Disclaimer: I own nothing – at least nothing Transformers related.
AN: The next one. A little revenge for "Silly", Starscream-style.
Thanks to mdnytryder for correcting this chapter.
19/28 Daring or "Sweet Revenge" (G1, 'Starscream against the world' continuity… wait, that IS G1, isn't it?)
Most thought that Skywarp had joined the Decepticons for two reasons.
One of these reasons was clearly Megatron himself.
The black and purple Seeker obviously, and very vocally, worshipped the ground Megatron walked upon and whatever atmospheric substance the gunformer cycled through his vents.
There were even rumors that the jetformer was far more loyal than Soundwave could ever be – partly because most mechs thought Skywarp too dumb to even understand the very act of treachery. Or how one would accomplish it.
The other reason for Skywarp's presence in Megatron's ranks was that he simply walked into a recruiter's office one day and signed up because he had been told to do so and had nothing better to do.
Most thought that Skywarp had joined the Decepticons for these two reasons….
They were wrong.
It was true that the black Seeker had a bad case of hero-worship rhen it came to Megatron and he wasn't the most intelligent mech around.
But when you got his wingmates drunk enough to ramble, Thundercracker and Starscream would begin to list all the points that had convinced them, over the course of many vorns as a trine, that Skywarp was actually quite a smart mech.
He just didn't realize it.
And his trinemates weren't in any hurry to tell him.
As long as Skywarp thought he was dumb as a slice of bread, as the humans put it, he wouldn't get any ideas about actually putting his smarts to a good use – like pranking, for example.
Oh, how dire the consequences if the jetformer ever discovered he had a working processor….
The base would never be the same.
Actually, Cybertron would never be the same.
However, in reality, Skywarp's reason for joining the Decepticon cause was for the pranking.
He just loved to see others fall into his traps and he'd laugh himself silly in the process.
Sadly, his friends tended to vanish from his life without leaving a forwarding address when this happened a few times too often.
After hearing the recruitment speeches on Cybertron, Skywarp had concluded that as long as he was a part of an actual army, his pranked peers couldn't run away from him anymore.
They were stuck with him, whether they liked it or not.
Thus, joining the Decepticons equaled an almost endless supply of victims.
An endless supply of victims meant no boredom.
No boredom meant fun.
Fun was good!
For all his foresight, poor Skywarp had failed to notice one thing:
He could get pranked in return, too.
So it was a bit of a shock when he found himself standing in front of Megatron, timidly looking into the pit-fire bright optics of his fuming superior, fearing that he was about to get slagged at any moment, and unable to utter one, single, syllable out of his vocalizer.
Well, he mused in some distant part of his shell-shocked processor, at least I'm not alone in this.
There were some rules in the Decepticon army you just didn't break.
Skywarp, Rumble and Frenzy knew this and had accepted it with the knowledge that not crossing these particular lines kept them in good working order and enabled them to keep pranking.
But right now, these rules had shattered and taken their entire worldview with them:
Starscream. Sat. On. The Throne!
Skywarp offlined his optics and onlined them again, hoping for a minor malfunction in both of them.
No such luck.
His crazy, glitch-ridden, really-asking-for-it-this-time Air Commander sat, or better, lounged on Megatron's private throne.
Starscream had sauntered onto the bridge mere moments ago, without a word of greeting or acknowledgement.
He headed straight to the giant chair in the middle of the room, called The Throne by every Decepticon, and placed his aft on it like it was a common occurrence.
Granted, it probably was when Megatron was away on Cybertron and Starscream was alone in the Command Center.
But, in this instance, Megatron was not on Cybertron, he was here, on the Nemesis, having just left the room to get some Energon.
He would return in a minute or two and Starscream didn't look like he was about to get off The Throne anytime soon.
On the contrary, the crazy, little slagger seemed to have gotten quite comfortable.
Starscream had one leg swung over one arm rest and was leaning on the other, resting his head on one hand, grinning smugly at the three mechs, one blue, one red, one black and violet, gaping at him.
What was even more of a puzzle to Frenzy, Rumble and Skywarp's processors, was Ravage's presence in the room.
The panther like Cassetticon lay right next to The Throne and watched the scene emotionlessly, with a bored expression.
Usually he would report any inappropriate behavior from the Second in Command to Megatron or Soundwave immediately.
Skywarp finally managed to close his mouth, his CPU partially rebooting.
Before he could demand to know 'What the slag Starscream was doing there? Was he completely suicidal now or just the universe's greatest masochist?', his trineleader smirked at him with a devilish glint in his optics, hit the base-wide intercomm button on the armrest of his seat, and began to speak.
Except it wasn't his usual voice.
Far from it.
"I am Megatron, oh-so-wonderful leader of the magnificent Decepticons, lord of the universe and so deeply in love with Optimus Prime I'm even starting a war just to be able to see him more often." Starscream announced this with a surprisingly deep voice that sounded like a very bad imitation of himself, doing a very good parody of Megatron.
Three jaws met the floor again while Ravage didn't even flick an audio in the red and white Seeker's direction.
"Oh Prime, you're so wonderful, oh how I love you. But I'm too much of a wimp to say it to your face.
You would never love me, I'm too fat and too old and my paintjob is so outdated I can't even use the excuse that it's 'classic' anymore. Oh Starscream, my loyal and wise Second in Command, what shall I do?"
The three jaws tried to signal their relative processors to close them – without success. They prepared themselves for a long wait….
Starscream changed his position on The Throne, sitting straighter and puffing his chest.
His voice, still too deep to ever possibly be a product of his glitched-up vocalizer, changed as well, getting slightly higher.
"I'm afraid this time even I can't help you, oh dumb one.
I'm working on it, but my wisdom still does not empower me to do the impossible. In another two thousand vorns I perhaps could help you, but right now, my best suggestion, oh ugly one, is for you to go to 'face with yourself or to cry yourself into deactivation alone in your quarters because of your unimaginable hideousness.
"I will keep the Decepticons in line for you, like I should have been doing since the very beginning because I am a much better leader than you ever could be....
"And to spare some of my precious time, you can read the rest of my arguments in this little book, called 'Why Starscream Is Much Better Than Megatron And Should Lead The Decepticons – All The reasons On Twenty Thousand And Three Pages' - the new bestseller written by me, about me."
The voice changed back to the deeper pitch.
"Oh thank you Starscream, thank you, let me kiss your feet and worship your …."
Ravage's tail flicked slightly and in an instant Starscream stood a good three meters away from The Throne like nothing had happened, a disapproving frown on his face as he glared at the three shell-shocked mechs.
Skywarp managed to register Ravage shaking his head at them, the black mech also showing a distinct scowl, as the door opened and a furious Megatron stomped into the room, ready to murder someone slowly and preferably, repeatedly.
The blazing red optics instantly focused on Starscream, "YOU!"
Starscream jumped and looked at his superior, raising his hands in defense.
"What?" he asked in his usual, rasping and screechy voice, having the audacity to actually look indignant, "Do I honestly sound like I could have done that?"
Megatron contemplated his SIC for a moment, then swept his pit-promising glare over Ravage and to home in on Skywarp and the Cassetticon twins.
While Skywarp still waited for his CPU to reboot far enough to develop the utter and complete panic this situation deserved, he couldn't help but feel a little bit of admiration for his Air Commander.
That was flawlessly done – and even he, Rumble and Frenzy together had never gotten Ravage to help them with a prank.
If he survived Megatron's wrath – something he seriously doubted – he would ask Screamer how he had managed it.
And how in the pit he had changed his voice like that….