We soon fell asleep beneath the blanket, our limbs laying haphazardly on top of one another and our faces mere inches apart, sharing breath.
"See? I told you," Quil's voice boomed through the tiny room, launching me into wakefulness a sheer second before the door wretched open with a bang. "They're still asleep—"
His voice was abruptly cut off, but not before Jake sprung from our nest of blankets and ripped out a terrifying string of snarls in response. Sam stood in the light of the doorway, his hand clamped over Quil's mouth and Embry staring over his shoulder with his eyebrows raised. All three of them were shirtless, deftly muscled and scared, even Sam.
"Jeez, never wake a werewolf," I tried to joke, the blankets fortunately having piled on top of me, making effective camouflage. Jacob, seeming to realize where he was, shook his shaggy head and stood up strait before walking over to the gaping trio. He looked a little odd, his huge body exposed and his posture forcibly relaxed. I laughed, then decided to try and not draw any more attention to myself when I remembered the torn shirt I was wearing. The three men in the door simultaneously stepped back before they regained control of their own reactions and tried to look manly again.
"Sorry guys," Jake said in a sheepish mumble. "I haven't been that out of it in a while—I was really asleep." He scratched the back of one leg with a sharp nail, and I swore to myself that before the day was over those things would be gone.
"Yeah, I bet," Quil smirked, his eyes floating back towards me. I pulled the blanket up a little higher, and Jacob quickly swung an arm out in front of him, bracing his long body against the doorframe and blocking me from sight. His huge body let little visibility by. Quil laughed again and Embry punched his arm; I immediately recognized all of the sounds as though I were listening to an old record.
"We'll wait out here," Sam said as the other two turned on each other, playfully scuffling their way out to the yard, their footsteps dropping off of the porch and turning in to the soft sounds of dirt being thrown. "We really came to drop off Em's car, so you guys can get back."
"Don't need a car," Jake rumbled, sounding confused. Sam looked at him, deliberately looked over his arm at me, and then looked back. "Oh," Jake said, and shook his head again. "Thanks, Sam."
"Thank Emily," he said. There was a smile in his voice. "We're going to run back, it'll be nice to check the area for any remaining leeches." He leaned towards Jake and lowered his voice. "These two were a little jealous that you managed to get all the glory. Again."
"Yeah!" Quil yelled from the yard, Embry's arm apparently locked around his neck as his voice was forced and harsh. They grappled for a minute before he managed to free himself and jog over. I couldn't see them, but their voices carried and moved around the room as if they were inside. "Nice work, Jake—did you set it up so you'd have to have some battle royale with the old flame around? Seriously, how'd you do that?" His tone was light, but as Embry quietly approached behind him I could tell that more than jealousy over a fight was involved. Quil and Embry were reserved in their judgment of Jake, and frightened by the chaos being around him brought. I wondered how Sam, as alpha, was so welcoming of his presence.
"I don't know yet," Jake mumbled. Quil wasn't satisfied, and over Jake's arm I saw Embry's brows lower as he searched Jake's face. "The…Cullens said they would tell me when they knew more about what was going on."
"Ooooooohh, the Cullens," moaned Quil, rolling his eyes for effect. Sam cleared his throat. Embry quickly punched Quil in the arm again, but looked irritated—at Quil for saying what he was thinking, and at Jake for such a weak explanation.
"The Cullens are in touch with us, Jake," Sam said, and muscled his way in front of Quil. "I want you to stay here and rest." Quil snickered. Embry punched. I was beginning to notice a pattern. "If you don't mind, though," Sam paused, "I was hoping you'd come out and run with us for a while? I want you to do the closest track to the cabin." He managed to be diplomatic and authoritative in one breath; his expression was once again hidden from view, but I knew it would be firm.
Jake shyly looked back at me for the first time over his shoulder. I nodded; I would appreciate some privacy. I didn't even remember what I'd done with the suitcase I'd packed the day before. My mind emptied when Jake's face broke in to his brightest smile yet, and I felt my breath catch. He noticed the difference immediately, and concern crushed the light from his face as he rushed towards me. The trio in the door looked at each other.
"I'm fine," I said quietly. "I just missed your smile." My hands touched his face as relief swept over it.
"I was afraid—" he began, and my mind filled in the blanks: that I'd hurt you, that you are frightened to be alone and lied, that this was a dream. Instead, Quil interrupted us loudly, and I heard Embry's punch land just as Jake's body once again filled the doorway.
"Awwwwww! That's so cute!" The door slammed and I heard the scuffle in the yard grow slightly fierce before Sam's voice effectively ended it, urging them in to the woods. It seemed, for a moment, like things were going to be okay. "God, Jake, don't ever wrestle me without pants on again—" Yes. Things were going to be fine.
Reality crashed down on me an hour later as I attempted to bathe by the sink; so many things had come together, and to do that other things—equally important, defining, momentous things—had to be dismantled. I was older, and I would become older, taking me further and further not only from Edward but from Jake. And then there was always the possibility that he could imprint, at any moment, and leave me….leave me what? Had we even come close to deciding that we were truly together? I stood by the sink and bit my bottom lip, closing my eyes and white knuckling through the fear. There. There she was….selfish Bella, needy Bella. Come back to call after making it through a whole two days of putting other people first.
I shook my head and spattered the walls with drops of lukewarm, soapy water. Good. Now that I knew my weaknesses were still here, I could overcome them. Better that they don't sneak up on me later, wreaking havoc with their appearance and striking me dumb with what I don't even know about myself. Good. I'm selfish—now what?
I toweled my hair dry with the shredded remains of my shirt and looked around for the fresh—if you could call it that—one I'd dug out of a drawer in the old chest. The cabin looked as though it was maintained, but barely; as if someone lived here once long ago, couldn't quite let go of it yet could never live here again. I understood that feeling. It was the same way I felt about Edward.
My hands dropped to my sides and I stood, mostly naked and definitely alone, trying to reorganize my thoughts in to something resembling order, or sanity. It occurred to me that when I crossed the Washington State line I may have foregone sanity once and for all, and that I'd known that was a possibility all along. Somehow this reminder allowed me to begin moving again, collect my pants, and slide the dusty shirt down over my back. It rubbed the shallow lacerations there and made me wince, but somehow the pain was reassuring. Last night had happened. Last night, I was able to show Jacob how I felt about him—and myself. I had been able to find the right words for what happened, and say them out loud; even if they had only really helped me, that was okay for now. He'd promised to try and believe, and I could work with that, given time.
Just as I began to ponder rearranging the sparse furniture in the room, I was suddenly unnerved by the silence. I hadn't noticed it before—the kinds of quiet and constant sounds that pour out of the woods when no one is around. The sounds that had filled the cabin all night and morning, birds, crickets, gently rusting branches and the even patter or rain…nothing. It was dead quiet.
I knew someone was out there before I could move, and when the door burst open and it was only Alice I heaved a deep sigh of relief. Until I saw the look on her face.
"They're back," she said, and I instantly knew who she meant.