A/N: Overdue but very long :) Sorry about that though, finals were horrific, then I got caught in an awful snowstorm on the way home and we went for a few days without power :( Everything's good now though but I have a bunch of family coming up so we will have to see how much I will be able to write. Some of you guys may notice the reappearance of a certain character and storyline that disappeared the last time we left New York and was left unfinished so I had to bring it back into the story. I know it was probably a little abrupt but I wasn't sure how else to go about it and as a story comes to a close, you've got to tie up ALL the loose ends right? Anyways enjoy and Happy Holidays. (btw, I will be updating I Can't, You Can't, He Can't, She Won't Tomorrow and hopefully The Reality They Live With on Sunday)
xoxo
kate
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL
Rated: T mostly for language. The end probably deserves the rating M though because it is rather explicit. Don't say I didn't warn you :)
To my amazing reviewers: CarolinaGirl21, xoxogg4lifexoxo, chairlovforever, odyjha, smartin555, LitPrincess2787, ana-12, Butterflies In My Stomach, EZ11, tvrox12, R.I.P Casey3, and ggff-fan, This is my Christmas gift to you guys.
Perfect. It was the one word that came to mind. Each chocolate curl was perfectly in place, her headband sitting exactly where it should amongst them. Her lips just the right shade of red, not a pimple to be seen; her mother would have been pleased. The simple thought of her mom threatened to cause Blair to do something she hadn't done since leaving the VIP lounge at the airport . . . cry. That was seven days ago; seven days that she had frozen her exterior, hardened her heart and forced herself to keep going. Once more, she pushed the feelings away, she wasn't going to let this affect her; she had to maintain her perfect exterior. So she took one last look in the vanity mirror, her vanity mirror.
It felt so strange being back in this room, the room that she had grown up in, the room that held some of her saddest memories and some of her happiest. It was in this room that she and Serena watched Breakfast at Tiffany's together for the first time, it was the room she and Chuck were hooking up in the day before Cotillion when Nate almost caught them, in this room she cried herself to sleep every night for months after her parents' divorce. But as strange as it was to be back, it was even stranger that she felt like she didn't actually belong here anymore. She was a stranger in her own home, if you could even call it that. It was nothing more than an empty house now. Her mom was gone, Dorota was going to work for the Archibald's, and that's why she had finally decided that she was going to sell it. It's not like she needed the money, but really there was no point in keeping it, she was never coming back to New York and it would just sit here completely empty and she couldn't even begin to picture it like that. So instead she would picture her house with another family in it and maybe they would have a daughter whose father wouldn't decide he was gay and leave them, maybe she would rule Constance, find the perfect guy for her (even if he wasn't the guy she had always thought was her soul mate), she'd go to Yale, both of her parents would be there at her perfect wedding to that guy who wasn't perfect, but perfect for her and she would get to live happily ever after. Somebody deserved the happy ending that Blair had wanted for herself right?
The past week had been so odd, trying to look back, everything had a hazy feel to it; time hadn't seemed to pass normally, sometimes it moved rapidly yet others she would look at the clock and no time would have passed at all. Chuck had been around since the accident; Marcus had let him stay at the house in London and had even let Blair and Chuck have some time alone, not that anything had happened between them. Chuck tried to break through her walls but Blair had refused to let him in. She pretended she had, she pretended that she was healing, that she was dealing with everything but Chuck knew her well enough to know that she wasn't and Marcus just didn't know what to do at all; she assumed that that's why he let Chuck stay. Blair hadn't seen Chuck for a few days, he had gone back to put into action the funeral arrangements that she had decided upon back in London. She and Marcus had arrived in New York late last night. Flying in was surreal. She never thought she would see the city again and the buildings were almost comforting but now that she was back everything just seemed so cold, so frozen, and so lonely. Marcus was trying so hard. He had been nice; she knew he was being nice. In return, she had been mean and she didn't care; it felt good to be hurtful to someone because then she wasn't the only one in pain.
With a parting look in her full length mirror, Blair noted that her dress, one that she had bought in London before Christmas, hung loosely on her frame. She placed a hand on her stomach, she looked thin. It was appropriate for the occasion; her mother would have been pleased. At that thought her stomach lurched and she made a dash for the bathroom. Throwing up into the porcelain idol that she had worshiped for so many years as a teenager felt familiar as well. She should have known better than to try to eat anything this morning. As she picked herself up and glanced in the bathroom mirror she shook her head slightly; other than the awful taste in her mouth and the slightly smeared lipstick she still looked perfect. So after fixing herself once more Blair picked up her coat from the bed and walked down the stairs. She couldn't be late for her own mother's funeral.
Chuck ran his hand through his hair as he waited for his limo to pull up outside of the church, he had sent it to pick up Blair and Marcus this morning and they still hadn't arrived. He hadn't seen Blair since he had left London three days ago and he was worried. Who knew what state she was in at this point? This was Blair Waldorf and as much as he loved her, he knew that she didn't deal with things well, if she chose to deal with them at all. Marcus had been surprisingly tolerable since the accident, he and Chuck had rarely spoken; when they had it was about Blair. There were times that he almost forgot just how much he hated Marcus, of course there were always ways that Marcus found to remind him.
Chuck exhaled as the limo pulled up; he needed to see her, needed to know that she was okay. Chuck's driver got out and opened the door before extending a hand to help the first passenger out of the car. Chuck immediately knew it was Blair as one perfectly gloved hand was placed in his driver's and one delicate foot touched the pavement. As soon as his eyes found her face he felt like he could breathe again. She looked perfect. Ironically, that scared him more than anything. An eighteen year old girl should not look perfect at her mother's funeral. But this was Blair and she was anything but ordinary. His second thought was that she was thin, too thin. She emerged from the car and walked towards the stairs where Chuck was standing; each step intentional, each move measured. All Chuck wanted to do was reach out and pull her to him, but he had learned in London that she didn't want to be touched right now. Surprisingly, Blair continued up the stairs until she was on the same step he was, him still facing the limo, her still facing the church. He noticed immediately that she was shaking and moved his hand to lightly hold hers and for a moment she let him. The moment was simply a moment and soon enough she was pulling her hand away. "Look at me Blair." Chuck said softly, needing to see into her eyes.
Blair didn't respond at first, so Chuck was about to repeat what he said when she slowly began to turn her head to face him. However, even though she was now facing him, her eyes weren't meeting his. "No Blair, really look at me." Chuck said as he reached out and placed his own gloved hand on her face bringing her eyes to meet his. Chuck felt his stomach drop as soon as her eyes locked with his and had to resist the urge to throw up. Blair was anything but okay, the red lines streaking through her eyes told him that her eyes were dry, had been for days. There were bags under her eyes, carefully hidden by make-up, that made it known to him she hadn't been sleeping. Her cheeks looked almost sunken, had she eaten anything? But the scariest part of all was the look in her eyes. There was nothing there, they were completely black. "Blair . . ." He breathed not knowing what else to say.
After a moment she opened her mouth and spoke. "I'm fine Chuck." Her voice was surprisingly strong, too authoritative, too certain, too normal. He still hadn't let her go, nor had he said anything else so she spoke again. "I'm going in now." Immediately, she stepped away from him and walked inside, head held high.
Chuck turned his head towards the limo where Marcus was hanging back, waiting. Once he noticed that Chuck was alone, he approached. He was lost on this one, having no idea what to do, how to help her. It destroyed him inside to see her like this, so in pain yet unwilling to admit it. All he wanted was to be there for her but she wouldn't even let him try, so he did his best and gave her space. He had even allowed Chuck to stay with them in London, gave them time to themselves. He would do just about anything for her and he thought that if anyone could break through her shell it was Chuck. As he came to stand in front of the boy who had once been the sole recipient of his loathing, he exhaled. By the look in Chuck's eyes he knew that he had had no more progress with Blair today but he asked anyway. "How is she?"
"You should know. You've been with her the past three days." Chuck knew he was glaring at Marcus and actually tried to tone it down. "Speaking of which, have you not been making her eat? She looks like she hasn't eaten in days."
"I've tried. I can't very well force food down her throat. Every time I suggest food she ignores me. In fact she ignores me pretty much all the time." Marcus said sighing. "At least she speaks to you like something's wrong. I don't think she's said a word to me in days that was real. There was one day where she tried to act like she was excited about the wedding plans. I was terrified that she had lost it. She seems so together. Like she's over it."
Chuck could feel the anger bubbling up and couldn't stop the growl in his voice. "Blair doesn't deal with things; she compartmentalizes them and files them away in her head, where they eat at her soul until she can't take it anymore and combusts. I've seen it get that bad twice, once when her father and Serena abandoned her and once when Nate and Serena slept together." He said, beginning to trail off.
"Chuck I don't know how to help her. I've tried everything, and I do mean everything to pull her out of this. As awful as it sounds, right now I want her to get angry at me, I want her to cry, because then I would know that Blair was alive somewhere in there." Marcus said, speaking through his teeth. This wasn't a conversation anyone else needed to overhear. It was bad enough that people were seeing him and Chuck talking together.
Chuck looked into the church. He could see Blair inside talking to her father and as Harold's eyes connected with his own, he knew that Harold was just as worried about Blair as they were. Chuck turned his head back to Marcus, his eyes lighting up. "I have an idea." He spoke tentatively, knowing that there was a chance that Marcus was going to shoot him down. He could tell that Marcus was listening and continued. "I'll need to be alone with her and she needs to think that you don't know that we snuck off. So I was thinking Serena could . . ." Chuck said as he laid into his plain, surprised that Marcus was agreeing. After they had their plan set they continued into the church and took their seats with Blair.
Serena looked at Dan confused as she walked into the church. She whispered. "Is that Chuck and Marcus sitting . . . together?"
Dan's eyes widened as he saw the pair that Serena was referring to. Sure enough, Marcus and Chuck were sitting next to each other, with Blair on the other side of Marcus and her father on the other side of her. "Wow, that's just wow." Dan said stumbling over his words. Marcus was allowing Chuck to sit with them and Chuck had yet to punch Marcus?
Jenny rolled her eyes slightly as she walked past them. "Seriously guys grow up. Even Marcus realizes that today is bigger than the competition between him and Chuck. He loves Blair, there's no way he is going to keep Chuck away from her when she is dealing with this." After speaking Jenny simply took Nate's hand and walked on. "Geez you'd think they were in middle school." Jenny said softly to Nate.
Nate chuckled slightly as he laced his fingers through her own. He couldn't help it, he had fallen hard for Jenny but that didn't stop his heart from breaking as he looked at Blair, even sad she was one of the most beautiful girls in the world. As they took a seat in the pew behind her he placed a hand on her shoulder, just to let her know that he was there.
Blair turned her head at the weight of a hand on her shoulder to see Nate. She couldn't help but give a small smile. "Thank you." She said quietly, not that it was necessary.
Nate nodded and started to remove his hand but she placed her hand on his. He could barely hear her whisper, "Don't." Nate of course granted her request and simply left his hand there reassuringly. At that moment, he looked over at Chuck and saw a mix of emotions on his face. He looked almost angry for a moment and Nate was about to text him some form of explanation when Chuck simply mouthed, "Thank you" and Nate knew that no explanation was needed.
It was strange for Chuck to witness Nate do something for Blair that he had been unable to do for her himself. In the past weeks, his touch had never once been enough to comfort her. Nate had somehow managed to do the impossible. Chuck felt a wave of jealousy, one he immediately suppressed. Blair loved him, he never had to doubt that and if Nate could do something for her could be there for her in a way that Chuck couldn't, then that was great. Nate and Blair were always going to be a part of one another's lives and to be jealous of that was pointless and selfish. So he gave his best friend a smile and turned to talk to Serena.
Blair surprised even herself by telling Nate not to move his hand. She hadn't let anyone near her over the past week but his touch felt so good at that moment and there was a look in his eyes that said that he would always be there. A part of her felt as though their history, their unmatchable familiarity with one another was so comforting. She knew that he knew exactly what she was feeling at that moment and they could sit there, no questions asked and he could simply be there. With Chuck things were different. Nate knew her in a way no one else did but so did Chuck, only with Nate where there was the shared history, with Chuck there was a knowledge of every piece of her soul. She could never lie to Chuck, could never pretend that she was in any less pain that she was. If Chuck was simply touching her, his touch would be enough to cause her to fall apart and she knew that. So they sat there with Nate's hand on her shoulder, not one tear staining her perfect check.
Blair stood in the doorway of her home accepting condolences as they left the wake. Things hadn't changed much from earlier that day other than the fact that Harold and Roman had already left for France upon her insistence. After all she was only going to be there a few more days herself. So that left Chuck on one side of her, Marcus on the other, neither touching her. Nate still stood nearby, just behind her in case she needed him, a few times already she had allowed him to hold her hand and once she had even allowed a hug. When the next person stepped in front of her she automatically felt the need to have Nate next to her and reached her hand backwards knowing that he would grasp it. "Vanessa?" She asked, the question clearly written on her features.
"Hey Blair." Vanessa said her voice full of sympathy as she stood before Blair at the door. This was even more awkward than she had imagined it would be but she had felt the overwhelming need to be here, not because of Blair, but because of Nate. She thought that he would perhaps be sad, he had known Eleanor well, and she wanted to be able to be there for him.
Blair felt as Nate's hand closed over hers. Blair wanted to remain perfect, wanted to remain calm but she had the sudden need to vent some of her sadness and frustration and Vanessa was the perfect target. "What the hell are you doing here Vanessa?" She spat drawing looks of surprise from both Marcus and Chuck.
Chuck wasn't sure what had awakened Blair but he heard pain in her voice, pain and anger and knew that Vanessa really wasn't going to want to be standing there in about ten seconds when Blair exploded on her.
Vanessa's confidence was shattered, she thought Blair had more propriety than to attack her here, at Eleanor's wake or she never would have risked this. "It's just . . . It's just. I wanted to pay my respects."
Blair's eyes lit up immediately, fury flashing through them. "You wanted to pay your respects." She stated her voice low and dangerous. "You hate me and you never met my mother. So whatever reason you have for being here that's not it." Blair felt a rush of energy, she had no reason to hold back and so she let down the floodgate, releasing Nate's hand and taking a step forward. "Now get out of here before I have to call the garbage man to take out the Brooklyn trash." She said her eyes narrowed.
Chuck saw Vanessa about to lunge and grabbed her. This was the last thing they needed. His eyes connected with Marcus's and they knew that now was as good a time as any for him to head out, so he took Vanessa by the arm and led her out of the apartment. Once in the elevator he turned on her. "What the fuck did you think you were doing? Blair's mom just died and you show up at her house and practically assault her. Don't you have any respect for the dead?"
"Yes I mean I do respect the dead, I just . . . I wasn't thinking." Vanessa murmured looking away, unable to meet his gaze. You knew you were in the wrong when Chuck Bass could make you feel ashamed of yourself. "I'm sorry." She barely whispered.
Chuck shook his head. "I would make you say that to Blair if I didn't think it would just upset her more." Chuck said thinking about how much glee Blair would normally get out of a forced apology from Punky Bruster. After a moment of thought Chuck spoke again. "Maybe I should actually be thanking you. She might have been upset but at least it was open and real."
Vanessa looked at him confused and saw the pain in his eyes, something one rarely if ever saw from Chuck Bass. Blair wasn't opening up to him, she wasn't letting him comfort her and it was killing him. Sure Blair was married to someone else but everyone knew that his and Blair's love was epic. This time she focused her eyes on his and spoke again. "I'm sorry." This time it was in a completely different context and she could tell by the look in Chuck's eyes that he knew and understood.
As they were walking out of the elevator, Chuck looked at her once more his voice calm and sincere. "Really Vanessa, why were you there?"
She was so shocked at hearing her name actual name from Chuck's lips accompanied by such a caring tone that she spoke without thinking. "I needed to see Nate, to make sure he was okay."
Chuck's eyebrows went up in surprise. Was Nate still involved with Vanessa? "Did Nate ask you to come?" He asked, keeping any judgment from his tone. After all, he off all people couldn't say anything about people getting involved with their exes and their exes' friends.
Vanessa looked at Chuck guiltily. "No. But I wanted to be there for him if he needed someone and I really just wanted to see him." She didn't know why she was telling this to Chuck of all people but at that moment she felt like she could talk to him and he would understand.
It was strange that Chuck hadn't realized it but Eleanor's death had probably had a stronger effect on Nate than it had on anyone other than Blair. Nate and Eleanor had been close much closer than Chuck and Eleanor, he had grown up thinking that she would one day be his mother-law. This recognition caused Chuck to realize that Vanessa was probably much more in tune with Nate right now than he was. She was still in love with him, Chuck suddenly understood and gained back a little more of his ordinary self. He felt the need to find out just what was going on here. A girl in love could be dangerous and he could see the potential in Vanessa's eyes. She wanted Nate and if Jenny and Nate didn't know things were going to get messy. "Does he know how you feel?" Chuck asked.
Vanessa nodded. "I think so. I mean he should. I wrote him a note telling him how I felt right after he went through the whole scandal. I haven't gotten the chance to speak to him for so long though. He was so wrapped up in Blair's wedding and her leaving, then we got out of school for Christmas and he went to France so I wasn't even seeing him."
"I see." Chuck immediately noted that Vanessa's eyes shifted at her last statement. That was an interesting development; she had been following Nate, not to mention she had written him a love note. The only note he knew about was the unsigned one that Nate thought was from Jenny, could it have been from Vanessa? This was all getting too weird. He had been right before, Nate and Jenny were going to have to know about this but he had to get back to his place, or else his and Marcus's earlier arrangement wasn't going to work out as planned. So he got Vanessa a cab and saw that she was on her way to Brooklyn and away from Nate before getting in a cab of his own, he was still leaving the limo for Blair's use.
"Where are we going S?" Blair snapped as Serena led her to Chuck's limo. She was still agitated about Vanessa and was ready for everyone to just leave her alone for a while and Chuck had disappeared to God knows where. Good, that was good, for once in the past two years Chuck Bass was the last person that she wanted to see. He stood the best chance of forcing her to feel something and right now she didn't want to crack the numbness, she wanted to stay like this until it passed.
Serena gave Blair a sad smile. "My house, I have a surprise for you." She was surprised that Blair hadn't already guessed that Chuck had arranged this. It was perfect, Marcus simply thought he was giving Blair some alone time with one of her best friends. He had no idea that she was taking him straight to Chuck.
Blair reluctantly got into the car and flashed a look back at Marcus who was waiting on the curb, waving good bye. At least Serena would stay on the surface with any sort of comforting, she wouldn't try to get in too deep like Chuck or Jenny. Blair would be able to tolerate Serena for a few hours and manage to stay perfectly numb.
Marcus watched on as Serena and Blair got into Chuck's limo and for a moment he wanted to stop her. He had agreed to Chuck's plan because he was desperate to help Blair and he knew that it wasn't something that he could do but right now he knew where this "not-so-secret" meeting could lead and it made him nauseous. He didn't want Blair and Chuck to sleep together, the thought made him want to rip Blair out of the limo and take her back to London. But he loved her and that was enough to stop him.
Chuck was waiting not so patiently when he finally heard the door open; he was beginning to think that Marcus had changed his mind about going through with this. Serena walked in followed by Blair.
Serena smiled at Chuck before turning to head upstairs. "I'm going to give the two of you some alone time."
Blair glared at Serena. "S, what are you doing?" No, no, no, no. How could she not have realized what was going on earlier? Serena was bringing her to Chuck.
"This is your surprise B. I love you." She said softly before disappearing up the stairs.
Blair turned back to face Chuck, an indignant look on her face. She wasn't going to say anything; one word might be enough to break down her carefully constructed walls and she wasn't going to let that happen. One look at him told her that he was going to try.
There's some things we don't talk about
rather do without
and just hold the smile
falling in and out of love
ashamed and proud of
together all the while
Chuck, who had been leaning against the door frame to his bedroom, took a step forward. "So you don't want to be alone with me?" He asked, masking the hurt from his voice. He knew why she didn't want to be around him, he could see it in her eyes. She knew that he was the only one who stood a chance at breaking through the fortress she had built up around herself and of course that was exactly what he intended to do.
Blair narrowed her eyes; she wasn't giving in; not today, not ever. She never wanted to feel the way that she had that day in the airport ever again, she wouldn't survive it. "I'm calling Marcus to come pick me up." She said defiantly even though she knew she was being irrational.
You can never say never
why we don't know when
time and time again
younger now than we were before
Chuck rolled his eyes taking another step towards her. "No you aren't Blair. You hate Marcus." The distance between them could be closed in only a few seconds if she actually did try to call Marcus.
"It's better than being stuck alone with you." She bit back, not even knowing where the statement came from. It wasn't true.
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Chuck took another step towards her. "You don't mean that." He could see her defenses cracking just by his nearness to her.
Blair couldn't even manage to emphasize her statement with a nod. "I do too." She sounded like a child.
Another step and they were almost touching. Chuck reached up a hand to brush her cheek.
"Don't" She whispered, a plea in her voice. He was too close.
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
"Why?" Chuck asked his voice low. Blair didn't answer and Chuck moved his had closer to her face.
Blair bit her lip, knowing that he was going to kiss her one way or the other. "Because you make me feel and I don't want to feel it."
"I know." Chuck spoke, his words vibrating between them in the closed space. "But you have to feel Blair." With that he brushed his hand along her jaw, running it into her hair. He bent head slowly, bringing his lips to meet hers, moving his mouth against hers. Almost instantly, he felt her go weak in the knees.
Picture you're the queen of everything
as far as the eye can see
under your command
The second his lips touched hers, the flood gates burst open. She felt. She felt passion, she felt pain, and more than either she felt loss. Her fists latched onto Chuck's shirt as the tears started falling and she pushed into the kiss, deepening it.
Chuck held her to him, as she kissed him with everything inside of her. She was releasing it, she was using it, funneling it into passion; but that was okay, at least she was feeling it. So Chuck acquiesced and matched her fervor. When she started pushing him towards his bedroom, he complied and yanked off his tie as they went.
I will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
steady your hand
Blair realized that Chuck wasn't fighting her and stopped pushing so that she could undress herself making quick work of her jacket and gloves; she jerked the headband out of her hair and reaching for the zipper on her dress. She was acutely aware of the fact that she was crying but she didn't care, she had to keep moving. As she stepped out of her dress she noticed that Chuck was pulling off his undershirt, only his boxers left. She grabbed for him, knowing he would take care of the rest of their clothes once they were in the bed.
Her kisses were insistent and hungry. She nibbled on his lip before pushing him backwards onto the bed and tearing off his boxers; he did the same with her remaining undergarments and pulled her mouth down to his.
You can never say never
why we don't know when
time, time and time again
younger now then we were before
Blair dug her fingers into his hair, she was holding on so tightly that she knew it had to be painful. Chuck moved his mouth down to kiss and suck on her neck. He heard her gasp as she he sucked on her most sensitive spot at her neck. He began moving down her body, kissing his way down, sucking on the curve of her breasts, touching as much of her as he could. He grasped her thighs pulling her legs over his shoulders, bringing his mouth down to her.
Blair knew the joys of Chuck's mouth, the pleasure that he could bring her and right now it wasn't what she needed. Instead she tugged his head and brought him back to her lips where she spoke through tears. "I need you inside me Chuck." As she spoke she reached down, guiding him to her entrance.
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
As he entered her, Chuck wanted to give her whatever it was that she needed. He wanted to fill the emptiness that he had forced her to feel. He moved within her as she matched him thrust for thrust. Her tears quickening with their pace. Soon she was sobbing as they continued.
His pace started to slow and he reached down brushing some of the tears off her face. Only then, looking down at Blair did he realize that he was crying too. He leaned forward and kissed her, their tears mingling together as they had done only once before.
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
When he pulled out his heart shattered into what seemed like a thousand pieces. Blair still sobbing tucked herself against him, holding to him as though if she let go, she might die. It was worse this time than that day in the airport. In the airport there had been shock, there had been denial, there had been anger. Now, not even the passion from earlier remained; now there was only grief and loss.
The first thing Chuck noticed when he woke up was the emptiness beside him, he immediately turned towards the only source of noise in the room. Blair was completely dressed leaning over his dresser writing a note.
"What are you doing Blair? Chuck said, knowing just what she was doing. She looked up at him and gave him the saddest of smiles but didn't answer his question. "You know I have everything set up in London, I'll follow you."
Blair shook her head and sat down on the bed. "No you won't Chuck. I'm not going to let you."
Chuck immediately began reaching for his clothes. "You're crazy if you think I'll let you do this, Blair. I'm not losing you again, not now, not ever."
We're pulling apart and coming together again and again
We're growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again
Blair reached out and touched his arm. "You don't have a choice Chuck. Marcus will be here any minute, I called him to come pick me up and I told him about the plan for you to come to London."
Chuck's eyes widened in alarm and anger. "Why Blair, why would you do that?"
She shook her head slightly. "I'm protecting you Chuck. I won't risk you getting caught or you ruining your life here. I spoke to your father at the wake; I know he is going to put you in charge of the Matherson Account." Chuck looked away guiltily; he had been keeping that from her. "And I know you were going to give that up for me, so I made the decision that was best."
"It wasn't your decision to make Blair." Chuck replied furiously. How dare she decide what was best for him? "You're wrong though."
Her look was almost condescending. "Wrong about what?"
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
"You're what are best for me." Chuck replied as he held on to her hand. "And you had no right."
Blair shrugged. "Maybe not but I did it, and I'm leaving for London tonight."
Chuck's jaw clenched. He couldn't remember a time that he was this angry at Blair; he was seeing red at that moment. "Fine." He spat. "You want to leave, leave." When she didn't move he shouted. "I said GET OUT."
Blair looked at him, slightly startled. She hadn't expected him to turn that quickly but she knew better than anyone what Chuck was capable of when he was mad. So she stood from the bed. "I'll write you." She said softly.
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Chuck narrowed his eyes, all rational thought had flown out the window the moment she told him what she had done and right now he was barely cognizant of what he was saying. "I won't read them."
As Blair continued walking out of the room she turned and said into the room. "I love you Chuck." She ignored the pain that she felt when for the first time, he didn't respond.
Blair wiped the tears from her eyes as she stepped into the town car Marcus had called to take them to the airport. She didn't say a word, immediately looking out the window at the Palace Hotel which currently held a very angry Chuck Bass. But she gained solace in knowing that she had made the right decision, she had done what was best for everyone.
Marcus wasn't sure whether or not he should disturb Blair. He couldn't help but think that her tears were a good sign as horrible as it might sound. Finally he had to ask the same question he had been asking for a week. "Are you okay?"
Blair could hear the sincerity in Marcus's voice and for the first time in days she gave him a true response. "No." She said softly as she looked at him. "Not tonight."
Marcus nodded grimly and placed his hand on her hand. He was surprised that she didn't immediately move hers and more surprised after a few minutes when she turned her hand over in his and held his. "Are you sure you want to travel back to London tonight? We can stay in New York for a few more days; Chuck can even come stay at the house with us." Marcus offered as generously as he could. Now that Blair seemed to be accepting what had happened he didn't want to set her back by pulling her away from everything.
Blair shook her head. They couldn't stay in New York. She needed to make the break from Chuck now or else she wouldn't be able to do it and Chuck would realize that she hadn't actually told Marcus about their plans. "No, I think it's time we go home."
Gossip Girl here on this dreadfully sad day. Too bad I didn't see a single tear grace our Queen's cheek. What's with the frozen exterior B? Seems like N has been with her more than anyone today, leaving both LM and C in the background. And what's with V party crashing B's mom's wake? Show some respect for the dead V and keep your cat fights for another time. Looks like B is returning to London without C this time. Well we knew the truce between C and LM couldn't last long. Our hearts are with you B.
xoxo
gossipgirl
A/N: As I'm sure you have all noticed the storyline I mentioned earlier was the one involving Vanessa. I will admit that I had forgotten about her and a certain fascination she had for Nate, along with that note that she had written him. I figured now was as good a time as any to let her back into the storyline (for those that hate Vanessa don't worry she isn't going to be a major character or anything, about like before probably). Hope you enjoyed it, 6 or 7 more to go!
The song was Never Say Never by the Fray
Reviews are always appreciated
xoxo
Kate