A/N: So I was surprised to find that I had an extra chapter written for this fanfic than I thought, which means you guys get an update! Yay! Bear with me through this chapter and remember what I've said in reviews, not everything is what it first appears to be.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL
Rated: T mostly for language.
Thanks so much to my lovely reviewers for your constant support: ana12, Sw33tHeart21, EZ11, CarolinaGirl21, LitPrincess2787, odyjha, tvrox12, smartin555, KB22, xoxogg4lifexoxo, ggff-fan, annablake, and EmilyEcstatic
Blair stood wringing her hands as she waited for the car to arrive. She looked the picture perfect bride to be. Her sun dress pressed, her makeup precise, and not a curl on her head was out of place; but inside she was in turmoil. It was three days before the wedding and her friends were to arrive any minute. She had been dealing with everything so well but her friends could potentially make this a lot more difficult. They would do everything that they could to try to talk her out of this and if Chuck came who knew what would actually happen. As far as Chuck was concerned, she had been trying to keep herself pessimistic. She had been telling herself for over a week now that there was no way he would come after that awful letter; but her heart wasn't hearing it. Her heart was certain that he would show. Chuck loved her and he wouldn't miss an opportunity to see her, no matter the consequences or her opinion of the situation. Chuck never gave up; not when it came to them. The last song on the original iPod playlist had told her that much. He would always come for her. Blair could see Marcus approach out of the corner of her eye but she remained staring straight forward towards the doorway even when he addressed her.
Marcus wanted nothing more than to shake Blair until she cried; to do something, anything to bring the real Blair back. He had seen glimpses of her over the past few weeks in moments where she was caught off guard but nothing more. And regardless of what he had said to her, he didn't want this Blair, he wanted the real thing. There were a million other girls out there who could fill the role she was filling right now, albeit maybe not quite so precisely, but no one could be his Blair. It infuriated him that she didn't even glance his way as he spoke to her. "My driver just called they're pulling up the drive right now."
Blair gave a curt nod and stood from her place on the settee in the foyer; giving no more acknowledgement that she had heard Marcus at all. She took a deep breath before slowly exhaling. All she had to do was convince them that she was okay, that she had moved on to Marcus. That's why at that moment she reached out a hand and took hold of his, ignoring his curious look. This had to be a solid performance or they would never buy it.
Marcus's eyebrows shot up as he felt Blair's hand close over his. It took him a moment to realize that she was doing this to put up a united front. For whatever reason she didn't want them to think that the letter had been forced; she wanted them to believe that she had moved on and was happy or at very least content. It puzzled him but then dawned on him just how much she cared about her friends being happy and they weren't going to be happy if they thought she was miserable. He would play along, in fact the simple act of holding her hand had his heart pounding as though he were a fifth year school boy. As the door open he braced himself, he hadn't asked his driver whether or not Chuck had come with the group, knowing that dwelling on Chuck's possible arrival wouldn't do him any good.
Blair didn't have to force the smile that lit up her face as Serena stepped through the doorway and a mass of blond hair clouded her vision. "S!" She practically shrieked as her oldest friend enveloped her in a hug.
"It's so good to see you B." She spoke wrapping her arms tightly around Blair. It had been too long since they had seen each other especially if you discounted the funeral.
"You too S." Blair said as she placed her head on her shoulder before pulling away so as to greet the rest of her friends. She was unsurprised to find Dan next followed by Eric, each whom she exchanged hugs with before Nate appeared before her. His hug lasted a little longer as the sadness of their last meeting mingled with the familiarity of the embrace. "How are you?" She asked softly as she pulled back to see into his clear blue eyes.
Nate smiled slightly; Blair always had been more concerned about how he felt than how she did. "I think I'm supposed to be asking you that." He spoke before stepping aside for his girlfriend to take his place.
"Hey Blair." Jenny spoke before pulling her best friend toward her. The past few weeks had been so difficult for her. All she had wanted was to talk to Blair and tell her everything and she couldn't.
Blair was fighting tears as she hugged Jenny. "So he didn't come?" She asked quietly. It had not escaped her that in the group of faces that had walked through the door, none of them had been Chuck's and her heart was breaking at the realization that it had been wrong, Chuck really had given up.
Jenny just shook her head slightly, unable to actually form words. She had been shocked when she had walked into Chuck's room to find him sleeping in bed. When she had asked what he was doing he had responded with a great deal of certainty that he wanted nothing to do with this wedding. Blair was dead to him. Jenny had been unable to persuade him otherwise.
Blair simply shook herself slightly; it was better this way wasn't it? Now she didn't have to deal with him. So she plastered a smile on her face as Jenny tried to change the subject. "Were you holding Marcus's hand when we walked in?" Jenny asked almost disbelieving.
Blair had to force herself to maintain her happy exterior. "Yes, I want to make this work. I want this marriage to work."
"Why?" Jenny asked bluntly as she placed her hands on Blair's shoulder. What was with Blair? One second she was asking about Chuck but now she stood here proclaiming that she and Marcus were going to give this sham of a marriage a shot.
"Because I would rather not be miserable for the rest of my life." Blair retorted taking a step back. She had to stay strong, she had to; but she was losing control. All of her emotions that she had kept so far beneath the cool exterior that she was presenting were beginning to bubble forth in front of everyone present.
Jenny could see the anger and panic in Blair's eyes and knew that she needed to get her away from everyone. They needed to talk in private for so many reasons. Luckily the only people remaining in the room were Nate and Marcus, everyone else had gone to unpack and find their rooms. Jenny faced the boys. "We need some girl time."
Nate simply stood there not knowing what to say or do while Jenny motioned him along and Blair remained stoic, her eyes still angry. Marcus realized that he was going to have to take control of this situation. "Go up to Blair's room, she knows the way." Then to Nate he said. "Let's go, I'll show you to your room myself then we'll find something to do."
As the boys left Blair turned and started walking. Jenny was the singular person she could be real with and right now that was all she wanted, so the faster she got upstairs, the sooner she got to open up about everything that was going on. She traveled straight up to Cammie's rooms knowing that was what Marcus had meant when he was directing Jenny. And flopped down on the bed.
Jenny was awestruck as Blair took her through the mansion and what appeared to be a secret room. Right now though she knew better than to ask questions about something so frivolous, there were bigger things to deal with so she took a seat and said one word. "Spill."
And boy did Blair comply. She talked for what could have been an hour about Marcus finding the letters and how she had been handling everything and that now all she wanted to do was get everything over with. She could live a lie, it wasn't that difficult to do, she had done it for most of her life. She had done it until she and Chuck had become an 'us.' But in order for her to do that she had to be able to get past all of this. In the end she begged Jenny to keep everything to herself, swearing that it was the right thing.
Jenny agreed but as Blair finished she began pacing the room. "There's something I want to tell you." She began as she ran a hand through her hair. She wasn't going to tell Blair about sleeping with Chuck, she couldn't but she could open up about something else, something potentially worse. "I think I'm pregnant." She spoke, looking for Blair's reaction. The shock on Blair's face startled her to the point that she started babbling. "I took a test and it was positive but my period is so irregular that I don't even know and you know my hormones have been messed up ever since I stopped taking those regulator pills so who knows if the test was even right. But I don't want to tell Nate unless I know for sure." She finished, looking back at Blair who was sitting there quietly, simply listening and observing Jenny. Blair could tell that there was more so she didn't speak.
"And there's something else, it might not be Nate's." Jenny looked away, unable to meet Blair's eyes as she almost confessed what she and Chuck had done. "I slept with someone else once when Nate and I were fighting; I don't even really know the guy." She found her last statement was true even amongst the lies; she didn't really know Chuck, at least not anymore.
Blair nodded slightly, the information absorbed. "We'll go get Roland, he'll take us to a doctor and we'll get tests done."
Jenny was the one shocked this time. "You don't have to go with me Blair. I can wait and go when I get back to New York. Besides I don't think Marcus would be too happy about us disappearing . . ."
Blair shook her head slightly, already straightening her dress from where she had been rolling on the bed. "Marcus can kiss my ass and as for going with you, I said we'll get tests for a reason. I took a home test and it was positive."
"Oh my God Blair, you and Marcus haven't . . .?" Jenny asked questioningly.
Blair almost laughed. "No."
"So if you're pregnant it's Chuck's?" She asked completely thrown off guard. If they were pregnant, it was a fifty/fifty chance that Chuck was the father of BOTH of their babies. This was getting more convoluted by the minute. Jenny sighed. "Okay let's go."
Little more than an hour later, Jenny and Blair sat in the waiting room anxiously. They had already had their tests done; they were simply waiting on the results. Normally, they would have had to go home and receive phone calls but because of who Blair was they were able to bi-pass a lot of red tape, and they were running the tests immediately. They should know within the next few minutes who, if either of them, was pregnant.
As the doctor walked into the room Jenny reached over and clasped Blair's hand. "No matter what happens, I'm here for you."
"You too." Blair said with a strained smile she didn't know whether she wanted a baby or not. Marcus would know of course that it was Chucks but other than Jenny no one else ever would. The thought made her sick but at the same time it would give her a little piece of Chuck to hold on to.
The doctor smiled at the young women."Well ladies I have each of your tests, would you like to do this separately or is together fine."
Jenny spoke nervously after exchanging a glance with Blair. "Together."
The doctor nodded understandingly. "Well I'm afraid I have good news and bad . . ." Each girl tensed knowing that the doctor meant that only one of them was pregnant. ". . . I'm sorry Ms. Waldorf you aren't pregnant, but congratulations Ms. Humphrey, your results were in fact positive."
The girl's hands tightened on each other. Blair was only slightly sad while she knew that Jenny was likely crushed. The girl didn't want to be pregnant. She was just a kid and Blair had been there before with the question of paternity, with Nate ironically enough. She knew how much it sucked and she knew that Jenny's life had just been turned upside down. On the way back to the house they were practically silent; but as they neared, Blair knew she had to ask Jenny something. "When are you going to tell Nate?" She asked softly.
Jenny closed her eyes, removing her head from its place against the window. "I was thinking I do it on the plane on the way home, that way we would have time to talk it out before he got a chance to run off. You know how Nate is when there's a problem; he doesn't deal, he gets high."
Blair couldn't help but laugh. Jenny was right, doing it on the plane would force Nate to be clear headed. "Well once you land, if you need me just call. Marcus is giving me an international cell phone finally so I'll be able to keep in touch easier. I think he's finally secure in that I won't simply call Chuck all the time."
Jenny nodded. "I will." She couldn't help the guilt in her gut because the very person who was offering her council would probably hate her if she knew just what Jenny was going to have to tell Nate. This couldn't have been more twisted and as they walked into the house, Jenny felt as though her life really and truly was starting to crumble around her feet.
The next two days seemed to pass by in a blur. The wedding plans were coming together all around her and there was nothing she could or for that matter would be doing to stop it. After all this wedding was a mere formality for the Queen. She and Marcus were already legally married. So she filled her days with chats with her best friends and last minute wedding fittings and before she had even realized it, she was standing before the Queen taking her curtsy at her wedding reception. She waited in the receiving line as person after person of importance congratulated her, she ate the cake, she tossed the bouquet and she did it all with a smile on her face. It was almost over, all of the pomp and circumstance and then she could get on with this life that she didn't want. She was ready to simply have everything over with.
Jenny sighed as she watched Blair get ready to toss the bouquet, Blair had given up her life for Chuck and now Chuck hated her. It was a punishment more cruel than either Chuck or Blair deserved for the games they had once played with each other. But none of this would have happened if that hadn't had those games, if their insecurities hadn't led them here. Suddenly it was as though she had been hit by a ton of bricks. She couldn't keep doing this to Nate; she couldn't keep lying to him. The only thing that could come from that was more pain and heartbreak all around. She looked around the room until she found him, her eyes met Nate's and she knew for certain that she couldn't keep this inside anymore. She had to tell him. Jenny stepped out of the hoard of girls and walked over to Nate, placing a hand on his chest. "Hey." She spoke softly.
"Hey there." He replied placing his hand in her free one. "Do you want to dance?"
Jenny sighed, as much as she would love one last dance with Nate, she knew she couldn't hold back anymore. "Actually, can we go somewhere private and talk."
"Of course." Nate replied curious but still gentlemanly. What would be important enough that Jenny would want to leave Blair's reception to talk about it? After all they didn't have much time left here; their plane was leaving in a couple of hours. But since Jenny wanted to talk he led her out on to the veranda, offering her his jacket as he saw her shivering.
"Thanks." She mumbled before meeting Nate's gaze. "I need to tell you something and I need you not to say anything until I finish."
"Okay." Nate said softly, his heart pounding. This seemed serious.
Jenny took a deep breath and started talking. "I took a pregnancy test before leaving New York and it came out positive, so Blair and I went and got an official test done here. I'm pregnant."
As soon as Nate heard the words I'm pregnant, all thought of Jenny's request for him not to talk fled his mind. He reached out and brushed a hair behind her ears as he noticed she was crying. "Hey it's going to be okay."
Jenny exhaled shakily. "That's not all." She forced herself to meet his gaze. She couldn't tell him only part of it, she had to be truthful now or they would never have a prayer of getting past this. "I slept with someone else."
Suddenly it was as though the world blanked out in front of him. Everything was blurry and all he could see were Jenny's eyes. He had been completely blindsided by this. Never in a million years would he have thought that Jenny, sweet, innocent Jenny would have cheated on him. His heart was screaming at him to ask the all important question, so his mouth complied even though if someone had asked Nate wouldn't have remembered actually saying the word. "Who?" He asked, his voice low, the anger in it evident.
Jenny looked away knowing this was the most difficult part of all. "Chuck." She spoke through tears.
Nate hissed through his teeth. Chuck who was supposed to be in love with Blair had slept with his girlfriend . . . Again. "When?" He asked, unable to say more, yet seemingly operating on autopilot
"When you said that Blair was the love of your life, he comforted me, we hung out all day, then we got really drunk and we slept together. Both of us regretted it and you called and wanted to work things out and I didn't want to ruin that by telling you." Jenny said as strongly as she could, unaware of how alike her story was to one that Nate knew so well.
Nate couldn't help but see the similarities. Once more this was being attributed to him, to his wrong doing. Whether it was his inability to get over Serena or now his inability to get over Blair. When Blair and Jenny had each slept with Chuck they had done it because of something he had said to them, and then they hadn't told him because he had called wanting to get back together. But that didn't change the fact that it had happened. "I can't even look at you right now." Nate spoke turning away. Just the sight of Jenny made his stomach turn. Chuck had been inside her and he hadn't even known. How many times had they been together since then with him never knowing, never understanding who had touched her?
"Nate, I'm so sorry." Jenny spoke reaching out a hand and placing it on his shoulder.
Nate's muscles tensed and he jerked away. The more he stood there, the angrier he became. "How could you do that? How could you sleep with him?" Something else dawned on him as he accused Jenny. "That's why you and Chuck have been acting so weird lately isn't it? That's why you have been so close. And that day in the library you were going to tell me weren't you?"
Jenny nodded. "Yeah, I was trying to tell you. Ever since Chuck found out I might be pregnant he has been insisting I come clean with you but I wanted to know for sure before I said something."
Nate narrowed his eyes scoffing. "Why so you could avoid telling me at all? If you hadn't been pregnant you would have never said anything would you?"
"Yes I would Nate; I was going to tell you. I just wanted to know that I wasn't making all of this a bigger deal than it had to be." Jenny tried to explain.
Nate shook his head. "You lying little slut. It's been months since that happened and you've kept everything so quiet. Does Blair even know?"
Jenny inhaled slightly. The last thing that she wanted to happen was for Blair to find out that she had slept with Chuck; that this baby might be Chuck's. "Not that it's Chuck that I slept with. She just knows that I slept with someone." Jenny watched as a plan formed in Nate's head, she could tell that he wanted nothing more than to go tell Blair but then she saw his eyes soften and she realized that he wouldn't cause Blair that kind of pain, not for the world. As Nate seemed to calm down Jenny reached out to touch his hand. "Thank you." She spoke softly.
"Don't thank me just yet." Nate practically spat as he backed away from her. "Assuming you are in fact pregnant, I want a paternity test. If it's mine I'll be in my kids life assuming you choose to keep it or I'll finance the abortion but I want nothing to do with you. If it's Chuck's, then you're his problem and you are out of my life for good got it?"
Jenny was shocked; she didn't know that Nate could be so vindictive, so cold. She remembered back to a time when she had told Nate about Chuck and Blair's involvement and couldn't help but wonder if he had said similar things to her. She had never dreamed that she had caused Blair this kind of pain, knowing now just how Nate handled these things it was a surprise that Blair had ever forgiven her. "Nate I'm sorry, please don't be like this. We can work things out."
This time Nate's rage and anger had built up to the point that he couldn't hold back anymore and he felt himself shouting at a decibel that attracted the attention of the wedding guests who were inside. "Work things out? You think we can just work things out? I never want to see you again. Just the thought of being intimate with you makes my stomach turn. You're nothing but a cheap slut from the wrong side of town, just like everyone else always said." And with that Nate turned and stomped through the party. He was going to be on the next plane out of Heathrow, fuck everyone else. As he passed a shocked looking Blair he turned. He might not have it in him to tell her just who Jenny had slept with but that didn't mean he had nothing to say. "Congratulations, you trained her well Blair. She's turned into a replica of you."
Blair walked toward him and wrapped her arms around his stiff frame, knowing how much he was hurting. "I'm so sorry Nate." After a couple of moments she felt his body relax slightly as his arms encircled her small frame. "Take some time and think about everything. Maybe get a little perspective. It doesn't have to be over with Jenny; you forgave me right?"
Nate exhaled. He didn't want to hear this right now but for Blair he would stand still and listen. It was amazing how much she had calmed him. "Yeah I forgave you. It was impossible not to."
Blair smiled slightly and pulled away as Nate told her of his intention to fly back immediately. Blair simply nodded. "It's probably a good idea. It will give you a little time apart."
Nate nodded even though he had no intention of the time apart only being a little. "Sorry to skip out early. Hopefully I'll see you again soon."
"Promise you'll come visit." Blair said with a small smile at one of her oldest friends.
Nate smiled slightly in return. It was impossible not to when Blair was looking at him like that. "Promise." He said before placing a kiss on her forehead.
The smile Blair now donned was a nostalgic one as she remembered that she had once told Nate that forehead kisses were her favorite because they gave everything but received nothing in return. "Have a safe trip home." She spoke with one last hug before Nate left the ballroom.
She could see Jenny walking toward her crying but she knew it was time for Marcus and her to leave to return to the house before leaving for the honeymoon tomorrow. She faced him, her eyes asking for understanding.
Marcus nodded. "Take care of your friends then have Roland bring you back to the house. I'm trusting you." With that he lifted Blair's chin and lightly kissed her lips before exiting the same way that Nate had.
Blair turned to Jenny and opened her arms. "Sweetie, I thought you were telling him on the plane."
"I was planning on it." Jenny spoke through her tears as Blair lead her to one of the side rooms. "But then I couldn't keep lying to him. I had to do it then or I had a feeling that I never would."
Blair nodded understandingly, sitting down on the couch and allowing Jenny to curl against her, laying her head on her lap. "Trust me I know the feeling. Remember I was in your shoes at one point." Nate's words had reminded her just what this felt like. To possibly be pregnant and to be holding on to such a big secret was more stressful than anything in the world and when everything came out it felt as though the world was crashing down around you.
Jenny frown deepened. "I'm sorry that I didn't give you the time to tell Nate yourself."
Blair shrugged. "It doesn't matter anymore. I don't think it would have made a difference anyway." She spoke as she stroked Jenny's hair. She had forgiven Jenny a long time ago. The Blair that she used to be had probably deserved it anyway.
"Blair there's something else I need to tell you." Jenny spoke making a decision at that point to tell her, no more secrets, no more lies. Afterwards she would salvage what she could of their friendship.
"Okay." Blair said softly, understandingly, continuing to stroke Jenny's hair even as Jenny's mascara tinted tears stained her wedding dress.
Jenny inhaled. "Remember how I said that I didn't know the guy that I slept with?"
Blair nodded even though Jenny couldn't see her at that point. "Yeah." She spoke a question in her voice yet still a gentleness that few ever saw from Blair.
"I lied." Jenny said trying her best not to shake as she spoke. "The guy I slept with was Chuck." When Blair didn't say anything, didn't start screaming, didn't push her off the couch Jenny became worried and she glanced up at Blair who didn't even look mad, not to mention Blair hadn't stopped stroking her hair. Jenny was actually surprised that she even still had hair at this point; she was surprised that Blair hadn't ripped it out.
As Jenny looked up at her, Blair knew she had to say something so she spoke the only words she felt were needed. "I know."
Jenny had trouble absorbing what Blair had just said but as soon as the words soaked in Jenny sat up, staring at Blair. "What do you mean you know?" Jenny's first thought was that Chuck had told Blair in one of their letters but Chuck had made it clear that he didn't see a point in that.
Blair couldn't quite smile but she felt calm and peaceful. This wasn't news to her and if it was she still wasn't sure how upset she would be; both of them had been going through a rough time when it had happened. "I've known since New Year's. I had been talking to Dan earlier and I realized that I had left my purse in his room so I went back to get it and overheard your conversation. When I walked away I heard a similar conversation between Chuck and Serena so I knew that I hadn't simply misheard."
"And you're not mad?" Jenny asked cautiously, barely believing that this was possible.
Blair shrugged. "I've got no reason to be angry. You guys were comforting each other. Chuck thought it was over for good with us and you thought that Nate still thought of me as the love of his life. I understand. Besides I had encouraged him to move on. Ideally it wouldn't have been with you but the fact that he turned to someone he trusted made sense to me. I guess it also helped that I knew that he had tried being with someone else and it had only made him miss me more."
Jenny couldn't believe it. Blair was so calm about all of this. Never in a million years would she have guessed this reaction. "You might be the best friend ever."
"I know." Blair said with a smile as she gave Jenny a hug. Part of the way through the hug, Serena, Dan and Eric appeared in the doorway.
Serena gave a sad smile. "We've got to go or we're going to miss our plane." She didn't want to leave but they had to catch their flight and Blair had things to do.
Blair nodded as she stood up, pulling Jenny with her. She said all of her goodbyes, whispering to Serena to look out for Nate, knowing that Dan and Eric would take care of Jenny. She gave Jenny one last hug before whispering. "It's going to be okay. Things have a way of working themselves out."
Jenny nodded, trying to smile at her best friend before hugging her tightly once more.
Marcus paced the room nervously. He was anxious for Blair's arrival. He was finally going to have her in his bed, in every sense of the word. This was a moment that he had been longing for, for so long. They had of course been together before but they were truly married now and things were somehow different. At the same time he was scared. He didn't want to force her. He wanted her to want to be with him but he was worried that that would never happen.
His nerves had him wringing his hands in anticipation. The room looked like a true honeymoon suite. He had scattered rose petals from the floor to the bed and there was a tray of chilled champagne and chocolate covered strawberries. He had done everything right down to the silk sheets and the light music in the background. There was no set up more romantic than this one.
Marcus sat down on the edge of the bed; he needed something to do with his hands. He began running his hand over the side table and decided to explore a little. It was strange, this was his room but he had no idea what was inside these. The top drawer was unexciting as he sifted through it; picking up a couple of pins, a telephone book, and a small note pad. Nothing really interesting. The next drawer down was slightly more amusing, there were a couple of magazines, a Nicholas Sparks book and what appeared to be an iPod. Marcus withdrew the last item curiously. He recognized this. It was the iPod Blair used to listen to all the time. He remembered her listening to it the entire way to London after the first wedding. It was strange; he hadn't seen her listen to it for weeks, probably not since he discovered the letters.
Marcus looked toward the door, considering what Blair would think if she walked in but his curiosity outweighed any sense of propriety and he slid the ear buds in his ears; beginning to scroll through the iPod. He noticed the amass of pictures almost immediately; they were all of Chuck and Blair with occasional appearances of some of their other friends. Marcus only became more curious as he began to sort through her playlist coming across one titled Always Have, Always Will. Marcus could feel his heart pounding furiously as he pressed play, knowing that there was no going back from this.
"Blair, if you are listening to this I am so sorry, I failed you in so many ways if you are actually hearing me right now. Now enough of that, that isn't what this playlist is about; it's about us; our story. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride." Marcus was surprised as Chuck's voice began and he couldn't prevent the sense of foreboding he felt. The track switched from the Intro to The Beginning and he heard Chuck's voice once more.
"I could never in my life manage to forget this song. It was a wild night at Victrola and this girl that I had always thought was the perfect lady got up on stage and danced. If I could pinpoint the moment that it happened I would say that this is the moment that I fell in love with you." Marcus's heart clinched as he heard Chuck begin to sing a song he knew to be by the Sohodolls. He had only heard it a couple of time before, once when Blair was singing in the shower.
When Chuck started speaking again, he had an incredible sense that he was listening to something so utterly private, so intimate that he could hardly bear it. Yet he couldn't stop; it was like an awe inspiring insight into Blair's heart; almost as if he was reading listening to the Book of Blair. "When you danced on that stage that night I was more in awe of you then I ever thought I could be. Then in the limo you kissed me. You were the first and only girl I have ever asked if they were sure. I didn't want to mess things up with you."
The words of the song that played stung him to the core. He had never shared something so strong with Blair. He didn't have a single moment with her that she would ever want to hold on to. What had he done to her? As his soul began to ache he heard Chuck's voice. "I still feel that way you know." The voice recording was husky; it was obvious that Chuck was emotional. "The next song is a little funnier. I remember pulling up next to you the day after while I was listening to this in my limo. This song had always been the way I thought of girls so I thought that maybe if I listened to it; I could make myself think of you like that. Instead it turned out that everything was the opposite. You wanted to forget that night and I wanted a relationship."
Marcus didn't know the song or the one that followed, but it was the words that were killing him. "So this song is one that sticks out particularly in my mind. If you remember, it was the first time that you had ever mentioned anything about us being more that just friends with benefits. At the time I went with you when you said that I didn't want people to know either but right then, I would have traded Nate for you in a heartbeat." There was so much emotion there, so much love in every word.
As yet another song began Marcus could barely believe it. Chuck had done this for what seemed to be thirty songs maybe more. "Now we have come to the part in our story in which I start screwing up. The Debutante Ball. I was so bent on keeping you that I plotted and schemed to do it. I tried everything in my power to make sure that I didn't lose you to Nate. But of course you being you and knowing me as well as you do you figured out what I had done and told me that we were through. Looking back now it is almost funny to me that I was so terrified of losing you that I couldn't see that I was the one pushing you away. This playlist isn't just about our good memories; it is about everything, our entire story. So here is the point where I lost control."
At the end of Three Wishes, Marcus pressed pause and slid the iPod into his pocket. He couldn't listen to anymore right now, it was too difficult. He needed time to think about this, to absorb just what he had discovered. No matter how much he had thought about it, never in a million years had he ever dreamed that Blair and Chuck truly shared so many feelings, they were just kids right?
The doorknob began to turn, interrupting his thoughts. He looked up to see Blair standing before him, in complete bridal lingerie; she had clearly been ready to give herself to him. He looked at her face; it looked as though she was resigned to her fate. Marcus's heart clinched, she was never going to feel the way about him that she felt about Chuck. He needed time to think.
So as Blair stood before him and shrugged. "Well?" She asked, confused that she had been standing there for several minutes and Marcus had simply stared at her.
"Go upstairs to Cammie's room." Marcus said, his voice coming out raw. This was difficult but right now he couldn't be around Blair, not after what he had just done.
Blair tilted her head curiously. "Are you going to be joining me?" This was strange; she had expected him to be angry for taking so long, not dismissive. She had taken special care with her appearance to avoid his anger; this was out of left field.
Marcus shook his head. "Not tonight."
After a few moments of silence Blair picked a robe out of the closet and left the room to go upstairs. Once she was gone, Marcus stood and locked the door; he didn't want to be disturbed. Removing the iPod from his pocket, he slipped the ear buds back in his ears and lay down on the bed, not bothering to knock off the rose petals.
A/N: I actually have the next chapter written as well (like I said I didn't realize I had two in reserve when I went to publish this one) but I didn't want to double update. I want to give everyone a chance to read and review before posting again. So I guess you can see this as a bribe for reviewing, the more I get the faster the next chapter is going to go up and I promise that's one you want to read.
xoxo
kate