electricity and satellite dishes.
"This, is Leuchtfeuer," said the Woman, "Watch your step."
As they approached the gate, guards jumped out from behind rocks at every turn, and they screamed and yelled in German. Once again, the group was back to back, those with weapons pointing all around them. The woman was screaming something at the others, almost arguing with them. They spat German back and forth at each other, throwing the group further and further into confusion.
"Well, what's the deal?" said Nate, "There's still time to fire and forget this whole thing."
"She was bluffing," said Kevin.
"Doi," said Nate, "Wanna say anything else Captain Obvious?"
"I only had a YEAR," said Shatner, "They're arguing way too fast for me, and she's using words I never new existed. I don't KNOW!"
"Damn," said Seth, "Well, we can always just-"
"Silence, Americans," said one of the guards, he held an American M16 in his hands, "I do not vish to hear YOU! You are to come vith us, to be queshtioned!"
"Screw you, pal," said Seth, "We're the ones asking the questions around here!"
"Fred doesn't have a gun," said Andy, quietly thumbing his small hunting rifle.
"You VILL obey, or you vill be turned away!" said the guard again.
"T-turned away?" said Shatner, "So we're not captives?"
"Shut up, now," said the Guard again, his English starting to really pain Nate's ears, "Move, follow us."
The guard jumped from the rock he stood on, and landed ahead of the group, right by Iawn. He then turned, motioned to the gate, and walked, the group of guards grouping up around them.
"You lied to us," said Fred to the woman, "You are a very bad lady."
When they got to the gates, the guard who had commanded them hit a small button on an intercom system by the massive door. The door had indents from bullet fire, different sizes for different calibers. Even large indents and burn marks were there from some explosive attacks.
He talked to someone else, now on the intercom system. They almost seemed to argue slightly, before he went back to the first person, and then the discussion ended. The doors began to creak, and they slowly opened, revealing an entire city on the other end.
The city was basically two major streets, from what Nate could tell. They were perpendicular to each other, and in the middle was a giant market place/meeting place with a small park and the town hall buildings. Many side roads wound their way through the rest of the city, creating a maze-like attraction to the place. Some buildings were completely connected over roads, with enclosed bridges and catwalks connecting buildings, but others were like what the group just past through, and broken rope bridges, rickety catwalks, and open bridges connected rooftops and windows of certain buildings as well, which acted as an easy way for the city guards to get around.
Shatner saw that all the town guards wore coats, and the coats had the German colors roughly painted on the side, Red, Black, and Gold. They looked rough, but they treated the citizens with respect, and although they kept a very stern and watchful eye on their captives, they did not beat them or take away their weapons.
"Move," yelled the guard, and he motioned through the gates.
Nate made note of the thickness of the doors, nearly an entire yard and a half thick of steel or some large amount of some strong metal. He walked carefully, making note of the large wall, which was somehow THICKER then the door, and the towers and walkways that spread along the entire city.
"They are definitely more fortified then Paris," said Nate, "They have much more military competence then those animals back in France."
"It's because they're not French," laughed Kevin, who was immediately put at unease by a glare from one of the guards.
Pandora smiled, checking out the crowd that surrounded them. Some kids played games in the streets, other kids and younger teenagers ran around doing chores, or just talking. Old women battered rugs and washed laundry outside their window, and a few of the older men wrote outside their doorsteps, or in the streets, writing down whatever they could.
"Writing?" asked Shatner, "They're all… writing."
"Viting their knowledge owf the past und present," said one of the guards near Shatner, "So ve vill never forget. Hopefully, their knowledge vill ensure our survival for thousands owf generations."
"Uh-huh," said Nate, "Shouldn't they be blogging on the internet with the rest of the survivers?"
"Please, shuduub," said the woman in the back, the one who had 'captured' them, "We're approaching the square."
Sure enough, after heading a little farther it opened up into an obvious square. A very old town church was right at the center, right across from them. The front steps had been built up and out, creating a big platform that was obviously used as some sort of stage. Branching off from it were a series of tables and stalls, even measly blankets. All that could be broken down, began to be broken down once the parade entered the square. They knew exactly what was going on, and both buyers and sellers became bystanders within minutes.
They found a group of people already standing by a pulpit, and one of them wore a large, older army trench coat, and a military cap. The others around him were a variety of garbs, some of those of priests, some of those of royalty or business suits, some even wore ridiculous looking costumes. They all stood, important-looking, behind the man in military dress and they, too, showed no interest in anything but the newcomers.
The precession came to a rest in from of this group, and some of the guards spread out, some even into the crowd. Many guards now formed up on the rooftops, keeping a stern watch on the newcomers.
Shatner didn't blame them. In many ways they were more foolish then at D.C., they still had their guns, and that would've never happened back home. Well… there was that one time… and LOOK where it got them! Shatner shook his head, almost glaring at Nate without him knowing. Once again, in some way, this was all HIS fault. He knew it.
The guard who had done a lot of talking and the woman who had "captured" them walked up the side, standing near the edge of the pulpit area.
"Velcome," said the man in military clothing, "To our home. To Leuchtfeuer, our Leuchtfeuer. I am Renald Von Steiner, Oberst here, und to what is left owf civil Germany."
"Military?" asked Shatner, "Military Dictatorship?"
"Dictatorship? Unlikely," said Von Steiner, "This is not Facist Germany, American. I may hold a very influential say, I do not wish to be ruler. I have created a council which involves every aspect of our society," He gestured at the group behind him, "The church, business, scholars, the arts, and military. I have done my best to equal as much out as I can."
"We have explained enough," spat the guard from earlier, "We should allow them to explain."
Von Steiner motioned for him to be quiet, then he sighed and held out his hand to the group, "You are the vones needingk explanation, here. Who are you?"
"Should I take this?" asked Nate.
"No," said Shatner, Kevin, Fred, and Charles at the same time.
Nate seemed to wince at this, but he nodded at those who hadn't said anything. Shatner was pushed out, and he looked nervous, looking around.
"We're… we're goose chasers, sir," said Shatner, spitting the words out, "We were… told of the remnants of the United States Government might be in a secret fallout shelter actually located in North Africa. We… have… a little bit of proof but otherwise we're just going off faith."
"Faith," said Von Steiner, rubbing his stubble, "Sounds like stupidity to my old ears. But… it's so strange thaht I believe it. Unfortunately, I cannot speak fow the rest owf the council, nor the vest of the Leuchtfeuer."
The crowd began to talk, and some of the guards yelled out in anger.
"This is stupid," yelled the male guard from before, "You cannot believe this!"
"They are a bunch owf Americans wounderingk around Deutschland," said Von Steiner, "There isn't exactly much to suspect, unfortunately."
"Wait," said Pandora, getting an idea, "They have satellite dishes! You're attached to the WWBC!"
"Owf course ve are," said Von Steiner.
"Oh, you can verify our story there," said Shatner, "We're really not lying. We got some people there, some places we've been."
"Alright," said Von Steiner, holding his hand to stop the mass group of people who almost began bursting out with talking, "Ve can do that. Vhat are your users, and we will verify you."
"Shatnerpossum," yelled Shatner quickly.
"Comedianmasta," said Nate, "With an 'A' instead of an 'E,R', you know?"
"Fred," yelled Fred, "89fred, please I just want to get home!"
"Shatnerpossum?" cried out the woman from earlier, now stepping further onto the stage, looking at the group, "Comedian? Wait a minute… that's you?"
"You KNOW us," cried out Nate, falling onto his knees, "THANK you! Do you recognize me? Fan of my writing?"
"Yes, I am, actually," said the woman, now getting angry, "I'm upset you guys don't remember me!"
"Huh?" said the group together.
The woman lifted her full-faced gasmask and long, flowing, dirty blonde hair flowed out of the bun it was on. She had a surprisingly clean face for being in the end-of-the-world. She smiled, slightly, before that smiled cracked into a "hell-LOW" look on her face, and she held her arms out wide, displaying herself.
"How do you guys forget the only crazy, German, Female in our tight little GROUP!" she exclaimed, sending the group into amazement and awe.
"Eon," said Shatner.
"Eonmokri!" exclaimed Kevin.
"Good lord, it's her," said Fred.
"Hello, eon," said Andy, tilting his eyebrows and running his fingers through his hair, "I knew I sensed beauty among this crowd."
Andy received a sharp jab from Nate's elbow, who's only exclamation was, "Hey…"
She put her hands on her hips, and sighed, looking into the air, "Men…"
Von Steiner spat some German at her, and she said some back. There was an outraged yell from the male guard from earlier, who now got into a three way argument with Von Steiner and Eon. The argument lasted quite a while, before the male guard spat on the ground, yelled something completely upset, and he stormed off the stage area, off into the city. Von Steiner nodded and spoke to Eon, before he turned back to the group.
"Excuse us," said Von Steiner, "We hawf decided that Hoffmann will look after you while you are here. She has chosen to… uh… take responsibility for you. Stay, as our guests. This meeting is now… adjourned!"
He said some sentences in German, and the crowd was dismissed.
Eon walked to the edge of the stage, before jumping down, into the crowd, landing directly in front of Shatner, Nate, and the rest. She put her hand on her hips and glared at them.
"Hey," said Nate, "Well… you did offer for me to visit sometime so… maybe this will be-"
A sharp slap across his face shut him up, and he rubbed his burning cheek in surprise. Eon pointed an angry finger at him.
"You… you lied to me," she said, then she turned to Shatner, "YOU, you lied to me."
"Now, Eon," said Shatner.
"You both LIED… you lied to ME," she continued, getting emotional and angry, "Why did you not tell me?"
"I wanted to tell you," said Kevin, "But they MADE me stay silent. I'm technically kidnapped here."
"And you are?" she asked, swiftly.
"Kevin," said Kevin.
Eon gasped, a smile returning to her face, "Fkeauitan!"
"Yes," said Kevin, and Eon rushed forward to hug him, "You got my name right."
"And, Fred," she said, giving Fred a hug, "And this… is… lovecraft? Oooooohhhhh! Pandora, you look so CUTE! Oh… my God, who are THESE THREE!"
Nate rolled his eyes at this change of attitude. Eon bent over so she was at eye level to the three Brits, who immediately began blushing, Charles beginning to flex his tiny muscles.
"I'm Gertrude," said Iawn, "But they all call me Iawn. I'm looking into a name change, though."
"I'm Leonard," said Leo, "But… you know… I can go by many names…"
"And MY name is Charles, like the prince," said Charles, and then he leaned in closer, "But you can call me whatever you like, including 'Storm'."
"Oh, can I now?" she said, faking like she was impressed with them, "Well, I have to say that you three gentlemen are… ADORABLE!"
The three made faces at each other, unsure of what to do. Shatner took this opportunity to step forward, bowing slightly to her.
"I… I am so sorry, really. It was just… we didn't want anybody to worry or anything," he said.
"Oh, Shatner," she continued, giving him a tight hug, "It's ok, I just wished you would have mentioned it. It would of made our hospitality so much more… hospitable, ya?"
"Your English," said Seth, "How is it so good?"
"Oh, besides speaking nothing but English on the WWBC? I studied very little, but that is still more then we study NOW! Most Germans now a day don't care about it, or don't use it. For obvious reasons," Eon said, smiling, "So, how long will you been staying? I can find houses for all of you if you vould like?"
"Oh, not that long," said Nate, "We really are only passing through. As we said earlier, we're just looking for North Africa."
"Uh-huh," said Eon, "Please, vill you follow me? We can talk at my place."
"Bow Chicka Bow Wow," said Leo, laughing.
"No," said Shatner and Nate together, surprising them both.
"Look, we still need supplies, and this is going to be an awesome place to find them," said Shatner, "Look around, don't actually BUY anything but just see who is offering what. We're gonna need essentials to continue, you know."
"Fine," said the others, standing a little straighter.
"We're gonna go talk to Eon, fill her in," said Nate, "Then maybe find out where to go. We'll meet you back here if anything… you know."
"Oh, nothing better 'You know' in MY city," said Eon, getting a little upset again, "Feel free to wander but if you mess anything up, I vill find YOU!"
The others returned to their slight fear of her, before her warm smile returned and she turned and walked down one of the side streets. Nate and Shatner shrugged, following her down the street, Pandora in tow.
She lead them through several back streets, before arriving at a building that seemed dedicated to her. She walked up the small steps and unlocked the door with a key she carried. Nate was looking around, a little disturbed by the looks they were getting, and didn't move until he was ushered in by the gentle touch of Eon. Shatner was eager to get inside, and he wasted no time. Eon shook her head and walked down the steps, almost pulling Pandora away from a half conversation he was trying to have with a pretty German girl who was blushing at his attempts to communicate with her.
Inside, Nate and Shatner stood in awe. It was a nice, cozy little place. Several desks and a couch, bookshelves filled with books, and stacks of books in many places. Hallways and staircases lead to different parts of the house. One thing very dominant was the amount of CATS. Everywhere, there seemed to be a different cat. She had cats on the books, cats in the halls, cats EVERYWHERE. They were surprisingly fat, as well.
"Woah," said Nate, looking around, "Got Cats?"
"Yes, I LOVE my animals," said Eon, picking up a fat one and examining it, then nodding in satisfaction, "I care for my cats with love, but they are only food for my true loves."
"Wait, what?" said Shatner.
"You eat your cats?" said Pandora.
"Oh, no, I cannot eat my animals," said Eon, walking over to a grate in the ground, "but sometimes I care for certain animals who have one purpose in life."
She opened the grate, and all the cats fled. It was like a storm, the creaking of the grate causing every cat in sight to run and hide. The cat in her arms began to try and claw its way away from her, but Eon had a tight grip, and she flung the cat inside.
The cat meowed in fear, but a hiss greater then any Nate had heard overpowered it, and it was cut off in seconds. Nate and Shatner recoiled, and Pandora was too shocked to do anything.
"What?" said Eon, and then she smiled, "You like them? They are my Geckos. I had them since before the war. They've grown SO MUCH! It's hard to feed them with insects anymore."
"Oh… my… Gosh," said Nate, not really saying anything.
"That's… not right," said Shatner.
"How… big… is… it?" asked Pandora.
Eon laughed, as if at a dirty joke, and then smiled, walking into a small kitchen, "Can I get you anything? Please, I love to cook."
"If you got some Mountain Dew, you'd be a goddess," said Nate.
"Mountain What?" asked Eon, and when Nate frowned, she smiled, "Do not worry, I am one of the few who has beer, and I have Coca-Cola. I'll cook up some… steak if you would like?"
"Umm… no thanks, we don't want to take up your food," said Shatner.
"It is no problem at all," said Eon, "Please, make yourself at home Possum, Comedian, Pandora."
"Uh… please," said Nate, "Nathaniel Flint. Nate for short."
"Brom Shatner," smiled Shatner, "But Possum's fine from you."
"Beatle…" said Pandora, then he shook his head, "Uh… I mean, Brain. Brain Bailey."
"Ah," said Eon, "I see. Well, you can call me Kate. My full name is Anne Katherine Von Hoffmann, but mostly I go as Kate Hoffmann."
"Ok," said Pandora and Shatner together.
"Can I do anything else for you?" asked Kate, sniffing a little bit, "Maybe a bath or something?"
"Woah," said Shatner, blushing, "I… I didn't think it would be like THAT."
"Whut?" asked Kate, a puzzled look on her face.
"We don't want to use up your water," said Nate, covering for Shatner, "I mean… we're not heroes… in this colony."
"Oh, no," said Kate, "We have seven rivers close by. We re-routed a lot of them here. One is clean enough for drinking with our purifiers, and the others have so small radiation, that it would take years and years of bathing in it to show any affects. So, we bathe every so often and stay cleaner, and we shave in it."
"Shave?" questioned Nate, now rubbing his stubble again, "You shave?"
"Of course," said Kate, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a razor, handing it to Nate.
Nate smiled, and imitated a choir of angels singing as he rushed down the hallways, looking into every room for a bathroom until he found one.
"Wow, who would have thought shaving was still a priority somewhere," said Shatner, smiling.
"Of course," said Kate, lifting her leg up and pulling back her jeans, rubbing her smooth leg, "How do you think a girl is to survive without a clean shave?"
Shatner's face actually twisted in disgust of Nate now shaving with the same razor she shaved, and Pandora almost giggled at the very same thought. Then Shatner decided it truly wasn't that disgusting, and he realized he needed to show interest in her legs, as to not hurt her feelings.
She smiled at their pleasure, and lowered he leg, "Since I am lucky enough to have the means of sharpening my razor, I'm glad to be able to shave… anywhere I please."
She smiled in a dirty fashion, and Shatner picked up on it. Now he was disgusted in Nate shaving his face with the same razor, and he was glad that Pandora didn't catch it.
"So," said Shatner, eager to change the topic, "How, in the end of the world, did you manage to get a place all to yourself? Do you have a boyfriend? Or… married?"
"Boyfriend? No," said Kate, now beginning to slice up some meat, "Not for a long while. I have my own place for two reasons. One, I am the cities bibliothekarin, so to speak. I have more books here then anywhere else, excluding our bibliothek… by a bit. I love books, and I owned a considerable amount before the var. The second reason is… no one can really stand living with me, you know? I don't really see why but I am anal and I vant things done in a certain way… and my animals."
"Uh-huh," said Shatner, "So what were you doing so far out, alone?"
"Oh, I have a love for history," she said, smiling, "And… and I was out searching for historical stuff."
"I see," said Shatner, "Weren't you afraid? Of being harmed or something?"
"Vhat? No," answered Kate, almost laughing as she put the sliced meat into a pan and began to cook, "I am apart of our Kommiss, our Army."
"Oh," said Pandora, "I never figured you… like that."
Kate sighed, now seeming a little agitated, "Yeah, I know. It is not easy, I will tell you that. Twelve women in this city can fight, drei are actually apart of our defense system. The other two… they are whores. They love being the only women because everyone vants to f*** them. I am one of the only who actually gives a damn about zis city."
"Shame," said Shatner, "That's… tough."
"It is tough, no one understands. Being the only woman who vants to be independent and… helpful," said Kate, "I can take care of myself. I do not need anybody else."
"How interesting," said Pandora, "Well… we're glad you're alright, though."
"So, what happened with you?" asked Kate, "I want to hear the WHOLE thing. No stops. Tell me your story."
"It's long," said Shatner.
"I can handle long things," said Kate, who smiled and laughed dirtily to herself.
Shatner tried to laugh along, but he wasn't exactly sure what was so funny. Pandora took a seat on the couch, prompting Shatner to do the same.
"Alright," said Shatner, "So… Flint goes to leave, after the raider attack on Washington DC, and… he won't stop talking about this North Africa thing, right? So…"