I'm still not hungry. I'm meant to be going out for a meal with some people tonight, and then for a day trip with some friends tomorrow because I'm not working. Some of the people tonight will be the same as those tomorrow, I could maybe make an excuse tonight but tomorrow will be all day, they'll see I haven't had a meal all day or tonight. I'm worried, I don't want them getting suspicious, it's too soon yet. Maybe I could just say I'm ill? But the meal tonight is to commemorate an important event and I don't want to offend them. If I don't go tomorrow either they would be offended, they might think I'm trying to pull away from them – I'm not, I still want to be a part of their lives, I just wish the things we plan didn't have to involve food.
I try and imagine what would happen if they did find out. It would be humiliating, definitely, but what else? Would the first stage be gut wrenching, emotional, where they all sit me down and talk to me, trying to convince me to eat, begging and pleading and crying as time went on? Would they try to guilt me into eating by playing on our relationship? Would they look at me with those sad, pitying eyes? Why do they do that, anyway? It only sickens me more, and that only makes me not want to eat more. If, after a while of this I hadn't eaten, would they take me away? I can imagine the hospital as I type this: cold, white, aseptic walls with long, wide, empty corridors and doors that lock from the outside. Group therapy sessions, art therapy, force feeding if that didn't work. Could they force feed me? After all I am an adult; I have the legal right to decide what is best for my body. I don't need a guardian, so surely it would be a breach of my human rights? Forcing a tube inside a person's body, it's almost rape.
And if they did succeed? I would get those looks, those lectures every time I didn't finish a meal or said I wasn't hungry until the god damn end of time.
No, I refuse to be told what to do with my own body. They will not be able to force me to do anything, not through begging or pleading or shoving a tube inside me. I refuse to be put through that.
So, it seems if the truth does come out, my only choice would be to disappear.
Jason Gideon did not see this latest email, because he was not sat looking at his computer. In fact it was safely zipped in a carry case on the passenger seat next to him as he sped along in the modest car he had bought to avoid being traced once he left the BAU, the place he was now fighting to get to. He had brought it along as evidence for the rest of the team, so they could read the emails themselves.
Sat in the front seat of his little car, his thoughts were not pointed towards finding a safe way to reveal this person's secret, because he did not know the decision they had come to.
He did not realise that every second closer he got to the BAU was another second closer to forcing the sender of those emails to make a terrible choice - in their eyes, the only choice.
No, his thoughts were purely focused on how to help the sender of those emails, help they would never let themselves be given.
He walked into the bullpen in what seemed a dream. It was all so familiar, and yet so distant. No, he needed to focus. They all stopped and stared, all the agents in the pit, but it was only his old team mates who approached him. He barely acknowledged them and headed straight for Hotch's door. In the back of his mind he registered that the reactions of his former team mates had been what he was expecting - Morgan was hostile, Garcia and JJ looked shocked but pleased - but that was only a minor concern as he knocked on the door and walked straight in. Hotch was on the phone but put it down with barely a word as Gideon shut the door.
"Hotch, we need to talk about Reid".
Ta-da! Well done to those people who were on the right tracks :). Wondering what Reid will do now? Keep reading and find out! Next chapter will be up ASAP. As always please R&R.