What You Did To My Heart

Susan woke up the next morning feeling strangely well rested. She looked to her doorway and saw Peter leaning against the doorframe, the door ajar, with a smug look on his face.

"Good morning sleeping beauty," he joked, and Susan rolled her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked.

"About time to go to sleep" he said, chuckling.

"How long have you been standing there?"

"Only a few seconds actually. I was thinking of waking you up, Trufflehunter made his special soup for dinner, and I thought you might want some.

"How considerate" she said, rubbing her eyes, "I'll be right down"

"Alright, I'll tell everyone to wait for you"

He disappeared and Susan slipped into a long red dress with gold trimmings, her favourite out of her new outfits. She walked down the stairs of the house her brother and her were staying in and saw everyone sitting at the table, including Caspian who had only eaten with them two or three times since they arrived in the city. She looked away from him, her heart beating faster, butterflies flying around in her stomach. She sat down as far away from Caspian as possible and began talking to Trufflehunter about something that was probably extremely meaningless. She wasn't really paying attention to what they were talking about. It was as if Caspian's presence was intoxicating her. It had been at least four or five days since the last time she saw him, and she had almost forgotten the way that she reacted to him. She stood up suddenly, thanked Trufflehunter for the food and decided to go on her late night walk early, knowing she would be outside for a long time. She made her way to the same spot that her and Peter had been about 24 hours ago. She sat down carefully and brought her knees up to her chest, wondering why it was that Caspian had such an affect on her. He hated her, so why did she still see only the good things of him? How his eyes sparkled when he laughed, and only when he laughed, how he blew the hair out of his face even though he knew that it would do absolutely nothing until finally after several times pushing it away with his hands. How he could just glance at her and give her the urge to smile.

"Susan?" she heard Peter's voice, and she looked up at him. She realized that she was crying.

"Yes?"

"Oh, please don't cry!" he exclaimed, helping her up and wiping the tears from under her eyes with his thumbs. She smiled at him.

"Peter, how is it that you can always make me smile, even when you haven't done anything?"

"I must just have that affect on you" he said, "Why did you leave?"

She looked away, sniffling. He sighed knowingly and simply said "Caspian"

"I just… I don't know what's happening to me! I see him and even though I know he hates me I…"

"He doesn't hate you," said Peter, looking at her confused.

"What?"

"Why would you think that Caspian hates you? He thinks you hate him, that's why he hasn't been talking to you"

"What?" she cried, "Why would I hate him?"

"Well, you were the one that snapped at him," reasoned Peter.

"Are you taking his side?"

"What side? You make it sound like you had an argument!"

"You weren't there…"

"You told me what happened, remember? And so did Caspian"

"Caspian told you?"

"Of course. We spend a lot of time together you know," he said. Susan let what Peter had said sink in. Caspian didn't hate her; he thought that she hated him. But why would she hate him? He made her feel alive…

In the distance the fauns started playing their music and Susan instantly felt more relaxed. She sat back down, sighing.

"I don't hate Caspian," she whispered and Peter sat down beside her.

"I know you don't Susan. I told Caspian that… but he didn't believe me"

"Maybe he didn't want to believe you," she said, and Peter looked at her, an eyebrow raised.

"Explain"

"Well, when I first met Caspian I realized that he was the kind of person that I might end up having feelings for, but instead of distancing myself as I should have done I got to know him better. And now I don't want to leave Narnia, even though I know I have too, and it's his fault. Maybe he didn't want to believe you because he felt that it would be easier for me to simply leave without having any more connection with him…"

"I don't think that's what he thinks"

"How would you know?"

"I told you we spend a lot of time together" he paused, looking at the ground as if thinking about what to say next, and he finally took a deep breath, "He misses you, you know"

"And what, you think I don't miss him? All I've wanted to do for the past eight days is sit down and have a nice long conversation with him! But I can't, because I never see him!"

"And when you do you run away" said Peter casually. She sighed.

"I couldn't take the tension," she said. Peter put an arm around her.

"I understand"

"Peter!" Susan heard Caspian's voice, and her heart skipped a beat. No, he couldn't be here, not now. She quickly wiped her tears away, not wanting him to see her crying over him.

"Caspian" said Peter standing up. Susan was surprised and at the same time not surprised at all by how familiar they were with each other.

"I was wondering if I may have a word with Susan" said Caspian, and Susan blushed, feeling that familiar tingle.

"Of course" said Peter, glancing at Susan who nodded. She looked away as she felt Caspian sitting beside her.

She had so many things she wanted to say to him, but she couldn't put words to any of them. She bit her lip and glanced at Caspian. He was staring at the ground, his eyes shut, his fist clenched.

"Susan…" he started, and Susan looked at him curiously, honestly wanting to hear what he had to say, "I… I understand that you have to leave. And I'm sorry that I asked so much of you"

"Don't be sorry" she responded, and he looked up at her, his eyes opening in surprise, "I should apologize. I snapped"

"But it was rational" he said, and Susan sighed.

"No Caspian, it wasn't. I snapped because you wanted me to stay, and that made me want to stay, and I knew that was impossible"

"Do you still know that?"

"Yes" she said, and he sighed.

"Please don't leave" he said suddenly and Susan stood up, walking a few steps away from him.

"Don't tell me not to leave," she said, hugging her chest, not able to look at him. He walked up behind her.

"Why not?"

"Because you make me want to stay," she whispered. Caspian sighed, standing behind her awkwardly. She wanted more than anything for him to wrap his arms around her waist.

"If it was possible… would you stay?"

"You know I would," she said, feeling the tears welling up in her eyes again. She barely ever cried, and yet Caspian had been making her cry more in the past eight days than she had cried in her entire life.

"Then I will find a way"

"How? How will you find a way?" she asked.

"I do not know," he answered truthfully, "But I do know that I will not rest until I find a way to make things work"

"Caspian…" she said, sighing, "Listen to me carefully. The way I feel for you I have never felt for anybody else… it's… it's not normal"

"What isn't normal?" he asked, and she heard a branch crunch underneath his foot. He was moving closer.

"What you've done to my heart!" she exclaimed. She heard him chuckle, and she turned to face him. He was closer than she had expected him to be.

"Why are you laughing at me?" she asked, hands on her hips.

"I am not laughing at you," he said, smiling, faking innocence. She rolled her eyes.

"Yes you are. That is not very kind of you"

"But I wasn't laughing at you"

"Yes, you were. I just admitted my feelings to you and you are laughing at me" she crossed her arms over her chest.

"No, now you have admitted your feelings for me" he said, giving her that crooked smile that had haunted her dreams since she met him.

"And you are laughing at me"

"I am not laughing at you!" he said, laughing. Susan turned and started to walk away from him.

"Susan, don't leave," he said, and she stopped.

"Why shouldn't I?"

"Because I haven't spoken to you for over a week, and I have missed you"

"Oh have you?"

"Yes"

"Then why are you laughing at me?"

"I am not… never mind. Yes Susan, I am laughing at you"

"Thank you. Now explain why you are laughing at me"

"I do not know" he said, walking towards her.

"I will not accept that" she said, turning towards him. Once again he was closer than she would have expected. She took in his face, the way his hair framed it so perfectly…

"Ugh!" she grunted, turning from him.

"Now what have I done?" he asked, chuckling.

"You have done nothing," she said.

"Then why are you angry at me?"

"Because you annoy me," she said, turning to smile at him sarcastically.

"Oh, do I?" he asked, walking towards her, placing an arm on each shoulder.

"Yes"

"And how do I annoy you?"

"You annoy me by not leaving me, even when you aren't with me you seem to be with me. I cannot stop thinking about you, I cannot imagine continuing my life without you, even though I know I will have to"

"So I annoy you because you love me," he said, and Susan blushed. She looked away, without answering him. Once again she could not correct him because she knew he was right.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"I am wondering how it is you say things like that so easily"

"Things like what?"

"Things like assuming that I love you"

"But you do, do you not?"

"Do not change the subject," she said.

"I can say those things so easily because I know they are true, and I am not afraid to admit them"

"Then why haven't you told me that you love me yet?" she asked, her face flushing. She could not believe she had just said that.

"Why is it that you ask me how I can say such things so easily, and then turn around and say the same thing?"

"I… I do not normally say things so bluntly… I am not usually so bold"

"I like that you are bold"

"I am not bold"

"You are very bold. You are also sincere, funny, easy to talk to and beautiful"

"You flatter me," she said, blushing.

"I only speak the truth"

"No, because I am not bold and I am definitely not beautiful"

"How can you say such a thing with such a serious look on your face? How could you not think you are beautiful?"

"Compared to you…"

"So you admit to thinking I am beautiful?" he asked, smirking.

"Yes"

"Well then you must admit that you are beautiful too"

"But I am not"

"Yes you are. To me you are. Why must you argue against me?"

"Fine" she said, sighing.

"You admit you are beautiful?"

"No, I admit that I do not wish to argue against you because I have already lost a very valuable week with you and I do not wish to loose another one"

"I agree," said Caspian, looking completely serious. He watched her for several seconds in silence and she couldn't help but smile.

"What are you thinking?" she asked.

"I am not thinking right now," he said, and she chuckled.

"You have to be thinking! It's not possible to simply not be thinking!"

"When I am with you my brain turns off and all I see is you," he breathed. Susan felt the butterflies in her stomach intensify.

"But you are still thinking"

"Alright then. I am thinking about you"

"And why in the world would you be thinking about me?"

"Because I love you" he said, and Susan smiled.

"We're in so much trouble," she said.

"And why is that?" asked Caspian, leaning his face towards hers.

"Because we were not supposed to fall in love"

"Why not?"

"Because I am meant to leave. I will eventually go back to England"

"But you are not leaving yet, are you?"

"No, I am not"

"Then let us just enjoy the time we have," he said, and before she knew it his lips had met hers.