There are things I'm just not ready for.

Mind, I'm ready for many things. It's the staple of adventurers after all. I was ready to battle Xykon in Dorukan's dungeon. I was ready to fight him at Azure City. I'm ready to confront him once again in the future as many times as necessary to finally put him down. I'm ready for the return of the Linear Guild if any of the remaining members survived the fall of Azure City. I'm ready to face an undead Miko, reanimated by Xykon to haunt us and be a thorn in our side once more. I'm ready for Elan becoming even less incompetent. I'm ready for Belkar snapping and disrobing Vaarsuvius to finally know his or her gender. I'm ready for some misled madwoman with horrible taste to fall for our resident psycopath. I'm ready for Julia coming to my door one day saying, "I'm pregnant, and Elan's the father." Hell, I'm even ready for "Hi Roy! Your rogue buddy knocked me up!"

But I certainly wasn't ready to walk in on a male Vaarsuvius and a female Vaarsuvius making out passionately on the floor of their inn bedroom in their underwear.

I'd never have made this disturbing discovery if the inn's staff were doing their job well. They should have noticed the golden six-shaped insigna of the sixth room had lost its higher nail and thus was upside down and looked like a nine. My bedroom was the ninth. Vaarsuvius and Haley's was the sixth.

My reaction had been one of silent shock complete with a slack jaw, so the two elves hadn't noticed me and kept on lashing each other's tongue hungrily while their hands roamed over each other's nearly naked body.

Then my voice came back. "V-v-vaarsuvius!"

They froze and their eyes widened. They pulled away from each other and slowly turned their heads towards me, pale as a pair of ghosts.

They opened their mouths to speak at the same time, but I was faster. "No. No. No," I said, "I don't want to know. Not ever." I rubbed furiously the bridge of my nose. "I'm going to drink myself into an ethylic coma to forget this." With that I left two distressed elves trying to stand up.

I was in the tavern pretty quickly. It was almost empty, safe for Haley who was leaning against the counter, drinking some kind of wine.

She greeted me with a "hey."

"Did you know there were two Vs?" I asked her bluntly.

She raised an eyebrow but didn't answer. Instead, she lifted her tall glass to her lips and drank the crimson liquid very slowly until the glass was empty. She then put it on the counter.

"Oh, I've always known," she finally replied, walking towards me. I saw her smirk as she leaned in and placed her head besides my own. "And I've taken full advantage of it since the very beginning," she whispered devilishly in my ear.

I think my left eye twitched there.

"And, maybe, one day, we'll let you join in," she continued before leaning away to face me. I stared at her in complete shock, mouth agape and eyes as wide as saucers, before she giggled. "I'm pulling your leg, Roy."

I had barely started to regain my composure when she leaned in again and kissed my cheek. "Or am I?" she purred seductively before walking away, swinging her hips suggestively and winking at me.

Damn. I need a cold shower now.