Face It
Death
Shepard had never actually considered her own death. She'd had nightmares about her friends dying. Mostly Saren was shooting them, or they were falling, or something. One dream in particular actually made her laugh, Kaiden had tripped on a rock and busted his head open. As funny as it had been, she'd had to check on him.
She pounded on the red button that was going to save Joker.
'I got everyone off. They're all safe.' Shepard thought to herself. She was proud. As far as she could tell, everyone was safe.
She took one look at Joker's escape pod. It was jettisoning off into space.
That was when the suit breach hit. It got cold quick. Shepard had only felt this cold when she was on Mindoir last, cold and empty. The empty part was an after thought, after she realized that this wasn't something she could survive.
Space was beautiful. It wasn't exactly where she wanted to die- of course there was no real place she wanted to die- but it was as good a place as any.
Laughing now would have seemed silly- but she did it anyways. After all she'd done, all she'd yet to do, this was how she was going to die. Not under enemy fire, not in hostile territory. Just out in space, victim to a random attack.
Her lungs started seizing up, her mind was fighting itself. Her conscious knew to be calm, it would make things easier, but the subconscious- the part that normally controlled breathing- was panicking. It was a stupid thing to be just noticing now, but she didn't brush her hair today.
She was going to have helmet hair when they opened up her suit. That was when the tears started.
Suddenly, right before Shepard's vision blacked out, she felt something pull her. She realized it was gravity- pulling her toward the planet. Her lip quivered.
And she died.
…
She was wringing her hands. She took a gulp, though her throat was dry. It was just watching her hands moving that kept her so entranced. She shouldn't be able to do it. She should... she should be incinerated, broken... meat and tubes- in the ground.
Sometimes she forgot where she was. She didn't remember dying- at least, not what happened afterward. She couldn't remember if there was hell, if there was golden streets. All she knew was that waking up had been a shock she hadn't expected.
"Shepard? Are you there?" Garrus asked, waving his hand in front of her.
She looked up, emotions choking her and tears in the corner of her eyes, "I don't know."
Author's Note:
There were two powerful lines in my mind while writing this. "And she died." as well as "I don't know." They were just...they hurt my heart.