A/N: I just want to say thanks to a few people, so please, indulge me.

This fic has become so much more than I thought it ever would and when I started this I never thought I would become so wrapped up in what I was doing and that it would mean so much to me.

To my betas casket4mytears and bbwraven, I owe you both so much, you prop me up and make what I do so much better than what I could ever do alone. My rambling, melt downs, quotation and comma errors, and my love for the use of 'you're' when its not needed...my wonderful beautiful (tattoo & piercing loving) women..I love you more than my luggage!!!! :-)

To all my readers and reviewers, I cannot begin to express the thanks I have for you all. You are all completely wonderful and I look forward to updating every week and hearing what you have to say.

Last, but certainly NEVER least...Frumpy my pet, my most loyal and devoted fan...I LOVE YOU. You inspire me. Thank you for being an amazing test reader and more so, a fantastic friend. I cant wait for December bb!!

Sorry for the rambling...Heinekens do it to me, so blame the beer.

Disclaimer: S Meyers is the fucking bomb and I wish I owned what she owns...alas I do not, so I write about it instead.

~MWAH MB

Attention
Pay attention No mention
A sickest array
A mission, An admission
Ignition, Detonate

************

A vision, Division
Revision, Recognate
An action, A reaction
Distraction
Question the fate

*************

Erase
Replace
Erase
Replace

The Foo Fighters~Erase/Replace

BPOV

I had just picked up my keys from the coffee table so I could leave for my lunch with Jake when the house phone started to ring. Shit! How come the only time the damn phone rings is when I have somewhere to go? It could only be a handful of people anyway; most everyone called our cell phones. I walked back into the living room and picked up the handset without bothering to check the caller ID.

"Hello"

"Bella? Its James, please don't hang up."

"James?" The pit of my stomach started knotting up and I could feel the pressure building in my chest. Oh lord, what could he possible want? I took a deep breath; I was stronger now, and he shouldn't still make me feel this way.

"How did you get this number? It's unlisted," I questioned him.

"Come on Bella, how do you think I got it? I work for the police department, it wasn't hard."

"Ah, using Seattle's finest for your own dirty deeds now, are you?"

"Bells," he said in a low voice, "You have no idea what I've used Seattle's finest for, so don't get smart with me."

"Whatever, what do you want James? I can't imagine you needing anything else from me."

"I need to ask you a favor, actually."

"A favor? You practically threatened me just now and you want a favor?"

He hesitated, "It's my mother..."

My heart skipped a beat; no matter how I felt about James, I loved his mother dearly. I couldn't ever figure out how he turned out the way he did with a woman as lovely as Mira raising him.

"Oh my God! Is she okay, James? What happened?" I asked, trying not to get overly panicked. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Rose walk into the living room. She looked at me with a bewildered expression, her hands up in the air as if asking 'What the hell Bella?' I held up a finger waiting for James' reply.

He was silent for a few seconds before replying, "She's okay Bella, she's just been asking for you." Huh? Now I was really confused. Was she, or was she not okay and why was she asking for me?

"I don't understand." Rose put her ear next to mine on the phone just in time to hear James say: "I never told my parents we divorced-"

"WHAT?!" Rose bellowed, effectively cutting him off. Startled I dropped the handset to the ground and simply stared at it. I could vaguely hear Rose muttering in the background as she paced back and forth behind me.

"Sorry fucking son of a bitch, thinks he's gonna control you this way now, huh? Doesn't even have the balls to tell his parents you're divorced? Bella," she said turning me around. "Don't you dare let him rope you into something you don't want to do! I know you liked his parents, but-"

"Rose, it's okay. I've got this...I acquired the balls when we divorced, remember?" I said with a smirk on my face.

I bent down and scooped up the phone, pressing it back to my ear. James was repeatedly calling my name.

"James, I'm right here, I didn't hang up."

"I know that. I could hear your bitch of a friend, Rose, in the background insulting me," he said with a sneer in his voice. This was another of the many reasons we divorced: he had a bad attitude about everything and ALL of my friends were 'bitches'. I sighed.

"Can we leave the insulting of my friends out of this? You want a favor, and doing that is not earning you any points." I paused, waiting for an answer. When I got nothing I continued, "Why would you not tell your parents about the divorce James? It seems to me that would be a pretty important piece of information to pass along."

"Why doesn't really matter at this point, does it?" he said with a twinge of sarcasm in his voice. Rose had finally calmed down,come back over and put her ear next to mine on the phone again.

"Well, yes. I would say it does. What are you going to tell them?" I asked.

"That's just it: I'm not going to. The way I see it, you left me, so you should be the one to tell them."

"That-" I clapped my hand over Rose's mouth. She had a way of spewing word vomit at any given moment and now wasn't the time. I, on the other hand, was seething. That bastard was trying to make me be the bad guy here, once again not accepting responsibility and cleaning up his own mess. I couldn't imagine what was going through that pea brain of his to actually think I would do this for him. Why the hell was I still on the phone talking to him about it?

"James, let me make this very clear. And pay attention because I'm only going to say this once. I am not going to call your parents and clean up your mess for you. You're a man, so act like one instead of a four year old. Call your mother and tell her, tell her why I left, tell her the way you treated me, how you talked to me, the way you yelled and cussed at me. I dare you to try and make me look even one-sixteenth as bad as you. You won't be fooling anyone. Take care of your own dirty work James. You did this to yourself."

"You fucking bitch! You're just as bad now as you were five months ago. You think you're all tough now because you're single and on your own? How many guys are you fucking so you can feel good enough to say this shit to me? You're nothing but a whore, always have been, always will be. You'll regret-"

I could still hear James yelling into the phone as I calmly replaced the receiver to its cradle and turned to look at Rose. "I guess I pissed him off, huh?"

"I'll say," she said with a smirk. "I've gotta hand it to you Bella: you handled yourself rather well. Three months ago, you would have a fucking mess. So, what now?"

"Now, I go meet Jake for lunch, "I said, looking at Rose and smiling. As I turned to leave my cell phone rang. I dug it out of my purse and checked the caller ID, hoping it wasn't James again. He had managed to get ahold of the house number after I had it changed so I was pretty sure my cell was next. "Shit!" Who was this private number that kept calling? Over the last couple weeks I had received several calls from them, but every time I answered the caller would hang up. At first I chalked it up to being a wrong number, but now it was getting a little creepy.

"What is it, Bella?" Rose asked.

"I- It's nothing, just a wrong number. I have to go, I'll see you after lunch, okay?"

"Okay...and don't be late, because I'll come find you and drag you to the salon."

"I got it, I got it, dungeon master." I stuck out my tongue at her and left for my lunch with Jake.

**********

I rushed into the deli that Jake and I were meeting at for lunch and spotted him at our usual table in the corner. Occasionally Jake and I met for lunch, and since day one, we had always seemed to gravitate to the same table. I never even knew this place existed until Jake. A couple years ago when James was out of town, he brought me here for a belated birthday lunch, raving about how they made the 'best Cubans' in the Pacific Northwest, not that it was easy to find a Cuban in Seattle. Cubans were a sandwich I had picked up from my mother who grew up in Florida. When I lived at home, she would make them for me when I was feeling down. It was always a great pick-me-up. I just loved the tangy taste of the mustard mixed with Swiss cheese and pork hitting my tongue. Just thinking about it was making my mouth water.

"Hey Jake, sorry I'm late. I had an unfortunate phone call on my way out the door," I said, breathing harder than usual because of my rushing.

"It's no big deal Bells, I wasn't waiting that long. Who did you get stuck on the phone with?"

"It was- Oh, hey Angie, I'll have my regular please," I said to our favorite waitress, with a smile on my face.

"How are you, Bella?" Angie replied.

"I'm doing fantastic actually," I replied, cheerfully.

"Jake honey, what can I get you?"

"I'll have what she's having." He grinned at Angie and winked.

"Okay then, I'll be back in a flash with your drinks. Water for you, Bella and a Coke for you, Jake?"

"Yes ma'am," Jake responded, giving her a military salute.

Jake turned back to me as Angie was walking off to place our orders. "So, what were you saying, about the phone call?"

"Oh, yeah..the phone call." I scrunched up my face in mock disgust. "It was James."

"Excuse me? James?"

"Uhh, yeah..." I did not like where this was going. I could tell by the look on Jake's face that he was very unhappy with what I was about to tell him. For some reason Jake had become very protective of me in the last several months. We had always been pretty good friends, but since I left James, it was an entirely new process for me.

"What did he say, Bella?" he asked through gritted teeth.

I quickly went through the phone call with Jake, pausing every now and then to answer questions. It was almost like trying to reassure a boyfriend rather than just my friend. I seriously needed to distract him with something else, calm him down a bit.

"Enough about James, Jake; besides, are we going to waste the rest of lunch talking about him? I have to meet Rose and Alice at the spa in a bit. Let's change the subject okay?" I gave him a small smile and batted my eyelashes dramatically, erasing the frown and making him laugh.

"You win Bella, subject changed, for now. So, you never go to the spa, what's the occasion?" He grinned, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Well, I kinda have a date with Edward Cullen tomorrow night; Rose and Alice insisted since it was my first date since the divorce that I needed some 'sprucing up,' as Alice so eloquently put it."

"A date? With...Cullen? Jake said incredulously, "I'm not too sure about him, Bella. Do you really think this is such a good idea? I mean, the man is a radio personality; he probably has women swarming everywhere and I don't want to see you get your hopes up and get hurt." There was a mixture of concern and disbelief on Jake's face.

"Wow, Jake. Way to be a downer," I said, looking at him, not caring to hide the disappointment I was feeling.

"I'm sorry Bells, you're right, that wasn't very nice. I just worry about you and don't want to see you hurt, I care about you that's all, and you've already been through so much."

"Jake, I appreciate you trying to protect me, and I will never forget all the help you were when James was giving so much trouble after I left him, but I'm a big girl, and I can take care of myself. Besides, Edward's not like that-"

"Bells-"

"No, Jake, no warnings. I know what I'm doing, and I have to do this, there's just...," I trailed off. As good a friend as Jake was, there was no way I could tell him how Edward made me feel and why I had finally resigned myself to taking the leap, no matter what my common sense screamed at me.

"There's what Bella?" Jake asked, tilting his head to the side and giving me a confused look.

I cocked my head and smiled at Jake. Reaching out with my right hand I grabbed his. "Nothing Jake, you're a guy and I'm not getting into all that with you. That's what girlfriends are for, but thank you for being such a great friend. You have no idea how much you mean to me."

Jake expression suddenly changed, and he smiled warmly at me, "Bella, can I ask you something?"

"Sure Jake, you can ask me anything. I'm an open book."

"Would you consider going out with me..." I cocked my head to the side looking at Jake, confusion clearly defined on my face. It almost sounded like he was asking me out on a...Oh!

"Jake, I-"

"I mean on a date, Bella. I really like you, and I think you like me too. What do you say?" He started playing with my fingers, a wide grin spread across his face. It reminded me of the old saying 'the cat that got the cream'.

Ah, hell...how was I supposed to get out of this one? Jake had always been there for me, and I hated to cause him pain, but if I said yes I would only be misleading him into thinking I felt something more. This made me wonder if my whole Edward/date confession had spurred him on into asking me so I would drop Edward. I hated to be the bearer of bad news, but there was no way in hell I was dropping things now. I had needs and at the moment, Edward was the only one I wanted fulfilling them. He pulled at me and the feeling couldn't be ignored any longer.

"Why didn't you tell me you felt this way Jake? When did this happen?"

"I've always felt this way Bella, since the first moment I saw you...I was just waiting for the right time. I knew eventually you would wise up and leave James, but you were so scared and heartbroken after you did, so I didn't want to push it. I just sat back and waited, doing the best I could to be patient."

Oh, God... I really did NOT want to do this to him, but I couldn't let him continue to think we had a shot when I knew in my heart we could never be more than friends.

"Jake," I paused clasping my hands on top of the table and taking a deep breath, "I do like you, very much in fact, but..."

I paused; this was where it got difficult and I was dreading what I was about to say.

"...But, you're my friend, my very good friend and I need you to stay that way. Dating would ruin what we have and I cherish our friendship. I need to know you'll always be around." I looked up at him, hoping for understanding, but what I saw was the exact opposite of what I was looking for.

"But, Bella, we could have so much more. I would never hurt you or cause you pain, I'd take care of you the way James never did." He was pleading with me.

"I know you would Jake, but I'm sorry, I just don't feel that way. Gah, I hate this! I hate hurting you!" I threaded my fingers in my hair and rested my head in my hands. I glanced back up, stealing a glance at Jake's face. It was angry and contorted, and then it relaxed. "Please, tell me this isn't going to ruin our friendship, please? I really do need you; you're an important part of my life."

"This is about him isn't it? What does he have that I don't? What has he done for you that I haven't? I'm the one that's been here Bella, protecting you, taking care of you, making you laugh, walking you to yourcar at night, calling to check up on you. Does he do any of that?"

I was dying inside, wondering why he was making this so hard, and why he was pushing the issue so much. Any other guy would laugh it off and pretend it didn't matter. "No, he doesn't, not yet any way, but I at least want a chance to find out. I haven't known him long enough to even assess it, or the entirety of him for that matter. Please understand Jake, it's not you..."

"Pfft, whatever Bella, I know when I'm being brushed off. I gotta go, things to do. And you better get to your 'spa appointment' with the girls so you can be ready for your big let down with Cullen, Jake sneered. His expression was one of disgust and I couldn't remember him ever having been so cruel to me before.

"Jake-" I watched as Jake stormed out of the deli. Boy I had really screwed that up. Good going Bella... And wouldn't you know it; he left me with the check.

**********

I arrived at the spa just as Alice and Rose were pulling into the parking lot. I was literally on an emotional roller coaster; the conversation with Jake, coupled with the conversation with James this morning, was not boding well with me and add to that my date with Edward tomorrow night, and I was surprised I wasn't crying and pulling my hair out. I quickly parked and got out of my car, trying to pull on my happy face and snap out of my funk. I met Alice and Rose at the door of the spa, but the look on my face must have said it all.

"Bella, what's wrong? Did James call you again?"

Rose grabbed me by the shoulder and turning me to face her directly, concern all over her face. Did I seem that fragile? After all my practice with James, I thought I would be a pro at masking my feelings by now. I was not liking the way everyone perceived me and I really needed to buck the fuck up and snap out of my pity party shit immediately.

I reached over to open the door, "I'm fine Rose, it wasn't James. Come on, let's go inside, I'll tell you about it once we get started." I led the way into the spa, Alice trailing closely behind me.

Grabbing my arm she pulled me over to a wall of nail polish. "Bella, I think you should go with the color red today."

"Really Alice? I gave her a look that said 'you have got to be kidding' I had never worn red polish in my life. It was a bit bold for me and stuck out like a sore thumb. I was more of a sit back and melt into the crowd sort of girl.

"Seriously Bella, you're branching out, coming into yourself. Red symbolizes love, passion, heat and power, and red is super sexy. It's a perfect fit." She plucked up the red nail polish and grabbed for my hand, I pulled back to grab the pink polish, before she could drag me away, "I was also thinking," she turned back, looking at me slyly as she continued, "that you could do with a wax as well."

"Absolutely not, Mary Alice Brandon! I plan to get close to Edward tomorrow, but not that close, at least not yet, and you are NOT setting me up for pain the day before my date. Forget it! If you want wax, have it done on yourself."

"I did Bella, yesterday. You never know..." The look on her face could rival the Cheshire Cat, but before I could respond, she turned to a woman with long blond hair and spoke. "Hi Lauren! This is our friend Bella, and she needs your complete devotion and attention today, because she has a date with Edward Cullen tomorrow night."

Lauren looked at me, her eyes wide as saucers, "Edward Cullen, as in the new DJ on KVAMP, Edward Cullen?"

Oh lord, there was that attention I was trying to avoid. Lauren's eyes were practically bugging out of her head at that bit of juicy gossip. I'm sure 5 minutes after we walked out of the salon this afternoon, half of Seattle proper would think Edward Cullen had a new girl.

"Whoops," she said grinning. "I didn't mean to be rude. I'm Lauren; Alice and Rose talk about you all the time. I feel like I know you already, well with all the stories I hear from Alice and Rose. Can I just say that I think it's super cool that you're dating Edward Cullen? That man is HOT! Have you seen the billboard of him and his skank sidekick that they have up on I-5, downtown? GUH! I'd like to see that face hovering over mine every night..."

Oh. My. God. Was this girl insane? I turned to look at Alice, who was grinning from ear to ear, obviously enjoying my discomfort.

"She's going to do the red, Lauren, fingers and toes please."

Lauren grabbed the red polish and turned the water on in the pedicure chair. I took my shoes off and sat down, putting my feet into the warm sudsy water.

"Actually Lauren, I was thinking this pink might be better."

I handed her the pink polish I had selected and she set it on her table. I looked over at Alice and stuck out my tongue; she smirked at me and sat back in her chair. Rose walked up after making her polish selection and sat in the chair on the other side of me after removing her pumps. I pulled my phone out of my purse and pressed the unlock combination so I could check my messages. There was a text from Jake; opening it up, I read:

B

I'm really sorry about lunch.

I completely overreacted and

I hope we can still be friends.

Jake

Ah, Jake... You're not getting off that easy, not this time. I closed my phone and settled back in my chair, turning on the back massager and relaxing. Beside me, Rose suddenly cleared her throat. I glanced over at her; she was looking at me with her head cocked to one side and her eyebrows raised. With a sigh I gave in and started telling them about my lunch with Jake.

"It was really going well at first. We were just talking about James and the call I got this morning. Obviously, like any friend would be, he was upset on my behalf, but I assured him that everything was okay and that I handled myself. We joked around with Angie some and ordered our food. I did talk about Edward a little, mentioned that we had a date tomorrow and that when he sprung it on me. Guys, when I told him we were nothing more that friends it was like I ripped his heart out. And then he just got angry and accusing, it was so odd." I continued on, telling them in more detail what had happened.

"I knew he had a thing for you Bella! I could see it in his eyes. It's the way he looks at you, as if you're some prized possession or something. You should see the way he keeps track of you in the bar. At first, I thought maybe he was just doing it out of concern, because of all the things that happened with James and the break in and everything, but now that you've confirmed this, I know that's not what it is. Do we need to let him go Bella? There are other bartenders in Seattle you know."

"NO! Don't do that Rose. I really hurt him and he was just acting on his feelings. I'm sure in a few days, he'll be fine and things will be back to normal, let's just see how things play out. I made it pretty clear that I was only interested in his friendship. I'm sure he'll respect that and move on."

"Bella," Alice said, "Don't you find it strange that Jake would get so upset with you over Edward? I mean sure, he has a reason to be a little jealous, but to get mad like that? Something's not right here. If he was really your friend, he would be happy that you're finally putting yourself out there. Please tell me you didn't tell him why you're going on this date with Edward?"

"You mean besides the fact that I just want to? No, I didn't tell him. I'm sure if he knew what happened he would have blown a rod or some shit. For once, I'm glad I omitted something from our conversation instead of laying it all out there like I usually do. Normally I'm pretty open with what I tell him, but for some reason when it comes to Edward, I just can't do it. I think it must be a girl thing." I pondered for a moment, "The only reason I can think Jake got so upset over Edward is because he truly thinks Edward's bad for me." Rose snorted beside me.

"Yeah right Bella, that boy, and I stress BOY wants one thing from you and one thing only. He wants you flat on your back and screaming his name. Trust me on this: he may very well be concerned on some other level for you, but it's purely to satisfy his own needs, to reach his goal. Deep down, he simply lusts after you and wants you to himself. I mean who wouldn't? Look at you... I know all about this shit Bella; it's how men play. They figure out what they want and then how to get it. Jake figured he could play to your emotional side, being the great friend, concerned, protecting you. He probably thought you would see him as some sort of man who would keep you safe, someone that would never hurt you, and then you would fall right into his arms. Little did he know that you're stubborn as a fucking mule," Rose said as she held up her nails in front of her face inspecting them.

"I think you're giving me too much credit. I'm not all that, and besides, you're getting off point here. Jake being upset over Edward has nothing to do with my 'hotness' and whether or not he wants me, it has everything to do with what he thinks about Edward as a person. Is there something I don't know? Is he a mass murderer or something? Does he steal babies or knock over old ladies to steal their purses?" I grinned at Rose, as she lowered her hand and rolled her eyes at me. I giggled to myself; all of those scenarios were so far fetched.

"You already know everything there is to know concerning Edward, Bella, and we've already told you anything negative there is to know. We were all pretty clear about that from the beginning and he's also aware that you know. So no, he has nothing to hide; besides, he's gone out of his way to convince you what he feels is genuine and that he won't hurt you. Your chemistry is off the charts and you've even admitted that you think he's a nice guy. Like I said, Jake is insanely jealous and wants you for himself. He's just pissed that you brushed him off for Edward."

"I did NOT brush him off Rose, don't even say that. And for your information, I think Jake is a nice guy too." I grimaced at her, showing her my displeasure of her words. She just stuck out her tongue at me and laid her head back on her chair and closed her eyes.

"But you don't feel the same way about Jake that you do about Edward, do you? And if I recall, a couple weeks ago, you told me that you were going to have to tell Jake to cool it with all the touch feely freedom he seems to feel when he's around you."

"You're right...I don't." I looked down at Lauren, she was almost done with my toes but she was painting them RED. "Alice," I said looking at her incredulity, "what did I say about the red?"

"Oh, lighten up Bella, red looks good on you," she said, dismissing my protest. "Listen, I understand your concern for Jake and not wanting to hurt him. You and Jake are friends, but Rose is right, something is off with him. Just promise you'll be careful around him for the next little while, okay? At least until this whole Edward thing calms down?"

I sighed with resignation in my voice I replied, "Okay Alice, if it'll make you feel better, but I still don't think there is any reason to be concerned. It's just Jake, he's harmless."

"Whatever you say Bella, as long as you're cautious." Rose said with her eyes still closed.

Lauren finished with my toes, helped me out of the chair and led me over to her nail station. Reaching into my purse, I pulled my phone and laid it on the table so I would not have to dig it out if it rang. I requested just a manicure and polish, giving into the fact that I was not getting my pink, I told her to go ahead with the red. She filled up a little bowl with soapy water and placed my fingers in it letting them soak so my cuticles would soften. My fingers had soaked for about 5 minutes when my phone rang, I looked down at the caller ID to see who it was.

"Damn," I muttered.

"Is there a problem? Do you need to take the call? I can stop for a moment if you want," Lauren said helpfully.

"Um, no that's okay." I looked at her and smiled, "You can finish, it was nobody." Yeah, nobody my ass; it was the private caller again and I was seriously starting to get freaked out. It was one thing to get a few hang up calls every so often, but in the last few weeks, this caller had been very persistent in his plight to scare the shit out of me. I was going to have to change my cell number again and I was really not looking forward to that.

"So, you really have a date with DJ Sexward huh?"

I giggled, "DJ Sexward?"

"Yeah, that's what my girlfriends and I call him. We met him at Jam Fest a couple weeks ago and let me tell you, his voice on the radio is sexy, but in person, coupled with that face and body of his... Whew, I'm surprised he hasn't been mauled by a group of sex hungry fans yet." She was literally waving her hand in front of her face like just the mention of him made her hot.

On one hand, the fact that everyone thought Edward was that good looking and sexy made me beam, because he wanted me, not them. But on the other hand, I could still feel that same twinge of jealously curling up in the pit of my stomach, the jealousy that Jessica had induced in me last weekend. Logically, I knew Edward was not mine; he had made no formal declarations and I had not encouraged him to do so. In fact, I had done my best to push him away. It seemed though that Edward was stubborn to a fault and would not back down. I couldn't say that when all was said and done that this disappointed me. As a matter a fact, I was actually quite excited about our date tomorrow, even if I wasn't showing it outwardly. I was really a bundle of nerves and the anticipation of his lips on mines again, his hands on me...well, it was driving me over the edge.

"Well, I can't say that the name isn't appropriate Lauren, but I can say this," I looked at her, my eyes wide and clear and for the first time since I met Edward the full force of what I was about to declare hit me like a ton of bricks, "He won't be on the market for much longer. Sorry for the sad news."

Holy Shit! I was really doing it, jumping in feet first, no holds bar, no guarantees that it would all work out. I was about to emotionally and physically expose myself and for some reason I actually felt okay. There was no panic in my gut, no racing heart from nerves, and I didn't feel a ball forming in the pit of my stomach. There was no turning back now; I was committed to giving it a shot.

"Oh, honey, I already knew that," Lauren said. "It's written all over your face."

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