AN. Holy hell. I'm on the caffeine come down. Everyone at work has locked hidden their coffee and locked away the sharp things and I'm almost tempted to mug the person on the desk next to me because they've been taunting me with their big shiny cup of heaven, and I want it. Lucky you though because I've channeled this frustration into writing. So I want to show you some chairpire tonight, and because I'm feeling generous tonight I'm going to give you some more JPOV, because chairpire's is a little small...
but he wants me to tell you that that's the only small thing about him... naughty little chairpire he he!

L x

p.s Will write for caffeine. Do you have any?

PPOV

I'm holding one of life's most precious gifts in my hands. She's about eighty years late but I guess heaven didn't want to let go of a soul like hers. And they aren't getting her back if I have anything to do about it.

She's hurting, but it's nothing that can't be fixed, and j-emo better not fuck this up because she's going to be my sister in every way that matters and I'll kill any motherfucker that looks at her sideways or makes her feel like anything less than the beautiful lady she is. Shit! Better flatten those emotions sharpish!

WWSD... What would Swan do...

Genius! Petey you naughty little scamp! Oh Swan you'd be so fucking proud if you weren't checked out right now. We're going to have so much fun!

"Does this come with fries?"

Ah fuck me! Jasper is eyeing up my limbs and looks even more pissed than when I put that ad in Transvestite monthly with those photoshopped pictures... fun times! I've still got the negatives somewhere... Swan is going to LOVE them. I know.

But SHIT, I saw that look every day for sixty years and I NEVER want to see it directed at me!

In fact, I think....

Yep!

My balls have just retracted.

Sorry boys, I'll miss you.

Suddenly I'm getting a shot of appreciation though and O-K... looks like I get to keep my balls and the rest of my appendages today so score me! And yeah! Charlottes going to be back in... 16 hours and those tiny panties she's bought are going to look so fucking good on my floor... mmmm purple...

But there's some pent up emotion in Jasper that needs to come out before he talks to my girl here that's only going to be satisfied with a kill so it's time to send the emopire out for a snack and a release.

"Go munch some carpet Jazz, I'll put her in the spare room until you get back"

"Fuck off! And for the last time, sheep taste like dirt you sack of shit"

That's more like it. Love you too brother! He looks a little dubious still...

I flutter my eyelashes at him and wink saucily "I'll sit in the chair in the corner like a good little boy and won't move till you get back hot stuff!"

With a final glare and a buzz of acceptance in the air he shakes his head at me and darts off over the fence and into the trees out of sight.

I lean down and kiss her softly on the forehead "Come on swan, let's get you inside. There's a comfy bed with your name on it and I'm going to look after you"

My family is finally complete. And god help anyone that tries to fuck with them.