Hello everybody, thank you to all those people that have reviewed. I would just like to explain a few things. I have noticed that there are some problems with continuity in my first chapter that do not correspond with Reid's life eg. the references to not having family around, living a comfortable life and leaving home. These are there because at this point in the story I had a few ideas for the story and wanted to lay the groundwork for all of them. Hope this hasn't caused any confusion. Also I'm sorry for taking a bit longer to upload this time, I had a few ideas of where to take the story from here and was toying around with different versions. I've now decided how the story is going to end. I considered posting chapters relating to each eventuality like I did in "Follow Through" and leave it up to you to tell me which one you liked and wanted to see continued but I decided against it and I'm just going to do what I want with the story. It may mean you don't like me very much (sorry) and it won't be as long as I originally intended it to be but ah well. As always, please review.

Slowly, Reid turns back and looks. He doesn't want to, but there is still enough loyalty buried inside him to make him do it. As he sets eyes on the man he had trusted with so much, yet not seen in so long, he battles a wave of emotion. Nostalgia. Pain. Longing. Shame. Anger. Grief. They all battle to take control, and it makes it almost impossible for him to concentrate on the man in front of him. He just wants to run, to escape this mass of feeling inside him, and the sad eyes that hold him transfixed.

Gideon opens the door to his motel room wider. "Come on in, son."

The words snap Reid out of his reverie. He's concentrating now, the whirlwind inside him drowned out for a moment, but it holds him to the ground on shaking legs.

Gideon can see the fear and confusion on Reid's face. Slowly he takes a step forward, and then another. He stops only when he's barely a foot away from the terrified young man shaking in front of him. "You don't need to be afraid, Spencer. I'm not angry. I'm not going to lock you away. I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to. Now why don't we go inside and sit down? We can have a coffee, and talk."

"Gideon. . . I'm so sorry. I don't know what to think any more, everything's messed up inside me . . . The team - they should be on a case right now, not looking for me. What would they say, if they saw me now?"

"They'd want to help you. Shhh, it's alright. It's alright. You're going to be OK. Let's go inside." He puts an arm around Spencer's shoulders and guides the young man into the room as he begins to sob. The room is decent, with a double bed that looks quite comfortable, a TV stand with a TV and two chairs either side of a coffee table in the corner. Gideon guides Spencer towards one of the chairs before going to the coffee maker on the TV stand. Reid slowly calms down as he makes them both a cup. He sets Reid's down beside him but he doesn't touch it.

They sit in silence for a minute, Jason giving the young man beside him a little time to relax. Finally, he broke the silence.

"Thank you for contacting me Reid, it was the right thing to do."

The young man swallows and glances quickly up at Gideon. He doesn't speak.

"In your emails, you told me you didn't know why you're having difficulty eating. Can you really give me no idea why you are doing this?"

Spencer clears his throat and looks up at Gideon. Quietly, he speaks. "No, I have no idea. I just know that, even now, it makes me feel better."

"Describe better."

"I don't know - clean, strong."

"But you said in your emails that you don't feel in control anymore. That feeling like this scares you."

"It doesn't scare me because I don't want to be doing it. It scares me because it makes it harder to hide. Not that that matters anymore." He flashes a resentful look at Gideon.

"I am sorry that I exposed you Reid, but I think inside you know I did the right thing. You're hurting yourself. You need help."

"If you had replied to my emails I would have had help, without the humiliation of everyone knowing about it." He looked up into Gideon's eyes, his voice a little stronger.

"The kind of help you need can't be given through email, Spencer." Gideon kept his voice calm. "And you were the one who drew attention to yourself by leaving. If you had stayed to talk to me instead of running away you would have known I was only going to tell Hotch."

"Don't you try and pin this on me!" Reid's voice had grown loud and strong, his mood swinging. He leant forward in his chair and glared at Gideon. "You're the one who betrayed me! You knew what I was telling you was confidential! How could you expose me like that?"

"I've already explained that I did what was in your best interests, Spencer. If you refuse to accept that, that's up to you. What matters now is what we're going to do about this now, so sit back, calm down, and let's talk about this."

Reid was breathing heavily, running his hands through his hair and looking away from Gideon. Yes, he was angry. So angry. He wanted to make Gideon pay for what he had done, he wanted him to feel pain. But the rational part of him shouted against those feelings, deep inside he knew Gideon was only a surrogate for the real fixation of his emotions. God, what had happened to him? He was struck, in that moment, by just how much he had changed. Where had the rational, awkward but loveable Dr. Reid gone? When had he turned into this? He wanted to run from this situation, to leave this anger and pain behind him. But he didn't want to be alone either. This had been building up inside him for so long, and now that he was finally aware of it he didn't want to be left alone with it. And there was that small voice that whispered in his ear that it wouldn't matter how far he ran, he would never leave the things inside behind him.

It was all too much.

"God!" He leant forward and gripped his forehead, trying to contain it all. He was filled with sudden energy and sprang up and started pacing back and forth in front of Gideon. He would turn towards him with rage in his eyes but would pull them away again, pain creasing his features. And Jason Gideon looked on with sadness.

All this had taken just a couple of seconds. Slowly, Gideon stood. As he watched the young man in front of him it struck him just how much weight the man had really lost. The sweatshirt he was wearing was baggy and concealed his frame but the sleeves fell down and revealed bony, weak wrists as he put his hands to his forehead. The cheekbones beneath his sunken eyes looked so sharp that they might cut through his translucent, waxy skin.

"Spencer, look at me." Reid didn't stop his frantic pacing but his eyes shot Gideon's. "I know you are going through a very difficult time here, and the problems you are having probably go much deeper than not wanting to eat. Please, let us help you. Together, we can figure out what has caused all this, we can get you healthy again." Gideon spoke with his hands raised and eyes shining, almost reaching out to touch Spencer's shoulder.

Reid stropped pacing dead in front of Gideon and spun to look at him.

"Us?"

"Yes, the team and I. They need to be involved Spencer."

"No!" Reid waved his arms in front of him in a wide motion. "How could you think of involving them? I can't talk to them about this –"

"Please, they're your friends, now let's sit down and talk –"

"No, no, I'm done talking. This was a mistake." Reid began to stride towards the door, but Gideon spun him around and grabbed both of his arms.

"Spencer, stop. You can't keep running away like this. Tell me what's happening!"

"I can't!" Reid struggled to push Gideon away. God, he was tired. Exhaustion just crashed down on him. He'd been riding a wave of adrenaline, but it had suddenly dried up and he felt so weak he was surprised he was standing.

"Just leave me alone!" he started to sob, and spun around to hide it. Yanking the door open, he glanced back over his shoulder. "I don't deserve this help Gideon, all this energy. Believe me."

Gideon paused, momentarily lost for words. He sighed.

"Spencer, nothing in the world could make me love you less."

Reid burst into tears; they ran off the edge of his chin falling with faint noises to the carpet below.

"Please, come with me. We can help you. You don't have to feel like this anymore Spencer. You don't have to keep hurting yourself. You don't have to be ashamed. You've been denying the reason you're doing this to yourself for so long, think what a relief it will be to let it go. You can be happy, and healthy."

Reid's shoulders shook as he sobbed; he slowly looked up at Gideon, the indecision in his heart plain to see. But then he looked away and shook his head.

"I'm sorry."

"Spencer! Please!" Gideon tried to grab hold of his arm, but Reid used some previously unknown reserve of energy to wrench himself free and launched himself out of the door. Gideon chased him onto the main street but desperation spurred Spencer on and he managed to jump on a bus just as it was pulling away and disappeared.

Gideon had phoned Hotch and told him what had happened, who had had Garcia trace the bus route. Hotch had picked Gideon up on his way to finding the bus and they tracked it down only a couple of stops later. But by then Reid had jumped off. The driver told them where but when they went back to the area they found no trace of him.

Gideon seethed, furious with himself for having been so close and having lost him again. Although he didn't say anything, Hotch knew what he was thinking.

"You can't blame yourself, Jason. Yes, you could have locked him in that room with you or something like that but it wouldn't have done him any good. I was wrong before, he needs to come in willingly or he won't let us help him. Garcia is checking security camera footage. There are a lot of cameras in that area; she'll know where he went by the morning. Did he give you any sort of clue as to what specifically made him think he doesn't deserve help?"

Gideon shook his head silently.

"I was close, I started to get through to him." Hotch sighed.

"Then the best thing we can do is go to bed. We need to be well rested to be able to find him."