Lexi lay in her room. Pretending to be asleep. Her nana sat in a chair beside her. God she had vomited blood on her dad. She smiled . He is her dad! The doctor confirmed it. The other place must have got it wrong idiots! Anyway that Josh is nothing to her and Daniel is her full brother. She felt chills shudder through her body. She started breathing audibly as he body shook with cold. Mrs Elliott laid something over her. It didn't help. No amount of extra blankets help her when she gets these chills. But she worked at suppressing the shuddering.

She felt sick too. Nothing new there this was worse than the other times. Part of the sickness she felt was attributed to the fact that she had sent Ethan away. She'd never see him again. Or her mum, dad nana and Daniel. She'd made her decision. She couldn't live like this no longer. If you could call this pathetic excuse of a life living! She wanted this end and if that meant going then so be it! I mean it was obvious she was gonna die anyway. It ended her suffering and ended her families torment. It can't be easy for them watching her like this! You hear me God? You cane take me. My soul whatever pat of it hasn't been ravaged is yours. She lay there in her room waiting for the warm kiss of death. It never came. You were quick enough to take me before! She waited again. You swine take me! She screamed in her head. She swore she heard him laughing! She could she'd raise her fist and hit something. She couldn't stand this anymore! She just wanted stuff to be better. Even daft little things depressed her. Like the fact she couldn't sleep on her stomach coz of her IV. She jut wanted to go home. She missed home. She missed listening to music with Ethan. Missed talking to him at night. Missed carrying on with her dad. She even sort of missed her parents soppy displays but that was just coz she was homesick she didn't actually miss that! She wanted a life without nausea and aches and pains and all the rest of it. This cloud of depression had fell over her again. She couldn't help it. She just felt so down! And to make matters worse she was starting radiation therapy tomorrow. At least she'd be alone for a while for the first couple of days. Brooding in peace and quiet. She did love her family but they didn't understand that sometimes she needed to be alone.

She heard a door squeak. Heard her nana gasp and her dad's soft murmuring. So he had came back. She heard them softly talking. Then felt his hand on her shoulder.

"Lexi." he said softly.

She ignored him. Wanted to brood in private.

"Lexi." he repeated in the same soft tone.

"I'm asleep. Can't you see that?" she asked him.

He chuckled. "Ok I'll tell Daniel that you'll meet him later."

Her head turned and her eyes opened. "Here's here?"

"Yes, all 5lbs and 3 ozs of him. He's fine even though he's early they think they were abit out with his due date although he'd have still been early."

Alice walked over and Lexi same him wrapped in a blue blanket.

"Awww he is so cute!" she whispered. And his little hands and fingers!" Lexi said as Alice adjusted his blanket. He has the look of dad though. Proper mini Danny!" she gushed.

"Yeah till he opens his eyes." Danny said sitting beside her mum.

"Suppose you musta just got home and had to come straight back huh dad?" Lexi asked and smiled when Daniels fist wrapped around her little finger. "Good grip there boyo."

"Sort of." Alice murmured.

"What do you mean?" Lexi asked looking up.

"He was born at home." Alice replied.

"No way! I bet that was scary."

Alice nodded and looked at Danny.

"Where's Ethan?"

"He's just getting us some non alcoholic beverages to wet Daniels head with." Danny said.

"Ok."

She returned to gushing over her brother. "How old is he?"

Alice looked at her watch. "Just under 2 hours old."

"At least was there for you this time. You know to see it happen."

"Actually I missed it by about 2 minutes," he said.

"What so mum was alone with the paramedics delivered. Or God forbid Dupe was there!"

Ethan walked in with an assortment of drinks. "I get dibs on the fanta Fruit twist. The rest of you can fight over the rest." he grinned.

His eyes softened as they rested on Lexi. "Hey." then he winked and grinned at her crookedly.

Her heart caught in her chest. "Hello." she said breathlessly. "Have you seen Daniel he's so adorable."

"Oh yeah did I see him!" he whispered. Then loud enough for her to hear he said. "Yeah I have. I told him that he looks like mum but so better not be like you. 2 Lexi's on the earth. We couldn't survive. It would be like the apocalypse!"

"Your so funny." she said sarcastically in a funny voice.

"So go on then dad it was the paramedics yeah?"

Danny glanced at Ethan for a split second.

Lexi who had been taking a sip of water. Coughed and spluttered as she realised.

Danny was straight up making sure she was ok.

"Him?" she asked. "No he wouldn't have a clue."

"Yeah Lex your right it wasn't me!" he said stubbornly looking at Danny.

He sat down on a chair and crossed his arms looking moody.

"You did didn't you? What that's so….how did you….your so amazing!" she said staring at him.

"I didn't Lex. I passed out. Look bump on my head as proof!"

"Oh ok. I guess it was…."

"I coached Caroline through it!" Danny said.

"O I guess that's cool too I suppose."

She looked at Ethan from under her lashes. Why was he angry?

"Look I'll be outside ok!" Ethan got up and walked from the room.

"I'll get him." Danny said and followed him.

Danny walked through the winding hallways looking for Ethan. He found him sat on a bench outside.

"Hey son."

"Go back to your family Danny!"

"Hey your family too!" Danny told him.

"I'm not, if I felt like family I wouldn't have been able to do that for Alice. If I was your son it would have been to hard to do!"

"Is that what this is about?"

"Yes. No Partly." he paused. "I don't want Lexi knowing. I mean she thinks it's good now and I'm this hero or something but later on as all the hype has died down she'll look at me and then think it's weird and maybe even creepy. I don't want her seeing me differently. I mean I find it weird and creepy and I did it!"

"Weird and creepy?" Danny asked.

"You know how I feel Danny. About Lexi I mean. and I delivered her mothers son." he shuddered. "Sorry I didn't mean that shudder the way you might think I do"

Danny shook his head. "No I understand."

"It's just weird you know?"

Danny nodded. "I do actually. Which I thought I wouldn't. And the other thing that's bothering you?"

"She made me promise to stay away, I'm doing what she wants. I'm gonna read her letter. So can I have some time alone. I'll be fine Danny."

"We'll be taking Daniel home soon. I've got stuff to sort at home. And to phone a locum to cover my duties. Ethan nodded and pulled out a envelope. He looked at it. It was covered in little hearts. She'd turned the A in his name into a heart too. Ok, he opened the envelope.

Dear Ethan

Hello honey. Wow I thought this would be fairly easy to write but you actually it's not. It's really quite hard. Hmmm imagine that. I guess I'm dead huh? Or practically. I'm sorry I was looking forward to our life together, wow I made us sound like we are engaged or something. Let me rephrase that I was looking forward to spending more time with you. Better? Maybe not but that's what ya getting! Ha-ha x I was looking forward to more earth shattering, bone melting kisses.

I want you to know that I never intended for this to beat me. That was never an option for me. I love you so much honey. Really I do and I tried to be this coz I didn't wanna leave you. I always imagined myself in a years time having a picnic with you under the fountain at Leopards den. We'd be laughing and joking. And I swear I'd see a red dot on your chest where dad has got a target trained on your chest in case you try something. I love that image coz in it I'm healthy and your gorgeous and it's so normal. The picture is so clear and perfect And I want it so badly! It feels so far away from me at the moment. I pretend to everyone that I'm ok and fine but I'm not Ethan. I need you and I don't even know why. All I know is whenever I feel so crap and just wanna give up I see your face or your smile in my mind and I sorta think hang on Lex. For a few minutes or hours or days. Then you walk in so cocky and self confident and I thank God I held on coz I got to see you. And when I see you I feel normal again for that time we are together. At times you're the only thing that keeps me going. I keep going for my parents but I don't wanna be a burden to them. But not with you. I love you. I'm starting to think I'm a little obsessed with you. You're the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing at night. With snatches of Ethan in between. I'll admit I need help, I learned something. Independence doesn't mean going it alone and sharing your problems and the weight on your shoulders isn't the same as weakness. I'm glad I figured that out before it was too late and I'm lucky you love me faults and all. I don't wanna hurt you but I think that's inevitable at this point. I just feel so ill you know. So depressed.

I'm sorry here I am unloading all my depression on you. My deepest, sincerest heart felt apologies to my gorgeous, handsome sexy, (Is that enough flattery? No ok then I'll carry on) amazing beautiful, spine tingling completely and utterly adorable boyfriend/love of my life. (That's all your getting so there. I admitted far too much already x) You know I was sitting in my bed and I realise we haven't got any endearing nicknames for each other you cute little names that we call each other in private. Like I dunno baby cakes or snuggle bumps. You look like a snuggle bumps actually. What do you think? I'm sitting here laughing imagining your look of horror. No snuggle bumps. How about my little EB bear? Not as bad as the last one I think. I'll work on it. I swear to you I will find the most embarrassing endearment known to man and call you it in front of everyone. On your….Wow downer time. I was gonna say on your wedding day in front of your wife. If your reading this and I'm dead then it'll never happen. Actually I'll have dad call a medium huh? I guess that's not too funny either. Sorry it just hangs over me. It's like there is no escaping it!

Since I'm gone I'm gonna ask you to do a few things for me then I'll be able to rest peacefully. Firstly and most importantly is to take care of little Dee Jay for me. Not like mum and dad will. Like Shauna and Missy do for me. Somewhere to go if he needs advice or guidance. You like if he has problems with girls or if mum and dad are driving him doolally! And tell him I love him, and tell him about me too. About how intelligent beautiful and simply amazing I am haha. I can see your yeah right face. Admit it I'm pretty special, and no not special needs Mr Bell!

Secondly take care of mum and dad and yourself. To be honest I know they'll be upset when I'm gone and I don't wanna hurt them. They'll carry on for Dee Jay I know but make sure mum eats often and dad doesn't immerse himself in work. And make sure you smile that handsome smile of yours. The smile that made me fall in love with you.

Thirdly don't mourn and grieve me please. I'll ALLOW you one night of tears and a few at my funeral coz I'm feeling generous but any more than that and I'll have Darren Hayes playing in your sleep. Trust me I will do it! I've gave you fair warning. I can see it, you'll wake up and hear his high pitched voice. Lmao. I can see you running from the room screaming like a girl. He wouldn't have a look in! am I right? Rofl. But remember Ethan please don't cry for me. Get a new girlfriend straight away and be happy. I know she won't be as good as me coz c'mon its me haha but I want you to be happy and in love coz you deserve it honey bunch. What no honey bunch? Ok I'll remove it from my list. But really you deserve to be loved. And one day when your married and a father your first born daughter so better be called lexi or I will be seriously pissed off! Only joking. You will make a excellent husband and father one day. Don't let what happened colour your future. Your not him and never will be. You have too great a capacity for love inside you!

You know I feel like I could just keep writing coz I feel there is so much I'm never gonna get the chance to say to you. This is killing me coz I can't bear the thought of us apart. I wanna be with you always. I need you like air. Without you I'm in despair. I promise you Ethan we will see each other again one day. And then we will have the best time. Spend the rest of eternity together. Beanpole and freak show always. Until then Ethan I love you and always will.

Forever yours

Alexis

Xoxoxoxoxoxo

MY LOVE WILL ECHO THROUGH THE DAYS MONTHS AND YEARS AHEAD. ALWAYS KNOW THAT SOMEWHERE OUT THERE SOMEONE LOVES YOU.

Dear Bobby Yellowcard

Do you remember when,

I told you this that night,

That if you're by my side,

When everyday begins,

I'll fall for you again.

I made a promise when,

I told you this that night.

I'll be fine, Coz when I die,

Then I die loving you it's alright,

I'll be I fine when I die then I die loving you,

Loving you, loving you.

A/N and that is the last of my letters. lets hope lex gets better soon huh. poor eth an lex too they r both heartbroken and stubborn :(

please review x