Face It
Blame
No matter which way you sliced it, Shepard was at fault. Her team should never had split up. They all should have been with her, or on the Normandy, or anywhere but there. If she would have just said no to that damn salarian, everyone would have been alive.
She told Alenko to blame Saren.
Oh yeah, it was Saren's fault that Shepard had allowed Ash to go with the other team.
Shepard wasn't sure how she would have handled it if Kaiden had blamed her for Ash's death. It was only in private that Shepard blamed herself. She would never let anyone see what happened when she thought about it. She'd cried a lot. More than someone like her should.
For someone so...'strong', she was a real crybaby.
"Save the council, at any cost." She said into the headset.
She turned away from where Saren had fallen.
"Make sure he's dead." She took a gulp. Without missing a beat, Garrus and Kaiden went down. She followed, if only to make sure for herself. Garrus shot off one round and nodded to her.
Then all that was left was to deal with her slice of the blame pie.
…
Watching Garrus struggle with the words was hard. Shepard could almost see his eyes reflect his fallen team. She knew how hard it was to look at the last surviving team member and not be angry at them. She'd looked in the mirror for a long time after Akuze. If only she hadn't been on vacation. If she would have just been there...
She'd wanted nothing more than to kill the bastards responsible.
Her hands had shaken when she'd told Toombs to stand down, and without Garrus there, she probably would have shot the scientist herself. Going home that day had not been easy.
She didn't reach out and touch his arm like he had back then. It wouldn't have the same effect. It would make him angry- would look like she thought him soft. Shepard respected his pride, wounded thing that it was.
Right before she left, she slipped up, "It's not your fault."
Shepard wasn't sure if she was talking to herself or Garrus.
Neither did he.