2 Weeks Later

Lexi was ill. Beyond ill. WAY beyond ill! At the moment she had a headache and she felt like she was getting hotter by the minute! The nausea medicine wasn't working either. So she couldn't eat. She brought everything straight backup so they had put her on a drip which hadn't gave her the nutrients she needed so the other alternative was tube straight into her stomach. She was pale and gaunt and had purple shadows under her eyes. She lay there on the bed most of the time with her eyes half open. Not speaking. Halfway there and she looked and felt worse then she ever had in her entire life! No one could seem to get through to her. Not her mum, not her dad. Not phone calls from various family members. Not even Ethan! It was like she had given up!

"You wanna play cards Lex?" Alice asked.

She shook her head slightly.

"Lexi baby you gotta try and perk yourself up. It'll help you get better!"

Lexi shrugged.

Alice looked at her daughters green eyes. Eyes which used to spark with life and vitality now were blank. Devoid of anything. Life, emotion, feeling. They were now just soulless green depths.

"Dee Jay is here in 6 weeks."

Lexi's eyes flickered.

"He's like you were at this stage. I even crave the same stuff. Sponges. Your nana brought in some soap and sponges for when he's here. I saw the sponges and had the biggest urge to tear the wrapper off and just sit and chew. Danny had to restrain me!"

"Tired." Lexi said her voice completely dead.

"ok sweetie."

Lexi turned her head and closed her eyes. A single tear slid down her cheek. She knew something everyone else didn't. she was losing! She could feel it deep down inside. And to top it all off she felt sick 100 percent of the time and she was sick of people talking about stupid stuff when all she wanted was to be left alone. Then of course her mum brought up the baby. Who at this rate she would never see. She thought she couldn't feel any worse. She'd been wrong. Everyday she felt worse. More sick. more tired. More achy. More everything. At times she wanted to scream at the injustice of it all. One of the hardest things was pretending it didn't hurt so her mum wouldn't worry. It had been easy at first. The smiles had came quickly. As each day had passed and more of the drugs were pumped into her body she felt a deep depression fall over her. She just wanted this to end but it wouldn't coz even if she reached remission she'd get a month off then another 4-8 months of this crap!

This sounds really creepy but sometimes she thought her body had actually died but her mind lived on. The sack of meat and bones was decimated. She didn't recognise herself anymore. Could find herself anymore. Just this sullen moody Lexi who didn't even have the energy to argue with anyone, so she did the next best thing. She ignored. Why didn't they understand? Couldn't one of them understand? Just one of them? Her dad half understood and left her to start conversations. But what she really wanted was to be left alone to brood. O her mum had told her time and time again it's best not to wallow. You won't get better wallowing. Well she wasn't getting better being happy either. So screw the smiles and the happy crap. If they want happiness then they can go to the freaking circus.

Another bad point was she was supposed to be moved to the children's ward but they couldn't now. They had to up her dosage. Some crap about her white blood cell count being higher than 100,000. That made her high risk! She needed specialist one on one care. Nurse on duty constantly in case something happened. So her dose was up. Her immune system ravaged. God they couldn't even risk her getting the common freaking cold! Every ten minutes her family was up washing her hands. She was getting highway hypnosis!

They had let her walk around and be active for the first 10 days or so. When she had the energy that is they had brought a ball and she and Ethan used to pass it around. Until she had went in for a tackle with Ethan. So she freaking fell! There was no harm done! Now they wouldn't let her cough. No Lexi is fragile. Lexi is made of glass. Lexi will break. Lexi is pissed off! Her throat felt sore, it felt raw and it hurt to swallow. To drink, but to combat the nausea she had to have frequent drinks of water, since the anti nausea medicine was as good as a snowball in hell! And God the they'd put a tube down her nose into her stomach. She was ready to pull that freaking thing out every time they put it in! she felt like she was 3 or something! Now Lexi eat something the senior nurse slash wicked witch of the east had said. Lexi had told he to go back to hell. So the nurse in her infinite wisdom and her sick sense of humour decided to feed her intravenously. What was the point? She only brought it all up later.

Lexi longed for the energy to do something. Throw something. Anything! God this couldn't possibly be making her better coz all she felt was worse. She'd been so optimistic at first. Now she wanted this to end. The pain, the sickness. Not that she wanted to die. Of course not, but in her darkest moments when the pain is almost unbearable and her smile is cracked and forced. When she is being sick for the fourth or fifth time in the same day she thinks well at least if she did die she wouldn't be going through this anymore. Sometimes she thinks it would be a welcome respite. She was ready just to ask her mum to go home and leave her. This wasn't fair on her. 7 and half moths pregnant she should be out shopping excited. Not sat watching her daughter waste away. She opened her eyes. Looked at her mum.

"Go home." she croaked.

"What baby?" Alice asked.

"Go home." Lexi repeated.

"No I'm staying here with you!"

"I wanna be by myself!" Lexi said moodily.

"I'm staying Lexi."

"Well you shouldn't!" Lexi said weakly. "You've got Daniel to think about."

"And you."

"No mum, not me!" Lexi paused catching her breath. "I'm not getting better. I know I'm not. Do I look like I'm getting better?"

"Lexi It's best if someone is with you all the time."

"Well mum that freaking annoys me ok! Why does everyone assume they know what's best for me? I know what's best for me. And that is to be left alone! I'm sick of putting up with whatever random conversations people decide to have AT me. Not with me. Can't you all understand that I want to be ALONE! By myself. A single person. Just ME!"

"How about I go get some tea? I'll be back in 10."

Lexi clenched her teeth. She didn't want 10 minutes. "What have I got to do to convince you to go home? Read my lips, I don't want you here!"

"See you in 10." Alice repeated and left the room.

Stupid parents Lexi thought as her mother walked from the room. She closed her eyes. This never ending tiredness annoyed her. She had no energy ever. She just wanted to go back to how she used to be before they came to Leopards Den. Back at home in Bristol where she was happy. Lexi felt a sudden rush of heat so intense she felt like she was burning, the heat which had been building all day had finally crested. She struggled but couldn't move her blankets. Her breathing turned shallow. She tried to catch her breath but she couldn't. she pressed the button on her ed to call a nurse. So this is what its like to die. She wondered as her breathing grew shallower. She gasped one final time as the breath left her body. Her eyes closed slowly. Wow doesn't hurt at all!

(X)

Alice met Danny and Ethan at the doors of the hospital.

"She's really having a rough time. Now she's trying to send me away."

The tannoy sounded. "Doctor Phillips to room 306 please."

"O GOD that's Lexi's room!" Alice shouted.

They all ran to Lex's room. A nurse stooped them from entering they saw the doctors over he through a glass window. She was flat on her back unmoving. On hand hung limply from the edge of the bed. Her eyes closed. It was obvious she wasn't breathing. The family stood at the window praying for a miracle.

A/N Lexi :( :( :( :( :( :( R.I.P x