I looked at my computer screen, and at the stacks of research in front of me. There was no way I was going to be able to focus on all of this anymore today, not after that roller coaster of a conversation. I started to organized it so I would be able to pick up where I left off when I came in on Monday morning, when I got another text from Leslie, "I know you're at the office. Don't make me come drag you out of there."

I replied to her text, admitting that I had been in the office, but dragging me out wasn't necessary. I told her to meet me downstairs and we could grab some coffee. Fifteen minutes later, when I was in the elevator on my way down to the lobby I decided not to tell her about the phone call, not yet at least.

I just needed more time to process this before I would be ready to fill her in. I know she was only trying to protect me the other night, but by the way she dragged me out of there I had a pretty good idea of what she would have to say about this. In the three years that we have been friends, from the beginning we had vowed to leave our past in the past. We made efforts to move on… she had obviously been more successful that I have. Things between her and Ben had ended on such bad terms… it was different between me and Logan. I think she understood that, but still… He and I hadn't had a huge fight or lots of drama, not at the end at least… he just left. I had tried dating other guys when I got to New York, even had a few second dates, but it was never right… It was never him.

Instead, I decided to take her crap about working on a weekend, and fill her in on the article. She was surprisingly receptive… maybe she was glad that I seemed to be focusing on something other than Logan. She even suggested that I should try to shop it around as a freelance piece if Gerry turned it down.

I honestly hadn't thought about it before, but it really wasn't a bad idea. Les said she still had some connections from her freelance days and might be able to get my article seen. We walked the six blocks from the coffee cart back to Leslie's apartment, it was cold even for February and clouds had rolled in over the city, but talking about the prospect of doing some freelance writing had the day looking up.

When we got inside, Les put some popcorn in the microwave and we flipped through the channels before landing on a movie… Breakfast at Tiffany's… a classic, and one of Leslie's favorites. Halfway through the movie she sat up, with a bright look in her eye.

"Let's be tourists tomorrow."

"What?" I know she wants me to get away from work but that seemed silly… besides I haven't decided whether or not I already have plans.

"You know, walk around the city… Time Square, Central Park, go shopping… well maybe window shopping. I just got my Visa bill…"

I looked at her incredulously, and then I looked out the window. Bad weather… a good excuse to avoid committing.

"Look outside, Leslie. It's probably going to be pouring rain by tomorrow."

"So? We have boots and umbrellas. Since when does bad weather deter New Yorkers? What else do you already have going on, on a Sunday?"

I took a deep breath, "Well…"

She looked at me expectantly, so I continued, now avoiding her gaze, speaking so quickly it was almost one long word, "Logan called me at the office. He wants me to meet him for lunch tomorrow."

I prepared myself for what I expected to be a long list of reasons why I shouldn't go, but when she didn't say anything I turned back to her.

She sighed and put her arm around me. "I think you need to call Lorelei."

I looked at her and almost laughed. "Who are you are you and what have you done with Leslie?"

"I know, right? I'm never this mature. Really Ror, I would love to tell you to forget it and blow him off, but I know it's not that easy. I've seen what a mess you've been the last few days, and you've told me about what happened between you guys, but I have only known this Rory, and that Logan. I wasn't there for Rory and Logan. Your mom was."

All I could do in that moment was hug her. She got it. I should have given her more credit this morning.

"Besides, no matter what either one of us say, it's really your decision."

Leave it to Leslie to follow up a stroke of wisdom with a big shot of reality.

I looked at her with a pained expression. She gave me a half smile and put her hands on my shoulders.

"Go home, call your mom, make your lists, whatever you need to do… but you had better call me when you decide."

I gave her another hug before I bundled up and headed home. On the train I sent my mom a text, "Have time to talk?" I knew Saturdays were busy at the Inn, but Leslie was right, she was the only one who could really give me advice here. Almost immediately I got a reply, "On a scale of one to Chernobyl, how serious are we talking?" I replied simply with, "Call me" figuring if I wasn't joking with her, she would get the hint.

As I left the subway station my phone was ringing. I answered as I walked in the direction of my building.

I started off telling her about my article and what Leslie said about trying to sell it as a freelance piece, but right about the time I got to my door she interrupted me.

"Rory! I'm glad you're excited about what you're working on, but is this really what you needed to talk to me about so urgently?"

"Well, no… but you're always getting disappointed when I don't keep you up to date on what I'm up to…"

"Of course I want to know, but I also know what else been going on with you this week. I have a feeling this conversation is going to be more important that whatever Saudi Arabia has going on right now, so let's get on with it, you're killing me."

"Okay…" I was finally in my apartment so I started to tell her about the whole first part of the conversation with Logan, and she listened in silence, something she was definitely not known for.

I paused before I got to the part about him wanting to meet for lunch, but she still hadn't said a word.

"Mom? You there?"

"Yea, yea, just uh… wow. Even after the coffee incident, I wasn't expecting that."

"You're telling me… And that's only the half of it."

"What else could…"

"He asked, well more like told, me to have lunch with him."

"Oh… well?"

"What do you mean 'well?'?" Did she really think I had a simple answer?

"What are you going to do?"

"What do you think I'm calling you for?" Here it comes… everything that had been going through my head that afternoon came spilling out… "I have no idea what I'm going to do! I spent the whole conversation trying to figure out where he was coming from, and why he was calling me. First he's trying to make small talk, then out of nowhere he says wants to see me, but then it's only to 'clear the air'. And then… Then he says please? And that he would understand if I didn't want to? That he deserved it if I don't show up? How am I supposed to tell what he's feeling? How can I decide to go if I don't even know what I'm going to be walking in to?"

"Wow! Slow down, kid. You're going to have to breathe at some point."

I took a deep breath. I had practically been shouting by the time she stopped me.

"It sounds like you're focusing a lot of all of this frantic energy on what he wants."

"But…"

"Hun, he left it up to you. And even if he hadn't, it should be about what you want."

I tried to gather my thoughts. I hadn't known what to say the other night; I barely made it through the phone call today… But seeing him, and hearing his voice, knowing he's going to be there….

"What if I don't know what I want?"

"Well, if you're asking me, I think that if you were sure you didn't want to see him, we wouldn't be having this conversation. If you were done with him, the answer would be easy, and what he wants wouldn't matter at all."

If I was done with him? I'm not sure I could ever really be done with him. "What would you do?"

"I am not going there. We both know what my track record was like before Luke, hell, even with Luke. Honey, I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but it has to be up to you. I understand what you're afraid of, and if you don't go, I wouldn't blame you. But… I don't know, honestly I'm surprised I'm even saying this… Maybe it's something you need. I'm sure it won't be easy, but maybe it will give you some closure, find some peace after all this time."

It all made sense, everything that she said. It wasn't fair that I was still so in love with him when we ended...

"I just wish I knew what to expect out of it, if I do go."

"Rory, have you ever really known what to expect out of him?"

She was right again. When he was a slacker at the Yale Daily News I didn't expect for him to find as much potential as he has. I did not expect what was coming when he kidnapped me that weekend with the Life and Death Brigade. I expected him to bolt when I told him I couldn't handle a causal relationship, but he stayed. I certainly hadn't expected him to propose. Most of all, when we met I certainly didn't expect that I would fall so deeply in love with him.

By the time I got off the phone with my mom I was exhausted. My head hurt… My heart hurt. Everything that I had wrestled with for the past three days… for the past four years… would be coming to a head in a matter of hours. If I didn't show up tomorrow, that would be it. It would be over… But if I did…

** I do not own any characters or content related to Gilmore Girls **

A/N - I have loved all the positive feedback, especially after the last chapter! I know, this is more anticipation, but you know Rory wouldn't be able to make that big of a decision quickly, so please hang in there... its coming! Thanks for reading!