So here's the next chapter, updated much sooner as promised. So even though I said that I was switching over next time I added an extra update in honor of Cryzzel (Cher's) Birthday and I'll be switching over next time. Anyways, I hope you like it and as always please read and review.
One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters
Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.
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Blair's jaw dropped and she was rendered completely speechless.
"Honey close your jaw, it's unattractive." Marcus said as he took the ring out of the box and slid it onto her finger.
"Whhaat? Whyyy? I don't understand. Why do you want to marry me when you know that I don't love you. When you know that I love someone else." Blair was confused and furious.
"You see Blair, there's nothing that I want more than something I can't have. Plus, you are the perfect mate so to speak. Beautiful, smart, undeniably sexy, and on top of all of that you have a spotless reputation which will please my PR agent."
As Marcus explained things, Blair couldn't help but be disgusted by the very things that Chuck had said just hours before that made her blush.
"My PR agent has been on me for some time now to choose a bride, so that the new Duchess can be properly trained. And you my dear are not only perfect for the job of Duchess but as of yet you are the only girl who has kept me occupied for longer than a week. That is a feat unto itself. You see we will be perfect together." Marcus chuckled as he stroked Blair's face.
Blair had started to panic. He was actually serious, Marcus was crazy. This whole thing was crazy but she had to do it. She had to protect Chuck from whatever Marcus could have done to him. Even though she kept repeating that she wouldn't cry, she felt one tear slide down her cheek.
"Aww, don't cry, a bride to be should never cry. I've already decided that our wedding will be after you finish high school. We'll move to England and you can attend school there if you want, I was thinking Oxford. But that's something we can worry about later, for now I think we should go upstairs."
As Blair followed Marcus up the steps to her bedroom she promised herself that she would never cry again. She was strong and this was something that she had to do, so she would do it. Marcus opened the door, allowing her to enter and Blair didn't even notice as he didn't shut the door.
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Chuck was walking up the main stair case of the Van der Bass home with a little bounce in his step. He had never been this excited to see someone in his life. Blair would have ended things with Marcus by this point as the abandoned dinner downstairs indicated, and they would finally be together. He paused on the stairs as he heard the grunting of a male. WTF thought Chuck. What male in this house was getting some? It must be Serena, maybe she and Humpty Dumpty had worked things out after all. Whatever, it didn't really concern him.
When he reached the hallway and saw through the open door of Blair's room he immediately fell into the wall. His knees couldn't even begin to support him at the sight of Marcus on top of Blair, Marcus inside of Blair, his Blair, the girl he had told just hours ago that he loved, the girl who had returned the same sentiments. At that moment, Marcus looked to the doorway and gave the most evil smirk imaginable. Chuck felt like his heart was being ripped out as Blair turned her head to follow Marcus's. The look of horror on Blair's face killed him. She had thought that she could keep this a secret from him. She had thought he wouldn't find out. He knew it; he knew he should have never confessed his feelings that she couldn't be trusted. With that he shut the door and walked back to his room.
As soon as he reached his room he collapsed on the floor and cried. Cried for his mom, for Daisy, for what he had lost with Blair, before he came to the conclusion that he was right about women to begin with. His only use for them was for his own sexual pleasure; they couldn't be trusted for anything else.
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As soon as she saw Chuck, Blair started struggling under Marcus and he held her down. "Stop it Marcus!" But he didn't let up, he just laughed. "I SAID STOP! I have to go to him, you don't understand, you don't know what this is going to do to him, finding out like this." Blair pleaded.
"You're right Blair, I don't know, and I don't care." After which he clamped his mouth back on top of hers and finished what he had started.
Blair lay awake that night, waiting on Marcus to fall asleep. Once he had, she gentle extracted herself from his grip and pulled on her clothes before making her way quietly over to Chuck's room. She didn't knock because she knew he wouldn't answer and on top of that she didn't want to make any extra noise.
"What are you doing here Blair?" Chuck asked when he noticed her standing just inside of his room. His tone was emotionless, dead.
"Chuck please listens to me, I'm sorry, I can't explain it but I didn't have a choice." Blair pleaded.
It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say you're sorry
It's not enough to say you're sorry
"Shut up Blair; don't tell me you didn't have a choice. I SAW YOU." Chuck's voice was increasing in volume as he sat up from his bed.
"Please, listen to me. I don't want to hurt you." Blair tried to place her hand on his face and he grabbed it.
Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe we're the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe
"BLAIR, I SAID BE QUIET." Chuck said forcefully as he pulled her to him. Then with obvious hatred and hurt in his voice he softly said, "I'm so sick of all of your lies and games. You said you were going to end things with him. That you wanted a relationship. What was it, all some kind of game so that you could hurt me as badly as I hurt you? That's twisted even for you Waldorf and I can't believe I fell for it. You went through with it even after I told you why, after I told you about my mother. You're sick Waldorf. "Chuck said as he released her arm, effectively pushing her away.
All I have to say is goodbye
we're better off this way
we're better off this way
"Chuck please, I love . . ." Blair begged.
"Don't. Don't say those words to me ever again." Chuck interrupted. "You don't mean them and I don't want to hear them from your mouth. There's no possible explanation for what you just did Waldorf. None at all, is there?"
I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by
Blair noticed the slight inkling of hope at the end of Chuck's sentence. He wanted to be able to forgive her but she knew that he couldn't because she had to protect him and if he knew he would never let her. So Blair just sat there, not answering his question.
"That's what I thought." Chuck said, in a resigned tone.
All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way
Blair was desperate to try to get through to him, to make him understand that this wasn't his fault, so she spoke rapidly so that he couldn't really interrupt. "But Chuck, there's something you need to know. It wasn't because I don't love you because I do. Just know that. Know that I love you in a way that I have never loved someone we just can't be together, it isn't something that you did or something that I did, there's just outside circumstances that mean it can't happen." But it didn't seem to matter. By the look on Chuck's face he had already shut down completely.
And every, everything isn't only
What it seemed so take back these
Words that you told me
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye
Goodbye
Bye
"Leave Waldorf. Go back to your Lord and stay the Hell away from me. For good this time."
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong
Blair got up to leave and right as she was walking through the door she heard Chuck say in a cold controlled voice reminiscent of the old Chuck Bass, "Why don't you try shutting the door next time, unless you're in to that whole voyeurism thing. It's a little too kinky Waldorf."
She knew with that that there was nothing else that she could do, the damage was done, she had hurt Chuck in a way that only she could do and nothing could ever fix that, so she went back to her room and slipped back into bed with Marcus. But as she was crawling back in bed she had the sudden urge to run to the bathroom where she threw up everything that had been in her stomach before collapsing on the ground in tears.
*FLASH BACK* (the night of the Van der Bass wedding)
"Chuck I have to tell you something" Blair said as she raised her head from his chest.
"What is it Blair?" Chuck said a little concerned. Blair sounded so hesitant and this was all so new that he didn't know what it could be.
"I have a little problem. Sometimes when I get too stressed or when I'm hurting about something, I throw up." Blair wasn't done but Chuck had sat them both up and was already holding her hand when she continued. "It's gotten better, I mean the last time
I did it was during that mess this spring, but I just wanted you to know, because I trust you and I thought that well, I thought that I could share that with you."
Chuck stroked Blair's hair as she spoke. Blair was telling him that she was bulimic. He had always known, he had observed her for so long and had always wondered how no one else had noticed. Not that she flaunted it or anything but it was like no one ever looked close enough to see. Which was probably the truth. No one ever saw Blair. Not like he did at least. That she was telling him was a huge deal. "Thank you, for telling me I mean."
"You're welcome." Blair half giggled. "I'm not sure how to actually answer that."
"No I just know that that had to have been hard for you just then and I wanted you to know that no matter what I am always going to be here for you. If you ever need me, if anything ever happens, call me and I'll be there."
"Thank you." Blair said before leaning in to kiss Chuck.
*FLASHBACK II* (two days before Tuscany)
"Chuck can you come over" Blair cried into the phone.
"Give me ten minutes Blair" Chuck had said before shutting his phone and running to the limo. As soon as he had gotten the call he had known what had happened. When he walked into the bathroom he just sat down on the floor and held her head.
"I didn't want to, it's just my mom made me try on this dress and I couldn't fit in it then well then this happened." Blair sobbed into Chuck's chest.
"Stand up Blair" Chuck said as he pulled her to her feet and positioned her in front of the mirror.
"What are you doing Chuck" Blair said confused.
"Look at yourself in the mirror Blair." Which she did. He could see on her face that she was disgusted by the sight.
"Blair what do you see?" Chuck asked gently.
"I see a pathetic girl who can't get control of her life. She's ugly and fat and her hair is a mess." Blair responded.
"I don't." Chuck said back.
"Then you're not looking at the same girl."
"Maybe I'm not" Chuck replied. "Because the girl I see is amazing, and beautiful. She has an amazing body and I've never seen anyone like her."
"Nope, not the same girl."
"Blair, listen to me" Chuck said resting his hands on her fragile shoulders. "The girl I see is the girl everyone sees but you. Look again and I want you to say 'I'm beautiful and there are people who love me.'"
"I'd be lying."
"No you wouldn't be Blair."
Blair looked back at Chuck, at the sincerity in his eyes, then turned toward the mirror and opened her mouth. "I . . . I'm beautiful and people love me." Blair stammered.
"Good job Blair." Chuck said as he turned her back around and held her as she cried. At which he heard her utter a quiet "Thank you."
*END OF FLASHBACKS*
Blair lay down on the floor and allowed herself to cry for only five more minutes before standing up and looking in the mirror. Chuck was wrong Blair thought to herself. That girl isn't beautiful. That girl doesn't have anyone who loves her anymore, that girl is alone.
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Sometimes a player gets fed up with the game and quits, right C? And sometimes when that happens we end up all alone, without the people that we thought that we were always going to have. Either way you can always count on me to keep playing.
You Know You Love Me
Xoxo
Gossip Girl
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AN: As I said before Happy Birthday Cher :) I'm sorry it couldn't be a happier one for you. But soon I promise :)
As always please read and review.
Song: Goodbye by Secondhand Serenade
(I took the liberty to change like two of the words lol)