ATTENTION: BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER IF YOU HAVE READ CHAPTER 9 PRIOR TO OCTOBER 29 YOU NEED TO GO BACK AND READ IT AGAIN BECAUSE I CHANGED/ADDED SOMETHINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO THE STORY!!!!!
Here's the next chapter, what can I say I'm on a roll.
One warning though, I have seen a lot of spoilers and while I'm not working off of those some of them may appear in my story because they fit too perfectly not to. But from here on out I am pretty sure my story differs enough that I am on my own.
Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters
Rated: T mostly for language. This one isn't really M but it is a pretty high T lol.
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Nate knew that he had to talk to Serena. He had to tell her what he was feeling. He knew that she could sympathize. Imagine his surprise when he opened the door to go talk to her and she was already on his doorstep.
"Hey Nate, I thought maybe we could talk." Serena said as she walked into Nate's house. "You see I need something from you right now. I need you to pretend to be my boyfriend."
"What?" Nate replied stunned. He had been going to see her to tell her that he wanted Vanessa back. "I can't do that Serena, I want to be with Vanessa."
"Yeah, and I want to be with Dan but unfortunately I just checked with Jenny and they are legit together. So please can we just give it a shot. I can't be alone right now."
Nate saw the look in her eyes. Serena had been for him at times when no one else had. How could he say no? "Okay."
"Okay" Serena replied before leaning in to a hug from Nate.
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"Blair you're not happy." Serena said as she pulled Blair's dress for the Gala out of the closet. Serena had been watching her friend carefully for the past month and she knew that she couldn't be happy with Marcus.
"Mind your own business, Serena! Like your relationships are so perfect, you've had a fake boyfriend for the last month." Blair snapped but she knew her friend was right. In fact she wasn't just unhappy she was miserable. Marcus had been dragging her around the Hamptons from charity ball, to some gala, to art openings, usually two or three a day. It was all about publicity he said. They had been officially engaged for almost a month now and it was killing her slowly.
"B, I know you are still in love with Chuck, Nate told me that you guys were together right before you and Marcus got engaged and I see the way that you look at him, every single time he is within a foot of you. Especially when he brings one of those tramps over and makes a show of being all over them. Blair, why are you doing this to yourself? Why are you doing this to Chuck?" Serena said as she pulled Blair over to the bed to sit.
"You wouldn't understand S." Blair's voice cracked near the end.
"You don't know that B. Is it the title? Is it your other friends? What?" When Blair didn't answer, Serena tried to prompt her further. "Come on B, you can tell me anything."
With that Blair looked in to Serena's eyes and knew that she wanted more than anything to just be there for her but Blair was scared. What if Marcus found out that she told? He had warned her not to do that, not to tell anyone. Maybe she could just tell Serena that it wasn't her choice and just not say what Marcus had on them. "I don't want to be with Marcus, S."
"Then don't be Blair, I'm sure that Chuck will understand, he loves you." Serena didn't understand Blair sometimes."
"It's not that easy S, I don't have a choice." Blair looked away from Serena as she said that last part.
Serena was even more confused with that, "Of course you do B, you always have a choice."
"Not this time S, Marcus knows things" Blair said cautiously hoping that that would be enough to clue Serena in but of course Serena had to have everything spelled out for her. "Marcus knows things that he can use against me and Chuck." There she had said it.
"Blair I don't understand, what could Marcus possibly know that could hurt you." Serena said, concern written all over her face. What was going on with Blair.
"I can't tell you, he might find out and then this would all be for nothing." Blair said standing up. "Now help me finish getting ready."
Serena knew Blair well enough to know that that was all she was going to get out of her at that moment so she resolved to figure out what was going on and take care of it later.
Blair reached into her drawer and pulled out her necklace for the Gala. It was the one that Chuck had given her on her Seventeenth Birthday. Seeing it almost made break down, she was so alone. She thought that she was strong enough to do this but she wasn't sure anymore. It was too hard, she couldn't be with Marcus, it was killing her. She couldn't even look at herself in the mirror anymore. She just saw that same ugly pathetic girl that she use to see. And as much as it was hurting her, she knew it was hurting Chuck more. And then the song on the radio changed. Hate Me by Blue October and Serena started to change the station.
"Ugh I hate this song." But Blair reached out her arm and stopped Serena from changing it. This song was one that Blair hadn't heard in so long, and she had never really understood it before now.
*FLASHBACK* (first semester sophomore year)
The song on Nate's stereo changed to some moody song and as Serena and Blair started whining (Nate always did like the strangest music) Chuck and Nate both said that it was a good song and told them to be quiet.
"Come on Blair" Nate said. "Blue October's a cool band"
"And these lyrics are so raw." Chuck said pensively.
Nate looked at him funny. "Sometimes I don't understand you man, I mean I listen to music for the music not some words." To which Serena nodded in response.
Blair had to admit that sometimes Nate was a little clueless and as was her best friend. But she looked up at Chuck and their eyes connected and let him know that she understood.
I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space
(Chorus)
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
*END OF FLASHBACK*
She remembered how her eyes hadn't left his that entire song and now that she thought about it she realized that he likely had felt a lot from this song. If he had really loved her as long as he had said then this song probably exemplified the things that kept him from going after her and now it reminded her of why she could do this. She loved Chuck but she was doing this to protect him. No matter how alone she was, or how much she missed him she could do this. She could make him hate her enough to get over her. Then she wouldn't think about him because every time she did she got sick .
I'm sober now for 3 whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Chuck wasn't there anymore to clean her up when she had an incident and she was going to have to handle this on her own, alone. Tonight she would hurt him again, worse than ever before, then she would ask Marcus to leave for England now and he would never have to think about her again. He could just hate her. She could do this for him. He had done it for her, this summer when he thought he would only hurt her in the end, he had left her. She could be strong enough to let him hate her.
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
She walked over to him at the Gala, with glares from Marcus and Chuck's date and pulled his ear close before whispering in Chuck's ear. "You were never good enough, you were never half the man that Marcus is, you're pathetic, and that you ever thought that I could be with someone as damaged as you is laughable, which I have of course been doing all along. Oh the hoops that you jumped through for me. It was ridiculous, you're ridiculous, and I hate you ." With which she reached up to her neck and ripped off her necklace and let it fall to the floor at Chuck's feet. She pulled out Marcus's ring which she had been keeping hidden, with Marcus's permission and slide it on her finger making sure Chuck and everyone else noticed. Then she walked away, strait to Marcus where she grabbed his arm and led him to a side lounge.
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.
All the while Chuck had just stood there. This wasn't like Blair, she wasn't this cruel was she? No, he couldn't let himself feel this way about her anymore. He couldn't keep trying to see the good in her. But it was almost like she was trying to make him hate her. Saying the very things that would do the trick. Well she had succeeded.
Upper East Siders, I have some sad news to announce. From what I hear it sounds like our very own Blair Waldorf is going to be leaving us. The exact date is still unknown but I saw the proposal announcement myself. Blair Waldorf is engaged and will eventually leave the UES to go be a Duchess over in dreary old England. Seems like she and C are off for good. Oh B, whatever is he going to do without you, what are we going to do without you?
Xoxo
Gossip Girl
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AN: I might have cried writing this one lol. Anyways I hope you enjoyed it. As always, R & R if you want me to continue.
Song: Hate Me by Blue October