Thanks to PonyboySlashLover, Pediophobia, and charliewalflower for the wonderful reviews! You guys are awesome and I hope you guys like this chapter ;p
A/N: this chapter is a little more, uh, exciting than the last one. It was intimidating (almost) to write, so please, tell me what you think about it. Sorry about all the spelling mistakes in the last chapter. I swear I reread my work but I always overlook stuff. *le sigh* I need a beta.
A/N2: Here is where the inner turmoil of the last chapter makes its way to the surface. If you haven't read chapter 2, I highly recommend you do.
A/N3: And I don't know if any of ya'll have watched the Outsiders TV series, but the way Tim and Darry look in it is the way I describe them in my fic. It's actually a good thing, too, cause both of the guys who play Dar and Tim look exactly the way S.E Hinton describes them in her book. If you haven't ever watched it, you should check it out! I'm pretty sure you can find some of them on YouTube. ;p
Oh! And while I'm on the topic of descriptions, to make sure your clear: Dally is like the Dally in the book, but LOOKS like the Dally from the movie. (Yay! Matt Dillon) And I picture Ponygirl to look like Amy from Secret Life of the American Teenager, but with redder/curlier hair. Don't ask why, I just do.
Anyways...Here's chapter 3. Enjoy!
Chapter 3~
"You're not going?"
"I can't. Steve and I got a car in a few days ago that we promised to have fixed by tomorrow morning. We kept puttin' it off and I guess we just forgot about it."
I was leaning in towards the bathroom mirror, examining the results of my attempt to look decent for Buck's tonight. The sink counter was cluttered with makeup, hair products, and other beautifying paraphernalia. Darry would flip if he walked in here right now. My fingers stopped fighting a particularly difficult curl, letting the ringlet fall to hang loosely around my face. I looked back down at the mess I made and sighed. There really was no use in trying. I would never be as pretty as Angela or some of the other girls I see walking around.
"You look beautiful tonight, Ponygirl."
"Yea, right."
I watched as Soda's reflection laid his hands on my shoulders. He brought a comforting weight with the familiar gesture and I was thankful. It was nice to be touched, to be touched and not have your first reaction be to run scared. He really was my favorite person. Everything he does makes me realize how much I've always needed him. His understanding nature was irreplaceable. I watched as his face changed, morphing to accommodate that star-exploding grin of his. I couldn't help it, I had to smile back.
"Look at yourself." He said gently. "You're growing up."
The mirror was no longer a terror to me, especially at this moment. I set my gaze upon the sleek surface and took in what it showed me. For the first time in my life I didn't see a little girl, but a young woman. My eyes were lined with black eyeliner, and I was wearing a small hint of brown shadow and mascara, giving the green in my eyes a chance to be bold and stand out. I applied little blush and only a dab of lipstick. The makeup worked well with my outfit. I had chosen one of my nicer skirts; it was black and rested a little above my knee. The shirt I was wearing belonged to Sandy, Soda's girl. It was red and formed to my curves nicely, but not too much. It's not like I've never wore makeup or dressed-up before, it's just somehow, though I don't know how, this was different. Sodapop was right. I did look good tonight. I could almost ignore the still healing bruise and cut that ruined the image. Almost. Another smile stretched across my face.
"I didn't know I could look like this."
He nodded. "I don't understand why. You're probably the best lookin' girl in Tulsa."
"Sure, Soda". I rolled my eyes and shoved a tube of mascara in his hand. "Help me clean this stuff up before Darry comes in here and pitches a fit." A sudden realization donned on me. "Soda, what are we gonna tell Darry? There is no way he'll let me out of the house if he knew Two-Bit was plannin' on taking me to Buck's."
"Don't worry, I'll tell him ya'll are gonna head over to the Nightly Double."
I shook my head. "I don't want you to have to lie to him."
He merely shrugged, that happy-go-lucky attitude dominating over all his other concerns. "Forget about it, baby. I want you to have a little fun tonight. Dar doesn't have to know everything that goes on around here, now does he?"
Soda made a point. Besides, it's not like Darry or Soda hasn't had their own share of fun and been a little less than honest about it. "If you say so."
"I do say so."
With that Soda left, taking away the cheerful atmosphere that seems to follow him around. I finished gathering up whatever was left on the sink and looked into the mirror once more. The same girl stood there, but the smile was gone. I wish that I could get over it, whatever it is. I don't even know what's got me so down all the time. I walked to the room that Soda and I shared to put away the rest of my makeup, thinking about what I could do to move on with my life. I have been stuck in the same emotionless pit for over a week now. The problem is, I'm keeping my brothers down with me. I'm tense all the time and jumpy; I haven't laughed since that Thursday. They can tell I'm not okay and it has got them upset and just about as defensive as I am. I don't want them to feel like I won't be okay. Thinking like that will only stress them out and that is the last thing they need, especially Darry.
The bed creaked as I stood to leave the small bedroom. My high-heeled feet barely made a sound as I walked towards the kitchen, knowing the others will be there. I was determined. Tonight something was gonna change. Either that, or something is gonna have to break.
To my surprise, Two-Bit was the only person in the kitchen. He was leaning lazily against the stove, a plate full of the chocolate cake I made last night in one hand, a fork in the other. A opened bottle of beer was sitting on the table beside him- he would pick it up between bites and take a large gulp or two. I didn't understand his love for beer, I thought it was nasty stuff that tasted worse than it looked- it looked like horse pee, if you ask me. He raised one chocolate covered hand to his chest before belching loudly.
I held back a grunt. "Weren't you raised with any manners? I know your momma raised you better than that. Say excuse me."
"Yea, right! Like that's gonna happen." The large grin he had on his face dropped and his eyes grew wide when he looked at me. His shock lasted a mere moment. With his dopey grin in place, he abandoned his cake and strutted towards me. Two-Bit let his eyes rack me up and down and I blushed with embarrassment, knowing he was about to say something about me that would make me wanna crawl in a hole and swear off men forever. " Well now...What do we have here? Looks like our little Ponygirl is becoming a woman."
His grin widened and he wagged his eyebrows, letting me know he was kidding. I shook my head and said in false astonishment, "Geez. You would think that this is the first time you realized I was actually a girl."
"Nah. This is just the first time I realized how lovely you are." He bowed in an over-dramatic fashion and kissed the back of my hand. " Would you allow me to escort you to Buck's, sweet lady?"
I couldn't resist, I giggled loudly, but not loud enough to turn into a laugh. I wondered if I would ever really laugh again? How can I when I'm not even sure what it is that's depressing me in the first place? I'm pathetic. " Wow, Two-Bit. How many episodes of Mickey did you have to watch to pick up that sentence?"
"Hey, now! Don't go makin' fun of me when all I was tryin' to do was tell you how pretty you look tonight."
"So sorry, Mr. Mathews." I replied with a small chuckle. I remembered what Soda said he was going to tell Darry- the lie- and I wondered if he mentioned it to Two-Bit. "Did Soda tell you that we have to lie to Dar tonight?"
"Yea, he told me. I already talked to the Big Guy about it. He knows no different."
I nodded. "Cool deal."
"Johnny is taggin along with us."
"Johnny? But he hates Buck's" I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice. I wasn't sure I wanted Johnny at Buck's. It's not that I don't want him there, of course I do, he's my best friend. But lately, I've been starting to notice some things about Johnny that best friends aren't supposed to notice, and care for him in ways that went a little beyond the call of "best friend". It made me confused. More than that, though, is this feeling I have deep in my gut that something is going to happen tonight that will change my life forever, and quite frankly, I didn't know where everyone in my life is going to fit in this change. Especially me.
"Yea, I know," Two- Bit started. " He said his parents are startin' a little early tonight and he doesn't wanna sick around when the fireworks go off. Dally'll be there, too, and you know the kid misses him." He put his hand on my back. As much as I tried, I couldn't squash the urge to flinch. He immediately drew back his hand. I was embarrassed again, but I was more angry than anything else. Two-Bit is one of my best friends, what is my problem?
"Sorry, Girlie. Come on." He ushered me towards the living room. "I wanna say bye to Soda and Darry. There's somethin' I wanna tell 'em."
He had a mischievous glint in his eye. I have a feeling I would regret letting him say "goodbye" instead of simply leaving. Too late now, I thought. Darry was sitting in the old armchair beside the sofa, attempting to wade through the newspaper while Soda ran all around the house looking for his other shoe.
"It's in the laundry basket", Darry yelled without glancing up.
Soda came back with both of his shoes on. He put his arm around my shoulders. For some reason, my brothers are the only ones who could touch me without me shaking them off or sinking away. "Hey, Dar", he said, "haven't ya looked at your baby sister yet?"
My eyes got wide. He's gonna find out we aren't really going to see a movie. He's gonna know we are lying. I didn't have time to think strait. Darry looked up over the edge of the newspaper, sitting it down completely when he took in my appearance.
"You look-"
"I aint changing."
He rolled his blue eyes and shook his head. Standing up, he put his big hands on my shoulders, waiting for me to shake them off or step back from his grasp. When I didn't he visibly relaxed.
"I wasn't gonna say that." He started, then paused and started again. "I was gonna say you looked beautiful. So much like mom."
I gaped at that. Me...look like mom? Impossible. My mother was beautiful and lovely and bright- she was a golden beacon to anyone who knew her. There is no comparison between us. Darry continued. " I can't believe you're already fifteen." His voice sounded far off, like he was trying to catch his thoughts with his words. "I wish she could see you."
Tears stung my eyes. I didn't want to cry, ruining my makeup would be frustrating, but the tall man before me began to blur regardless of what I found inconvenient. I whispered a small, "Me too", and hugged him tight. His strong arms wrapped around me like a blanket and I knew then that I was secure here in his arms, in his care, in this house. It was the first time I've felt this way since our folks passed, and I have a sickening feeling it'll be one of the last. I released him, stepping back at the sound of the screen door opening.
Johnny walked in with his head held low and his hands stuffed in the faded material of his jacket. His eyes brightened when he saw me, but so did his cheeks. He stumbled out a broken phrase that sounded something like 'you look real nice' before ducking his head again.
Two-Bit thought this was the perfect opportunity to laugh and make a comment. "Superman, your sister's hot!"
My hands went to my face, protecting me from whoever may see the blush that rose to color my cheeks. This is the third time tonight I've become embarrassed by a comment on the way I looked, and I was seriously rethinking my outfit decision. Sodapop was laughing hysterically beside me, but somehow I could still hear the door open and shut. I didn't need to lift my head to know that Johnny was still shrinking into himself by the sofa or to know that Darry was chasing Two-Bit outside, ready to beat him upside the head.
This was going to be a long night.
Johnny Cash fathomed through the room from an old record player behind the bar. His voice flirted with my ears, such a melodic sound. I loved Johnny Cash. You can recognize his voice anywhere and his lyrics are real tuff.
I sat alone on a bar-stool swaying, looking over the other people that crowded Buck's. Two-Bit had left me here a couple of hours ago to chase after some blonde. Johnny was standing in a far off corner talking with Dallas. At first, it was the three of us after Two-Bit left. I danced with both of them. Dally only made small comments about my appearance, but it was enough to keep me as bright as a tomato for a good thirty minutes. You would think I would be used to Dally by now, but then again, Dallas Winston isn't exactly someone you can get used to. I was tense in his arms when we first started, but I was almost always that way with Dally. Honestly, he did treat me a little different then the rest of the gang, watched out for me almost like he watched out for Johnny, but he was still dangerous: dangerous, wild, and, admittedly pretty good -looking. All that added to the fact that he was notorious for exploding on a seconds notice had me walking around glass whenever I was near him. I loosened up after a bit, though, and then the three of us talked a bit, but when they started going on about drag-races I backed away and out of the conversation. It didn't interest me. A few guys hit on me but I brushed them off. I didn't know them and they were making me uncomfortable. Actually, I was still uncomfortable, that's why I was drinking.
I held the tequila bottle in my hand and tilted it to the side, watching the intoxicating liquid ripple behind the glass. The man that had been sitting beside me abandoned the over half-empty bottle to go upstairs with a redhead he managed to sweet talk. I'd watched them go with interest. He couldn't have been over nineteen, at least. The girl he was with looked even younger, maybe my age. I wondered how people could just randomly have sex, just give their bodies over to someone else for a night. I had grabbed the bottle before I could talk myself out of it. The first sip burned, stung all the way down to my stomach. It didn't burn anymore, though, and I wasn't as uncomfortable. It was just great, and my mind was starting to understand how people could "just have sex" as my eyes took in some of the hard, lean bodies of some of the boys here. Some I could remember and others I couldn't.
My legs felt lighter than they ever have, I noticed as I stood from the stool. My head was surprisingly clear and for once in my life I didn't feel the need to dream, just do. I had only been drunk a few other times and every time I felt like someone different. I didn't feel like a different person tonight, I still felt like me...just freer. Bolder. I walked passed the crowd of dancers and passed Johnny and Dallas. Ya know, it's funny...Johnny is always attached to me, follows me like a shadow. That all changes, though, whenever Dally is around. I didn't care at the moment. I was looking for something, or someone. I just couldn't remember what it was. This confused me. Sure, I was a little tipsy, maybe drunk, but I wasn't nearly soused enough to cause me to forget things. Then again, maybe I was. I never have been good at determining if I was drunk or not. All I knew is that I wasn't totally gone, at least not yet. Somewhere in the back of my mind I remembered the determination I had set for myself before we left to come here. I was going to get over my issues tonight, I guess I had forgotten.
The red from the lights gave everyone the same pink skin tone. It was interesting, to say the least. I saw Tim Shepard standing by the poker table, waiting to play his turn. His dark curls- so much like Angela's- were greased back from his face. Tim was tall and hard, his body lean, fierce, and ready for a fight. I wasn't stupid. I knew that Tim was good-looking, incredibly good looking. But he was a true hood, through and through, and wouldn't care one way or another if he broke your heart, or your hand. Just like Dally. I don't know if it was the alcohol or my sudden resolve to ease myself back into normalcy, but when Tim caught me looking at him I held his gaze.
This was it, I realized. This is what I knew I needed earlier today- today as I was sitting on the steps outside of school and had caught Tim's attention. The same way I had his attention now. I knew what I could do now to get over Thursday, though that day seemed so distant that it barely mattered. He looked me up and down; that emotion in his eye that used to be unpleasant, wasn't so unpleasant anymore. In fact, that lust I saw gleaming in his dark-blue, nearly black, stare was what I was counting on. My hand brought the bottle back to my lips and I savored the warmth of the tequila as it slid over my tongue. It was giving me a warm feeling, and I allowed it to cover me, to sheath me in a cocoon of unconcern. After all, this is what everyone wanted from me right, to have fun?
I was safe in my tequila induced cocoon; I could lay down my arms and reinforce my ammunition. That's what I did. Tim reached over the pool-table, steadying his hand, calculating his shot. Finally, he played his turn then tilted his handsome face back towards me. I took another long sip, gathering up my courage. Slowly but steadily the corner of my lip lifted into a smile. I saw a flash of something blaze across his eyes. I don't know what it was, but it thrilled me. He stood up a little straighter, grinning back. Something shook me just then and I knew for an absolute certain that this was what I wanted. Angela and the other girls had convinced me that this was what I wanted, what I should do, now I believed them. I was ready for this, I thought, and I was about to make my way over to him when someone grabbed my wrist. My body froze. I shook whoever it was off of me. I said I was ready to go there, but I had decided who I wanted to touch me. This guy, the one I turned to face, was not him.
He wasn't tall, but he wasn't short, either. A thin patch of dark- blond hair adorned his head. He wasn't ugly, but he wasn't who I wanted. His gray eyes were glazed over and a fresh smell of beer wafted from his mouth as he spoke, making my stomach turn a little. "Wanna dance, baby?"
"No."
"Oh, come on..." He drawled out slowly, putting his hand on my waist. I pushed him so that he stumbled backwards. I didn't want him touching me.
"I said 'no'!"
"Is this idiot botherin' you, Curtis?"
Tim stood behind me. His arms were crossed over his chest and his head was tilted back, so as to look superior. I knew this tactic. Typical Greaser stance, trying to look tuff. I have seen my guys trying to pull it off, it usually worked, but not as well as Tim pulled it off. Dallas was the only one who could do better. He wore his cold attitude like a glove. No wonder people were afraid of him.
He stared into my eyes for a moment before looking passed me to the blond that was harassing me. "How 'bout you go away now, Frankie."
Frankie obeyed. He wasn't as dumb as he looked, then. "Hey, Tim." I said in a voice I didn't recognize. I sounded like the girls that hit on Soda or Dallas- I sounded seductive. Must be the tequila, I thought, looking down at the bottle.
Tim took it from me, gulping down a steady drink. "So, Girlie, what brings you around these parts?"
He had that look in his eye again. I took this moment in, rolled it around in my disoriented mind, and realized that this was the opportunity to take what I wanted, what I needed. I grabbed the bottle of tequila, finishing it off. My nerves and insecurities were quietened, along with my usually wondering mind, making what I was about to do so very easy. I set the empty bottle on a nearby table and looked down. His hands were circled around my waist and I didn't care. I didn't care. I'm getting over it, I thought.
"I'm here to have fun."
My breath was hitting his lips. We were so close. Not close enough. I pressed closer to him, tilting my head to reach him better. Tim leaned down and our lips touched. This was easier than I thought. His kisses were rough and furious and I found myself being pressed sturdily against a wall. His lean body was trapping mine and his hand was grabbing at my right thigh. I shook inwardly, thinking about the Soc that held me in a similar position. But I kept kissing him. I will get over this! We were in the open, on display for anyone who wanted to watch us, and I couldn't find it within me to care. I kept pressing forward, pressing, pressing until Tim drew back. He let go of my thigh and held my hands, twinning his fingers with mine.
"Ready to head upstairs?" His voice was ruff and his breathing was labored.
I nodded my head and pushed against him as I pushed off the wall. "Let's go."
"Now, ya see, I just don't think that's such a good idea."
That voice was entirely too familiar, and I had to brace myself before I could respond to him. Luckily, I didn't have to, Tim did it for me. "Buzz off, Dally. I'm busy, or I was about to be."
I gulped. No one talked to Dallas like that. This wasn't going to end well. Tim didn't seem to care that the toughest hood in all of Tulsa was glaring at him. When Dally had that look the strongest of men didn't want to mess with him, it surprised me that Tim was so stupid. Then I remembered that Tim Shepard and Dallas Winston were two of a kind. Dallas clinched his fists, his dark eyes blazing. He looked dangerous. It was moments like this when I liked to stare at Dally. I have never seen anyone look so untamed, as if he were born to be the physical persona of the word 'wild'. Another thrill tingled down my spin.
"I don't think ya heard me", said Dallas.
"I heard ya loud and clear, Dal. I just really don't give a shit about what you think."
Tim held my hand a little tighter and started to tug me in the direction of the stairs. He didn't get very far. Dallas took a hold of his arm, swinging him around to land a perfect fist across his jaw. Tim recovered quickly, lounging forward and tackling Dally beneath him. The fight was on. It didn't last long, however, as Buck pushed his way through the crowed of spectators.
"Winston! Shepard! Break it up!" Buck growled. When the two boys kept fighting, he threatened, "I mean it, Dally, or you'll be sleeping out in the street tonight!"
They got a couple more swings in before Dallas stood up, kicking Tim in the ribs one good time before he backed away fully. He wiped the blood from his lip with the back of his hand before setting his eyes on me. I blanched and recoiled backwards.
"Follow me, Girlie." Dallas' voice was low and steady, it was a tone that scared me. I had no other choice. I looked around at the faces staring back at me- Johnny was one of them. His big, black eyes were wide, and there was a sadness there that even his parents couldn't cause. It hurt me to see him like that. I wanted him to smile that shy smile of his at me, not look like I just ran off with the love of his life. I wondered where all that hurt was coming from?
"Come on, kid!", Dallas roared.
I jumped, startled, but nodded. Forgetting the faces that followed every move I made, even Johnny's, I followed Dallas. He moved to the side once we reached the winding, black stairs that lead to the second floor, letting me go ahead of him. This is strange, I thought. I was upset that Dally had to cause such a scene, upset that he ripped my chance away right when I finally had the gall to take it. But, I was scared, as well. This is typical Dallas behavior- barging in someone else's affairs and taking what he wants- but I just couldn't figure out what it is he wanted to do to me. Probably beat me up side the head a few times.
"In here."
I turned to see him opening a door that looked like it had been kicked down once or twice. He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me inside, shutting the door and locking it behind him. The room was small, very small, with a twin-sized bed in the right corner and an unimpressive dresser in the left. There wasn't much room left, just enough to fit me and Dally without actually touching.
"Sit down." He nodded towards the bed. "What the hell were you thinking?" He shouted at me. I felt the anger in his voice and winced at its contact. I merely stared at him, the alcohol making me braver than what I knew I was. When I didn't answer he continued, raising his hand to run through his hair. "Did you want to get a room with Tim, huh? Cause that's exactly what would have happened if you would've kept at it, Girlie. And believe you me, Tim isn't exactly the most gentlemanly of guys...if ya know what I mean."
"Why do you think I was with him?" My answer was immediate and sarcastic and I surprised even myself.
He only stared at me, a look on his face that seems to ask if he heard me correctly. I couldn't help but think of how much he reminded me of Paul Newman. Strange, yes, but it's what I put together. Dallas "saved" me from the bad guy- I ignored the fact that I wanted Tim and Dally was basically ruining my fun. It may be the one and only time someone will ever compare Dallas Winston to a hero. An intoxicated idea hits me.
"You wanted to have sex with Shepard?" He asks incredulously, raising one dark eyebrow. I shrugged, having nothing to say. "Are you stupid? Do you even know how many girls that hood has been with?"
"Who else would have done it?"
Again, I shocked myself. I even managed to make Dally look somewhat taken aback, which isn't exactly the easiest feat to begin with. Apparently, my drunken self has a lot of surprising things to say. I just hope I don't reveal anything else-I've had enough embarrassment for one lifetime. But, he seems to get what I'm doing, I can tell. His eyes took hold of that wisdom you can only achieve by being so young but living with so much. Dallas had seen it all. Still, he asks, "What's wrong with you?"
I ducked my head. I wasn't prepared to tell anyone anything, but Dallas could tell something was up and his silent persuading was making me anxious. I thought about everything that has happened and I thought about life, about how people take what they want or need. And I thought about Angela and the other Greaser girls, why they did the things they do. I didn't realize I should have sex until it was almost forced upon me, kinda like Johnny didn't realize he should carry a blade and actually use it until he was put in a position where he needed to. Johnny was nearly robbed of his life. I was nearly robbed of my virginity. Now, I know why all the Greaser girls are 'sluts'...it's their choice. Not some guy's, or society's, or even their families'. All theirs. I never knew that sex was a survival instinct. I get it, now.
Finally, I said, "I just want it to be my choice, Dal. I'm ready to make my own choice." After the words leave my mouth, I realize that this wasn't just about sex, it expanded so much farther than that. It ran to the heart of society, to the groups that we have been placed in. It sliced the boundaries that isolated the Greasers and gave us restrictions. This was about control. I longed for control, control over something. For once! My whole life has been overshadowed by the choices other people have made, and the choices people make for me. Then there are the things no one could control: the death of my parents and the Soc's.
He nods, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. "Yea, after what those bastards nearly did to you, I get that. But with Shepard?" He shook his head at me, looking a bizarre combination of amused and disgusted.
Dallas is cool, I decide. He always gets it, and he gets it now. That idea I had earlier starts to take form in my mind, this time more precise and I can almost see it unfolding. The chiming of the tequila still rang comforting in my head, my reasoning and rationality calmly subdued for now.
I get off the bed, taking two short steps to stand in front of him. "Then how about you?"
"How about me what?" He asks, blowing cigarette smoke in my face. He was playing dumb and I knew it. I just give him a look, telling him to drop the act, and nudged closer to him. "You're crazy, Curtis. No."
"Why?"
"You're drunk, stupid."
Like that's ever stopped you before, I thought but didn't dare say out loud. Instead I say, "I'm desperate."
"All the more reason I'm sayin' no, Ponygirl! You don't ever make decisions when your desperate…never. That's what get's you in trouble, or caught."
By this time we are standing face to face. I could feel his warm breath brushing against my forehead and it made me even more determined. I was already this close, there is no way I'm backing down now. I really am drunk, I observed silently, cause there is no way in hell I would ever attempt anything like this, especially with Dallas Winston.
I take the lit cigarette from his mouth and bring it to my own, inhaling a long drag to settle my nerves and glad that the alcohol was giving me the courage I needed to do what I was going to do next. I knew by the way he was slurring his words and holding back on the insults that he was pretty drunk himself. I silently wondered at the thought of taking advantage of Dallas Winston. I put the cigarette in an ashtray setting on his dresser before bringing my arms up to slowly slide around his neck. " Come on, Dal."
He sighs, looking away from me but not pushing me away, either. " You don't know what you want, Ponygirl."
I lean into him. " I've been thinking about doing this for awhile now, Dally." I place my lips to his briefly, thinking about how perfect Dallas was for this. He would be cold and uncaring- Dallas- and I wouldn't have to worry about any lingering regrets. " No stings attached, Dally. Please, just do this for me." I place my lips back on his, kissing him longer than before, letting my mouth linger, and giving him a chance to feel my body rub against his. I had to stand on my tip toes. I could taste the sharp tang of blood from the corner of his lip where Tim had hit him, but I silently begged for him to respond, begged him to give me this. I felt him pull away slightly and my heart caved in a little. I couldn't deal with rejection.
He placed his hands on my hips and breathed against my parted mouth. " No strings?"
I smiled a little and nodded. Inside I was screaming with delight, my sanity having been saved. He kissed me then, leading we backwards until I felt the edge of the bed against the back of my knees. "Good," he said, "I would hate for your brothers to find out and I be the one to get my head caved in."
"They won't find out." I whisper against his neck, leaving a small kiss on the exposed flesh. I wasn't afraid anymore, I knew that this was going to happen between him and me. I might be "little Ponygirl Curtis" , the only girl in our small gang, but I was, in fact, a girl-an attractive girl at that- and Dallas Winston was rarely one to turn down sex when it's offered.
"Just don't say I ain't never done ya any favors." He brought his hand to cup my cheek, turning my face to meet his. I let the heat from his hand soothe me.
Kissing Dallas was what I expected. He was not a sweet kisser, he kissed like he fought- rough, raw passion, but with total precision. The soft, hot flesh of his mouth clashed in total contrast with his hard, cold exterior. It was an intriguing experience. I never dreamed that Dally was this unique, this...fascinating. My fingers toyed with the softness of his hair and I wondered if this was okay, to get lost in what we were doing? I was enjoying this. Would that make a difference when I left his room? I didn't care. Not now anyway. Tomorrow is another problem entirely, but for this moment I just didn't care.
His tongue slid into my mouth, wet and sticky against mine. He tasted like whiskey and smoke, and I savored the flavor. There was also another flavor there, one I knew well and have tried anytime I could. The lingering sweetness of a cherry, blunt wrap tingled my senses, and I briefly longed for a hit of what he had been hitting. I wouldn't have expected Dallas to taste like anything else. Dallas sucked on my tongue, and if my eyes weren't closed they would have rolled to the back of my head. I always loved it when Boe did that, but Boe was different than Dally. Boe didn't taste like whiskey and smoke, he tasted like hard candy and beer, but for some reason I like Dallas' taste more. Maybe it was because the flavor of his tongue described who he was nearly perfectly- you can't catch smoke and whiskey burns when you take it in. Just like Dallas.
Dallas had his left hand on the back of my head, tangled in my hair, while his right was splayed in the middle of my back. He kneaded the skin there and pressed me into him, just a little more, but I shifted back. I needed room, I wanted to touch him- touch him before I lost my nerve and ran away like a frightened little girl . His hand tightened in my hair out of protest but slackened when he felt my hands playing with the end of his shirt. I captured his bottom lip between my teeth, tugging, then letting the pink flesh roll free.
Dallas let out a low sound somewhere in the back of his throat, I felt it rumble in his chest, shaking my body. We broke free, allowing me the space to remove his shirt. Dally lifted his arms, assisting me in getting the annoying clothing from his torso completely. Dallas had my shirt off a lot quicker than I had his. He looked at me and grinned, mumbling something like an approval. I was back in his arms, our lips attached and our skin finally touching. He was warm, so very warm. My hands dug into his hard skin, feeling the muscles contract beneath them, and finding the scars that marred that same skin.
Dallas had a lot of scars. I detached myself from his warm mouth, casting my eyes to his naked upper-half. The scar I had been tracing was new, barely healed over. It went deep, whatever had caused it. I didn't wince for him. No, I knew Dallas had it rough, he was a hood, after all. His chest and stomach, arms and shoulders, were covered in many different kinds of wounds. He wore them like a decoration, a testament to the life he has survived and is still living. One scar in particular caught my attention- I came face to face with it, my nose brushing it slightly, and it rested right above his heart. I tried not to show any trace of sadness-Dallas would hate it and I didn't want to risk him pushing me away-so I didn't look up to me his eyes yet, didn't make a sound. But I kissed the spot gently, the place that seemed to cry out to me for some reason because Dallas would not. I kissed the scar again; it was the only way I could comfort him. I couldn't help it, I thought as I closed my eyes and rested my head against his chest, peppering lingering kisses along the expanding skin there. Dallas was my friend, or he was in a sense. Besides Johnny, I was all that he had to feel any sympathy for him- not that he wanted it, but that's hardly the point. Something I realized downstairs wouldn't leave me alone. Dally had the whole gang, but out of all of us, it was Johnny and me that he spent his time with. We knew him better than anybody else. Dallas always treated Johnny and me like we were some sort of delayed responsibility, always looked out for us in that semi-cold way that was who he was. But I truly believed he cared, he wouldn't have done half the things he has done if he didn't…at least a little. Especially Johnny. He sure as rain wouldn't have bothered with anyone else the way he fusses over Johnny.
My kisses made a quick line from his chest to his neck. I stopped there a moment when I felt a familiar rush flow beneath my lips, his pulse beating hard and fast. I felt him tense when my tongue darted out to trace the vein that held my attention. I remembered Boe telling me that he loved it when I did this to him, he said it was sexy that I would want to claim him like that. My teeth dully dragged a small distance along the nape of his throat before I sucked the flesh into my mouth. I wasn't claiming him- though a primal part of me knew I was-I just wanted him to know that I wanted this, and that in this moment, right now, I wanted him, too. I have never thought to feel this worried, this sorry for Dally- he was always just too tough for me to think about him like that. Another thing to blame on the alcohol, I guess. He let me stay there for a few moments, licking at his neck like I loved to do, then his hands griped my forearms and he pushed me back.
I looked up into his face, questioning. This is the closest I've ever been to him. His face was flushed and his hair was messy. He looked disoriented, distracted, and that was something I have never seen on Dally before. I quietly savored that I, someone who is rightly afraid of Dallas, could have such an effect on him, that I could turn his own cold and controlled body against him. I bit my lip, wondering what he was thinking about. He breathed deeply and opened his mouth. He was about to say something, but he just shook his head and muttered a muffled 'screw it' before leaning down to kiss me again. Our lips moved together in a different way than when we first began, they were frenzied and desperate, laced with impatience. I could feel his erection, hard and throbbing against my stomach and knew it wouldn't be long now.
I was starting to get nervous, the alcohol evaporating only slightly but just enough to let a few insecurities rise through and jab at my cocoon. I ignored it, tried to resist its hold over me, and started to work on the button of his jeans, anything to keep me distracted from my doubts. As soon as his pants pooled around his ankles, his hands were under my skirt. He didn't play around with the sides of my panties, just hooked his thumbs under the edges and maneuvered them down my thighs with the ease of a man who has done this many other times- I dismissed that he had actually done this many other times. I tried not to concern myself with the fact that he has actually done this many other times, and concentrated on his hovering lips and wandering hands instead. The only clothing left was my white bra and skirt. I shivered, not noticing the coolness of the room up until this point. The only part of me that wasn't trembling slightly was my face- our hot mouths still joined and the blush on my cheeks making it warm. Goosebumps prickled against my skin, my back and legs being dominated by the little bumps. Dallas must have noticed cause he pulled back, rubbing the tip of his nose against mine.
"Cold?"
I didn't want to speak, so I nodded, afraid that if I did talk I would spill the truth- that I was a little scared. And I didn't want him to change his mind, I wanted him to keep going, to help me get over this.
"Well, then," he said, and even though my eyes were still closed I knew he was smirking, "we should probably get in the bed then, huh?"
My body tensed, automatically stiffened by how real his question had made the situation. I opened my eyes, seeing the smirk I knew I would find there. He laid his heavy hands on my shoulders, running them up and down my arms. The warmth was comfortable and I forced myself to become even more comfortable. Dallas traced his lips gingerly on my cheek, taking extra care around the still morose looking bruise. He brought his index finger to stroke it and I winced noticeably.
"I'm gonna kill the guys that did this to you."
I merely nodded. His head was bent now, his breath brushing against the side of my neck. For some reason I was getting dizzy. I felt his lips on my ear and heard a whispered, "Relax". There was an amused tone to his voice. "And breathe, Ponygirl."
A little embarrassed, I released a shaky breath. My muscles unwound dramatically. He chuckled. I tried to glare at him. "Jerk."
"Yup."
But his lips were crushing against mine, and he was doing that tongue-sucking-thing I loved, so I didn't really get to respond. Dallas dug his hands into my hips then brought them to cup under my butt. "Jump." He instructed, lifting slightly, and I obliged, abandoning my panties on the floor. It was a good thing I was so light. My legs instinctively wrapped around his waist. I felt his erection like I never have before, different without the barrier of his jeans or my panties. I heard him groan slightly at the contact, and I'm not sure, but I think I liked the sound.
The weight of our bodies hardly made a dint in the hard, over-used mattress. Dallas reached behind him, pulling at a worn quilt. His movements were quick and clumsy as he spread it over our bodies, and I was grateful for the relief it offered from the cold air that hung about the room. He set up and removed his underwear. I tried not to look, but I couldn't help it, not that it would matter-the room was so dark and the shadow from the quilt limited my vision, and the only thing I could make out of his now naked body was a thin, dark patch of hair starting somewhere below his belly button. He really didn't have much chest hair, I noticed and was happy for the fact. I'm not a big fan of hairy guys. Then I remembered that Dallas was only seventeen years old.
Only seventeen and so many scars…
My skirt had ridden up in a careless wad around my waist, and I figured that he was in a bigger hurry than I had originally guessed if he didn't get me completely naked. Dallas leaned back over me, my legs already spread for him. Now that he was there, I couldn't imagine Boe there, or even Tim, both of whom I was ready to give myself to without a second thought. But Dally just fit there so nicely. He looked into my face, his brow furrowed and breathing badly controlled.
"Ready?"
Was I ready? My insides were at war with each other- my flesh, instincts, and needs battling each their sides. I wasn't confused, though, even though all this was raging within me. There was so many things that I wanted to do right now: go back in time and stop myself from going to see that movie, push Dally off of me and run out the door to hide in a hole forever, gasp at the feel of him probing my entrance. But I didn't do any of those things. I stayed right where I was, underneath Dallas Winston, letting him do what needs to be done, cause honestly, I wasn't sure what to do.
So, I let him do it.
He rested his forehead against mine, his body shaky with impatience. "Ponygirl, you're killin' me here."
I asked the only question I could think of. "Will it hurt?"
"Nah." Dallas opened his eyes and tilted his head slightly, then he smiled a half smile. "Not too bad, anyways. Aint nothin' you can't handle, Curits. You're a pretty tuff broad. "
I would've grinned if I wasn't so nervous. It was one of the closest things to a compliment that I would probably ever receive from Dally. He just didn't do stuff like that often. I bit my lip, he must have seen the doubt in my eyes. I mean, I've heard from some of the girls that it hurt the first time.
"Look, I'll go slow at first, okay?"
I gave him a wobbly smile and kissed him. He kissed me back, letting his body press snugly against my smaller one. His hips began to rock against mine and I hummed at the friction between our two halves. There was a heat between my legs and wetness smearing our lower halves from between my thighs, causing the concern in the back of my mind that said we were forgetting something slip out of my thoughts like it never mattered .I've been to enough bases to know what was happening, what my body was ready to happen.
I broke our sloppy kiss, whispering into his mouth. "Do it, Dallas."
He grabbed my left thigh, swinging my leg over his hips as he kissed me. Dallas pushed himself inside of me in one swift motion. And just like that I wasn't a virgin anymore. It was a good thing his mouth was attached to mine, cause I was pretty sure my muffled yelp would've been a lot more like a sharp gasp, much louder. He was stretching me in ways Boe's fingers never could. It was uncomfortable, at first, and hurt, but not as bad as I thought it would. His hand was holding my thigh tighter as he continued to rock in and out, and his mouth was attached to my collar bone, peppering kisses and sucking noisily. I was going to have bruises, I thought.
My arms were clamped in an incomplete circle around his mid-back, holding on to him and biting my lip. I didn't want to cry out, didn't want him to think I couldn't handle this. Ignore the pain. Ignore the pain. Ignore. Ignore. Igno-
A moan.
Mine.
It didn't hurt anymore, at least, not in an uncomfortable way. He started to move faster, breathing ruggedly against my chest. I was startled when he spoke, lost in trying to determine what these new sensations felt like. I still didn't know, but they were consuming, unignorable.
"Wrap your legs around my waist," he grunted.
One leg was already there, so I moved the other one to meet it. Dallas buried his head in my side of my neck, mumbling incoherent things to be absorbed by my heated skin while my head tilted backwards, my eyes searching the ceiling and rolling back every now and again while noises that ranged between groans and whimpering escaped my disobedient mouth.
This…was…not…an unpleasant…feeling.
I was trying to name each effect of our actions, one by one, but always had to start over again. I came to a conclusion: sex, like kissing, is great the first time because it is your first (depending on the situation, of course)and you can never replace or forget it, but gets better every time you do it. Like practice.
Well, I thought, practice makes perfect.
My muscles twitched and hummed, tightened and released in all the right places, distracting me. Dally groaned, stiffening on top of me. I felt hot spurts of him release inside me, then he collapsed. He was saying something to me, stroking my sides, but I was already too far gone, my eyes not opening for no one.
I had one thought echo dully through my semi-aware mind, then sleep took me.
I guess Johnny was right, Dallas can do anything.
Okay ppl! That was chaper 3 and it was really flipping long! PLEASE review? I did it all for you ;p