A/N: I'm back at school, boo. I got accepted at the Business School, yay! Ugh I have a paper to write tonight and did this instead :) So not sure if I like it or not but here it is. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL

Rated: T mostly for language.

Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support: smartin555, ana-12, tvrox12, those3littlewords, Butterflies In My Stomach, LayRay, EZ11, ggff-fan, R.I.P Casey3, KB22, CarolinaGirl22, bluestriker, annablake, and LitPrincess2787

Blair sighed as she looked out the window in Cammie's room. She had been listening to Chuck's ipod, again even though she knew it wasn't good for her. He hadn't written. It had been a week, plenty of time for a letter to have gotten here but still there had been nothing. She had left a letter with Jenny to give to Chuck to explain to him how hard this decision had been for her and It hurt to know that Chuck was letting his anger stop him from writing her back. Of course he might not have even read her letter. There was just so much going on that she wanted to tell him.

She wanted to let him know that she was grieving now, that every morning when she woke up it still hurt but instead of pushing the pain away she lived with it. She didn't try to overanalyze her mother's death, or dwell on her sorrow but she didn't ignore the fact that she was hurting either. Blair knew that it was what Chuck had wanted.

She wanted to tell him how sick she had been lately. It had gotten so bad that Marcus had gotten suspicious. The strangest part was that she couldn't remember a time when she had been sick like this without making herself ill; but since coming back from New York she hadn't been able to keep hardly anything down. She supposed the stress from the wedding plans was finally getting to her.

This wedding was going to be bigger and grander that the last by a mile, after all it was to be done for the Queen. There were so many details to be taken care of in the next two and a half weeks that she didn't think that all of them could be managed. Her dress of course was beautiful as were the flowers but she felt as though there was so much more that had to be done.

Blair looked down at her calendar on her desk, the only thing that she was supposed to do today had been crossed off. She was supposed to attend a ribbon cutting ceremony together but she needed to go with Kate to make sure that the children's outfits all fit for the wedding. Justine was to be her flower girl as Blair had promised, while little Garrison would be the ring bearer and Mitchell would be one of Marcus's groomsmen, Emma was simply too young or she would have been in the wedding as well. Kate was to be her maid of honor, the other bridesmaid positions being filled by relatives of Marcus, both the Dutchesses of York were included as well as other European notables; but their final fittings weren't until this weekend. Either way, it meant that Blair was busy with alternative things today and Marcus would have to attend the ribbon cutting alone.

Chuck sighed to himself as he got into his limo. He was going to meet the gang for dinner before some sort of party that Jenny was hosting tonight. It was strange trying to get readjusted with New York when he had made peace with the fact that he wasn't going to be a part of this life for a long time to come. But then Blair had spilled the beans to Marcus and left for London, without him. He had been so angry, so furious with her for making that decision for him that he had done and said things that he would never mean in a thousand years.

As soon as Jenny had brought him Blair's letter he had read it and written her back. He hadn't even let Jenny leave the room before responding and giving her the letter to mail. Blair's message to him had said all he had expected it to say. Of course as soon as his anger had cleared he had understood that she was simply doing for him what he was trying to do for her. He pulled it out of his pocket, silently cursing himself for his weakness and inability to go without reading it every time he thought of her.

Chuck,

I am so sorry for doing that, for leaving you and for telling Marcus about our plans, and I know how angry you must be right now. But know that I did it because I love you. You did so much for me last night, more than anyone has ever done before, you broke through all of my barriers, all the walls and found me when I had locked myself away from the world as thoroughly as possible. I didn't want to feel the pain of my mother's death but you were right, it was something I had to feel. Or else I was going to be walking through life like some sort of zombie. Not only did you help me to feel again, you showed me that it was going to be okay, that I was going to be okay.

Leaving you was something that I did in a moment of great strength. You deserve better than what you would get by following me to London and it is the least that I can do for you right now. Know that I'm not giving up on us and that I believe in my heart of hearts that there will be a day when we will find a way to be together but that isn't today. Be safe and take care of yourself.

All my love,

Blair W

Even after their fight, Chuck could feel the hope laced within every word of Blair's letter and knew that she wasn't lying when she said that she wasn't giving up. Chuck could see now what he had been unable to see then, Blair wasn't abandoning him she was just saying that they needed to bide their time. So that's what Chuck was doing, he was biding his time until the opportunity arose for them to escape together because just like Blair he knew that one day it was going to happen.

Marcus could hardly believe how the last week had gone. It had been better than anything he could have imagined. Blair was grieving but she was doing so in a way that was healthy and they were back in London away from Chuck. Not to mention, Blair had been acting like their argument in France had never even happened. It was as though things were back to the way they were right before Blair left for France; he couldn't have asked for more.

Today she was busy with wedding preparations so he was going to some Charity Ribbon Cutting Ceremony alone. He hated these things and Blair made them bearable but all things considered, he understood. He didn't even notice the look of surprise on Roland's face that it was Marcus he was opening the door for instead of Blair.

Roland wasn't sure what to do. He had been expecting Blair not Marcus. Normally this wouldn't be an issue but Blair had received a letter from New York today and it was currently sitting in the back seat of the town car as per usual. He knew if he reached back for the letter it would only make Marcus suspicious; it was better to allow him to think it was simply a letter from Jenny in Brooklyn that he should ignore, rather than drawing special attention to the letter.

Marcus noticed the letter on the center consol as soon as he got in the car. Why on earth did Blair have mail in the back seat of the town car? He looked to Roland, immediately realizing that this was some arrangement of theirs. So Roland gave Blair her mail in the car, but why would that ever be necessary unless there was something they were hiding.

Roland watched Marcus in the rearview mirror to see just what he would do and cringed as Marcus reached to pick up the letter.

Marcus studied the letter closely. It was from Brooklyn which would normally mean that it was from Jenny but there was no reason to keep a letter from Jenny secret now was there. On that thought Marcus flipped the letter over and tore the seal, suddenly infused with a desire to know what it contained.

As Marcus ripped open the letter Roland couldn't stop himself from saying something. "Sir, should you really be opening your wife's mail?"

Immediately Marcus locked eyes with Roland; he was already furious that Roland was helping Blair keep something from him, but that Roland would continue to interfere only made him further incensed. "If you have any desire to keep your job you will sit quietly while I read whatever I damn well please." Marcus said through clenched teeth as he unfolded the letter and began to read. After less than a sentence, his heart was in the pit of his stomach, the letter was from Chuck.

Blair,

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I never should have said the things I said that night, I was angry and acting childish, but I'll get to that later. Jenny is throwing a Holiday Bash Ball next week that is worthy of you. I've never seen her throw herself into planning a party quite this much but it's going to be crazy. Nate's doing well too, your mom's death effected him more than anyone but you seemed to realize, but he is pulling through just like you will. Something I meant to tell you earlier, Vanessa seems to still be carrying a torch for Nate, she mentioned something about a letter she wrote him anonymously. I'm not certain what's going on with Punky Bruster but I think she might have gotten a little deranged. I am going to have to warn Nate and Jenny about her. Serena and Dan are just fine, you could hardly get them away from one another over the past week, it seems like the Holiday Season is their favorite time of year.

Please, don't be sorry, I know why you did what you did and I'm not angry at you anymore; I never should have been. You were always just doing what was best for me. I didn't mean a word I said that night, I wanted to take it all back immediately but you were already gone. Of course I will still read your letters, they mean so much to me, you mean so much to me. I don't even know why I got so angry with you, I think I was still let down that we never got a chance to run away together in France and I thought being together in London was going to work out. I know now that you are right, it wasn't time; but I refuse to let this second wedding happen Blair. One day you are going to put on the ring I gave you for Christmas, I swear to you that you will. We are going to find a way to be happy, a way to be together. I'm never giving up on us.

Always,

C Bass

Marcus had barely finished reading when he opened the door and stepped out of the car, he had not given the order to drive so they were still sitting in front of the house, something that turned out to be quite convenient as Marcus marched straight inside. He knew where Blair was but he wasn't quite ready to deal with her, he had some investigating to do first.

Marcus went immediately to his quarters to grab a key that was never supposed to have existed. He had made a copy of the key to Camille's rooms before giving one to Blair. Yes it had been dishonest, since he told her she carried the only copy but he had never intended to use it. It was only there in case Blair lost hers. Right now he felt as though she had violated his trust, for that she didn't deserve a private room.

As soon as he had the key, he went into the secret passageway and up to Camille's rooms. Marcus was angrier than he'd ever been and immediately began opening drawers and searching their contents. From the sound of Chuck's letter there were others and he had every intention of finding them. After opening every drawer and container in the living area he moved upstairs to Cammie's bedroom and started his search. Marcus knew that he was leaving the room in disarray but he didn't give a damn. He was beginning to think that the letters weren't up here when tried to open the desk drawer and found that he couldn't. It was locked. He inserted the room key into the drawer and realized immediately that it would fit, he opened the drawer to find not just one or two but several letters, every single one from Chuck. This had been going on since November and Roland had been helping her keep it a secret. Not just that, Roland must have known that Chuck was in France. How had they even managed that? He showed up without any announcement, unless Jenny and the rest of the New York brats had found a way to call and let Blair and Chuck know; that's why Jenny had been stalling. Damn it, he was a fool, he had allowed Blair to get away with everything because he didn't want to push her away, he was done with that, there would be no more allowances being made.

Marcus was seeing red as he made his way downstairs to the formal living room where they were doing the fittings. He walked in and straight to Blair, who was sitting in one of the chairs watching the fitting. "Come with me?"

Blair looked up at Marcus startled, she gave him a smile. She had forgotten how much he hated ribbon cutting ceremonies. "I can't this time, I need to be here for the rest of the fitting. You'll be fine on your own just this one time."

Marcus reached down and grabbed her arm. "I'm not talking about the ribbon cutting Blair, I'm telling you to come with me, immediately." He tightened his fingers on her forearm and began to tug slightly to pull her up.

What was going on? Blair thought as she looked up at Marcus. She had been surprised before and hadn't noticed his irate tone or the look in his eye. Marcus was infuriated and she had no idea why. "You're hurting me." She said softly looking down at her arm.

At that Marcus jerked her to her feet, paying no attention to the other people in the room. He didn't loosen his hold on Blair's arm he simply started walking, dragging her behind him.

As Marcus started off down the hallway and then into the secret passageway, Blair had no choice but to follow or he would have literally been dragging her. "What's going on Marcus? What's wrong?" She said as she stumbled on a set of stairs and he kept walking, pulling her behind him.

Marcus didn't even answer, he didn't think he could without blowing up at her right there and he didn't want to get so mad that he would do something to injure her. So he simply continued walking.

Blair was scared. It had been a long time since she had actually been scared of Marcus. "Let go of me." She said her voice almost pleading. "Or at least loosen your grip a little, you're really hurting me."

"Good." Marcus spat as he continued jerking her up the last set of stairs to the entrance to Cammie's room.

As they approached the doorway, Blair began to reach for her key, she kept it on a bracelet around her wrist but was startled to see the door open. "I didn't leave that unlocked."

Marcus glanced back at Blair as they stood in front of Camille's rooms. "I know, I did."

Blair inhaled sharply, if Marcus had a key to these rooms he could have seen so much, there was so much she had been hiding from him in there. Oh my God, the letters. That's when she knew, Marcus knew about the letters but how? How as that possible? "So wait you've had a key this whole time?" She asked, getting angry as well as anxious. "Have you been spying on me?"

Marcus narrowed his eyes. "No Blair, I have not been spying on you, the other key was in case you ever lost that one. I trusted you. I gave you your own rooms so that you could have privacy. Yet you used them to keep your little secret didn't you?" He asked rhetorically as he began pulling Blair into the rooms and up the stairs once more. As soon as they were inside of Cammie's bedroom he let go of Blair's arm and slammed the door shut.

Blair couldn't help but jump. He was so angry. The only explanation possible was that he had seen the letters yet as she looked over to the desk, she found it locked. She looked back to Marcus and saw a look on his face that she had never seen before. He looked as though he hated her. "You didn't open the drawer." She said softly.

Marcus almost rolled his eyes. Of course he had opened the drawer, he simply wanted to make her do it. "No I thought I would let you do the honors." He said gesturing. "So go ahead, open it."

Blair knew her hand was shaking as she slid the key into the lock and turned it, pulling open the drawer and revealing the letters.

"Pick one and read it." Marcus said menacingly. "Aloud."

That's when she knew, Marcus had already read the letters, he was doing this to punish her. She picked up and random letter and began, doing her best to keep a steady voice. "Blair, your last letter made me laugh. The next time Marcus's mom tries to put you in an ugly wedding dress . . ."

Marcus held up a hand. "Skip to the good part Blair, the last few lines."

Blair glared at Marcus but immediately complied. "I miss you too. I wish I didn't have to miss you. I hate missing you. I sleep a lot now; or so Jenny and Nate tell me. I do it because when I sleep I dream of you and it's almost enough. I love you. Always have, always will, C. Bass."

"Pick another Blair." Marcus ordered.

Blair did, noticing that it was Chuck's first letter. "Blair, It killed me to think that you had left without a word. I turned off my cell dreading the text that you would send but when I turned it back on, your's was the only name I looked for. I read Gossip Girl's posts now only to learn what tiny bit of information that she knows about you, hoping that that will be enough to get me through another day without you."

"You can stop there." Marcus said laughing. "The poor boy seems to really be pining over you doesn't he Blair. It's too bad you didn't get to see more of each other over the Holiday's isn't it?" He said with raised eyebrows.

Blair's eyes went wide. Marcus knew about Christmas in France; he knew that Chuck was there. "Sergio told you?" She finally asked.

Marcus was slightly taken aback. Sergio had known as well. He thought it had just been Roland. "So Sergio knew too? I guess that means I have two employees to fire instead of just one."

"Marcus don't . . ." Blair stopped as Marcus smacked her across the side of her face.

"I would keep my mouth shut if I were you Blair. You are in no position to be arguing someone else's case at the moment." He said speaking down at her. "Now why don't you read one more letter for me and you can go ahead and skip to the second paragraph." He said as he handed her the letter from today.

Blair noticed immediately that this was a new letter. Her first thought was of excitement that Chuck had written her back yet she realized that this was how Marcus had known, he had gotten her letter. "Please, don't be sorry, I know why you did what you did and I'm not angry at you anymore; I never should have been. You were always just doing what was best for me. I didn't mean a word I said that night, I wanted to take it all back immediately but you were already gone. Of course I will still read your letters, they mean so much to me, you mean so much to me. I don't even know why I got so angry with you, I think I was still let down that we never got a chance to run away together in France and I thought being together in London was going to work out. I know now that you are right, it wasn't time; but I refuse to let this second wedding happen Blair. One day you are going to put on the ring I gave you for Christmas, I swear to you that you will. We are going to find a way to be happy, a way to be together. I'm never giving up on us. Always, C. Bass." Blair finished close to tears. Chuck had written her back but somehow in this one letter he managed to reveal all of their secrets, everything that she hadn't been telling Marcus was in the open.

Marcus looked down at her in disgust. "So lets see, you've been writing letters to your secret lover, you had a rendezvous with said lover in France where you were planning on running away together, he was going to come stay in London where you were going to continue to sneak around with him, he intends on preventing our upcoming nuptials, and he has proposed to you. Is that all?" He spat.

Blair was shaking all over at this point, no wonder Marcus was furious. "That's all." She practically whispered.

"Give me the ring." Marcus commanded as he leaned down and jerked her to her feet.

Blair's eyebrows shot up. No, he couldn't do that, he couldn't take it. "I don't have it. Chuck kept it."

This time Marcus did roll his eyes. "I saw where you placed your hand when you read that part of the letter. Now give me the ring or I'll take it myself."

She didn't have a choice, she knew that Marcus wasn't kidding, so Blair reached up with trembling hands and unclasped her necklace before pulling the chain out of her shirt, along with the ring and placing it in Marcus's open palm. As she did she couldn't stop the first tears from falling down her face.

"Don't start crying now. I'm just getting started." Marcus hissed. "You just thought you were in prison before, your every move is going to be watched for the rest of your life. You can say goodbye to any illusion of alone time you might have had. You've lost that privilege along with any other. Nothing is a right for you anymore. You will do what I want, when I want and nothing else. Now sit down, you're going to write a letter."

Blair looked up at Marcus confused. "I don't understand." She knew Marcus wasn't allowing her to give a response to Chuck's letter so it had to be something else.

Marcus smirked. "You are going to write a letter to Chuck, ending things with him permanently. Make him think that you've decided to actually make things work with me and that writing to him is only going to keep you holding on to the past."

"He won't believe it Marcus, he'll know it's not really me." Blair said shaking her head.

"That's the fun part Blair, you've already taken care of that little problem. From the sounds of that last letter you already got close to doing just that, so I'm guessing Chuck will readily believe you." Marcus said handing Blair pen and paper.

Blair shook her head again. "I won't do it Marcus. You can make me marry you, you can treat me like a prisoner, but you can't make me write this letter. "

Marcus laughed before becoming deathly serious. "Write the letter or I'll have Chuck Bass dead within the hour. One phone call is all it would take Blair, one call."

"You wouldn't." Blair said shaking her head in doubt. But even as she did she noticed the way Marcus's eyes gleamed. The man who claimed to love her wasn't there any more; the monster was back.

"Like hell Blair. Now write the damn letter." Marcus spat.

Blair knew she didn't have a choice. Marcus was serious. He would really kill Chuck. All she could do was comply with his wishes. So she did it. She wrote the most difficult letter that she had ever written before handing it to Marcus for approval.

Marcus read the letter carefully, looking for any sign that she was trying to tip Chuck off in the letter. "Good job Princess." He said before brushing his fingers through her hair and watching her shiver at his touch.

Blair's stomach turned at his touch, afraid of what he might want next.

"Don't worry, I'll save that for the wedding night." Marcus said, openly leering. "Now lets get you back to that fitting shall we."

Blair followed him but she could barely breath. She needed a bathroom and knew there wasn't one, so she picked up the trash can next to her desk and puked up the contents of her stomach. This was hell.

A/N: I know it's kind of short and extremely unhappy. Hopefully another chapter soon!

Reviews are always appreciated.

xoxo

kate