Becoming Bella Chapter 3: Breathe, a twilight fanfic

A/N: Twilight and all its glory belongs to Stephanie Meyer, I own none of it, but I do fantasize about Emmett and Edward...

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2AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason
'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe...
Anna Nalick~ Breathe (2AM)

BPOV

It had been 6 long weeks since I made that ground breaking phone call. A lot had changed. I finally felt like my life was getting back on track. I'd never known such freedom and was not quite sure what to do with myself.

The weekend after my "phone call" Alice, Rose and I went furniture shopping. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been so excited. We borrowed Emmett's truck and brought back three large book shelves that matched the furniture that was in my room. Emmett and Jasper came over that weekend and helped Alice, Rose and I haul all the boxes of books that I had had stored in the attic. I spent all day that Sunday organizing and shelving each book by genre, alphabetically. I was like a kid in a candy story, opening each book and scanning the pages. I could remember each book, when I had gotten it, the first time I had read it and the joy it brought me. Books were my passion and I had missed them so much.

My room was actually starting to look like, well, my room. I had never actually had full decorating rights in the past, so I was in uncharted territory. I actually really liked the color scheme that Alice had the room done in so I went with it. I called my parents in Forks and had them send me pictures, albums, and scrapbooks that they had been storing for me, and I went out and bought some frames. Scattered about the room were shots of Rose, Alice and I in high school and some of us at the bar. There were a couple of pictures of my parents, and my mom even threw in some pictures of Rose and Alice from last Christmas when we were all in Forks. Things never felt more like home.

I also changed my work schedule. I had always hated the fact that I had to go in as early as I did. It seemed so un-natural, having to be at a bar at 8AM. I had only done it to accommodate James and keep the peace. He wanted me working a normal 8AM to 5PM job, saying if I was going to work there that those were going to be the rules. He wouldn't even let me work a rotating schedule. Ugh, thinking about that now made my stomach churn. I couldn't believe I had let him lead my life like that. So the first chance I got, I changed my hours. Most days I worked from 2PM until 10PM, but there were some days I would go in later just so I could spend more time with my girls. It was so much easier to run the back office when we were all there together. Alice and I did not have to go over inventory reports at home any longer and I did not have to make special trips in to attend meetings or pick up the phone when I had a question. Everyone was already there. And when we decided we had enough or needed a break, we found a back table, kicked up our feet and called it a night.

Tonight had been a busy one. I came in at 4PM intending to leave at midnight but got caught up doing paperwork and reordering stock and before I knew it, it was almost 2:15AM. Alice had already left for the evening and it was Rose's night to close up. I stood up from the desk, reaching my arms up over my head and stretched my aching back, then I stood up and walked over to the office door and opened it, slipping out into the dimly lit hallway that lead out into the main bar area.

Jake was behind the bar cashing out the drawer and cleaning up for the evening. Aside from that there was not a soul in sight.

Jake, our main bartender, was also my personal savior. He not only tended to all that was known behind the bar but he had deflected so much personal anguish by shielding me from James early on in my mess of a divorce. Jake had made it his mission to make sure my time spent at work was as peaceful and hassle-free as it could be. I'm sure there was much more that had happened besides the phone calls than he was willing to let on, but he was insistent that this was not the case and I didn't push it. Jake was very quickly becoming a great friend, and I was grateful for that as I did not have very many of those.

"Hey Jake," I slid up onto one of the bar stools in front of him, picked up a straw out of the caddy and started twirling it in my fingers, "Is anything I can help you with?" I asked with a tired grin.

"Hi there Bells. Actually, I'm just about done here. I'm running the tape and making sure my cash and charges match. Other than that I should be about done," He pointed to the back of the bar where the small kitchen was located, "Angie already took the dirty glasses and stuff to the back to be run through the washer and wiped down the bar and the tables. Say, will you be in Monday? I need to schedule some time with you to go over those orders."

"Sure! No problem!" I said enthusiastically," I'll tag you when I get in and we can set up a time before the bar opens, okay?"

"Great, thanks Bells."

"Look, I'm really sorry you had to stay tonight Jake; I know you had plans. I'll put out the word tomorrow about finding a replacement for Royce, maybe talk to some of the wait staff, see if they know anyone looking for jobs. Who knew he was such a flake??"

Jake flashed me a grin and ran his hand through the thick dark hair, "It's not your fault Bells and I don't mind helping out. Besides, I could always use the extra money."

"Still, thanks again. You really pulled us out of a jam," I pushed back the bar stool I was sitting on and stood up, "Hey, listen I have a couple things to finish in the back. Are you about to get out of here?"

"Yeah, I'm just gonna drop the money in the safe and head out. Do you want me to lock the door on my way out?"

"Would you mind?"

"Not at all Bells see you later."

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I walked back to my office and cleaned up my mess from the evening's work. I needed to relax. I had been throwing myself into whatever I could to keep myself busy for the last couple months and I was finally coming to a breaking point.

I gathered up my purse and my keys and walked back out into the bar are to turn out the lights. Before I flipped the switch, I glanced toward the back of the bar where the piano was sitting. It had been so long since I had the pleasure of sitting down and running my fingers over the keys.

I slowly started walking toward the back of the room until I reached the object of my desire. Pulling out the bench I sat down, and let my hands hover over the keys and found the middle C. I gingerly pressed the ivory key with my index finger and listened to the note ring true. I exhaled with a sigh of contentment, I really missed that sound.

I rarely got to play anymore, usually only when I went home for the holidays or when I had a few spare moments on break at the bar. James wouldn't let me bring the piano with us when we moved to Seattle. He said it was too big and would take up too much space, so I left it at my parents.

Now that I was free of him, well, not only did I have time to play, I could go get my piano if I wanted to. Hell, I did want too. Mental note Bella...go get piano

I gingerly started picking at the keys on the piano, trying to remember the right notes, willing the song to come back to me. It was just like riding a bike: once I got started it just wouldn't stop. The music poured out of me and I played the tune, listening to the music flow out of the beautiful instrument under my fingertips.

I paused, only for a second, and started to play again, moving into another tune that tore at my heart, and I let the keys play my music and my voice released my pent up anguish and despair that I had been holding in for too long. I felt like I was letting go with every note I played and every word I sang. I closed my eyes and let my newly awakened emotions pour out of my body and soul.

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in you hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

The words coming out of my mouth were so healing and I could feel some of the wounds that James had created start to heal a little. He may have wrecked me and beat me down but I was my own person now. I could heal myself, I could be whole again, like new. He had taught me something when I left, - that I define myself and no one else does; this is my world, he just lives in it. He does not and never will control me again. I control my destiny. I can breathe, I can breathe...

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
But you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
inside of me, threatening the life they belong to
And i feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
oh breathe, just breathe.

As the song ended I let my fingers rest on the keys for a few minutes and just sat there in the silence, reveling in the peace I was feeling at that moment. I could not remember the last time I had ever felt so, well, right. Like everything really was going to be okay.

I pushed back the piano bench and stood up, gathering my purse and keys and heading for the employee entrance. I rounded the corner at the back hallway and ran right smack into a solid chest. The contents in my arms spilled out onto the floor and scattered down the hall. I looked up to see who I had run in to and found myself staring into the most intense green eyes I had ever seen. All of the sudden, what had happened occurred to me. He saw me playing; worse than that, he had heard me singing. Shit! I was immediately mortified. I didn't say a word to, to, whoever the green eyed God was. I just scrambled to the floor and gathered my stuff as quickly as I could. As soon as I had everything, I bolted upright rushed down the hall and out the back door. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

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EPOV

I was exhausted. Between moving all week and my new 'job' I wasn't sure how I was going to make it through the weekend. This was the first night I had off since I moved here and I had not had a chance yet to catch up with my brother Emmett and his girlfriend Rose. I was waiting with them in the back office so Rose could finish closing down the bar and we could go. I was seriously considering just washing my hands of the rest of the evening and going home because it was so late, but I hadn't seen Emmett in months and I didn't want to disappoint him.

"Hey Edward, you should just crash at my place tonight. You have boxes and stuff all over your place anyway so it won't really make a difference, right? Besides, tomorrow's Saturday and where do you really have to go?"

"I may just do that. But I do have to get home in the morning. I have a lot of unpacking left to do and grocery shopping. I'd really prefer NOT to starve. Plus, I need to meet up with my new partner Jessica for our first show on Monday. Jessica and I have big shoes to fill; we have to leave a good impression, and people loved the last guy. I may have done great in Chicago, but that doesn't mean they are gonna like me here. First impressions are everything man," I ran my hands through my hair and sat quietly for a moment.

"Edward, I don't think you need to worry. You're going to be fine. Your bosses have faith in you and so do I, so just fuckin' chill!" Emmett, my big brother always had a way of putting things in perspective.

"Thanks man."

"No Problem."

I cocked my head to the side for a moment listening intently. For some strange reason, I swore I thought I had heard a piano.

"Hey Em, where is the bathroom?"

"Out the office door and down the hall to the right. It's the first door on the left, the door that says MEN."

"Ha Ha, thanks a lot, ass wipe."

I opened the office door and walked down the hall. Yep, sure enough, my ears were not deceiving me. I bypassed the bathroom and walked toward the bar area. I stopped just short of the actual bar and hung just inside the hallway. I looked around the corner into the bar toward the direction the music was coming from and what I saw took my breath away.

She was quite a distance away but what I could see was a sight to behold. She had long, wavy mahogany hair that framed a beautiful heart shaped face. Her bottom lip jutted out just a bit more than her top. They were the kind of lips that begged to be kissed.

She played beautifully. It was a sad sort of song and I couldn't quite make out the melody. She paused briefly pursing her lips like she was contemplating something and moved into another piece. This, I recognized immediately: it was Breathe, by Anna Nalik. I wondered for a moment if she was going to sing, and then as if she heard my thoughts and was granting me a wish, she opened her mouth. Dear GOD. I. Could. Not. Breathe. The voice that came out of that tiny frame simply over took me.

She had a smoky, sultry voice full of emotion; it was a cross between Sarah McLachlan and Natalie Merchant. She was mysterious and fascinating all at the same time.

With her eyes were closed and her face was wild with emotion, I heard so much. There was pain and anguish, yet I also heard something akin to relief? It seemed as if she was liberating herself, letting go of something that she had been holding on to. It was like a release. The words that were pouring out of her and the music under her fingers were spilling out into the air. I could feel it all around me, enveloping me, begging me to come in and join her in her journey, wherever it was she was going. And I really wanted to go.

If a man could truly be bewitched, I was. I was under her spell and I had to know more. Who was she? What was her name? Where did she come from? Did she have a lover? I had no idea of the answers but I intended to find out.

I knew I should have felt like a peeping tom, but I just couldn't help myself. I leaned up against the corner of the wall, keeping myself in the shadow as much as I could. I continued to watch and listen.

"She's pretty spectacular isn't she?" Rose murmured softly as she leaned over and propped her chin on my right shoulder.

I replied with wonder in my voice, "Who is she?"

"Hmmmm, that my dear boy is Bella."

"Bella..." It was fitting, and she looked like a Bella. Beautiful. "When do I meet her?"

"No Edward. Not now and... I don't know if... she just needs some time. Come on, I just came to get you, we're ready to go." Rose turned around and walked back to the office. She glanced back over her shoulder and looked at me. "I mean it, Edward."

Time? And she doesn't know if what? What in the world did that mean? Well, whatever it meant I intended to figure it out, because I wanted to know more about Bella.

I was so lost in thought I didn't notice that the singing had stopped. Just as I was peeking around the corner to see where she was she came at me from the other side and crashed right into me, her belongings falling to the floor and skidding down the hall. I grabbed her arms to steady her and as I looked up I found myself entranced by the most beautiful pair chocolate brown eyes. Almost immediately she dropped to the floor and started gathering her things. I lowered to the floor to help her but I'll be damned if that woman wasn't quick. She had almost everything picked up already. Shit! I was missing it!! This was an opportunity passing me by. Say something already!! I opened my mouth to apologize for getting in her way and being such a tool, when she bolted up off the floor and ran out the back door. Well Fuck! Way to go Edward.

I stood up and walked back down the hall to the office where Rose and Emmett were waiting for me. It had been great seeing my brother, but this woman had me completely twisted now and I needed to think. No one had ever had an impact on me like this before and I was not entirely sure how I felt about it. What I was aware of was that needed to know more. I would have to get creative though. Rose made it pretty clear I needed to keep my distance. I wanted to know why.

I decided to make my excuses to Emmett and Rose and I called it a night. I was just no good. All I could think about was Bella. This kind of stuff just did not happen to Edward Cullen. I did not chase women; they chased me. Hell, she didn't even give me a second glance; she just bolted. Now what the hell was that all about? It was as if she did not even see me.

She had me completely mesmerized. The way she held herself, the way she moved, her voice when she sang... It was as if she were pouring out her soul with the song, telling her own story, and I could not tell if she was still hurting or if she was healing. I felt like a magnet being pulled toward her involuntarily. I had no choice. This was beyond my control.

When I got to my new place I grabbed a quick shower and made quick work of getting ready for bed. I settled myself into bed, set my alarm clock and switched off the light. Turning onto my side I nestled into my pillow, closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

"Edward...

Oh, what a sight! She was standing in my doorway, her long beautiful hair cascading over her bare shoulders. She was wearing a black and pink lace corset and matching set of panties with her long legs encased in sheer black thigh high hose, attached to a black lace garter belt. I was aching to get my hands on her. I needed her NOW!

I leapt up off the chair where I was sitting and drew her up against my body, breathing her in. My left hand laced in her hair tilting her head back, my mouth hovering just above hers, our breaths mingling together. My tongue lightly traced her lower lip before I gently sucked it into my mouth, and the moans she was emitting were only fuel for my fire. My right hand reached around and gripped her ass, pulling her up against me so her legs could wrap around my waist. I walked us back up against the wall, grinding myself into her and taking her tongue completely into my mouth. Her taste was like honey and wine and I couldn't get enough. Her handswere fistedinto my hair, pulling and tugging. It was almost painful and I loved it.

I slowly started placing open mouth kisses along her jaw and down her neck as I carried her over to the bed and lowered her on to her back. I traced my tongue along the length of her collarbone, down to the swell of her breasts and feasted on the mound of flesh she had exposed just for me. My hands made quick work undoing the fasteners on her corset, with each button I got undone I could see a little more of her creamy pale flesh.

"Edward, baby please hurry, I want you to touch me. Please..."

I got the last button undone and...

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

"Shitfuckdamnsonofabitch!" Fucking Alarm clock!! Couldn't I win just once? I slowly dragged myself out of bed to start my day. I got dressed in some board shorts and a white wife beater and, brushed my teeth. Rather than fixing my hair, I ran a comb through it and threw on a ball cap. Fuck it, it's not like I'm really going to be seeing anyone today anyway, right?

I grabbed a bowl off the counter that I had managed to dig out of one of the boxes, a box of cereal from the kitchen and the carton of orange juice and took them into the living room so I could start on my daunting task of making my house a home.

The majority of the boxes were housed in the garage and the living room, so I decided to start in the living room by sorting the boxes by room. I didn't want to double the work so I carried each box to its respective room and left it there to unpack later this afternoon. The physical exertion was welcome, and my mind started wandering of its own accord.

I had taken a really big risk making the move from Chicago to Seattle. I knew the Seattle market was in trouble, but I was feeling so much pressure from the big boys at HQs in New York that I felt almost obligated to make the move. They assured me that this was not a demotion, but an opportunity to prove myself, a segue way into a new career. We were syndicated now; not only was my show still on in Chicago and strong as ever, but now Seattle was added to the mix. Seattle, the New Mecca of Rock & Roll - and I was the new face to introduce the music to the world.

I wanted to skip this market and go straight to Los Angeles but the powers that be felt this was the best way. In all honesty, it almost felt like a slap in the face to move smaller rather than larger; this could all back fire and blow up in my face. Then where would I be?

The one good spot in the whole mess was I had the comfort of having Emmett nearby. Being in Chicago has not really given me a lot of time to spend with him, and my rigorous schedule had me all over the place. It would be a welcome relief to finally catch up.

Two hours later, I had all the boxes sorted, the kitchen and the bathroom unpacked, and I was badly in need of a shower.

I went into my freshly unpacked bathroom, turned on the shower, stripped and got in, letting the water wash off all the sweat and dirt from my body. I grabbed the shampoo and squeezed a dime sized amount into my palm and lathered and rinsed my hair. Reaching behind me, I took the body wash off the ledge and squeezed a generous amount onto my washcloth and washed my body. As my hand moved lower toward my cock, images of the previous night's dream flashed through my head. My shaft instantly hardened. I reached down with my hand and wrapped my fingers around my length, stroking slowly at first. Leaning forward I rested my hand up against the shower wall while the water cascaded over my head and my back. I thought of Bella, her mouth on mine, her breath mere inches from my face, so sweet and irresistible, and I started stroking faster, my cock getting harder the more I thought about her. Each time I brought my hand up toward the top of my cock I flicked my thumb over my sensitive tip moving my hand back down in one fluid motion. Ungh, it felt so good. My eyes were squeezed shut tight and I was panting from my efforts. Harder, faster, harder, faster. I was imagining myself sliding into her, feeling her tight sweet body envelope me when I couldn't take it anymore, and I exploded all over the shower wall. Breathing heavily, I rested my head on the tiles trying to catch my breath. As soon as I was in a better frame of mind, I washed up again, got out of the shower and got ready to go to the store.

The local supermarket was pretty busy for a Sunday afternoon. I had been shopping for myself for the better part of the last ten years and had a guilty pleasure in all things cooking. Luckily, the local supermarket in the neighborhood I was living in had a wide variety of things to select from and not just your run of the mill foods, so needless to say I was pleasantly surprised. I was about half way through my list when I made my way over to the produce aisle. I had stopped to look at some Italian plum tomatoes for the thin crust focaccia pizza I was going to make for dinner that evening when I was completely blindsided once again, but this time from behind. The tomatoes flew from my hands and onto the floor and if I had not had good footing, I would have joined them for sure.

"OHMYGOD!! I am SO sorry! I'm so clumsy, I was not paying any attention at all, like usual, and I ran right into you. Are you okay?"

I turned around and looked to see what or rather who had been the cause of the grocery store tomato debacle. My day had just been made. A huge grin broke out on my face and I stuck out my hand.

"Well hello again, let me properly introduce myself this time. I'm Edward Cullen. It's a pleasure to meet you."

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Tell you what, if you review, I'll send Edward over to make you a thin crust focaccia pizza with Italian Plum tomatoes. Your choice where he eats the food... :-)