A/N: I know you guys are all wondering whether or not Chuck survived and I'm afraid this chapter is not going to give you any answers. You'll understand what I mean when you read. Originally it would have but this chapter got so long that I split it into two separate ones as did a later one, which means there's still four more chapters to go.
Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GOSSIP GIRL
Rated: T mostly for language.
My reviewers are definitely my favorite people in the world: ggff-fan, Juicyxoxocharm16, EmilyEcstatic, SouthernBelle88, xoxogg4life, EZ11, Krazy4Spike, CarolinaGirl21, elli, wrighthangal, schizoOntheDancefloor, RIP Casey3, LitPrincess2787, ana-12, odyjha, tvrox12, smartin555, Gem15stone, and LayRay you guys are more awesome than words, sorry I didn't respond to all of your reviews this time, I wanted to get this up instead. And to Sw33theart21, aka my beta Lisa. You are absolutely wonderful and I'm glad you've started an account on ff so I can properly thank you.
Blair looked out the window at the people walking down the street and sighed. She was in a coffee shop in Brooklyn meeting Jenny for brunch, but the younger girl was over twenty minutes late. Not that that particularly bothered Blair, she liked being alone. That was probably the one thing that she had gained from her time as Marcus's wife, an appreciation of what it means to be alone and have your thoughts all to yourself for a short time. It had been a full month since she had arrived back in New York and alone time was rare. She had sold her house right after the funeral so she didn't actually have a home here anymore; she was staying in Chuck's room at the Van der Woodsen's. That was the most prevalent source of her inability to be alone; between Serena, Eric, and Lily she had constant company and Dan practically lived in Serena's room. She'd seen both Nate and Jenny every day as well, but never together. Nate wouldn't even talk about her; if Blair brought her up he glared and changed the subject.
Her first Sunday back Lily had hosted her a welcome back brunch and everyone who had ever mattered in Blair's life was there, except one. All of her old classmates came to dote on her and tell her how lovely she was; Penelope mainly just smirked, smugly placing a couple of comments that Blair had been ousted by Marcus, but Blair had barely noticed. The girls at school were of little consequence to her now. She looked around the room, missing Chuck more than ever as she saw all of the couples. Penelope's comment might not have bothered her but the girl seemed to have finally gotten one thing up on Blair, a Dalton boy who adored her. Then there were Serena and Dan, the resident blissfully ignorant couple. Lily and Bart were nearing time for their nuptials and couldn't be happier, neither were worried about Chuck's whereabouts. Even Eric had found himself a new guy. The one couple who had worried her the most was Nate and Vanessa. They had pawed each other through the whole brunch, so much so that Jenny had excused herself and gone up to Eric's room. It was overwhelming for Blair too, all of it and she had slipped out discreetly; unable to handle being around so many people.
She had simply started walking, not really knowing where she was going. She just needed to get some air for a while. Right then she would have given just about anything not to be staying with the Van der Woodsens but she didn't actually have another viable option that made her feel close to Chuck. So that day she followed her feet, seeing where they would lead her. She had wandered past the school, unable to omit a sigh. At that point, school was only a day away from her and that hadn't been something that she was looking forward to. But she had kept walking until she found herself at her old building and had even wandered in only to find that the doorman was unable to give her any information about the new owners. Soon she found herself walking through Central Park, passing her favorite fountain. Blair didn't even realize that she was taking the short cut through to the Upper West Side until she was coming out on the other end.
As she walked inside the Palace, she couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't thought of this before. She had a key to Chuck's suite of course and it was somewhere isolated that would still let her be with Chuck. She didn't even bother stopping at the front desk, instead she walked straight up to room 1812 and slid her key in the lock. Blair smiled as the familiar green light appeared and she opened the door. Everything was just as she remembered it from the last time that she had been there. She ran her hand across the bar, her smile broadening as she noticed to assorted scotches on display. She had walked into the bedroom and looked around, allowing herself entry into Chuck's closet where she fingered his old scarf, the one he never used to be without. After being there for a few minutes, she walked over and climbed into his bed, relaxing amongst the covers not even realizing that she had fallen asleep until she had woken up. She had looked at the clock, surprised to find that she had been out for four hours. It was the most consistent sleep she'd gotten since she had been back. Blair could have stayed there forever but she knew that at some point she had to return back to the van der Woodsen's so she had forced herself to get out of bed and catch a cab back home.
Upon arriving back at Serena's she discovered that everyone had been extremely worried. Apparently, she was a runaway risk. Ever since then they had kept an even closer eye on her; loser than she would have liked, especially since none of them were even a little worried about Chuck. She was sick and tired of hearing about that 'Chuck always does this' and 'just give it time, he'll come back eventually.' She didn't want to wait and she didn't believe that this was just Chuck's normal running away. She had called the bank and was well aware of the amount of cash that he had withdrawn the day he left town, not to mention the fact that he had permanently dismissed his driver. If that wasn't bad enough, all of the PIs that she had hired kept finding his cards being used in the most random places. No one else thought it was strange, they all just placated her, not getting that she was scared.
Her mind had started to go somewhere quite dangerous when Jenny appeared, quite flustered. "I'm so sorry I'm late. I overslept." Jenny spoke, sliding into the chair across from Blair.
"It's no big deal." Blair replied with a small smile as the waitress sat down their coffee orders that Blair had placed earlier.
Jenny laughed after taking a sip. "Wow you're good." Blair had gotten her order perfectly.
Blair smirked. "I know." And both girls dissolved into giggles. As they composed themselves and Jenny ordered her food Blair began to talk. "I have a second ultrasound next week."
Jenny's head popped up. Sometimes she forgot that Blair was pregnant; it was so strange the way things had turned out. "Do you want me to go with you?" Jenny asked setting her menu aside. Blair was her best friend and with Chuck currently not in the picture she was most definitely willing to do whatever Blair needed as far as the pregnancy was concerned.
Blair shook her head slightly. "Nate actually offered to come with me yesterday and I don't know that that would be a great idea for you both to come." She had actual been grateful when Nate had offered; it would have been embarrassing to show up alone without a man even if said man wasn't actually her baby's father.
Jenny nodded understandingly, Blair was right if she came things would just be really awkward. "You're right; things with Nate are just getting worse by the day."
"Worse?" Blair asked questioningly. She wasn't sure how things could get much worse than they already were. After all, Nate had discovered that Jenny and Chuck had slept together. Blair herself was well aware of just how bad that situation was to be in.
Jenny rolled her eyes. "Yeah, apparently Nate thinks I'm sending him these crazy love letters. I swore I wasn't but he says that they match the letters that I sent him after the Penelope debacle; but I don't even know what he's talking about. I never sent Nate any letters."
Blair's eyebrows rose slightly. "You weren't the one who sent Nate the anonymous love note last fall?" Jenny shook her head. That was interesting. Even though she had never thought that the letter sounded like Jenny, Nate had told her that he had asked and her friend had confirmed that she had been the one to write the letters. Suddenly the pieces of information she had been given clicked together and Blair's eyes popped open. "Vanessa" She spoke without thought.
"Ugh, don't even say that name right now." Jenny spoke flipping her hair over her shoulder. "She and Nate have been all over each other every time I've seen them recent . . ."
Blair shook her head. "That's not what I meant. Vanessa is the one writing the letters, she always has been." Blair was marveled that all of these things were coming together in her mind now of all times. She should have realized what was going on a lot earlier.
Jenny looked at Blair curiously. "How do you know?" Granted if it was Vanessa who was driving Nate crazy with letters and Nate found out, this could potentially be fantastic.
"Chuck told me in one of his letters, his last letter actually." Blair paused for a moment letting the details come back to her. "That day when Chuck followed Vanessa after the wake, she told him that she had been sending Nate letters anonymously. Chuck had said that he was going to warn you guys about her, he was worried she was obsessed. I guess he never got around to it."
Jenny ran a hand through her hair; there were a lot of things coming together. That letter that Nate had received, Vanessa's strange behavior the entire year, all of it. "I don't think there's anything that I can do about it now."
Blair reached out a hand and placed it on her friend's arm. "If it helps I don't think he's serious about her." She had a sneaking suspicion that Nate didn't actually want to be around Vanessa at all she was just easy to use to make Jenny angry because Nate had never dared to bring Vanessa around her and quite honestly Blair was with Nate a large chunk of the time.
Jenny smiled slightly. "It does a little." She needed to change the subject quickly to something that wasn't related to her Nate problems. "So how are you doing? I mean you said you're keeping the baby but what if Chuck doesn't come back?" Jenny's words startled even herself. This had been the first time that she had admitted that it was possible that Chuck would never come back. Always before she had been so optimistic and adamant that Chuck would return. But honestly that depended on so many things. No one knew where Chuck had gone, no one could tell him that Blair was here and single. Otherwise nothing would have been able to keep him away. Jenny had been stupid for not telling Chuck about Marcus forcing Blair to write the letter; if she had maybe Chuck wouldn't have left to begin with.
Blair had been surprised, this was the first time someone other than herself had mentioned Chuck not coming back. Everyone else thought she was crazy the way she had every PI in Chuck's employee, hunting him down. When she had asked Bart why he wasn't worried, Bart had laughed in her face. This was Chuck after all and Chuck ran away when things got tough. "I'm as okay as can be expected. The morning sickness has finally dissipated. The doctor says I'm nearing twenty weeks."
"WHAT?" Jenny nearly spit out her coffee in surprise. "How is that even possible?" Twenty weeks ago was not that long after Marcus and Blair had gotten married. There was no way that Blair could have been pregnant from Chuck during that time.
Blair shrugged slightly, she had been surprised too. "You count from the date of your last period. My last period was December 11. I conceived on Christmas Eve. The doctor says I haven't been on birth control for a really long time. Apparently Marcus was switching out my pills."
Jenny just shook her head. "Wow, so when are you due?"
"August." Blair said softly. It had been a surprise to her. She had been sure that she had gotten pregnant when she was home for the funeral not over Christmas. But that wasn't something that actually mattered to her. All she wanted was Chuck back. "As for Chuck, I'm worried that he's not okay."
Jenny gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "It's Chuck, he always gets by. Plus didn't you say that he was in Dubai last week?"
Blair nodded. "Something's not right though. Just yesterday Mike called to tell me that Chuck's card had purchased a supersized Big Mac with extra onions, fries and a Coke; in Tokyo no less."
Jenny crinkled her nose slightly. "Doesn't Chuck hate McDonald's?" She remembered suggesting as one of their weekly adventures once and he had refused. Chuck hadn't even refused the subway, but he had refused McDonald's.
Blair nodded again. "And that's not the strangest part. Chuck's allergic to onions. I don't know what's going on but someone else is using Chuck's card."
Jenny bit her lip, her brow furrowing. For a long time she had agreed with everyone else that Chuck was just being Chuck; but this was fairly strong evidence that Chuck wasn't just being Chuck. And Jenny had seen Chuck before he left, he looked completely defeated. "Maybe it's time we filed a missing person's report and start looking a little closer to home for clues about his whereabouts."
Blair nodded once more, beginning to feel a little like a bobble-head but right now she was thankful that someone had believed her. "Thank you." She said quietly.
"No, I'm worried too." Jenny spoke, taking hold of her friend's hand. There was more to this than anyone else had believed. Blair had been right all along, there was cause to be worried. "We'll find him B, I promise."
"I know." Blair said strongly as their food finally arrived. "Now let's talk about this fabulous shopping trip that we are taking this afternoon."
Blair smiled at Nate as he extended his hand to help her out of the car, ever the gentleman. "Thank you Mr. Archibald."
"Of course." Nate spoke with a jesting bow to Blair. "You know, I always imagined I'd be taking you to ultrasound appointments one day but not under quite these circumstances." He said as he led her into the hospital.
Blair laughed because it was true. "Quite honestly I always thought it would be you too." After a pause she looked up at Nate with a nostalgic smile. There was a time not so long ago that everything was much simpler. "It's funny how things don't work out."
"It's funny how they do." Nate said with a glance down at Blair's stomach that was starting to swell.
Blair couldn't help but agree. Even now after everything that they had been through she honestly wouldn't have done things differently if she could go back. Every step of the way she had done what she thought was best, now she just had to have faith that Chuck would come back to her; her and their child because she couldn't do this alone. After a moment of silence, Blair spoke. "So what's Vanessa up to today?"
Nate groaned. "Please don't even say her name." Unaware that he had had the same reaction as Jenny when Blair mentioned the name.
Blair raised her eyebrows. "Trouble in paradise, Natie?" She used her old name for him on purpose, knowing that Nate had broken up with Vanessa this summer because she went a little nuts calling him that.
Nate glared slightly. "She's driving me crazy. Honestly, I can't stand pretending that I'm into her. You know I only bring her to things when I know that Jenny's going to be there."
Blair shrugged as she took a seat in the waiting room. It was just as she had suspected; Nate wasn't into Vanessa at all, he was just using her to make Jenny jealous. "Why bother? Jenny knows you guys are finished."
Nate shook his head. "I'd believe that if she would quit sending me those annoying letters. They've gotten psychotic."
There it was again, the mention of 'the letters.' She wanted to say something but honestly she didn't know if it was her place to interfere. Sometimes it was just better to let relationships work themselves out. Nate would forgive Jenny in time without any pushing for her and Jenny would still be waiting because she loved him. But sometimes neutrality just isn't meant to be.
"What do you know?" Nate asked tilting his head. After all the years that he and Blair had known each other he had begun to pick up on when Blair knew more than she was saying or in this case wasn't saying.
Blair shook her head. "I don't know anything." She spoke but she didn't even come close to sounding convincing.
"Blair, really I can tell that you know more than you are saying. What's Jenny told you?" Nate furrowed his eyebrows in his best attempt to look serious when he wasn't really. It turned out looking like a strange mix between confusion and anger.
Blair couldn't help but laugh at Nate's facial expression but at the same time she realized that Nate wasn't just going to drop this. "Fine. Jenny's not the one who said something, well she did but it wasn't anything I didn't already know. She wasn't the one who's been sending you letters, Vanessa is. And before you ask, Chuck told me this a long time ago."
Now Nate really was confused. "What?" Blair was talking nonsense right now. None of what she was saying added up.
Blair rolled her eyes. She so hadn't wanted to get involved in this. "Apparently, Vanessa never quit obsessing over you. That anonymous letter after the scandal with Penelope was from her not Jenny, as was each subsequent letter. She came to my mother's wake to see you and that's when she broke down and told Chuck about her little obsession. He wrote me in a letter afterwards that he thought she'd gone off the deep-end."
Nate's eyes widened in alarm, this entire thing was getting bizarre. "Maybe I should tell Vanessa that I'm not interested and end things for good." He was still absorbing all of this information. He wouldn't have believed it from anyone else but Blair had no reason to lie to him about any of it. Sure she was Jenny's friend but staying away from Vanessa did not mean that he had forgiven Jenny and he knew that Blair knew that.
"I think that's probably a good idea." Blair said as they called her name and they stood to walk back for her appointment.
Nate watched with a smile on his face as one of the most important people in his life got an ultrasound but he couldn't quite suppress the fear that was building on the inside. He would be there for Blair any way he could through this pregnancy but he knew that that wasn't going to be enough for her; she was going to need Chuck. So no matter how angry at Chuck he was right now for what happened with Jenny, he wanted him back for Blair's sake and he was scared that that wasn't going to happen. Chuck had been really messed up the last time that he had seen him; he hadn't been himself and he wasn't actually that mad at Chuck for what had happened. It was right after Blair had left; the guy was understandably messed up. If he was honest with himself, he wasn't that mad at Jenny either. He didn't trust her and he didn't want to get back together but he wasn't exactly angry at her for what had happened. Nate was so lost in thought that he barely noticed the doctor motion him out in the hall while the nurse and Blair did a couple other tests; but he followed like the good friend that he was.
"I'm Dr. Hanson." She spoke extending her hand which Nate shook before she continued. "Now it's my understanding that you aren't the father?" The doctor said in a low voice after they closed the door to Blair's room. Really it was more of a question than a statement.
Nate nodded. "I'm their best friend." Probably one of the truest statements that he had ever made.
Dr. Hanson nodded rather clinically. "That's what I thought I heard. So far as doctor patient confidentiality goes I shouldn't be asking you the questions I am about to ask you but since I gather the father isn't in the picture . . ." She paused for confirmation and Nate nodded. "Then you are the next best option."
Nate was instantly worried. Was there something wrong with Blair? The baby? "Whatever it is you can ask."
The doctor gave a curt nod and looked down at Blair's chart in her hand. "I understand that Blair has suffered from bulimia," She hadn't meant to pause but she did as she saw the young man cringe, recognizing that he needed a moment. "That's something that puts the baby at quite a risk." Nate nodded, he knew this already, but he waited patiently for the doctor to continue. "Is Blair undergoing any additional stress right now?"
Nate knew immediately what the doctor was getting at, if Blair was too stressed it wasn't good for the baby. His worry caused him to speak without actually thinking, which always led to saying things he shouldn't. "She's a high school senior, who was blackmailed into marrying a British Lord, her mother died three months ago, and the father of her baby and the love of her life is missing. Stressed would be an understatement though she hides it well." Nate was instantly ashamed that he had said so much. Blair would kill him if she knew he just told the intimate details of her personal life to anyone, even her doctor.
Dr. Hanson's eyebrows disappeared into her hairline; but she recovered quickly. "I need you to do whatever you can to ensure that she feels as little of this stress as possible. The baby's heartbeat isn't as strong as I would like at this stage of the pregnancy and with her medical history that's not a good sign. If she is going to come out of this pregnancy healthy and with a healthy baby, she is going to have to take it easy and follow the instructions that we have been giving her."
Nate wasn't certain what came over him but the condescending tone in the doctor's voice made him angry. Blair was doing everything that the doctor's had been telling her to do, she was a perfectionist like that; yet the doctor was insinuating that she wasn't doing just that. "The mother of that unborn child will do everything necessary to take care of herself and that baby because that's who she is so honestly you don't need to concern yourself with that. What you should worry about is that the father is Chuck Bass and when he does turn up God help you if anything has happened to his child." Nate could tell that Dr. Hanson was doing her best to appear as though she wasn't intimidated but Nate knew that the name of Chuck Bass was enough to strike fear into the heart of anyone who valued their life or their career.
After a slight huff the doctor turned and walked down the hallway and Nate let himself back into the room. He was surprised to see that the nurse had disappeared out a side door and Blair was sitting fully clothed on the examination table. "Ready to go?" He asked, plastering a smile on his well chiseled face.
Hello world
Hope you're listening
Forgive me if I'm young
For speaking out of turn
Blair, who had been looking away, looked back to Nate with tears in her eyes. "I heard what you and Dr. Hanson were saying."
Nate's eyes widened and he looked at her gently. "Blair I'm sorry, you weren't supposed to hear that. I'm just looking out for you."
"I know." Blair spoke softly. "And I'm not mad at you, I'm just sad." Blair paused looking down at her hands before looking back up at Nate. "I need Chuck."
Nate took a couple steps toward her and sat down next to her on the examination table. "I know. And I'm sorry he's not here." This time it was Nate who paused. This wasn't fair, it wasn't fair for Nate or Chuck. They had been through so much they deserved the chance to be together. "You know if he knew he would be."
There's someone I've been missing
I think that they could be
The better half of me
"I know." Blair repeated as she laid her head on Nate's shoulder. "You know I didn't even know I was pregnant until I got home. I would have told him if I had known."
Nate nodded. "Why did you break up with Chuck?" It had been a question that he had wanted to ask for a long time but he had never been able to bring himself to ask. He had his suspicions that maybe she had wanted Chuck to move on with his life but he never knew for sure; just like none of them had known that Marcus would let her go.
Blair couldn't stop the tears that were slowly sliding down her face. "Marcus found the letters and made me. I wanted to tell Chuck the truth but I couldn't and he didn't show up at the wedding so I never had the opportunity."
They're in their own place trying to make it right
But I'm tired of justifying
So I say to you
Nate sighed, that explained a lot. "And then when you got home he was gone."
Blair nodded slightly. "I miss him. And I can't do this without him." Blair paused wiping at her tears, voicing her thoughts for the first time. "I thought I could but I can't. I'm not strong enough."
Nate turned to face Blair, taking her chin in his hand. "Blair you're the strongest woman I know; you're a Waldorf remember."
Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long
"Being a Waldorf doesn't make things like this easier. I need Chuck." Blair spoke unable to stop the never ceasing flow of tears.
Nate held her small form to him. "You'll get through this and Chuck will come home."
Abruptly Blair broke away from Nate and stood. "I think I just need to be alone for a while."
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known
So come home
Nate furrowed his brows but nodded. He was worried about leaving her by herself but he was more worried about crowding her. He knew Blair in a way that only a few people did and he knew that she needed her space. That was one of the ways that they were alike. He might have called her a needy girlfriend more than once but while that might have been true, he knew that one thing Blair Waldorf had always valued was time to herself. Lately he had a sneaking suspicion that she was feeling smothered by people, no matter how well intentioned those people might be. He couldn't fault her for that he would have felt the same way himself. Besides he didn't want to stress her out any more than she already was because he was telling the truth when he had said that he would do what he could to reduce her stress."Take the car, I'll catch a cab back."
I get lost in the beauty
Of everything i see
The world ain't as half as bad
As they paint it to be
Blair nodded and walked out, continuing through the front of the hospital to the street where she climbed into Nate's town car. She needed to go somewhere she felt safe and told the driver to take her to the Palace. She wasn't sure how she was still capable of tears at that point but somehow the rivers down her face continued. She felt bad for abandoning Nate, leaving him at the hospital by himself but she couldn't be there anymore. She knew that Nate was doing and would continue to do everything he could for her, all of her friends would, but it wasn't enough. They weren't Chuck. Once more she had gone straight up to Chuck's suite, shutting and dead bolting the door. Everything about the room still reeked of Chuck's presence even though it had now been well over a month since he had left. Blair had been unable to change anything because she couldn't stand doing anything to take her further away from Chuck than she already was. She had spent a considerable amount of time here since discovering that that she could. It had given her a place to be alone and relax. Now she had even started to keep a few things here, especially clothes. So she had simply pushed Chuck's clothes to the back of his expansive closet to add a few of her own.
If all the sons
If all the daughters
Stopped to take it in
Now she was glad that that was all she had done as she reached into the depths of the closet and removed one of Chuck's favorite shirts, donning it instead of the clothes she had been wearing. She inhaled the collar deeply, it smelled of Chuck but it was losing its scent. To remedy this, she walked to the bathroom and picked up his cologne, spraying the collar of the shirt lightly. Blair inhaled again and sighed, much better. She looked at her reflection in the mirror, noticing the dark rings under her eyes from her lack of sleep. Of course she wasn't sleeping she was too busy worrying about where Chuck was and why he hadn't come home to her yet. It wasn't until she looked in the mirror that she realized that she had stopped crying. She still felt the same, still felt as though tears could and should be running down her face, so she reasoned that she had simply run out of tears in her eyes. She couldn't escape the fact that this wasn't like Chuck. He wouldn't be able to just leave and not have a single PI reporting back to him about how she was doing. And if he had been doing that he would have known that she was home and she was carrying his child. Chuck would have come home.
Well hopefully the hate subsides and the love can begin
It might start now
Well maybe I'm just dreaming out loud
Until then
Blair walked back into Chuck's bedroom and crawled under the covers of his bed, snuggling into the covers and allowing herself to get lost in all things Chuck. This was not the first time that she had enveloped herself in his covers; not the first time that she had buried herself in everything that was Chuck but it wasn't something that she allowed herself to do often. She looked back to the closet noticing that the amount of clothing that she kept here had steadily increased over the past few weeks, just as the amount of time she had spent here had increased. It probably wasn't good for her but she felt so much closer to Chuck in his suite than she did in his room at the Van der Woodsen/Bass apartment. And as she increasingly felt his absence, she felt the need to be closer.
Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long
As she lay there her mind began to wander back to the phone call she had gotten from Mike last week. She had received a similar one this morning. Chuck's cards had been used to purchase not onions this time but white wine. Chuck Bass did not drink white wine and it would have been understandable if he was buying it for a woman but it was wine tasting for one. She and Jenny had filed a missing persons report but without the support of Chuck's father, the NYPD didn't exactly take them seriously. After all, everyone had a point, Chuck Bass ran away all the time; add that to the fact that he had a pregnant girlfriend at home and a policeman is immediately going to think that he had simply run off. But there was a feeling deep in her gut that told Blair that everyone else was wrong.
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all i see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known, ever known
So come home
Suddenly she was struck by an idea. Blair through off the covers and moved quickly back into the bathroom, allowing her eyes to roam around. As she looked in the mirror, Chuck's mirror, she felt a certain panic begin in her stomach, his tooth brush was still sitting by the sink and the tooth paste cap was off the bottle something that had always infuriated her, much like Chuck's tendency to squirt the tooth paste from the top instead of the bottom. Where would he go without his tooth paste? Her hand was shaking as she opened the medicine cabinet. Chuck's pills were still inside. Why had she not thought of this before? She had been convinced that there was more going on than Chuck gallivanting around the world, she should have checked to see if he had taken the things with him that he never went anywhere without, like his pills. Chuck was on medication for a minor genetic heart disorder that he had inherited from Evelyn, it wasn't a big deal as long as he stayed on his pills. Chuck had left his pills behind and his prescription was there as well, right under the bottle.
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that's why I need you here
The panic began to spread throughout her. The reality of what Chuck had done was sinking in and her whole body began to convulse. She knew, she knew in her gut what had happened and the tears that she thought had run dry were falling again. She should have known he reached this point, she supposed she had known that he was there, that's why she kept asking everyone to look out for him. Everyone said that when people's souls were connected like she knew hers and Chuck's were, one person knows when something happens to the other; they feel it. Why hadn't she felt when it had happened? Why hadn't she known the moment that Chuck had made the decision to do this? Why didn't she know the moment he had decided to end everything?
Everything I can't be
Is everything you should be
And that's why I need you here
So hear this now
Chuck would have done this, he would have wanted to get rid of the pain and if he couldn't drown it in liquor, smother it with sex, or subdue it with drugs; he would have sought to end it all. They had talked about this once; they had talked about suicide. A socialite had killed herself when they were fifteen and it had started a debate amongst the Non-Judging Breakfast Club, Serena and Nate had said that you had to have a strong will to kill yourself. On the other hand, she and Chuck had thought that suicide was the easy way out. At the same time they had each acknowledged if only to one another that should something bad enough happen, they didn't see themselves above it; they were not self-confident enough even then to believe that they were strong enough to withstand everything.
Come home, Come home
Cause I've been waiting for you
For so long, For so long
Blair found herself sliding a hand into her purse, lying next to the bed. After a moment's shuffling she found what she was looking for and removed a thin chain holding Chuck's ring that he had given her on Christmas. Slowly, she wound the chain around her fingers, tangling them amongst the golden chain before closing her hand on the ring. She ran her fingers over the smooth band, as she did she noticed something that she never had before. She felt a light inscription on the inside of the ring. Surprised Blair lifted the ring to see what the inside band said, although she had a pretty good feeling that she already knew. Bringing into the light she looked and sure enough, in lovely cursive was inscribed, Always Have, Always Will. Always. He had said always and she wasn't about to let him out on that now. If Chuck was out there, she was going to find him, no matter the cost.
And right now there's a war between the vanities
But all I see is you and me
The fight for you is all I've ever known, ever known
So come home
Blair reached back into her purse and picked up her cell phone, almost laughing when she saw what time it was or more what time it would be where she was calling. Opening her contacts she called the one person she never thought she would again. He answered on the first ring. "Blair?" His answer was more of a question than anything.
"Yeah, it's me. I need your help." Blair spoke softly, knowing that she was playing a dangerous game. "I think you owe me that much."
"What is it?" He asked seriously. He wouldn't have denied her anything even before she mentioned what exactly he owed her.
Blair exhaled slightly knowing that the hardest part was over, now she just had to ask her ex-husband to help her find her lover. Easy right? "Chuck's missing, I've done everything I can to find him but I'm scared. I wouldn't have called you if I wasn't, you know that. So please just do what you do and find him."
Marcus found himself nodding slightly, regardless of the fact that it was two in the morning and Blair couldn't even see him. "Okay. I'll let you know when I find something out." As he was hanging up he heard a soft. "Thank you" on the other side of the line.
Come home
A/N: No Marcus is not going to be a part of the story again, only ever over the phone, I promise. Next chapter we'll see more Dan and Serena and we'll find out just what happened to Chuck Bass. And the song is Come Home by OneRepublic.
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kate