Life is a Road
Just as Caspian had said they wandered the forest for about two days, and then admitting that there was simply no sign of life at all they headed off towards the next forest. They rode in silence again, but Susan was itching to talk to Caspian. Over the past two days they had continued the friendship they had began to from the day they met, and even though they had only known each other for four days she would already easily consider him one of her best friends. They had talked about everything and nothing at the same time, getting to know each other by asking questions and explaining things the other didn't understand. Most of the time the Doctor simply listened in silence, every once in a while adding a sentence to the conversation. She was surprise by how easily she and Caspian could communicate. She normally couldn't talk to anyone except her siblings, and Caspian had admitted that the only person he seemed to ever hold a conversation with had been his tutor, until she had appeared.
She hadn't admitted it yet, but she had been quite disappointed when they hadn't found Edmund or Lucy in their search through the forest. She had been positive that they would have stayed in the forest where it was safe, unless they didn't know about the Telmarines and how Narnia was not the Narnia they remembered. At this thought she had become quite worried, but she tried not to let it show. She didn't want Caspian worrying about her worries, and she certainly didn't want to be worried by them. She thought that by simply ignoring them they would go away, but they didn't.
"Susan" called Caspian, sending the usual shiver down her spine, "What's on your mind?"
"Sorry?" she asked.
"You look like you're thinking about something. What is it?"
"How can you tell when I'm thinking about something?" she asked, curious. He smiled at her.
"You bite your lip and let out constant sighs" he said, and she felt a tickle in the pit of her stomach. He really had been observing her.
"Well, yes, I am thinking of something, but I do not want to bother you with it" she said.
"I am asking you to bother me with it" he said kindly. Susan sighed.
"Alright. I was just thinking about my younger siblings. They had obviously been through Cair Paravel, but we weren't able to find them while searching for Narnians in the forest" she said, "And I haven't seen a single sign of Peter even being here"
"We will find your brothers and sister" he said reassuringly.
"Caspian, do you have any siblings?" she asked, trying to keep the conversation going, even though she already knew the answer.
"No. My father died shortly after I turned three" he said bitterly, "I do not know what happened to my mother"
"That's terrible" she said, "I can't imagine what my life might be like without my mum and dad"
"I was alright, my aunt and uncle weren't always evil with me, in fact my aunt was often kind. But once she became pregnant I realized that Miraz wanted me gone"
"I'm so sorry" she said.
"It's not your fault" he said.
"I know, but still. I've always had a family and nobody has ever really tried to kill me, so to speak, and… oh, you must have had such a hard life! I cannot even begin to imagine"
"I do not want you to worry over my past" he said, "Let us change the subject of the conversation"
"As long as I get to continue talking to you" she said, smiling. Over the past couple of days she had come to realize that she could say things like this to Caspian without fearing that he would discover her feelings for him, for she was sure she had feelings for him, because he was so unused to talking to another person his age that he simply took those comments as compliments. She was sure the only way to have him find out about her feelings for him would be if she told him, and she wasn't planning on doing that. She knew her time in Narnia might be limited, and she didn't want Caspian hating her when she went back, knowing she would never see him again.
"You know Susan, I honestly enjoy talking to you" he said.
"So do I" she replied.
"And do not worry about your siblings. I swear we will find them"
"You cannot swear that. They could be anywhere, and Narnia isn't exactly small"
"That is true. But I swear I will do my best to find them"
"Why?"
"Because finding them would make you happy, and I enjoy seeing you smile" he said, and she blushed. She had to remind herself that he said those things thinking he was simply complimenting her, the way she said those things to him, and not because he had feelings for her. He simply didn't know how else to interact with another teenager. She didn't mind though, she didn't want him to have feelings for her. It would be worse to leave him if she knew that he returned her feelings and they could never be together than if he hated her.
"You flatter me" she said.
"I only speak the truth. I feel it is important to be honest with people"
"So do I" she said. He chuckled, "What is it?" she asked.
"I find it interesting that only four days ago you and I were complete strangers, and now we can converse so easily"
"I know, it really is strange"
"Maybe not, I mean, we definitely had a connection when we first met"
She felt her heart skip a beat.
"I agree" she said, blushing.
"I wish I could have known you before" he said, "I wish you had been here from the beginning"
"Well, maybe one day we can find a way so that I can be at the beginning with you"
"I would like that" he said, looking as if he were thinking about ways of making this wish possible.
"You majesties" called the Doctor.
"What is it?" called Caspian.
"You might want to see this" he said as he dismounted his horse. Caspian and Susan followed suit, dragging their horses behind them by the reigns. The Doctor was standing in front of a tree that had a message carved in it.
Life is a Road
"Peter" said Susan, her hand clapping over her mouth in shock.
"You recognize this sentence your highness?" asked the Doctor.
"Yes… Peter often refers to life as a road. He came up with it while here in Narnia, and has been saying it ever since. This is Peter's work! I know it is! He must be close!"
"Susan, calm down" said Caspian putting a hand on my shoulder, "I don't want to discourage you but I also don't want to put your hopes up too high. Your brother could have carved this the day he arrived in Narnia and could be far from here by now"
"You are right" she said, biting her lip.
"I'm sorry" he said.
"You do not need to be" she said, smiling at him, holding back her tears.
"Please do not cry" he said, pulling her into a hug. She wrapped her arms around him.
"I won't" she whispered.
"Good" he said, stroking my hair. We pulled apart and mounted our horses again. Before we left, I noticed that there was a small arrow pointing towards the East under the carving.
"That way" I said, pointing in the same direction of the arrow.
"But your highness, the next forest is…" started the Doctor, but Susan gave him a stern look and he sighed, "That way" he finished, as he started to gallop in the direction that she had pointed at.
"Susan, why are we going this way?"
"Peter is this way, and I have a feeling that the Narnians are too"
"'This way' is pretty open directions" he said sarcastically.
"Trust me" she said, smiling. He dedicated one of his crooked smiles at her.
"Life is a road" he said, "I like that"
"Me too… he had another saying too… Love is a river"
"That's interesting. What does it mean?"
"I don't know. Maybe that love just flows into your life like a river might do?"
"A river flows into your life?" he asked, teasing her.
"You know what I mean" she said and he laughed.
"I think I'm going to start using that more" he said, "Life is a road, Love is a river"
They continued talking as they rode through the forest, finally stopping for supper and some sleep.
That night Susan couldn't sleep. Peter was close, she could just feel it. She rolled onto her back and watched the stars. She used to watch the stars all the time when she was a queen of Narnia. The stars seemed so much brighter there than in England.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?" she heard Caspian's voice. Her heart skipped a beat.
"They sure are" she said.
"What are you thinking about?"
"Have you ever realized how much you ask me that?" she teased.
"You think a lot, and I want to know what you're thinking about. Is that a crime?"
"Of course not"
"So what are you thinking about?" he repeated.
"Peter" she said, "I know he's close"
"Hm" said Caspian quietly.
"What?"
"Have you ever realized how much you ask me that?"
She laughed, "Well you confuse me a lot"
"I see"
"What was that 'Hm' about?" she asked.
"Well, I was just hoping you were thinking about me"
Her heart started beating faster, but before she could respond he whispered, "Good night" and after a few seconds she noticed his breathing deepening. She rolled onto her side. She couldn't afford to think about Caspian. She couldn't allow her feelings for him to deepen. And as she thought about that, another thought crept into her head and she realized that she wished she could.
xxx
Susan, Caspian and the Doctor rode in what they started to refer to it as the 'that way' direction for three days, with no sign of Peter or of the Narnians. Caspian didn't mention their late night conversation, and Susan did the same.
One day the Doctor stopped and turned to look at Susan.
"Your majesty, are you sure that this is the direction that we are supposed to be going?"
"Yes" she said firmly, "It is the direction Peter wants me to follow, so I will follow it"
"Cornelius, I understand that you are feeling restless, but I trust in Susan's judgement and I think we should continue going that way" he said, smiling at her. She smiled back in appreciation.
"As you wish" said the Doctor, sighing. Susan felt bad for the poor man. He was obviously not as young as he once was and she could understand why he would feel restless. She was feeling pretty restless herself. She wanted to find Peter, but she also wanted to find some Narnians, for Caspian's sake, and for the simple sake of knowing that they were not all extinct. She wouldn't be able to stand it if they were.
They rode in silence for what Susan guessed to be about an hour, when they all heard a small rustling noise. They turned to look around, but didn't see anything. Susan caught a glimpse of something that was staring at them from behind a tree but it disappeared as soon as it noticed her looking at it. She hadn't been able to make out what it was. They heard the rustling noise again, and they started to become nervous. Caspian motioned to Susan and she noticed something else that was staring at them from behind a different tree. She instinctively grabbed Caspian's hand, and he intertwined his fingers with hers. She could feel her heart beating fast, and she wondered if it was because of the unknown things that were watching them or because of how perfectly her fingers and Caspian's fit together.
They heard the rustling noise again and Susan's horse suddenly stood on its back legs, throwing Susan to the ground with a small shriek. Caspian was pulled down with her, and they looked around for what had scared the horse, but couldn't see anything. The Doctor had already dismounted his horse and tied it to a tree and walked over towards them and helped them to their feet. Susan let go of Caspian's hand, wiping the dirt off her already filthy school uniform. Caspian pulled his sword out.
"Who's there?" he called out. Nobody answered, "Show yourself!"
"But we've lived without showing ourselves for so long that it would be strange to suddenly show ourselves" said a small voice.
"Reepicheep!" scolded another voice, this one deeper "Be quiet!"
"But they have already seen us" complained the first voice.
"He does have a point" added a third.
"So do we show ourselves?" asked a fourth.
"No, as Reepicheep said we have lived without showing ourselves for so long that we might as well continue to hide" said the second voice.
"I think Reepicheep needs to learn to keep his mouth shut" said the fourth voice.
"I couldn't agree more" said the second.
"Don't do anything hasty" warned the third.
"Why not? If Reepicheep wants to show himself so badly, let him" said the fourth voice, chuckling.
"Ow, what are you doing, hey let me go!" squealed the first voice and a giant mouse appeared from behind one of the trees. Susan screamed and Caspian pointed his sword at the mouse, who pulled his own sword from a small belt he was wearing.
"Trumpkin!" he called, "They have swords!"
"I can see that" said Trumpkin and Susan could just imagine whoever Trumpkin was rolling his eyes.
"Caspian, lower your sword" said Susan loudly.
"Caspian?" cried Reepicheep the mouse, "Telmarine!"
"Obviously" said Caspian sarcastically, "There are no humans other than Telmarines that reside in Narnia"
"Excuse me" said Susan, putting her hands on her hips, "I am human and am not a Telmarine"
"Very true" said Caspian, "I beg for forgiveness, I did not mean to offend"
"You are forgiven. And you didn't offend me"
"If you are not a Telmarine… what are you?" asked the mouse.
"Well I am obviously a human" she said.
"Yes, but what kind" called the second voice.
"Oh, for crying out loud, just show yourselves already" cried Reepicheep.
"I don't see why not" said the third voice evenly.
"I do. They are Telmarines, and we are… never mind" said the one named Trumpkin.
"You are Narnians" said Caspian confidently. Reepicheep looked at him, surprised.
"How do you know of us?" he asked.
"My tutor" he said, pointing with his face at the Doctor, "has told me all about you. And about your Kings and Queens of Old"
"You know about the Kings and Queens of Old?" asked Reepicheep, lowering his sword.
"Do not let them get in your head Reepicheep! They are Telmarines, it's what they do"
"I beg pardon" interrupted Susan, "But as I have already mentioned, I am not a Telmarine, and I would prefer it if you stopped referring to me as such"
"Who are you then, daughter of Eve?" asked the third voice.
"My name is Susan Pevensie" she said, knowing that if they were true Narnians they would instantly know who she was. As soon as she said this Reepicheep fell to his knees, and the other three Narnians appeared from behind the trees, bowing as well.
"Queen Susan" said the third voice, a rather large badger, "We welcome you back to Narnia"
"Thank you" she said, and when she noticed that they did not rise she quickly added, "You may rise"
She saw that the other two voices belonged to two dwarves, one with a long black beard and the other with a long blonde one.
"Queen Susan, why do you travel in such company?" asked the dwarf with the black beard.
"Because they summoned me" she said.
"You mean…"
"Yes, I blew the horn" said Caspian.
"But why?" asked the badger. Caspian explained his story to them, and how he was seeking Narnians to form an army and reclaim his kingdom, promising to give them Narnians back their land.
"Why should we believe you?" asked the dwarf with the black beard, "For all we know she might not even be Queen Susan"
Susan pulled an arrow out of the case that was slung over her back and pulled Peter's sword out of its cover.
"Is this proof enough for you?" she asked, "Listen, we need your help, as Caspian said we are searching for Narnians, but we are also searching for my brother, Peter"
"High King Peter is in Narnia?" asked the badger.
"Yes, but we don't know where"
"Only that he is that way" said Caspian and Susan laughed but then composed herself.
"King Edmund and Queen Lucy are here as well, but we have lost them too. We would love to find them, but our priority right now is forming an army to defeat Miraz" finished Susan.
"Can you lead us to your people?" asked Caspian.
"Count us in" said Reepicheep, and the rest nodded their heads. Susan smiled at Caspian, squeezing his hand. Things were finally starting to go according to plan