Disclaimer: I own nothing – at least nothing Transformers related. I don't own the quotes from"Dune" or "Star Wars" either.
AN: Look at me, I'm still alive and kicking, who would have thought….
I know it's been a long time since you last heard from me, but well, the real life is just cruel and time consuming sometimes.
Thanks to mdnytryder for correcting this chapter.
18/28 Disheveled (G1, the continuity should seem familiar to you….)
Sometimes Starscream didn't know why they even tried anymore.
He and his comrades flew into battle, guns blazing, insults on their lips and cocky grins on their faceplates, ready for action and Energon.
The Autobots arrived, Prime gave a noble speech, posed a little bit for any human spectators that were either too suicidal or too stupid to run and would stand there staring at the giant, shiny robot as if their alien visitors hadn't been on Earth for – what was it? Six, seven years now?
Then the battle would begin, all glory and violence, howls of rage and cries of pain filling the formerly clear blue sky. Smoke weaved patterns in the air, broken by bright laser shots – poetry, really, at least in Starscream's optics.
Until it all came to a standstill….
As usual.
The laser fire slowly faded in lazy, infrequent beams, the furious combat died down to poking and prodding at each other, to slow circling and exhausted vigilance, everyone waiting for the distinct call of retreat.
The only ones still earnestly fighting were Megatron and Optimus Prime, locked in hand-to-hand combat on a hill off the actual battlefield.
They grunted and struggled and every time this happened, Starscream wondered to himself why nobody, not even he , ever used this opportunity to get rid of both of them once and for all while they only had optics for each other.
He wondered and mused about it, idly flying circles above the waiting and feigning armies, now and then firing shots at the dirt near the yellow twin, amused by his angry howling over his "wonderful, glossy, gleaming, beautiful (but sadly, now infinitesimally scratched) finish" – and didn't act upon his thoughts of an easy kill of both faction leaders.
As usual.
All that really mattered to Starscream right now was that he was tired, almost out of fuel, and singed at the wingtips.
They hadn't won one ounce of Energon and, at one point, the slagging twins had downed Thrust and now he had to fly home with the whiny conehead and listen to him moan and groan about it.
Finally back at base he would have to endure the usual, "Why Starscream made us all fail"speech and/or a severe beating.
A few minutes later he had managed to work himself into quite a rage, muttering to himself about the injustice of the world, the universe and life in general, blaming Megatron, the Autobots, Soundwave, the Autobots, Megatron, the squishies, the twins, Megatron….
Just as usual.
What wasn't usual was the searing pain that suddenly pierced his right thruster, and the feeling of falling through the air.
The ground was getting closer and closer, and his sensors went mad. He was spinning so quickly that he had no control over where he would crash, either onto the hard-packed dirt or the wet, concrate-like surface of the nearby lake.
'And down I go,' he thought wryly and he switched most of his sensors off.
He didn't need them to tell him the inevitable.
Just a few seconds now, yes, right one time – here was the crash….
It was… painful and… humiliating… and… soft?
Before the Seeker could wonder further about the strange squashy feeling and the sound of tearing and crackling paper, metal groaned underneath him and suddenly he found himself sliding down into a warm fluid that rapidly got stickier.
Starscream transformed out of jetmode and onlined his optics, only to recoil in shock and disgust.
"You've got to be kidding me…."
On the roadway in front of him, he saw a truck cab lying on its side, wheels still spinning rapidly, with a groggy human holding his head stitting next to him.
Normally, the sight wouldn't have fazed Starscream in the least.
After all, the truck had cushioned his fall.
But the trailer, whose sides showed the bright, cheerful logo of a bubblegum factory, had been crushed and ripped wide open by the falling Seeker's weight.
Said trailer and Sekker had skidded along the ground and ended up in the waters of the nearby lake.
Usually, even that wouldn't have been a problem, but the water was warm - a human would say, close to boiling - having been heated earlier from numerous, stray laser shots.
Starscream looked down at the sickly looking, sticky goo collecting around, over and inside him.
He did the only thing he could think of:
He turned his optics skywards and sobbed, "Oh Primus, why me? Why do you hate me so much to punish me so severely? Why me?"
The sound of feet distracted him from his misery long enough to spot a bulky red mech come towards him, a proud, confident swagger in his steps, a big gun firmly in his grip and aimed squarely at the Air Commander's spark, face sporting a huge, nasty grin.
Ironhide casually rounded a pinkish puddle on the ground and stopped right before the bubblegum-covered Seeker, unnecessarily remarking, "I've got you."
Starscream looked at the Autobot blankly, then his mood shifted from miserable to righteous fury in a matter of seconds.
"Don't you even dare…," he hissed lowly, almost emitting a dark aura.
Starscream struggled against the bubblegum that was trying to keep him down and turn him into a giant, colorful, sticky ball, and stood up.
He batted away the gun that was trained on him and stepped out of the lake.
Ironhide opened his mouth to protest, but was silenced with one single, dark glare that would have sent the Unmaker himself running back to whatever served as a Creator for him.
The red mech stepped back out of the way, more than a little bit flustered and actually caught himself trying to hide his rifle behind his back.
Starscream didn't spare him a second glance, calmly struggling on, until he was almost in the middle of the battlefield, surrounded by dozens of staring mechs who either tried to hide their laughter, winced in sympathy or who openly lay on the ground guffawing.
The Seeker took one long look at everyone around him, then declared calmly, "I've had enough. I'm going home now."
He turned around to do as stated, accompanied by the laughing and mocking of his fellow Decepticons, only to come face to face with Prowl, who paused for a second, seemed to think things over, than stated firmly, "I'm sorry, but I'm afraid that isn't possible. You see, Ironhide shot you down and had you in a position without any escape routes. Logically that means you're our prisoner now."
He poked Starscream slightly with his rifle.
Red optics narrowed, then the Seeker hissed in the most venomous voice anyone had ever heard out of his vocalizer, "Shall I show you exactly where you can shove your fragging logic? It will be right there, where your fragging acid pellets will be in a moment! Believe me, I will find it very enjoyable, but for you it WON'T. BE. PRETTY!"
Prowl blinked and backed up, rechecking his options and deciding that sometimes you should forget logic in favor of your instincts for self-preservation.
But Starscream was far from finished.
"Do you really think, I will return with you to your slagging base that looks like a giant orange piece of gingerbread that Primus himself vomited, only to get molested again by those glitching twin morons of yours that share one Spark and no processor under the guise of some really degrading form of water torture?
Only to then get yelled at by your medic for being stupid and getting hurt, even if I AM the enemy and SUPPOSED to get hurt by his comrades, to be poked at and prodded and then thrown into the brig to be bored to death when I don't manage to arrange my own entertainment?
"Sure, death by boredom always beats getting brainwashed by evil squishy literature until I can only drool and murmur such fragtastic thing like 'There is no passion, only peace' and 'Fear is the little death', or getting preached into self termination by Optimus 'Prophet' Prime or being driven mad after listenting to little Motormouth there, or whatever else you can think of to torture me with!
"HEY! I know, why don't you find a squid to torture me with, while you're at it?
I'm sure Skywarp, Rumble and Frenzy know exactly where to find one that's hungry for a delectable Seeker, and would just LOVE to devour me!
"SO WHY THE SLAG DON'T YOU GO AHEAD AND IMPRISON ME ALREADY? I'M WAITING!"
Prowl said nothing, utterly subdued.
Starscream took this as his cue to continue his rant, switching languages as he went on and on, cursing everything and nothing until even Skyfire didn't know what language Starscream was using as he described Megatron's ancestors down to the last little detail and what the silver mech and Prime could do with and to each other.
Finally the mother of all tantrums ended and the Seeker ignited his thrusters with a quiet huff of still simmering rage.
Nobody stopped him and nobody dared to laugh when his right thruster formed a giant, pink bubble and exploded, spreading pieces of bubblegum everywhere as he shot into the air and vanished in the distance.
The battlefield was utterly silent.
Optimus Prime shifted nervously and was quite embarrassed.
He was able to translate some of Starscream's earlier suggestions,and if he would have been a human, he would be quite red and mortified at some of the suggestions.
His gaze wandered over the battlefield, but was halted when he came across the twins, and his optics widened in pure, unadulterated horror.
Immediately he commed his dazed-looking Second in Command.
"Prowl, I want you to instantly add 'Kidnapping Starscream', 'Molesting Starscream', 'Bathing Starscream' and 'Jetjudoing Starscream' to the twin's black list."
Prowl frowned, still shaken from witnessing the outburst, "Jetjudoing? Why"
"Look at the twins. Actually, as I reflect on it, add anything and everything having to do with Starscream that you can think of to the list."
Prowl obeyed his Commander and gazed at his favorite culprits, who stood in awe and stared after the white Seeker with vacant smiles on their faces, their optics almost showing a pink hue.
The Datsun shuddered in horror and realization: Starscream had stood up to Ironhide, made him back off, out-cursed Ratchet effortlessly, had a knack for ridiculous schemes, was almost as vain as Sunstreaker, insulted the twins fearlessly, had no respect for authority….
He was a perfect match for the two, a match made in the pit.
And they even knew how to overload him already.
Oh Primus, have mercy….
"Will do immediately, Sir. Consider it as done", he commed back, already running his battle computer to find every single possibility how the twins could bend a rule to get what they wanted.
Optimus Prime relaxed in relief, only to be reminded that he still stood beside his greatest foe, who observed him with a mix of amusement and wariness, "Do I even want to know?"
Prime hurriedly and decidedly shook his head, "Pit, NO!"
Megatron shrugged and looked after his fleeing SIC, "Very well."
Now it was Optimus who was curious, "Shouldn't you be angry and order Starscream back?"
Megatron regarded Optimus gravely, then stated, "Prime, a good leader has to know when it's better to simply back off, let your mechs be and get the pit out of the line of fire!"
"Ah," Optimus nodded understandingly.
Some seconds passed then Megatron asked, "Now that's over, perhaps we could… you know… continue?"
Megatron dropped back into battle stance and Prime happily did the same.
Sometimes the usual was the best thing that could happen.
Next time: Daring.
I just love this particular universe. Tell me when it becomes too much.
For those who love the Cassetticons, especially Rumble and Frenzy, take a look at "Fairytale Gone Bad".