AN. If anyone asks I was here writing and you have no idea what happened to that bitches frappe latte...
Oh and here's your JPOV. I got caught up tampering with my avatar and couldn't stop till I was happy, because I'm a magpie like that and get distracted by shiny pointless stuff...
Not all POV's will overlap in the future, I just want to set things up and then we'll start letting them loose
So here it is - hope you like it. If not, don't read! It is after all the crazy workings of my mind, and not many that go in there live to tell the tale.
L x
JPOV
It's a bad idea leaving Bella with him. I just know it. That asshole is up to something, and I'm telling Charlotte because no one can put that fucker in his place like her and I'm not above being a bitch like that.
It's a bad idea.
But she's out of it and not going anywhere, and I'm suddenly back where I was eight years ago and need to get this shit out before I vomit it up all over them, and Bella definitely doesn't need that because she's hollow enough as it is and she doesn't need this fucked up shit filling her back up.
Because I'm a motherfucking empath and was apparently too fucked up to even be able to identify what real love is, and it taunts me daily.
I often hold that moment in the palm of my mind like a snow globe, rotating it, shaking it, and watching the tiny shiny flakes tumble and fall upon the figures frozen in place in a pale room.
The scene is a birthday and the room is polarised by a broken beautiful mess in the corner and a grouping of stone statues on the other side. Rubies drip drip drip from a crystal cut and I press play on the movie in my mind.
The air room is swimming with emotions and I'm tucking in like a fat man at a buffet who has no choice.
Boredom
Anticipation
Spite
Temptation
Amusement
Relief
Decision
Satisfaction
In the wreckage in the corner of the room a light shines steady warm bright and constant and none of these other things that are stabbing at my skin like knives, and I want to run to it and hold it tight and keep the bad things away. My mind makes the decision for me and I do. Waves of bloodlust crash and break upon me like a tsunami before I'm halfway there; I'm caught in the rip tide, dragged kicking and screaming under as set after set of waves roll in.
The light is now a siren, it sings and lures me to it with pretty notes, and I won't stop until its mine.
Suddenly arms are pinning me down and I'm being hauled outside.
I want to dance to the pretty song and bathe in a sea of her blood and this fucker is going to be the first to die cause it's drip drip dripping on the carpet and it should be sliding hot hot hot down my throat, soothing the fire that is roaring there like the surface of the sun!
Waste!
Want it!
Mine!
I envisage my goal and my mind is lapping at the elixir as it pools at the surface of her snowy white skin. Long languid luscious licks that draw more out before I trail my nose up her fragrant skin to that fat juicy vein that just tractors me in like a landing beam before I open my jaw and sink my tee-
The big one plants a shot in my gut.
A reflex my body no longer needs expels the air in my chest as I'm pressed down into the ground by thick steel arms, it gives in inches and I'm choking in soil and grass as my throat claws the unneeded oxygen back in like my life depends on it.
It's fresh.
And clean.
And dirt and grass, and nothing else.
I am myself again.
I don't want to be.
I'm not struggling anymore, the horror of what nearly happened crashes in. A sea of emotion rolls and roils around me. The pure unadulterated paralysing horror is mine. Emmett is still holding me down and feeling sad and an unending loss. The contempt and satisfaction and pleasure are coming from my wife.
I'm unmoving and submissive face down in the dirt, and it all hits me harder than Emmett's fist in my gut.
My life flashes before my eyes and I realise that I am loved like a shoe or a purse and treated with less respect.
They have their own room and can be left unattended on their own.
My wife shrugs at my unasked question and eyeballs the house before turning to Emmett.
"It's alright now Emmett, you can go back now, everything's ok"
His eyes are crying tears that will never spill and it's all my fault. He looks sad for me and that tears a little bit more off my already tarnished soul.
I'm so sorry. For everything. The words are inadequate and it would kill me to speak them aloud but I try convey it anyway to him with everything I have left because what else is there? And I am. So desperately desperately sorry. He is dejected but accepting of my plea and my eyes follow his heavy steps back inside.
The light is still shining in the living room and my eyes connect with hers. I am shamed. It glows brighter and rays of its warmth reach me out here where my face is still pressed into the slick grass and mud, and my body is shivering with chills that have nothing to do with the cool night air, wrapping me in a blanket of comfort, forgiveness and love. And it burns my skin in contrast to the cold that is seeping into my soul as Alice quirks her head and looks down at me like a bug on the ground.
"It's been fun! I'll forward your things on. Don't come back here again"
My wife is speaking these words at me. I know what each of them means. I'm literate. I've got two degrees in the English language and one in Spanish alone.
But I don't understand them. I can't move and I can't say anything, and I'm feeling as dumb as shit because I can't move and I can't say anything!!!
She means it all.
She taps me on the nose like a naughty dog and bounces back to the house.
I recoil like I've been slapped and suddenly I'm running in the darkness and heading south to the only people I can trust.
The light no longer touches me and I'm that little bit colder for it.
The last sixty years of my life have been a lie.
And nobody runs after me.
I press stop, rewind, and play it again and again and again and again and again before I place it back on the shelf.
That night was not all my fault and I know it now, and I know at least one if not two of them knew it then.
I've drained two bob cats and a cougar before I know it, and I'm half way through a sheep before Peter's earlier words catch up with me and I'm spitting that shit back out.
He's going to smell it on me and I'm never going to hear the end of it! Fucking Peter!!!
I lie back on a grassy bank and empty my mind of everything.
I stay there till the sun comes up.
I feel a little bit warmer, but it's not the same.
It's 11 before I'm back from town in a new change of clothes - I can still smell that sheep and so will Peter. Clearing the fence my legs carry me towards the only place I'll ever call home. I'm almost in the door when a wave of pure glee nearly knocks me clean down and I can hear Peter laughing his sparkly ass off inside.
Just, Fucking Peter!!! What was I thinking leaving Bella with that retard! He's going to scare the shit out of her!
Hearing my footsteps ringing out on the flagstones in the entrance way he shuts down the amusement and calls out to me.
"Whitlock I'm fully prepared to throw down on this, I'm keeping her!"
Awww shit, what has he done now...
I'm about to call that bastard every name under the sun and tear him a new one when a raw scratchy voice peals out.
"You. Yes, you. Oh and unknown asshole number two out there. I'm not a fucking house cat to be kept, either get on with it or fuck off. You're disturbing my sleep. Oh and shut the curtains. It's too bright. Not all of us have supervision. I'd like to keep what's left of mine. These are twenty twenty and I've sued for less."
I'm nearly back on my ass again, and somehow by the power of greyskull Peter is limiting ass-knocking his mirth to a light titter?
The scratchy voice rings out again "Seriously? Gaypire?"
BURN! That's one for the bank.
Who is that in there? He better not have fucking eaten Bella! I'm sure as shit not stupid enough to not notice if he's tried to replace her with someone else. If it doesn't work with horses it sure as shit isn't going to work with a human girl.
I stop and scent the air.
It's still freesia.
I open the door and walk into the room, and I'm back on what the fuck. Bella is in fact in the bed. Her and Peter are staring at each other. And nobody is taking any notice of me.
I give them both 20 minutes because I'm a stealthy silent motherfucker and she must be in shock because there's still no emotions coming off her and her eyes are burning a hole in the back of Peter's skull and she hasn't noticed me.
I give them another 20 minutes before I realise that this is going nowhere fast and I'm feeling like a naughty child being ignored in the corner, and I'm actually getting a little pissed right now.
Stepping into their line of vision I'm finally rewarded with a reaction from Miss Swan, but it's nothing like I'm expecting. Not that I know what to expect because apparently I'm back on what the fuck.
I need a new phrase...
"Xanax. What the fuck? I'm on my way to major interspecies victory here and you choose now to get involved? You have all eternity. Take a seat and think about something pretty"
Guess she did notice me.
I'm almost tempted to sit down and think about something pretty before I remember that I'm a badassed motherfucking soldier of death, Major no less, and I don't take shit from anyone anymore, especially ninety pound soaking wet little girls!
"Bella?" Because I'm seriously beginning to wonder if the last time Peter punched me in the nose for accidentally checking out his wife's rack didn't break something and I'm scenting skills have gone to shit, because I'm almost not sure if this is her.
"What happened to you?"
There's a pause.
I wait.
Maybe it's not her, this girl looks confused.
"Bite me Hale."
Oh yeah, it is.
....
....
....
....
I've got no idea what to say to that cause ummm.... yeah.... I did try take a bite out of her but my massive vampire brain has decided to short and I can't think of any way to explain what happened right now that doesn't make me sound like a whiny bitch.
Peter is darting his eyes backwards and forwards between the two of us and watching like this is the greatest show on earth.
I'm still hoping someone is going to say something because someone has stolen all of my words and the english language is currently a mystery to me.
Bella is still looking expectantly at me.
Peter has reacted the only way he knows how to and throws shit at me.
Because that's really going to help you asswipe!!!!! I bat the pillow away in annoyance and it fucking spilts open EVERYWHERE and I am NOT picking those up. Ok maybe I am being a whiny bitch right now, but those things stick everywhere and you never get them all! I've bitten a few pillows in my time, I would know.
It's this little innocuous thing that sucks all the air out of the room.
Bella has stopped the stare down with me and is looking with suprise at a single feather that balances on the tip of a finger.
For a moment there is nothing, there is silence and everything is still. Hurricane Bella has just rolled in and the pressure is way fucking low, then my mind is on fire, and apparently so is the heart I didn't think I had because that bitch is burning too.
Time loses all meaning and there is a body next to me writhing on the floor. I know who it is and I want to help but DAMN! This is worse than the change and I can't even focus enough to try manufacture and pump out something to counteract this!
My body knows how to stop this though because it's moving itself across the floor and my hand is reaching out to circle Bella's wrist.
Spark!
A circuit switches, she blinks, normality returns to the room, and she's looking at us totally non plussed and not like she just knocked two vampires on their collective asses.
She obviously decides we aren't worth her time right now, rolls over and drifts off to sleep.
I'm not sure what just happened.
I look at Peter.
He's not sure what just happened.
Thankfully one of us has regained the ability to use their brain and conjur words because he looks me dead in the eye and mutters "what the fuck!"
We really need a new phrase.
So there's your JPOV. Updates probably won't happen till the weekend now because I apparently have to do actual work for my pay cheque. Not sure where I was when this discussion took place but apparently jotting down the random workings of my mind and plotting office caffeine domination with my resistance comrades doesn't count! Who knew?!?
But I have just written a few cheeky future sections, and I'd taunt you with some teasers but I'm feeling greedy and don't want to share right now :p