We both hung up at the same time.
Edward was at the house before the tears on my face had dried. I sat on the front steps, grateful that Forks was, for once, dry. The day had gone by quietly, but I was exhausted; so many words spoken, so little real damage undone. I still wasn't prepared for his face, once he emerged from the woods.
"Edward," I said. It was all I could do. I felt like the tears I had tasted moments ago filled my body with the sea I almost drowned in years ago, leaving me nauseous and gasping for air. He watched me struggle until it was too much, simultaneously turning his head from me and moving closer, as if I were a magnet. I tried to control myself and built a sentence in my mind, forcing it out between my teeth. "Edward—thank you for calling me."
He cautiously turned to me again. His expression was fathomless, but his beauty was completely undeniable. The soft light emanating from him rippled as he moved. The crisp scent of his clothing mixed with the irresistible smell of vampire and I felt hopelessly drunk. Shaking my head vigorously, I patted the wooden step next to me. "Please come sit."
This wasn't going to work. What was there left to say? As my body settled in to the familiar sensation of being close to Edward, I realized I really did not want the same things I had the last time I'd seen him. It nearly broke me again to admit it, because I also knew how much I loved him—seeing him there, gingerly perched on the stair next to me, a slight chill settling around us. What words could capture the conflict I felt inside?
Edward said nothing. I noticed his hands gripping the edge of his seat and remembered that he hadn't smelled my blood in years. His eyes were the same dripping honey as Alice's, but it didn't seem to matter.
"Do you want to do this some other time?" I didn't know which of us hurt more.
He gently shook his head. "No. I don't want…I don't want to delay getting used to you." A wan smile played over the shadows hiding his gilded features, and then he turned and looked me in the eye. "I am so grateful you will see me, Bella."
"Of course, Edward." Of course. How can you know me so well, and not know that I will always see you? How did any of this happen? My thoughts coalesced around all of the suffering we had caused each other, each sweet moment wrung out and twisted in to these two bodies. I looked at him with tenderness; our time certainly had passed. I was now a woman—my body filling out, my voice and mind had taken the last steps out of childhood. Edward was a crystallized adolescent boy. We could never be together again. I couldn't let that break my heart right now.
"Thank you for letting me grow up." My voice was soft, but the impact of the words hit us both at the same time. Thank you for letting me go, thank you for allowing me to become who I am, thank you for having the sense I could not have had.
"Alice said you were angry." He looked at me with trepidation. I knew for sure that there was only one threat in Edward's world: that I might be unhappy because of him. It comforted me to think that my anger had meant enough to Alice that she should mention it to him; this thought rekindled the spark I felt earlier, and I decided to let myself direct it at its true target.
"You left me curled up in a ball in the woods," I said flatly. It was a little harsh, but I was just recovering my breath. I couldn't afford to mince necessary words. "You belittled me." He looked crushed. The most important point was yet to come, and I was finding it easier to be honest. "And you ignored what I wanted, Edward. I know—" he met my eyes again—"that you did what was best for me. But it was my right to choose, even if what I wanted wasn't best for me."
"But it was what was best for you—Bella, you can't expect me to ignore the truth, to ignore what I know to be true. From harsh experience." His voice crackled electrically, but the undercurrent was pure grief. "I couldn't be your Carlisle."
"Exactly." I said. I was breathing normally again, as if we were actually friends, trying to discuss a rational break-up instead of a supernatural devastation. "I didn't want you to behave like my father, Edward, I've already got a perfectly good one." I leaned towards him, even though I knew this would be hard for him to hear. "I'm grateful now, but only because we've changed. What you did to me then was wrong."
His head was low on his shoulders. Lucifer leaving the kingdom would have looked the same way; an angel leaving the company of heaven was the only comparable vision Edward brought to my mind. Unthinkingly, I reached over and laid my hand on his knee. He sucked in a deep breath, enjoying what he had forbidden himself, with his face raised and eyes closed. He stayed that way for a long moment before whispering, "I did the best that I could."
"I know." I gave him that. "I know that you did what I couldn't. But," and I shrugged, taking my hand back, "even if we disagree, we're here now. You made this future, out of your own fear. And I'm going to learn to be in it. And be happy."
He looked down at me, his expression thoughtful. "You sound resolute."
"I am." I looked out over the dark street. "Well, I was, until I discovered Victoria was still lurking out there. Now you could say I'm distracted."
He sighed. "Her days are most certainly numbered. The pack has a new vitality that is a bit frightening, even to us Cullens." He looked over at me. "And then there is my desperate need to protect you, assuring you yet another body guard every step of the way." He stood up quickly and looked out over the yard, before turning back to face me. His eyes were soft and tragic. "I love you Bella. I have always and will always love you."
"I know, Edward," I said. I pictured myself from years before throwing my body at his marble chest, heart wrenching at the thought of even a second apart. I looked down at my hands now, folded weakly in my lap. "I will always love you too." He slipped away from me, picking up speed as he glided towards the dark.
Halfway to the woods his pace abruptly stopped, and he stood, frozen as a statue. "Your friends are all here," he called. I could tell he was trying to keep it light. "You're armed to the teeth with werewolves." As soon as he spoke, a chorus of howls erupted from the woods. They didn't sound friendly. He turned and walked towards me, slowly. "Someone is here to see you," he said in a low voice, and the woods began to move as though a hurricane were ripping through them, directly towards us. He whipped around to face the onslaught.
I scrambled to my feet and began backing towards the house, but a strangled cry froze me to the spot. "Bella!" It was a ghost's voice. A shiver ran down my back and Edward immediately lowered in to a crouch, a long snarl coiling out of him and rolling back towards the trees. A dark figure rushed at us from the tree line—but it was human, and female. Leah's long dark hair flew out behind her as sturdy legs carried her body toward us at startling speed. She didn't even glance at Edward, halting just beyond the limits of his spring. Her eyes searched my face for a split second before the words burst out of her chest, barely louder than the howling in the background.
"Send the leech away, Bella!" She looked desperate. Her chest heaved, and she stared at me intensely. "Get him out of here!" She turned to look at the woods behind her, where the trees were once again swinging wildly.
"I'm not leaving her while he's here," Edward growled. Leah's face sneered angrily.
"Too late, bloodsucker," she spat. Her body was beginning to shake, the trembling beginning in her clenched fists. "You left her once while he was here, and you'll do it again. Now!" The taunt muscles in her forearms flexed while she mediated between the two bodies inside of her. "This. Is. A pack issue." The last word disappeared in to the guttural noises rippling out of Leah's body.
I turned to Edward. "Go! It's going to be okay—"
"Bella, please!" Edward's expression was just as desperate as Leah's. "He's dangerous."
I knew then that all of the anxious looks and whispered replies about Jake had not been exaggerating. I could tell from the sheer terror coming off of Leah in waves, and Edwards flared nostrils studying the wind. But I said that I wouldn't do anything ever again to hurt Jacob Black, and if that meant sending Edward away, I would do it. A thousand times. Even if meant feeling like I was going to die, or worse—actually doing it.