AN. So. I started this story a week ago and at this moment in time 985 of you non sparkly fools have had a cheeky little sneak and peak and refreshed 3,121 pages (just found this little section with all sorts of graphs and charts – booyah! I've got stats to backup my madness now!) and yeah, I may have read that and had a little prance around my room.
You. Guys. Made. Me. Prance.
Like a little bitch.
I hope you're all very happy with yourselves as a piece of my soul died when that prancing finished and I realised what I'd done... I had to glare at my friend's kittens this evening just to bring the force back into balance! KITTENS!!! Innocent kittens!!! She invites me into her house with the promise of free pizza, beer, and a whole host of new x-factor fools to mock, because yeah we enjoy being bitches like that... and I glare at her new kittens. I've been moved out of the coach section and into business class on the plane to hell.
At least i'll get the complementary wash bag...
Some of you have also started to pimp the story out and asked me if this is ok, and yeah I promised my mum I'd never do this but I need to pay back those uni loans so... ok...
I'm new and inexperienced (leans over, flutters eyelashes and runs a finger up the inside of your leg) but i'm eager and willing to please... whore away!
So in light of my new spank me on my ass and call me your bitch status, your love of all things chairpire and j-emo, and especially the new and improved bella-fucking-swan (because you guys seem to like the fact that she found her lost spine – chairpire was hiding it btw), oh and charlotte because she's fun and has awesome shoes, here's some JPOV, then some BPOV, and then a little bit more JPOV! I know, I'm just too good to you – don't tell the real world, I've got a reputation to uphold and you're only endangering the kittens...
So where were we.... oh yeah, they think Char has just eaten Bella...
Chairpire wishes...
JPOV
I am ice.
The world has stopped.
The pure unadulterated paralysing horror is once again mine.
Bella...
Her name echoing through my head releases the bullet from the gun and I'm off.
A resounding crack behind me booms in my wake.
My legs and arms pump with purpose, my muscles anticipating the adrenaline that will never flow.
There is a slowing beat coming from the house in front of me and my body targets it and locks on.
Maybe I can save her like she saved me.
Bella... I'm so sorry.
My hands are reaching out, light envelopes me and I'm gone.
BPOV
I'm so tempted to divorce the bed and runaway with this shower. Maybe I can keep one on the side and have them both...
Massage jets are embedded all over the tiles and a monsoon showerhead the size of an umbrella is kissing droplets of hot soft water lovingly over every inch of my skin as I sit back on the heated ledge that lines one wall of this box of joy.
This, this is my heaven.
The surface of my skin is glowing a fiery red as the heat melts millimetre by millimetre further into my muscles and bones.
The dirt and grime has been shed in a cloud of peach foam and bubbles that danced and popped in the air, and has vanished into the drain in the floor.
I actually feel warm.
It's beautiful and almost foreign. I want to stay right here in this moment forever.
I lean my head forwards and bury myself in the river of warmth, as my body wracks with a sudden shiver and a cool breeze buffets my skin.
...
...
Something's different.
...
...
Hang on...
This wasn't here a second ago...
Maybe I'm hallucinating. They said this could happen.
Odd choice.
...
...
I take a moment.
Close my eyes.
Centre myself.
Breathe deep.
Exhale.
In through the nose, out through the mouth.
Open them again.
And look down.
...
...
Yes.
That is Jasper.
In. The. Shower.
With. Me.
...
...
Arms and legs and body wrapped around me and huffing at me like I'm a new stick of glue as the water diverts and coils around our conjoined form. Steam swirls in intricate whorls as the tiny drops catch the light and sparkle rainbow bright under the halogen bulbs, before coalescing and raining crystal like into his hair, as his clothes bleed dark under the gathering wet.
One hand does in fact have a rather firm grip on my ass. The other. Well that's currently under my right breast, fingers trying to melt themselves into my skin. His legs have blended with mine and pushed me back on to the heated ledge.
Half of my body is on fire. The other half frozen.
I'm not sure which.
"Fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Charlotte said she could smell you all over me but at least buy a girl dinner and some flowers J-emo. What would your mamma say!"
His eyes find mine through a wet matted mess of golden curls and something screams echoing back there deep and full of dark. He has seen the pain of life, it is etched into his soul, and he is still here. A survivor. Living but not living. Like me.
He blinks.
It's gone.
He suddenly looks aware that he is in fact holding me naked in the shower like a long lost lover.
"Holy shit!"
"Decided to come back to the really world? Nice to see you too. Now, hand me a towel or finish the job..."
He stumbles backwards looking dazed and confused and almost goes through the glass shower door that he must have somehow managed to prop open on his way in.
I'm not sure what is the more pressing question at the minute a) the fact that I've just made a vampire stumble. Me. Bella Swan. Reformed lifetime member of Stumbler's Anonymous. Or b) what the fuck was Jasper doing huffing and grabbing at my ass in the shower.
His hands are pressing into his eyes and his shock and embarrassment is projecting everywhere. Fortunately every inch of my skin is still hot and glowing from the shower that is still tinkling away in the background or his sheer mortification would be producing the world record breaker of blushes. And I haven't blushed in a long time.
He's stuttering and mumbling all kinds of shit at warp speed and I am still naked. After six months of post chemo sponge baths when I was too weak to make it to the bathroom, and two years of rest stop cleanups I'd pretty much lost all sense of shyness. I'm only seeing the funny as he stumble paces all jittery back and forth with his fingertips rubbing repeatedly across his face.
"oh god ... your hair! ... thought you were dead ... warm ... charlotte ... oh god ... my eyes ... naked! ... eaten ... shitfuck!"
Guess I'm getting my own towel then. I reached out a grab one from the rack just outside the door and HELLO! this thing apparently warms them too nice and I'm wondering if there's a way to mate the sheets and the towels because we could parachute the offspring into the middle east and hey presto everyone's happy and singing kumbaya round the campfire! Science has to have a way to achieve this, I mean come on they kept Jacko alive for that long... I'm going to write my suggestions to the senator of this fine state when I Google his ass and find out who the fuck he is.
Jasper's still muttering and flailing wildly and I'm concern for the safety of the glass door. It would be a tragedy if I didn't get a second go around in there.
On his next trip back round I reach out and brush the matted hair from his face.
JPOV
Warm.
Light.
Safe.
Home.
Warm.
I'm sooooo warm.
My mind is bobbing and floating along a river of peace. I'm wrapped in a blanket of softness, and I want to lie back on the deck, bask in the glow of the sun, and let the current take me all the way out to the sea. I want to stay here forever, in the warm and the light, but there's a buzzing in the background that is getting progressively louder.
And why am I wet...?
Has the boat tipped over?
I don't want to but my eyes open and the sun and the river aren't there. My mind feels the loss and memories of my existence come rushing back as two pools of molten chocolate pull me in and drown me.
I blink.
Maybe when I open my eyes the sun and the river will come back...
My eyes open and water is streaming across my face.
For a moment I almost believe I'm crying. Then my peripheral vision scans the scene.
I'm in the shower?
Maybe that's the warm.
Why am I in the shower?
Hang on... someone else is the shower with me...
My arms and legs are holding them to me like a survivor clinging to the rocks in a storm.
Who the fuck am I holding on to?
Why is there a heartbeat...
"Holy shit!"
BELLA!!!!!!
"Decided to come back to the really world? Nice to see you too. Now, hand me a towel or finish the job..."
Oh god! Bella!
Bella's dead!
I stagger back away from this apparition that taunts me with flesh and heat, smelling like peaches and flowers, with beads of water that slide down down down... My fingers try to rub the image from my eyes but it's burned in there, painted in painstaking detail on the back of my eyelids and it's not coming away.
There is a whooshing drum beating in the background. Each beat is trying to knock something into my head but I'm not sure what.
Then it hits me. The drum is her heart.
And I was in the shower with Bella.
Bella, who was naked in the shower.
And I had my arms wrapped around her pinning her to me.
And she was naked!!!
My hands are burning with the residual heat of her skin and the left side of my face is on fire where it was pressed into the soft flesh of her stomach.
So soft...
She's alive!!!
But Charlotte, and that piece of her hair! I thought she was dead!
Oh god the warm was Bella and I was all over her, naked, in the shower!
Charlotte! You devious bitch! I thought you'd eaten her, but she's alive and behind my eyes naked, not eaten. Oh shitfuck!
And oh god I've been rambling this all out and I'm still in the damn bathroom.
With Bella.
Who is still nake-
Fire is blazing across my forehead and I'm suddenly aware that I've just stopped pacing. When did I start pacing? Tiny fingers are wrapping around the hands that are trying to rub my mortification from my eyes, which is not fucking working! and pulling them gently from my face.
Oh thank god she's found a towel!
I think...
Bad Jasper! No!
I can't look her in the eyes but my face is being tugged up against my will to meet hers.
"Can I get dressed or are you going to watch that too?"
She sounds amused. Well that's just fucking great, I'm glad one of us is! Because I think I've just found a new way to kill a vampire and it involves pure and utter mortification.
"I'll just be errr... leaving... so yeah... It's been nice seeing you again Bella"
I'm out and through the bathroom door before I'm even sure if the words having registered with her. Darting into the living room and folding myself into brown leather armchair before covering my face with my hands again as I run over the end of that clusterfuck.
"It's been nice seeing you again Bella? What the fuck! You moron Jazz!!!"
"I concur Major. Do you concur Peter?"
"Char, my love, my sweets, lady of my heart, I motherfucking concur"
Oh fuck.
I look up and the two of them are seated opposite me, eyes dancing with amusement, their faces trying to hold back the smirks that are radiating unbound from their emotions.
Peter is holding the right side of his face as it fuses back on.
When did that happen?
Oh yeah, that crack as I sprinted off to the house... damn!
"Got a little somethin' on your face there peety?" I smirk at him.
"Oh you can shut up as well. Got anything to tell me? Anything to do with the reason you're dripping all over my couch?" She's cocking a well defined eyebrow at me and shit I'm actual a little afraid...
"I told you they were rude! Can't get the staff these days"
Bella has just strolled casually into the room, lightly rubbing a towel over her still damp hair, in a new set of clothes that fit snugly over her fully grown adult form.
Little Bella grew up...
It takes a moment and a double take to register the words on the t-shirt that is spread tightly across her ample chest before I recoil back. What the fuck?
'Vampires. You can bite my un-sparkly human ass'
She sits down on the only other free chair and folds her legs up underneath her, cocks her head and squints at me, her eyes searing into mine.
"J-emo you're so uptight if I shoved a lump of coal up your ass, in two weeks, you'd have a diamond. Chillax. Although... Char do you know where I can get a lump of coal? I like shiny things and Jazz here can put that second power of his to good use. I'll share if we can come to some kind of arrangement about those boots you're sporting there"
I have to shake my head to clear the myriad of thoughts that are rolling through – it doesn't help that every other one is from that shower...
Time to get some answers.
p.s Luvmesomejasper, did you catch that little bit of ferris bueller in there? That, was all for you! Because I'm awesome like that and I love me some 80s! Huzzah!