The Games We Play Chapter 31: Chuck and Blair's Infinite Playlist Pt 2, a gossip girl fanfic

IMPORTANT: So here's the deal guys, I'm basically swamped right now. Last semester I went for about two months or so without updating and I don't want that to happen again. I really enjoy writing so I am going to make a serious effort to update once a week. I love you guys

Disclaimer: I do not own Gossip Girl or its characters

Rated: T mostly for language.

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All Marcus wanted to do was to comfort her as she cried, to make things better for her but every time he considered saying something he remembered that he was the cause of this. He was the reason that Blair was so unhappy. Each time he realized this he almost radioed to the pilot to turn the plane around. Seeing Blair like this was too much; it was hurting him to watch her. He hated these feelings. They weren't suppose to be there. Blair had somehow managed to worm her way inside his skull, into his gut, and worst of all into his heart. No girl had ever made him feel like this; so completely out of control.

When Marcus saw Blair start to sob he couldn't help but move next to her. He reached up and pulled out her earbuds. "Blair talk to me. You've been listening to this damn thing for over an hour. Please don't make this difficult." She had responded by removing the earbuds from her ipod and plugging in another set.

Damn it , damn her, because he certainly was damned because he couldn't do anything. He loved her to much to let her go, yet she hated him so much that she was miserable, and if she was miserable he was miserable. He continued to sit there though, sit there and watch his bride, the woman he had fallen obsessively in love with, ignore him.

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As soon as Blair faced the window she pressed play once more on her ipod if only to hear Chuck's voice in her head again. "I wish you weren't crying right now. I wish that I hadn't screwed up so much that you were reduced to tears at this point." For that moment Blair did stop crying. Only Chuck would know her well enough to know that she would be sobbing after the last song. "I messed us up Blair and as much as we've discussed it and you've tried to take some of the blame, you did NOTHING wrong. It was my fault that you were left alone in France, my fault that you had to turn to Marcus, I pushed you right into that bastard's arms. As you can see from the title we are to my little confession. I should have said it sooner you know. I should have told you what was going on with me. If I had everything could have been different." Blair could hear Chuck get a little choked up near the end of what he was saying. "But, I didn't and that can't be changed. So I'm going to quit talking about what I wish had happened and continue on our little journey. So here's Confessions."

A strangled smile fell from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
Now there's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay

Blair loved the gritty quality of his voice as he sang this song. It was so raw and she knew that that was because he meant every word.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

She remembered everything form those stolen moments in the media center. She had been so shocked when he had started playing the guitar and singing. All she had wanted at that point was to understand where Chuck was going from.

She said if we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it's the way it's gotta be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me

The had "made love" for the first time immediately after that. Sure they had had sex before but this had been so completely different. This was the first time they had slept together after saying those words that had been so difficult for each of them to say.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together

They had thought that things were so difficult back then; but looking back Blair realized how simple everything had really been at that point. It was just Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair. The only thing standing in their way was themselves.

I know you deserve much better
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Start over, start over

They had been blissfully unaware of the approaching storm that was Marcus. They had had no clue everything they had managed to build between them was about to come crashing down around them.

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

Blair's tears were silent now as she listened to Chuck's voice once more not knowing what song was next because she couldn't see the title through her tears. "Blair, this next song kills me to sing. I thought that everything was finally right with us when I came home that night to see you and Marcus together. I should have trusted then that you wouldn't do that to me. I was just so damn insecure that I didn't even think before reacting. I'm so sorry for that Blair. What you were going through was awful and I made it so much worse. That night when you came to my room I lashed out, saying things I never wanted to say. Things just went So Wrong, So Fast.

It's a shame that it had to be this way
It's not enough to say you're sorry
It's not enough to say you're sorry

Maybe I'm to blame
Or maybe we're the same
But either way I can't breathe
Either way I can't breathe

Blair remembered that night so well. The song had been playing on a cd when she went into Chuck's room late that night after he had seen her with Marcus. She didn't know why she had gone. She had known from the beginning that she couldn't say anything to make the situation better without revealing everything about Marcus.

All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way

I'm alive but I'm losing all my drive
Cause everything we've been through
And everything about you
Seemed to be a lie
A guiltless twisted lie
It made me learn to hate you
Or hate myself for letting it pass by

She knew that if Chuck had known at that point he would have killed Marcus but she couldn't let him do that; she couldn't let him throw his life away because she had been too immature to just come home and deal with things with him. Chuck was so wrong before, so much of it was her fault.

All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way
All I had to say is goodbye
We're better off this way
We're better off this way

And every, everything isn't only
What it seemed so hold these
Words that you never told me
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye
It's time to say goodbye
Goodbye

The hardest part of listening to this song again was remembering the way he told her to never say I love you to him again. Don't. Don't say those words to me ever again. You don't mean them and I don't want to hear them from you're mouth. There's no possible explanation for what you just did Waldorf. None at all, is there? It was so weird to her that she could still remember his exact words. There was nothing that she wanted to forget more at that point; so of course that's what she remembered.

Bye

Take my hand away
Spell it out
Tell me I was wrong
Tell me I was wrong

Blair had finally stopped crying when Chuck's voice began again. This time she could actually see the title, I Could Never Hate You. She knew what was coming next even before he had started speaking. Sure a month passed but the next significant song for them had to be Hate Me by Blue October. "Serena told me that you were listening to this song while you got ready for the Gala. When she told me, the first thing I thought of was back when we were in middle school and you and I were the only ones who understood the lyrics. I felt them for you at that point. I always thought it would be best if you hated me; were disgusted by me because I was poison for someone as perfect as you. To find out that you used this song to get you through that time really resonated with me. I had a feeling that when you told me I was worthless it was because you wanted me to hate you but I didn't know for sure until Serena spoke to me later. And I wanted to hate you, so much; but I couldn't because as hard as I tried to let go I knew somewhere inside that you would always be a part of me."

I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face
And will you never try to reach me, it is I that wanted space

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

Blair had to bite her lip to keep the tears from falling. This song, these words, had been her source of strength when she needed it the most; as cliché as that was. She had been the one to push him away, she had done it because it was what needed to be done. That night she had just needed to give one final push.

I'm sober now for 3 whole months
It's one accomplishment that you helped me with.
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again.
In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate.
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

The second verse was so true for them. Sobriety hadn't been her issue, it was the disorder and that had never pushed him away but he had been there for her throughout it. He had been the one to pick up the broken pieces of herself in the bathroom. He had forced her to say that she was beautiful even when she thought the opposite. When she wanted to die, he hadn't let her. That was why she had done this for him. As much as he thought he didn't deserve her; he had done so much for her. That was why she had been willing to make him hate her.

And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your brown eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"

Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you.
Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow.
Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you.

His voice came again before she realized it. "Ahh, Revenge. It's suppose to be sweet isn't it? I thought I was getting you back for all the pain you had caused me. At that time I really believed that it had all been an elaborate plan to get back at me for leaving you earlier that summer. I can't believe I ever thought that you were that petty. All I could see was what I wanted to see. I made you out to be the villain in my mind but even that night as I tried to punish you for what I thought you did to me, it was a constant struggle not to let my feelings show."

Is it still me that makes you sweat?
Am I who you think about in bed?
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you're sliding off your dress?

Then think of what you did
And how I hope to God he was worth it.
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as you're fingers touch your skin.

I've got more wit, a better kiss, a hotter touch, a better fuck
Than any boy you'll ever meet, sweetie you had me
Girl I was it look past the sweat, a better love deserving of
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat?
No, no, no you know it will always just be, me

When Chuck had appeared in front of her and Marcus she had been worried about what he might do but when he assured Marcus it wasn't some attempt to win her back she had sensed that he was going to try to hurt her emotionally and with what she was putting him through she figured he probably deserved to try to get her back. So Blair allowed him to pull her to the dance floor.

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Will you dance to this beat, and hold a lover close?

So I guess we're back to us, oh cameraman, swing the focus
In case I lost my train of thought, where was it that we last left off?
(Let's pick up, pick up)

Oh now I do recall, we just were getting to the part
Where the shock sets in, and the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick.
I hope you didn't expect that you'd get all of the attention.
Now let's not get selfish
Did you really think I'd let you kill this chorus?

When they had started dancing she had tried so hard not to give in to him. Not to lose herself to her feelings for him; but Blair remembered losing all her inhibitions to him at that time.

Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat
Dance to this beat

She had been working so hard not to feel over the past month, not to let go and go running to Chuck, but that moment on the dance floor, as Chuck touched her, she gave in. She was so tired of suppressing it of hiding everything. Blair had allowed herself to be free of everything, if only for a few minutes.

Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

When Chuck had sung those words to her the first time, she had felt it. She had gotten lost in their dance and his coldness and vengefulness was too much to take. Blair thought he meant those awful words and the scariest part was how close to the truth he was. She hadn't been happy with Marcus at all and the part that hurt the worst was that she knew this and couldn't do anything about t.

So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls
Dance to this beat
And hold a lover close
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster, faster
Let's get these teen hearts beating. Faster

That song had brought back so many difficult memories for her yet she knew what was next and as she read the title, The Truth, she felt herself smile. The song that she was sure Chuck was referring to had been playing when he found her that night. As his voice started once more, she braced herself for the explanation he was sure to give.

"I hate to think where we would be today if Serena had never told me what she knew. Maybe we would be in the exact same place we are now, or maybe we would be in this place only without the knowledge that we weren't trying to destroy each other. Sure it would have been easier that way but at the same time we would have all of the memories of the past couple of months. They would be replaced by memories of plotting and destruction; so could never wish not to know. But Blair when I walked up to that door and saw the way that Marcus was treating you, I had to restrain myself from killing him. I wanted to, more than anything at that moment. I wanted to rip him limb from limb. But I knew at that moment that you needed me more than I needed to kill Marcus. So I went to you and you told me that you were doing all this for me. I still think that you were wrong to do that Blair, so very wrong. I'm not worth it. That night burns into my memory though. I had missed your taste so much, I had missed you."

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting
It couldn't be that we have been this way before
I know you don't think that I am trying
I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath .

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind

It had been her intention to never let Chuck know what she was doing. She didn't want him finding out because she knew it would only make things more difficult. She had been so right about that. It was even harder to leave now, knowing the strength of the love that she was leaving behind but at the same time, like Chuck, she was glad that they knew.

I won't live to see another day
I swear its true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

This is not what I intended
I always swore to you that I would never fall apart
You always thought that I was stronger
I may have failed
But I have loved you from the start

He had given her hope that night, hope that he could fix this, that there was a way out. After Marcus hurt her that day, the gentleness that Chuck treated her with was so juxtaposed, so contrasting. Like it didn't quite fit. But still she let him give her hope.

Oh, But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
It's impossible to find

She and Chuck had slept together many times and each time was special or different but as many times as they slept together only some of them she would classify as making love. Not that they didn't love each other during the others, they really did; however there were times that what they were doing was just so much more.

So breathe in so deep
Breathe me in
I'm yours to keep

And hold onto your words
'Cause talk is cheap
And remember me tonight
When you're asleep

That night had been one of those times; a time when they weren't just going through the motions, weren't just overcome by passion, they were showing one another how they felt because words weren't enough.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find

Tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

His voice singing that song was just so fitting and Blair was still so lost amongst her thoughts and his voice resonating in her ears that she was a little startled when she heard him speaking again and looked down quickly to see the title, Loving You. She had no idea what song this might be so she listened to his explanation.

"I almost didn't add this song on here but I decided that it was indeed a part of our story. We were so frustrated at this point because we knew that we were giving up a chance at being together more to protect Nate. It was an intense fiery culmination of our feelings and in the end I just couldn't leave it out."

My hands are searching for you
My arms are outstretched towards you
I feel you on my fingertips
My tongue dances behind my lips for you

This fire rising through my being
Burning, I'm not used to seeing you

I'm alive, I'm alive

It was only a little strange to hear Chuck singing All Around You by Flyleaf, since it was generally always sung by a female, but Chuck made it work.

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

My hands float up above me
And you whisper you love me
And I begin to fade
Into our secret place

That night had been so passionate. It was by far the most destructive that they had been with one another since they had gotten together again. That was the first time in so long that they fully gave over to their passions and desires and let them take control. Chuck had been being so gentle with her for so long. In all actuality, they hadn't had sex like this since winter of their junior year. It was so all consuming.

The music makes me sway
The angels singing say we are alone with you
I am alone and they all choose you

And so I cry
The light is white
And I see you

I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

She remembered leaving deep scratches down his back and she had had more than one hicky. The roughness of it was primitive in nature. It was their desire left untamed and unmonitored. It was everything they wanted culminating in pure unadulterated passion.

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healing

Take my hand
I give it to you
Now you own me, all I am
You said you would never leave me
I believe you
I believe...

I can feel you all around me
Thickening the air I'm breathing
Holding on to what I'm feeling
Savoring this heart that's healed

Blair was breathing hard by the end of the song, it was strange what hearing the song could do to her. What it could make her feel. She looked down at the title of the next song, if only to distract herself, Still Learning. Blair wasn't sure what the song was going to be for this one and even when Chuck started talking she wasn't positive.

"It took me a lot longer than I would have liked to figure the whole relationship thing out. I wanted for it to be simply and easy, I just wanted to love you and let that be enough. You had to teach me so much. Like for instance, you had to teach me that you weren't perfect, even though I stand by the fact that regardless of whether or not you are perfect, you are perfect for me. BUT as you so clearly stated the night that you introduced me to this song, you aren't an angel."

You never promised me a ray of light
You never promised there'd be sunshine everyday
You gave me everything you had

The good
The bad

Why did I put you on a pedestal
Up so high that you can't see the ground below
So I'll help you down
I had it wrong
You don't belong there

Chuck had completely rearranged the song, which was definitely a good thing seeing as how it was recorded by Bethany Joy Lenz. It only took a moment of listening for Blair to decide that she actually preferred his version of the song; but that wasn't hard to believe since she just plan loved to hear Chuck sing.

One thing is clear

You wear a halo
You wear a halo when I look at you
But standing from there
I wouldn't say so
I wouldn't say so if I were you
And I
I just wanna love you
Oh
Oh
I
I just wanna love you

She remembered clearly the night that she had had Chuck listen to this song. Blair had lied to him that night about where she was and he had caught her comforting Nate. Any normal boyfriend would have been jealous and lashed out but Chuck had equated it to his shortcomings rather than her own.

You always said that you would make mistakes
You're only human and that's your saving grace
You fall as hard as you try so I won't be blinded

I see you as you really are

You have flaws and sometimes you even sin
So I'll pull you from that pedestal
(Pull you from that pedestal)
You don't belong there
(You don't belong)

Most girls would have loved to get off scot free from that situation but Blair had learned an important lesson with Nate. No relationship was perfect, no person didn't mess up, and the worst thing someone can do is ignore issues and flaws because then they build up and become to much to bear.

One thing is clear
You wear a halo
You wear a halo when I look at you
But standing from there
I wouldn't say so
I wouldn't say so if I were you

And I
I just wanna love you
Oh
Oh
I
I just wanna love you

Chuck had been doing that and it had terrified her because she didn't want to ever lose him because of something that could have been prevented by simply telling the truth. She remembered screaming at him that she had lied to him, that he couldn't just be okay with that.

I think that I know you
But in my eyes you am something above me
It was only in my mind
Only in my mind

You wear
You wear
You wear a halo

In a round about way this conversation almost led to sex in Nate's living room; which would have been quite difficult to explain later on. That conversation was one that probably saved their relationship, however short it turned out to be.

One thing is clear
You wore a halo
You wore a halo when I looked at you
But standing from there
I wouldn't say so
I wouldn't say so if I were you
And I
I just wanna love you
Oh
Oh
I
I just wanna love you
(I just wanna love you)

Blair knew the next song without reading the title or hearing Chuck speak, it would be Beautiful Disaster by Jon McLaughlin; however, she read the title anyway, You Are Beautiful. Chuck would call it that.

"Blair, when I got a phone call from you the night that Marcus came back I was more scared than I think I've ever been in my entire life. Your voice on the phone was terrifying. I didn't tell you this then but I actually ran about eight blocks to get to your apartment that night and if it wasn't for Mr. Jamison, the bellhop, I probably would have had some kind of aneurism because I couldn't get upstairs to you. I was so relieved when I reached you and you were okay, so relieved. I have a favor to ask you Blair. Try, for me, not to make yourself sick because I can't be there to take care of you and I can't live knowing that you are hurting yourself. I love you too much."

She loves her momma's lemonade,

Hates the sound that goodbye's make.

She prays one day, she'll find someone to need her.

She swears that there's no difference,

Between the lies and compliments.

It's all the same, if everybody leaves her.

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough,

The pictures that she sees make her cry.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.

Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,

And she just needs someone to take her home.

Blair clearly remembered that night. Marcus came in and acted like a total ass. As she stormed up the stairs all she could think about was how good it was going to feel to let it all out. So she had gone strait to the bathroom and purged herself of all of it, like she wished she could purge herself of Marcus. This time she didn't even taken her normal precautions.

She's giving boys what they want, tries to act so nonchalant,

Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction.

She never stays the same for long ,

Assuming that she'll get it wrong.

Perfect only in her imperfection.

She's not a drama queen,

She doesn't want to feel this way, only seventeen but tired.

She would change everything for happy ever after.

Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster,

But she just needs someone to take her home.

She had called Chuck because she knew that he would take care of her; which he had done without pause. He had treated her like a precious doll even in that awful state. He told her how much he loved her and with that he had given her strength. The kind of strength that can only come from being loved, being needed.

Cuz she's just the way she is, but no one's told her that's okay.

And she would change everything, everything just ask her.

Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster

And she would change everything for happy ever after.

Caught in the in between, a beautiful disaster

But she just needs someone to take her home.

Yeah she just needs someone to take her home.

"Now for one of my favorite memories; the first time I ever heard you sing in the shower. I have a surprise though because this one isn't me singing, it's you. I used one of the records you made in the studio, you'll notice, it's the same with Breathless as well. The first time I heard you sing was incredible to me. I had no idea that you were so talented and I honestly loved listening to you sing. It quickly became my favorite part of the morning. So here's Singing in the Shower also known as you singing Taylor Swift's Love Story. "

We were both young when I first saw you
I close my eyes and the flashback starts
I'm standing there on a balcony in summer air
See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns
See you make your way through the crowd
And say hello, little did I know

That you were Romeo
You were throwing pebbles
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
And I was crying on the staircase
Begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

So I sneak out to the garden to see you
We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew
So close your eyes, escape this town for a little while

Oh, oh, oh

Blair couldn't help but sing along. She loved this song so much. It was one of her absolute favorites. When she saw Marcus look over at her she stopped immediately. He obviously knew that she could sing because he had heard her at the wedding but he certainly didn't earn the right to get a personal concert. She was going to have to be careful of that when she got ready in the mornings.

'Cause you were Romeo,
I was a scarlet letter
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet
But you were everything to me
I was begging you please don't go

And I said
Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone
I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel
This love is difficult, but it's real
Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh oh

She and Chuck had been a lot like that song. People didn't want them together, they said that they were bad for each other but they had always found a way back to one another. As Blair sat there thinking she couldn't help but wish that Chuck had taken her away from all of it .

I got tired of waiting
Wondering if you were ever coming around
My faith in you was fading
When I met you on the outskirts of town

And I said
Romeo save me, I've been feeling so alone
I keep waiting for you but you never come
Is this in my head, I don't know what to think
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring
And said

Marry me, Juliet, you'll never have to be alone
I love you and that's all I really know
I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress
It's a love story, baby, just say yes

Oh, oh, oh, oh

'Cause we were both young when I first saw you

She would have married him if he had asked. If he had shown up in France with an engagement ring she would have married him. She knew that now. If Marcus wasn't in the picture she would marry Chuck any time, any place, any where. Blair looked down already knowing that the next song would be Breakfast at Tiffany's, but she wanted to see the title Chuck had invented, Getting Caught. Yep that was appropriate.

"I'm so glad that I was curious when I heard you singing this next song. If I hadn't been then you might never have known what a great singer you actually are. So here's to your favorite song."

You'll say, we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say, the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I remember the film
And as I recall, i think, we both kind of liked it"
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was grinning from ear to ear and she knew it. This song just had that effect on her. It made her so happy. In a way it reminded her of their relationship. No one wanted them together and so many times they realized that they were nothing alike but they still found their way back.

I see you, the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me
I guess I was wrong
So what now, it's plain to see we're over
And I hate when things are over
When so much is left undone

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I, remember the film
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

They had so many fights but it always came down to the fact that they were the only ones who really knew each other. No one else knew the real them and that was enough to keep them together.

You'll say, that we've got nothing in common
No common ground to start from
And we're falling apart
You'll say the world has come between us
Our lives have come between us
Still I know you just don't care

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I, remember that film
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was thankful that Chuck had come in on her singing that day; thankful that he was curious because the fact that she sang was just another thing they had in common something else that they could share.

And I said, "what about 'Breakfast at Tiffany's?'"
She said, "I think I, remember that film
And, as I recall, I think, we both kind of liked it"
And I said, "well that's, one thing we've got"

Blair was still smiling when she looked down at the next title, And She Sings. Chuck had mentioned earlier that he had her version of breathless on there so she knew what was coming. "I'm so glad I took you to my father's studio that afternoon and I'm so glad that you sang for me. It's one of those memories I mentioned earlier that I would never want to lose. Please never stop singing in the shower."

Go on

Leave me breathless

Come on

The daylight's fading slowly, but time with you is standing still

I'm waiting for you only, the slightest touch and I feel weak

I cannot lie, from you I cannot hide

And I'm losing the will to try

Can't hide it, Can't fight it

Blair remembered the nervousness she had felt going into that studio but Chuck had said something that really motivated her. He had said "Don't you trust me?" And Blair had felt like she owed it to him to do that after he had been so good with trusting her. So she had done it.

So go on

Go on

Come on leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny this loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on

Yeah Come on

Yeah

And if there's no tomorrow and all we have is here and now

I'm happy just to have you

You're all the love I need somehow

It's like a dream although I'm not asleep

I never want to wake up

Don't lose it, Don't leave it

Her worries had quickly dissipated. It was just Blair and Chuck, Chuck and Blair, and there was nothing to be afraid of. Soon enough she had danced as she sang; having more fun than she had had in a long time.

So go on

Go on

Come on leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny this loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on

Yeah

Come on

Yeah

yeah

Yeah

She still remembered what a release it had been. She could pour her soul into it if she wanted to, let everything she was feeling be released into the song and she did. That day had been so good for her.

And I can't lie

From you I cannot hide

And I've lost my will to try

Can't hide it, Can't fight it

So go on

Go on

Come on leave me breathless

Tempt me, tease me

Until I can't deny this loving feeling

Make me long for your kiss

Go on

Come on leave me breathless

Go on

Come on leave me breathless

Go on

"So, this next song will always remind me of those few frantic weeks before the wedding. They seemed to be flying by. In our whole relationship we never seemed to have enough time. I hope you know how hard I tried during this time. All I wanted was to find something to stop that wedding from happening."

Blair looked down at the song's title right as Chuck started singing, Time Passed Too Fast. It fit so well because Chuck was right, they should have had more time.

I never knew,
I never knew that everything,
Was falling through.
That everyone I knew,
Was waiting on a cue,
To turn and run,
When all I needed was the truth.

But that's how it's got to be.
It's coming down to,
Nothing more than apathy.
I'd rather run the other way,
Than stay and see,
The smoke and who's still,
Standing when it clears.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Blair thought back to those weeks. They had been great because she had spent them with Chuck and her friends but all of them had been so busy the whole time trying to figure out a way out. Thinking about it now; knowing that they weren't going to find anything, Blair almost wished that they hadn't of even tried because they wasted so much time that could have just been spent together.

Let's rearrange.
I wish you were a stranger,
I could disengage.
Just say that we agree,
And then never change.
Soften a bit,
Until we all just get along.

But that's disregard.
You find another friend,
And you discard,
As you lose the argument,
In a cable car,
Hanging above,
As the canyon comes between.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

As she continued listening to the song, Blair realized that she didn't regret it after all because if they hadn't of tried they would have never known for sure. Besides, it wasn't in any of them to just let things be and not try.

And suddenly,
I become a part of your past.
I'm becoming the part,
That don't last.
I'm losing you,
And its effortless.

Without a sound,
We lose sight of the ground,
In the throw around.
Never thought that you wanted,
To bring it down.
I won't let it go down,
'Till we torch it ourselves.

And everyone knows I'm in,
Over my head.
Over my head.
With eight seconds left in overtime,
She's on your mind.
She's on your mind.

Blair knew all too well what song was coming next and knowing this meant that she knew that she was going to be crying. Hearing this song again might very well break her heart. She looked down at the title, Always Remember, and it confirmed her suspicions. She was slightly in awe though, this had happened last night, how had Chuck managed to record this today?

"I promised you, the night before your wedding that I would always remember you and I will Blair. I tried my best to meet your every want and need that night and I hope that I succeeded because what I wanted more than anything was to give you a night that you could keep."

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

Blair listened to the lyrics of the song. It was something that she hadn't done last night because last night she had been listening to Chuck. As she heard the lyrics she did as they said. She remembered back to when they were little and Chuck told her she looked pretty. She remembered the shared glances she and Chuck had about things that Serena and Nate would never quite understand. Blair thought back to some of their best scheming and plotting.

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard

Blair thought about the way Chuck had looked at her that night in the limo; like she was special. She thought about last year, their sneaking around together. She remembered her birthday last year; the way Chuck had comforted her and the Erikson Beamon necklace. Blair remembered the day before Cotillion when Chuck had told her that she was so much more to him than an accessory.

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I'm so afraid to love you, but more afraid to loose
Clinging to a past that doesn't let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

She remembered how Chuck had blackmailed her because he couldn't stand seeing her with Nate and how he was so upset that he blogged to Gossip Girl and called her a whore. She remembered Chuck's best man speech and telling Chuck about her problem. Blair remembered this summer; the lying, the games, telling each other they loved one another, and then Marcus. Blair remembered the Gala party, she remembered Chuck taking care of her.

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
Weep not for the memories

Even as all of these other memories flew through her head, most of all she remembered last night. Everything about it had been perfect and she would always be grateful to Chuck for giving her that.

Surprisingly, Blair realized that she was smiling instead of crying. It killed her that they weren't together. If she thought about it enough she knew that she wouldn't be able to breathe because it hurt too much; but thinking about the memories, thinking about what made everything worthwhile didn't make her cry at all. At Chuck finished singing, she looked down at the next song, The Wedding Singer. Once more she shook her head. Blair had absolutely no idea how Chuck had pulled this off.

"What was I thinking getting on stage today? It was probably a bad idea from the start; but I suppose I just wanted to feel a part of your wedding and give you something else because I could never give you as much as you deserve."

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing,
Watch you smile while you are sleeping,
While you're far away and dreaming,
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender,
I could stay lost in this moment forever,
When every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure,

I don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.

Thinking back to this morning, Blair realized how hard this must have been for Chuck. He was so angry with her for going through with the wedding but he kept giving her everything that she could possibly want. Over just the past few days he had given her so much.

Lying close to you,
feeling your heart beating,
And I'm wondering what you're dreaming,
Wondering if it's me you're seeing,
And then I kiss your eyes,
And thank God we're together,
I just wanna stay with you in this moment forever,
Forever and ever.

Blair thought that moment about how hard it was going to be to never see Chuck again. It had never been real before; but now, now she was moving an ocean away from him.

And I don't wanna miss one smile,
I don't wanna miss one kiss,
I just wanna be with you,
Right here with you, just like this,
Well I just wanna hold you close,
And feel your heart so close to mine,
And just stay here in this moment,
For all the rest of time
Yeah (yeah) yeah (yeah) yeah

Blair remembered the point earlier today when she had realized that she could have married Chuck. It had taken her by surprise but as she sat there on the plane, listening to him sing those words once more, she knew it was true.

Don't wanna close my eyes
Don't wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don't wanna miss a thing

Blair smiled as she saw the next song, Sing With Me. "I hope that this song is in the right spot. It's the recording that we made that day at the record studio; but if things went as planned, we sang it together this afternoon at your wedding reception. I hope that it was the later."

Dancing where the stars go blue
Dancing where the evening fell
Dancing in my wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancing out on seventh street
Dancing through the underground
Dancing little marionette
Are you happy now
Yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you

When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue

This afternoon, with Chuck, had been the first time she had ever sung in front of anyone. It had been surreal; but Chuck had made her feel so completely comfortable.

Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh
Ooh

Laughing with your pretty mouth

(Laughing with your pretty mouth)
Laughing with your broken eyes
(Laughing with your broken eyes)
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby
Yeah

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you

Yeah
Yeah

She was actually thankful that he had called her up on stage. It had been like a dream to be singing in front of everyone; even if it was untraditional for a bride to do something like that at her own wedding. Blair had thrown tradition out the window when she fell in love with Chuck.

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go where you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
Follow you
Follow you

Yeah
Yeah
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue
When the stars go blue

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when the stars go blue

"I want you to know Blair that in all of these songs that I chose for your wedding, I mean every single word. Like this next one, no matter what happens, how far away from me you are you will always be a part of me. I couldn't stop you from getting married but I know you and I know that you will never forget what we've had together."

We were as one, babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine
Now you want to be free, yeah
So I'm letting you fly
'cause I know in my heart, babe
Our love will never die, no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl, don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way, you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby

Blair bit her lip trying not to cry. It had been difficult this afternoon; listening to Chuck sing all of these songs for her. She knew that he meant all of them too.

I ain't gonna cry, no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave, girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably,
You'll be back again
'Cause you know in your heart, babe
Our love will never end, no

She had shared this dance with Nate tonight and it had been nice. There would always be something there with Nate, even though she had lost her virginity to Chuck, Nate could claim so many of her other firsts; dates, kisses, heartbreaks, actually pretty much everything except for her first time had been with Nate and that was stuff you don't forget.

I know that you'll be back, girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder, oh, oh
I know that you'll be right back, baby
Oh baby, believe me, it's only a matter of time

The dance had been an opportunity to say good bye to her first love and every girl deserves that. She was so glad that she and Nate were friends now and that he was so happy with Jenny. He deserved to be happy.

(You'll always be a part of me)
You will always be
(I'm part of you indefinitely
(Girl, don't you know you can't escape me)
Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby
(And we'll linger on)
We will linger on
(Time can't erase a feeling this strong
(No way, you're never gonna shake me
(Ooh darling, 'cause you'll always be my baby)

Always be my baby…

Blair had to wipe away a tear and she looked down to see the next song even though she knew what it would be. Chuck had called it Just Us, and Blair knew that it was You and Me, by Lifehouse.

"Blair, this song always reminded me of us because anytime that we are together I feel like we are all that matters. Time freezes and it's just us and I can't ever stop looking at you."

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

Chuck was right about this song being like them. They had finally admitted that they loved each other knowing that they had nothing to lose and everything to gain and every time that they were together after that it was just them, the rest of the world didn't matter.

All of the things that I want to say
Just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words, you got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off you

Blair remembered dancing to this with Dan this afternoon, while Chuck sang. Dan had been wonderful the past couple of months and as strange as it was for Blair to think about, they had actually become friends. Close friends. She trusted Dan.

Something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of

You and me and all of the people
With nothing to do, nothing to prove and
It's you and me and all of the people and
I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you

She trusted Dan and she was going to miss him. That fact surprised her. She would have never guessed that the day would come when she would miss Brooklyn. But thinking back over the past months, he had been there for her. She remembered the night when they had gone dancing, it had been so much fun, which was something she had been in desperate need for.

What day is it
And in what month
This clock never seemed so alive

When Blair looked down at the next song, You Have Been the One, she readied herself for the tears that were sure to come. "I don't quite know what to say as an intro to this song Blair. I think the lyrics pretty much say it all. "

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won

So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care

You touched my heart you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your head
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

As she listened to the lyrics her heart shattered. She remembered this morning; she had known that something was about to happen when she told Nate to take care of everyone. She saw the kind of pain that Chuck had been in singing.

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be

I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile
I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you

I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

The words of the song were so true for them. She knew now that Chuck would do anything in the world for her, including marrying her, or having children with her. He knew everything there was to know about her and she was pretty sure she knew everything about him. At very least she knew more than anyone else. They had been friends first, then lovers, and then they had realized that they were meant to be together.

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bear my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

When he had come to her on the dance floor singing then kissing her she had nearly died because as hard as this was for Chuck, it was hard for her two. He had been the one for her and always would be.

I'm so hollow, baby
I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

I'm so hollow, baby
I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

Blair was crying as quietly as she could manage but she could see Marcus watching her from a few seats away. She didn't want his attention but she thought that he would probably let her be after their last little conversation. There was a fairly large pause before Chuck started speaking again. At first Blair thought that that was it because as far as she knew, they were out of songs. However, when she looked down she realized that there was one more, My Promise.

Chuck's voice sounded as though he had been crying when he finally spoke again. "This song isn't one you probably know, it's on here because it's the truth. I've done some stupid things in our relationship Blair and I'm sorry. Know that this is all true and that this song is my promise to you."

Just One more moment, that's all that's needed.
Like wounded soldiers in need of healing.
Time to be honest, this time I'm bleeding
Please don't dwell on it, cause I didn't mean it

I cant believe I said I'd lay our love on the ground
But it doesn't matter cause I've made it up forgive me now
Everyday I spend away my souls inside out
Gotta be someway that I can make it up to you now, somehow.

Blair listened to the words, understanding what Chuck meant about them being the truth. He had made up for the things that he had said last year and all the ways that he had messed up but it still felt like if something had been different than it wouldn't have come to this.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

I was blindfolded, but now I'm seeing
My mind was closing, now I'm believing
I finally know just what it means to let someone in
To see the side of me that no one does or ever will
So if your ever lost and find yourself all alone
I'd search forever just to bring you home,
Here and now this I vow

She knew how many of Chuck's walls she had broken through. It had been a struggle ever step of the way but that had only made them closer. It seemed to her like he was now promising her that no matter where she was, if she would only ask, he would come for her.

By now you'd know that I'd come for you
No one but you, yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you
You know I'd always come for you

Yes I'd come for you, no one but you,
Yes I'd come for you
But only if you told me to
And I'd fight for you
I'd lie, it's true
Give my life for you
You know I'd always come for you

The chorus reduced Blair to tears once more. She knew that she was the only person that Chuck would do anything for if she asked. She knew that he would fight for her, lie for her, die for her. He loved her that much.

No matter what gets in my way
As long as there's still life in me
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
I'd crawl across this world for you
Do anything you want me to
No matter what, remember you know I'll always come for you
You know I'll always come for you

"Blair, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you so I need you to remember that. Remember that no matter what happens as long as you call me, I'll be there, I promise. I wanted you to have this, to be able to listen to it, whenever you want, so that you will never forget that I love you, always have, always will.

As Chuck's voice stopped speaking Blair couldn't control her tears and so she sat it on repeat and laid her head against the airplane window.

______________________________________________________________________________

A/N: I know, it's been forever since my last update. I love you guys so much though for being so understanding. Btw, that's all for the ipod, we'll be back to the storyline in the next chapter. Thanks for reading and reviews are always appreciated.

xoxo

kate

Song list as they appear on the ipod

Confessions: Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse

So Wrong, So Fast: Goodbye - Secondhand Serenade

I Could Never Hate You: Hate Me - Blue October

Revenge: Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off - PANIC! At the Disco

The Truth: Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade

Loving You: All Around You - Flyleaf

Still Learning: Halo - Bethany Joy Galeotti

You Are Beautiful: Beautiful Disaster - Jon McLaughlin

Singing in the Shower: Love Story - Taylor Swift

Getting Caught :) :Breakfast at Tiffany's - Deep Blue Something

And She Sings: Breathless - The Corrs

Time Passed Too Fast: Over My Head - The Fray

Always Remember: I Will Remember You - Sarah McLachlan

The Wedding Singer: I Don't Want to Miss A Thing - Areosmith

Sing With Me: When the Stars Go Blue - Bethany Joy Galeotti and Tyler Hilton

Part of Me: Always Be My Baby - David Cook

Just Us: You and Me - Lifehouse

You Have Been the One: Goodbye My Lover - James Blunt

My Promise: I'd Come For You - Nickelback