I do not own 'Frozen or anything related'.
Warning. The following paragraph contains spoilers regarding 'Scorched, or The Fire Prince', by Erinmilne. If you are interested in reading her story, and don't want to be spoiled, please scroll down to where it says 'End of Spoilers'.
(The Commentator was reading a book entitled 'Scorched, or The Fire Prince,' by Erinmilne)
Commentator: Oh Hans. Hansy Hansy Hansy Hans! How could you possibly fall for such an obvious ruse? In fact, why does every villain seem to fall for this? You know, this would never happen to Eric Yamaru!
Sammy The Slug: Eric Who?
Commentator: Eric Yamaru! Only the greatest mind of our time! Also the antagonist of a certain Pokemon fanfic WHICH IS STILL UNFINISHED I MAY ADD!
Sammy: Oh hey! I remember that guy! He shouted at his Dotrio for misunderstanding him during a dance audition to "dance, dance like you've never danced before' to mean to dance like he's never danced before.
Commentator: Ah, good times. Ahem, so yeah if he was in Hans' - I mean the Fire Prince's- position and some random good character came up to him and said they wanted to defect, he would be like "Yeah, I'm not buying it," and she would be like "What?" And he would say "You really think you can fool me? I know you're just pretending to defect just so you can double cross me later!" And she would say "No, no I really want to join you!" And he would be like, "Nope. Not risking it. Sorry!" And then raises his hand, shoots a stream of fire and then she would be melting and screaming and Olaf would be like "OLGA NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" And Eric would be like "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yes, YES! Show me your paiiiiiiiiiin!"
Sammy: Wait, can people in Pokemon shoot fire?
Commentator: Nnnnnnnnnnnnno, although in certain other variations of the character he can, which could be published if someone got off his -
(The Professor appears and whispers something to the Commentator)
Commentator: What's that? We're on? C**P! (Throws the book away, hitting a sign saying 'End of spoilers'). Welcome back my non-fairy tale and snow queen wannabe friends to the latest installment in 'Frozen: What could have happened!" Before we begin let's take a look at some of the reviews you've sent us. PROFESSOR! OPEN THE SHOOT!
Professor: Wait a minute, where did you even get a hard copy of 'Scorched'? It is a piece of fanfiction online!
Commentator: That's a long story.
(The professor does so, and out pops three envelopes.)
Commentator: WAIT A MINUTE, WE GOT MORE THAN ONE REVIEW THIS TIME ROUND? How is that even possible?
Professor: Perhaps people heard Erinmilne's pleas.
Commmentator: -Still a little suspicious though. Well anyway, let's take a look. This one is from a guest:
Elsa should return in Frozen: What Could Have Happened, shouldn't she?
Whhhhat is this person talking? Elsa was in the last chapter, heck she's been in every chapter apart from the first and 'For the First Time in Forever'!
Professor: I think this person is referring to the fact that Elsa is generally referred to as 'the Snow Queen' in our story.
Commentator: - And that's caused a great controversy?
Professor: Apparently.
Commentator: Huh. Well there is a reason as to why apart from her introduction whenever she's around she's only referred to as 'the Snow Queen'!
Professor: Our second review comes from Erinmilne:
A hilarious callback to the "Meet Kristoff" and "Wolf Chase" scenes. Hanna's reaction to Gerda giving her reindeer a voice is PRICELESS! And the part where Kai meets Els - sorry, the Snow Queen - is pretty heartwarming. I'm impressed!
P. S. Thanks SO much for reading Scorched. You have no idea what this means to me! I look forward to seeing that review!
Yeah, despite the fact that I enjoyed Frozen the one flaw it had (aside from Grand Pabbie removing Anna's memories which was supposed to keep her safe but really just created this rift between the two sisters or how Grand Pabbie told Elsa that fear would be her enemy yet showing this scary image only ensured that she became afraid or how they tried to raise Elsa was really mishandling the situation, I mean instead of allowing Anna to learn from her mistakes they just wiped her memory so she couldn't learn from her mistake and keeping Elsa's powers a secret again helped create said rift, I mean from what we saw at the beginning Elsa had a pretty good grip on her powers and she only struck Anna because she accidentally missed and really teaching her to be separated from everyone else and to be afraid of her powers only really assured the situation that cause the eternal winter in the first place! On top of that Hans speaking at one point where twirling a moustache wouldn't have been out of place.) is this. Why the heck was Kristoff doing the Sven voice after the wolves chase scene? It made no sense! I mean fine when he was teasing him with the carrot, or singing, but why would you just randomly give your reindeer a voice during that scene?
Sammy: Our third review is from-
Commentator: Oh, sorry, Sammy, but we've gone over our quota, so we don't have time for any more reviews.
Sammy: WHAT? But - but Boss, this is the first chance in AGES that I've got to respond to a review and now - now, WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Professor: Um, Sir, maybe we should let him read the final review. I mean it has been a while since he's had a chance and he might not get it in the future.
Commentator: Prof, I would love to let Sammy read the final review, but sadly we've passed out quota, there's nothing I can do about it.
I think I'll let it slide just this once.
Commentator: oh, damn you Anonymius!
Sammy: YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Our final review is also from a guest:
Elsa's not dead, is she?
Commentator: What, no, of course she's not dead! Why does this guest think she's dead, I mean we featured her in the last chapter.
Professor: I think again Sir that this reviewer is referring to the fact that Elsa is only referred to as 'the Snow Queen'.
Commentator: What is it that people have with Elsa being only known as - WAIT A MINUTE, WERE THESE TWO REVIEWS SENT BY THE SAME PERSON?
Professor: There is that strong possibility, Sir. Either that or a number of our readers who don't have accounts have issues with Elsa's name never being used.
Commentator: Well anyway, here's the next chapter, 'An Aching Heart'!
The Snow Queen was staring out of one of her windows at the frozen landscape, as she was wont to do now and again.
"Mistress! Mistress, come quick!"
Olaf was running to meet her.
"What is it, Olaf?"
"It's Kai, Mam! I think he's sick!"
The Snow Queen strolled to where Kai was, with Olaf trailing along. Kai was crouched on the floor, shivering.
"Leave us," The queen told her snowman.
"Yes, Mistress."
Olaf bowed and trotted away. The Snow Queen walked towards Kai.
"What is the matter with you?"
"So...cold," Kai managed to say, "So very...cold."
The queen saw that Kai was all huddled up, his fingers shaped like claws. He even looked a bit blue. It took a moment for Elsa to realise what was wrong.
"Oh that's right! Sorry, I forget how cold affects humans!"
Bending down, she kissed him on the forehead. For a moment, he glowed blue. When the glow had vanished Kai had returned to his normal colour, and was able to straighten.
"Feeling better?"
Kai managed to stand up.
"Yes, Ma'am! Alot better!"
"I have placed a charm on you that will protect you from the cold for now."
"Thank you, mam! May I have another?"
Elsa smiled.
"I'm afraid not! Another kiss, and the cold will go to your head! And another after that would go to your heart, and I can't have you having a frozen heart if I want you to fix the mirror."
Elsa heard rumbling. She looked at Kai, who was looking down at his stomach.
"You hungry?"
"A little."
Elsa smiled again.
"How about some refreshments?"
She waved her hand across the ground. A pedestal rose out of it, and on top appeared a large plate with a number of foodstuffs: something that was white and creamy; scoops of food Kai had never seen before that was white and blue with cracks in them; and blue snow. next to it was a large glass full of more blue snow with a straw. A spoon was next to it all.
"Try the scoops," Elsa suggested, making a glass full of water appear in her hand. She put her fingers above the glass, and two ice cubes fell into it.
Kai grabbed the spoon and dug it into the blue scoops, putting what he had got on his spoon in his mouth. It was delicious. He tried the rest of the food.
"Did you enjoy that?" Asked Elsa, once he was done.
"Yeah!" Kai replied enthusiastically, drinking the drink made out blue snow, "I especially like that creamy stuff! Not so sure about that scoop, though," He pointed, realizing that it was of a different taste and texture from the others, "Although it's a shame it all only seems to come in at least two flavours."
"I'm afraid there aren't that many colours available when it comes to snow and ice!"
Kai looked down at his plate.
"Is this really all you eat?"
"Well there isn't much out here that is edible! Besides it has helped me keep slim over the years."
"Well if you were to come to my village, I'm sure we can find other things for you!"
Elsa's smile faded.
"We can even find a way to give your food different flavours."
The Snow Queen turned away.
"That - is not possible."
"Not possible? Why?"
The queen started to walk away.
"I do not belong in your world. I belong here, in the world of snow and ice."
"Why? Why can't you-"
"I just can't!" The Snow Queen snapped.
As she stared at Kai's shocked face, her features softened.
"For so long," She started to explain, "I was taught that if anyone was to find out about my powers, that they wouldn't understand, and would only fear and hate me. And when my powers were revealed, the look on everyone's face...I can never be accepted in the mortal world. To them, I will always seem like a monster."
For a moment, there was only silence between the queen and her captive.
"Can I ask a favour?" Kai eventually asked.
"What is it?"
"I know you said that you would send me back home once I have fixed this mirror. But - is it possible if I could stay here?"
Elsa was taken aback by this question.
"Stay here? Why?"
"Why? Because this is a palace! Made of ice! Everything here is so big, so beautiful, so clear, so structured, so, so, so, so perfect! Everything back home is small and rotten and and smelly and filthy - the only time that changes is during winter, but that can't really cover everything, or do anything about the other people!"
Elsa frowned.
"Well, there must be something you miss about your home. Like your family?"
"I don't care for my family. My father's a peasant, my mother's always trying to smother me, and my grandmother is a wrinkly senile old hag! And then there's my sister. My little bratty sister, she's always trying to get in my way, never leaving me alone."
What Kai was saying Elsa found troubling.
"Well, maybe that's because she only loves you and wants to be with you?"
"Yeah well I don't love her. To be honest I'd be much happier if everyone left me alone."
Elsa glanced at where Kai's heart would be, and then she remembered. The mirror shard. The mirror shard stuck in his heart is what's making him say all these things. Elsa wondered how differently Kai would feel about his family without it. She also wondered why it unsettled her so, this boy expressing his distaste and lack of love for his sister. Kai suddenly smiled.
"But I'd be much happier if I was to live with you."
"I'm afraid that's not possible either. You cannot stay in my world, no more than I can live in yours."
"Why not? Your charm protects me from the cold-"
"It is only a temporary measurement, meant to give you enough time to finish fixing the mirror, and too many kisses can become detrimental to you."
"Well, maybe I could come here again, when I'm older. You know, just for a holiday or something?"
Elsa stared in this boy's wide eyed, trusting face.
"Where is Olaf?" The Snow Queen suddenly said, "Go find Olaf so you two can finish fixing the mirror."
Kai nodded, and ran away. Before he left the hall, he stopped and turned around to give one more look at the queen.
"For what it's worth, I don't think you're a monster."
Elsa stared at Kai.
"You don't?"
"I meant what I said before. You're the most beautiful woman I've ever met in the entire world."
Elsa smiled.
"You are a sweet boy."
After Kai left, the Snow Queen shook her head.
"Get it together," She told herself, "Control, don't feel. DON'T feel!"
She could not let this boy take root in her heart. She could not let anyone root in her heart, but especially this boy. Especially due to what must be done.
A couple of the snowmen guards were bored. In fact, all of the guards were bored. The only time anything exciting happened was when someone tried to attack, but it had been a long time since anyone had tried to do that. Even the snow bees were bored, just hovering in the air, doing nothing.
"So what do you wanna do?" one of the guards asked the other.
"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
"I don't know. What do you wanna do?"
Over and over they kept asking the same question, with nothing coming out of the conversation, as had happened before. Eventually, one of the guards became fed up.
"Okay, look, we do this every time. One of us says "what do you wanna do?", and the other replies, "I don't know. What do you wanna do?" and in the end we just keep going back and forth, and although it was a good way to pass the time the first time, let's do something!"
"Okay. What do you wanna do?"
The other guard curled his fist, shaking.
"I know what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna knock your freezing head off!"
Suddenly something knocked in his leg. The guard looked down, to see that Olaf had accidentally bumped into him, his mind elsewhere.
"Er, hi Marshmellow!" Olaf greeted, "Icy! What are you guys up to?"
The guard nicknamed Marshmellow looked at the other one named Icy. They gave each other an evil smile. They had found something to do.
"Olaf, why aren't you fixing the queen's mirror?" Marshmellow asked.
"Oh, she gave me time off while taking care of our visitor."
"A likely story. I think you're just skiving off your duties. And we don't take kindly to those who disobey the queen's orders, do we, Icy?" He said to the other guard, who shook his head.
"No, no! I really am! Just speak to the queen, she'll tell you!"
Marshmellow bent down to look at Olaf.
"Why don't we show you what we do to those who disobey the queen's orders?"
Kai heard yelling. He ran to see who it was. Marshmellow and Icy, chuckling, had separated Olaf into his head, upper and lower body, kicking them on the spot and to each other like footballs. The Snow bees were also buzzing with excitement, having had nothing to do or see until now.
"THIS-ISN'T-FUN!" Olaf yelled.
"Hey, leave him alone!" Kai cried out, before he knew what he was doing. He stood between the snowmen, trying to stop them from passing Olaf to each other, even though they were much bigger than him.
"Hey kid," Marshmellow growled, "What do you think you're doing?"
Kai wasn't entirely sure himself.
"Let him go NOW!" He shouted before he could stop himself.
"Or what?"
Marshmellow bent down to look at Kai.
"What exactly are you going to do about it?"
Kai held his gaze at the snow man.
"Nothing. Didn't think so."
Thinking of nothing else, Kai started kicking Marshmellow in the leg. It wasn't exactly causing him any pain, as he and Icy roared with laughter.
"Aw, look at the little human try to fight the big snowman! So adorable!"
Kai saw a vase on a table nearby. Grabbing this, he threw it at Marshmellow's head as he continued to kick Olaf about. It smashed on impact. Marshmellow looked shocked. He then roared as ice spikes sprouted from him. The guard raised his claw like hand to strike Kai down.
"Marshmellow, no!"
The other guard stopped him.
"This child is important to the Queen. If anything was happened to him, you know her penalty will be severe."
Marshmellow considered this.
"This stopped being fun anyway."
He threw the compilation of Olaf to the ground, what counted as his head impacting first.
"Come on, let's go."
The snowmen guards started to walk away.
"You're just lucky that the Snow Queen thinks you're valuable," Marshmellow snarled at Kai, "But be warned. Once your usefulness has run out, you'll no longer be under the queen's protection. Then it's free game after that."
And they walked away. Kai went over to Olaf.
"Are you all right?"
"Oh yeah!" Olaf said as he was helped back up, "They were just having a laugh, my brothers."
Kai saw that the way he was put back together was mixed up; His lower body at the top, his head upside down in the middle, and his upper body at the bottom.
"Here, let me help you."
Kai pulled off his lower body and head, then placed the upper body on top of the lower body before finishing off with the head.
"There! Now I'm perfect!" Olaf stated.
Kai frowned.
"Well, almost."
Looking at the snowman, Kai couldn't help but feel that something was missing. Looking at his face, he realized what it was. He didn't have a nose. There probably weren't carrots here, anyway! Wait a minute...
Kai put his hand in his pocket, and pulled out the carrot that Gerda had given him.
"Hold still," Kai told Olaf, leveling the carrot.
"Why?"
"Trust me, you'll thank me later."
And he lodged the carrot in his face.
"OW!" Olaf yelped
"Are you all right?"
Olaf looked down at what Kai had put in him, and gasped.
"Are you kidding? I've always wanted a nose! You were right! Thank you!"
"Ouch!" Kai winced, clutching his chest.
"Are you okay?"
"I think so."
Kai realized that his heart was hurting.
"You know, I know what it's like, being picked on by others," Kai told Olaf.
He remembered his former friends bullying him over the years. True they never kicked him about like those snow men were doing to Olaf (literally). The worst they did was push him into the snowy ground.
"If you love snow so much," Thomas told him, "Then why don't you marry it. Go on. Kiss it. KISS IT!"
As much as Kai loved snow and ice, he did not love doing that.
"Oh they didn't mean any harm!" Olaf told him cheerfully, "Little brothers can be such scamps!"
"Little...brothers?"
"Well yeah, they're my little brothers! I was the first snowman the Queen made and all the others came after!"
"Okay. Oh, the Queen wanted me to fetch you. Come on, let's fix the mirror."
As they walked back to where the mirror was, Kai placed his hand on Olaf's should "And I can show you how to put it together."
As they walked back, something occurred to Kai. Why was he being nice to Olaf? Why did he help him like that? Why did he try to save someone else? True he was bullied at home, but it wasn't like he ever stood up for anyone else being picked on as well. Maybe it was because Olaf was made of snow rather than flesh that made him give a darn, but still.
And why was it that his heart was suddenly hurting?
"So why did the Snow Queen take your brother?" Hanna asked.
"Oh, I don't know," Was Gerda's reply.
"Come on, Kid, you must have some idea as to why he was taken?"
"No, I don't!" Gerda told her, "And will you stop calling me kid? I have a name you know!"
"Actually I don't. What is your name?"
"It's Gerda."
Hanna's face was expressionless. She then tried to muffle her laughter.
"Seriously? That's your name? Gerda?"
"What's wrong with my name?"
"Oh, nothing. It's a good name, it just sounds like something women would strap around themselves in order to hide just how chubby they are! Some men, too."
"I have you know it's a very common, distinguished name! It means - actually I'm not sure what my name means - but whatever it is I'm sure it's distinctive!"
"Sure, whatever you say. So what's your brother's name, then? Beltus?"
"Actually it's Kai."
"Kai? Well that sounds somewhat cool, at least."
"Well what's your name then?" Gerda asked hotly.
"If you must know it's Hanna."
"Hanna? That's a pretty name."
"Hey whoa whoa whoa whoa none of that! I don't do any of that girly stuff, so no saying how pretty I am or how I should wear make up or how I should curtsy and don't even expect me to talk about boys!"
"Wow. And back home they said I was a tomboy."
Hanna stared at her.
"You? A tomboy? No offence, kid, but so far I've seen nothing of you that seems - well - tomboyish."
"It's just that back home all the other girls liked playing with dolls and talking about boys, whereas I was more interested in playing games like snow ball fights and Bandy."
"Bandy?"
"It involves knocking a stone around with sticks."
"Ah right. So let me get this straight. Your home village thought you acted like a boy - just because you liked to do more active things?"
"That pretty much sums it up, yeah. Course I was never into that whole eating boogers thing, but -"
"What?"
"Oh yeah. I heard that all boys and men pick their nose and eats their boogers."
Hanna considered this.
"Well yeah if they're toddlers! And I don't think the girls are any different either! Kid I hung around with a bunch of men for most of my life and they were the foulest, filthiest, most disgusting men with the least concern for hygiene than anyone else on the planet, and not once did I ever see them consume their mucus! Well apart from one, maybe, but even then it was only one time! Who told you that all men eat their boogers? Let me guess, some lady who thought all women were dainty pure-hearted things whereas men are just disgusting pigs?"
"Well actually-"
"Well we're here."
Gerda looked to see what was ahead. There was what looked like a large city, or rather the ruins of a large city.
"What - is that?"
"That - is Arendelle".
To be continued in the next chapter.
Warning. The below paragraph also contains spoilers regarding Erinmilne's 'Scorched, or The Fire Prince.'
(The Commentator is continuing to read 'Scorched'. His eyes widen as he bring the book closer.)
Commentator: WAIT A MINUTE! She really WAS defecting? Huh. Wow, if Eric found out about that after melting her, he would be like "Wait, what?" And the other person would be like "Yeah, turns out she really was defecting," and then Eric would be like "But whenever suddenly says that they want to defect it's always just to trick the bad guy so that they can double cross him later!" And the other guy is like "Nope. Not this time," and then Eric would be like "Are you seriously trying to tell me that the one time that someone tries to anticipate a double cross, it's the one time when someone says "I want to join you", and MEAN it?" and he would be like "Pretty much, yeah," and Eric would be like "Wow. Now I feel stupid. " and the other guy would be like "If it's any consolation she would have lied to you about Olaf being dead later," and Eric would be like "Well there's that! But still, damn you-"
Professor: Sir, will you stop obsessing over your alter ego?
Commentator: NEVER!