Short 49 - Past Sins

Chichen Itza left me in a pondering mood.

It was shortly after the end of that adventure - plus a little aid granted to Murphy in dealing with the opportunistic Fomor rising up to fill the vacuum left by the Red Court's demise - that I found myself sitting on a chair I pulled into the control chamber of my TARDIS. I was looking at a collection of things I had on one of my many cabinets of knick-knacks and souvenirs and such from all the worlds I'd visited.

Not every one of them was something happy, though. A few, especially on this shelf, were from a darker time.

I was considering a glass flask full of a dark, viscous fluid when Katara entered from the nearby door. "Doctor, are you alright?"

"An intriguing question," I noted. I almost asked about Liara. Drat. I was going to have to get used to her being gone. She was always good for this sort of thing.

"You're not still hurt, are you?"

"Not physically, no." I sighed and slid back in my chair. I wiggled the flask around. "Just… confronting old memories."

"You did your best to save her," Katara said.

"Well, Liara gave you lessons in reading me, did she?", i chuckled. "I know. It's not the fate of Susan Rodriguez that has me so dour, my dear. It's what I was reminded of. The plan was set into place a long time ago. When I was a very different fellow. And I admit, that has me thinking about the past. The old sins I can find back there."

"Oh." Katara stood silent for a moment. "What's that stuff?"

"Oh, this?" I held up the flask. A sample of darkspawn blood from the planet Thedas. I told her as much. "Nasty stuff. I thought I could find a counter-agent that could cure it from the bloodstream. To help victims of the creatures, that sort of thing." I sighed and shook my head. "I'm not so good, though, when it comes to trying to apply technological solutions to worlds where subdimensions like their 'Fade' exists. All of my attempts to put together a purely pharmaceutical cure failed. The corruption persists in the tissues." I set the flask down. It made a satisfying thunk.

"What's this?"

Katara pointed to a device near the flask. I frowned at it and what it represented. "This is…?", she asked.

"The one thing from that world I did manage to find a way to disrupt technologically." I frowned at it. "For all the good it did."

"What does it do?"

"It re-establishes the link that living things on that world have to that 'Fade' subdimension," I answered. "Specifically, it restores emotions and full mental functionality toward those who have been made 'Tranquil', in their parlance. Did it to make things better, of course. Keep some nasty fellows from effectively lobotomizing innocent people under their power."

"That sounds good. Why are you so upset over it?"

I sighed. "My test run. I found out what happened after Parakar. As it turns out, those who have had that done to them and who are then restored, it makes their emotions come back even more fiercely. And mages, the people in question, were already susceptible enough to possession by extra-dimensional creatures. All of those extra emotions…" I swallowed. "It was a horrible slaughter. The guardians of the Circle invoked their 'Right of Annulment' over it. They slaughtered everyone living there, from the most elderly scholars to the children." I shook my head. "All because of me."

Katara was silent at that. I could see the disbelief at that scale of atrocity. It had all been my fault too. If I hadn't reversed those Tranquils…

I'll add that after finding out about what happened to said Circle, it became so much easier to sit in the Chameleon Arch. So very much easier.

I set the device down and stood up. "I keep these things to remind me of the costs of blundering in."

"You were trying to do the right thing," Katara insisted.

"That's not always enough," I pointed out. I trod up to the TARDIS controls. "Well, I suppose we should get going."

For a moment I looked to see if Liara was going to say anything. Which was silly because she had left. But people can get into habits like that.

I twisted some knobs and pulled a switch before hitting the activation lever. The TARDIS VWORPed happily while we made our way to the new destination.

I stepped out of the TARDIS and immediately knew we weren't where I had planned to go. Now, certainly the low-tech, medieval-looking foundry was a major tip-off, complete with the only source of light being blazing torches.

But the real tip-off was the feeling in the air. After all, medieval worlds are a dime a bloody dozen, aren't they? But not all feel like this. At least, not to Time Lords. I could feel the slight warping of time-space, stronger than it usually was, tinged with just a tad of energy that I can't quite describe in ways that Humans can comprehend. Destructive, perhaps? This place had experienced destruction. Of life, that is. On a scale that had weakened the fabric of time-space itself. An annoying potential that comes in some worlds.

"Well, speak of the devil," I mumbled.

"Why are we in a metal foundry?", Katara asked.

"My girl must have her reasons," I mused. "Especially to bring us to a place like Thedas."

"That's interesting timing."

"Isn't it always?" I brought out the sonics. "Now, let's…"

The door entrance to the foundry opened. A robed individual stepped in with something slung over his back. Given the styling of the white mantle of the robe around the shoulders I could imagine he was one of this world's magi.

And given my prior experiences on this nasty little planet, and our environs, it wasn't hard to guess he was up to something nasty.

I reached for the sonic disruptor as the man looked toward us. Even from here I could see madness glinting in his eyes. "Who are you?!", he demanded.

"Oh, a couple of travelers," I answered. "And apparently we're in the right place at the right time too."

"You… you're with them," he stammered, pointing an accusing finger at me. "You're with the templars. Here to stop my work! Here to keep me from my wife!"

"So that's your wife?," I inquired flippantly. "What, did she have one too many at the pub? Granted, if a place like this is your home, I can see it…"

"She's the last piece!", the man screamed. "The last! I can have my wife back now!"

"Uhhh…" I tried to think of a witty reply, but it was hard. This situation had frankly become far too creepy. "Whatever. You know what? I'm not going to try. I'm just going to tell you to put the nice lady down before Katara turns you into a magecicle."

"To me!," he shouted. Creatures rose from the ground, looking like dark and not entirely real globs given form, and surged toward us. I fired a kinetic pulse from the sonic disruptor to toss them back.

Katara didn't have to be asked. Her hands went up and water in several nearby basins, normally used for cooling metal, surged out. She swung her arms about to pull it together and sent a storm of ice shards that tore into several of the beings. I went for the insane man with the sonic disruptor. The deflector shield caught a literal fireball thrown at me and I retaliated with a tight kinetic charge that knocked his leg out from under him. He screamed and collapsed, dropping the woman in what now looked to be a red and violet dress of some fine appearance. She crumpled to the ground and barely seemed to stir.

I glanced to Katara, who nodded as she directed more shards of ice that skewered into the malevolent creatures' apparent flesh. I used the cover of this to move away from the TARDIS and retrieve the mad mage's would-be victim. I carried her in a bridal carry over to the entrance of the TARDIS, where I laid her gently before rushing into the TARDIS to get something that I thought would work here.

This left Katara to fight off the remaining creatures, which she did with superb skill. Of course, skill eventually gives way to numbers, so she was back to the threshold of the TARDIS trying to stop the growing numbers of creatures the now-maddened mage was summoning. "Get her back!", he screeched. "I need her! I need her face for my wife!"

Oi. I definitely didn't like this one. I plucked the device I'd shown to Katara earlier from the cabinet and raced back to the door. I fished the sonic screwdriver from my pocket and started using it to alter the settings on my initial device.

"I'll destroy you all if you don't give her back!," the madman howled. "My wife needs her face!"

"What, your wife's face isn't good enough already?", I countered. "You've got to snatch another?"

"It's her face! She needs to have it in order to be complete!"

"Right…" Content that I had finished my work, I fixed the device to the sonic disruptor's side. "Listen chuckles. I'm getting a bad feeling about what you're up to. So you've got this chance to leave before I get nasty." I lifted my sonic disruptor to clarify the threat.

All I got was mad cackling. "Rip them apart!", he ordered.

"Your choice," I answered. I moved ahead of Katara and the woman we'd rescued and triggered the sonic disruptor on the nasty monster thing charging us. The sonic disruptor's tip lit up and the device made its customary bass whirring tone.

Faint waves of energy filled the air in front of the disruptor as it channeled the dimensional disruption effect my other device was creating. The disruption waves hit the Fade demon and it howled, writhing in place for a moment before it disintegrated. I swept it around and caused more of the creatures to fade from view.

The mad mage stared in wide-eyed horror. And he ran to my left to flee into the other reaches of the foundry.

I gave him a parting blast before he got out of view. After I was done I looked at the device. "Oi, smoking. Not good," I noted in a low voice. I had overheated it. Perhaps burnt it out. There would be no pursuing the madman until I had this fixed.

I turned and found Katara treating the bloody wound on the woman's head. She was indeed an older woman. At her very youngest, I imagined she was in her late-forties, fifty or so being more likely. Grey eyes hazed with remnant pain looked up at me. "Where…?"

"A… foundry of some sort, I imagine," I answered. "Somewhere on the continent of Thedas and a nasty place given the subtle spatial fluctuations in the environment." I took out a penlight from my jacket pocket and used it to check her eyes. "Dilation is good. Lucky there. The brain doesn't like getting smacked around inside the skull."

She seemed to come more awake as I ministered to her injury. Although that was mostly Katara. "Who are you?"

"I'm the Doctor, and this is my friend Katara. And you should stay awake, miss, you've got a head injury."

"Doctor…?" She blinked. I could see she was trying to remember things. "I remember…" After several more moments she seemed to crystallize the thought. "Malcolm said something about it."

"Malcolm…." My face brightened. "Oh my. You're talking about Malcolm Hawke, aren't you? How is the old boy? Still slinging fire and casually messing with sub-dimensional Fade stuff while mouthing off to templars, I take it?" I turned my head to face Katara while she kept her healing water over the wound on the lady's head. "He's one of this world's magi I ran into on my first visit here with Jan and Cami. Awesome fellow. Great with the spell-slinging. Not as prone to burn down buildings like Harry is but quite witty in his own right."

"He's gone," the woman answered, in the tone of voice that made it evidently clear that the speaker was likely the grieving widow.

My initial reaction was a sad look and offering condolences. Upon finishing my calculation that I was speaking to his widow, though, I chuckled. "Well, I'll be. You're Leandra Amell? Malcolm mentioned you while we were ducking those armored chaps outside of… what was it? Stonehall, Stonehaven… Starkhaven, yes!"

"I am," she answered. "You were the reason Malcolm got away from the templars. I remember him telling me about it."

"Well, it was a memorable time. And I still remember the look on that one templar's face after Jan dropped that manure barrel on her." My mind recalled that night easily given the object of Jan's bemused attack. The cold blue eyes of the blond-haired woman in armor as she glared hatred and disgust at us. Jan and Cami had been too busy laughing at that time, but Jan had later remarked she found the emotions coming from the woman to be on the verge of terrifying.

I darkly wondered whatever had happened to that templar. You never know what such people can become, after all...

"He didn't tell me about that part." There was a small smile on the woman's face.

I continued to converse with her. Found out about the children she'd had with Malcolm, the sad news of his loss and the loss of her son Carver to darkspawn, her daughter's confinement with the other mages after being found out, and her other daughter's constant plunges into danger. When Katara nodded I knew that everything had been done. Leandra would be fine. "Alright. Injury's healed, just take it easy for a few days, alright?" I helped her up.

"What about that horrible man?", Leandra asked.

"Well, this is what those templars are for, isn't it?", I pointed out. "But given what you've said, I have a strong suspicion someone even more formidable will be along shortly to deal with him." I patted her on the shoulder. "Good to finally meet you, Leandra. I'll have to stop by sometime, share some tea."

"I would like that. And you must meet my daughter."

"Well, if she's anything like her father, she's going to have quite the wit to her, I imagine…"

She left for the entrance. I could hear heavy footsteps coming from the other way. A young woman cried out "Mother! Mother! I'm coming!"

"I'm here!", Leandra answered as she went through the door leading to the exit.

I, meanwhile, stepped back into the TARDIS with Katara and VWORPed us away.

I was sitting quietly in the library a short time later, studying the device I had just burnt out on my sonic disruptor. Katara walked in with a cup of warm tea in each hand. She offered one to me and I took it, enjoyed a sip, and placed it to the side. She sat down opposite from me.

"I wonder," I finally said, "about it."

"About what?", Katara asked.

"How it all balances in the end," I replied. "Even a Time Lord can't see that far. In the end, does it all balance out?" I held up the device. "I once used this device and caused dozens, probably hundreds, of deaths. Now I've used it to save one life. Just one, though. No balance, right?"

"Maybe, maybe not. I'm not sure it can be that simple. In both cases you were trying to do the right thing."

"Men never do evil more willingly than when they believe they are doing the right thing," I pointed out.

Katara took a drink and looked contemplative for a second. "Aang used to say the hardest thing about fighting was that he never wanted to hurt the people he was fighting, but nothing can be guaranteed about whether or not you'll hurt someone. The same thing is true with you."

"Ah?"

"Yes. So just remember why you, I mean, why we do these things. We're there to help."

I took another sip of tea and considered what she said. "A good point," I agreed. "Quite good."

She nodded and didn't say anything else. There was nothing more that need be said. She was right.

We had saved someone. Just one person. But that was still a person with hopes and dreams. With children who would be devastated to lose their only remaining parent.

By acting as we did, we had saved many people from pain to come in the future.

I can't erase my old sins. What I did as the Time Lord Triumphant was always going to be there. And as much as it sounded reasonable, you don't deal with something like that by treating it all as a scoreboard. By saving x amount of lives to redeem y number of sins, or a sin as big as that. All you can do is accept you did wrong and try to live by a better standard in the future.

Just as I have to do.