I couldn't do it. I just went and threw up everything I'd ate. My throat is dry and sore from the acid now. But I feel good. Strong. I know why – I committed. I've made a choice. I'm going to see this through. I don't know where this road will take me, but I know I can do it. This is what I need to be happy. I'll do my best to hide it, no sense in getting trouble if I can help it, so I think that means I'm going to have to do a lot more throwing up. But at the end of the day who cares if they do find out? What can they do? I'm an adult and I can do what I want. This is my body, the one thing we truly own. I should be able to do with it what I please without fear of what others will do about it or think.
I don't need help any more. I don't know where this will take me, but it feels right, even if how others react to it makes me feel bad. I'm strong enough to get through that anyway. This is my body, my life, my choice. It makes me feel good about myself. I want that. I'm not afraid of the consequences.
Again Jason Gideon sat at his computer screen and read the latest email. He found himself hoping that maybe it was just a phase and soon enough they would sway and eat something. Maybe they had a chance of getting through this on their own. But this relapse . . . Could he afford to wait and see if they did? This sounded pretty definite, and it had been almost three weeks since he had gotten the first email and there was no mention of the team getting involved . . . Why hadn't Hotch done anything? What if it really did stay hidden? He was sure they would manage to hide it if they really tried, at least for a while, and what damage would that do to their body? But he didn't want to go back to all that. He wanted peace. He had spent most of his life immersed in that life, was that really so much to ask? But could he stand by whilst they hurt themselves like this?
Maybe he wouldn't have to stay for long, just long enough to tell the team who he thought it was and then disappear again? The team would be able to take it from there.
Yes, that sounded like a good compromise. It wouldn't be easy, seeing them again. They would likely all be angry at him, but he'd do this last thing for them and be able to disappear in peace. He stood and started to pack whilst he dialled the number for a kennel for the dog.