Chapter V: Nerves
Dear Severus
I am happy to read that you are doing well.
Actually, I figure you are doing more than well. Your last letter was filled with a kind of joy I had not expected from you. Reading it made an old lady very happy.
I cannot help but wonder about your sudden change. Might this mysterious lady friend of yours have something to do with it?
Oh, look at me, begging for details like a teenage girl. Forgive an old lady, Severus. It's just that I am unspeakably happy for you.
Sincerely,
Minerva
Severus grinned and turned the postcard around. That time, Minerva had chosen the motive of Alnwick Castle. Wicked old lady, Severus thought. She had surely done that on purpose, just because he had told her that Cassandra had grown up in Alnwick.
It was Wednesday night, and he had just come home from yet another exhausting double shift. He would have to cut down on those. He wasn't twenty anymore, after all.
He sipped on his tea and smiled. Cassandra had been by the hospital the other day. Unfortunately, he had been in surgery at the time, but she had left a package of Earl Grey at the reception desk. 'Looking forward to seeing you on Thursday', she had scribbled on the package.
Severus took another sip of his tea and closed his eyes for a moment. Yes, he too was looking forward to Thursday. In just about fifteen hours, he would be sitting at the café with Cassandra by his side.
Look who is behaving like a teenager now, Minerva, he thought and smirked. Counting the hours. Honestly, Severus, get a grip on yourself.
But who could blame him? Finally, after five long years, he had opened up enough to actually let someone inside his shell. How Cassandra had managed to make him do that, Severus did not know. Because over the last five years, he had done whatever possible to keep people away from him and had – if possible – led a more secluded life than he had back at Hogwarts. Never would he have dreamt of giving somebody access to him. But all this had changed that afternoon in the park two months ago when Cassandra's laughter had started to melt the ice around his heart.
'Would you like to have dinner with me?'
Cassandra cocked her eyebrow at him. 'Normal people just say hi.'
Yes, normal people did just say hi. But normal people his age also knew how to ask someone out. Severus didn't.
He had arrived at the café shortly after two, just to find that Cassandra wasn't there yet. He had ordered a cup of coffee and sat down by the window so he could overlook the street and see her coming. She had surely been held up at work, he had thought. But after ten minutes, he had started fidgeting with his mug. Why wasn't she coming? Had he done something wrong last Saturday? But she had given him a kiss. Oh damn, that was it. She had kissed him and he had not returned her kiss. Yes, that was it. He had offended her. She was not going to come.
He had just been about to work himself into a frenzy when he had seen her coming around the corner on a dark blue bike. And when she had approached his table, the first thought on his mind had been to make sure she would spend more time with him. And that was why he had forgotten to say hi.
'Sorry I am late, by the way,' she said as she flopped into the chair opposite Severus. 'I had to hand out a detention or two. Now, what was that about dinner?'
Severus cleared his throat, relieved by the fact that Cassandra didn't seem to find him utterly pathetic. 'I would like to return the favour and invite you to dinner.'
'Ah,' she said, and suddenly there was a wicked grin on her face. 'I thought you didn't cook?'
'Well, I do not.' Severus was slightly taken aback. 'I was thinking in terms of a nice restaurant …'
'Now that won't do,' Cassandra interrupted him. 'You'll have to cook.'
Yes, he would obviously have to. Because he had the ominous feeling that he would never find a way to talk himself out of it.
When he walked up the stairs to his flat, Cassandra at his heels, a wave of insecurity washed over Severus. He had never before brought anyone to his home. Minerva had visited him once when he had just moved in, and that had been it. For the last five years, the walls of his apartment had seen him and him alone. And now he was bringing a woman. Suddenly, his mind was filled with trivial but oh so intimidating questions. Had he put the washing away that morning? Had he cleaned the dishes last night? And was there actually anything edible in the fridge?
He found that his hands were shaking slightly as he put the key into its hole and frowned. Get yourself together, Severus, he told himself. You are being ridiculous.
Of course, his flat was in impeccable shape. He had put the laundry away. And he had cleaned the dishes. After all, Severus Snape had always been a perfectionist, and that was one trait Severus Smythe had inherited.
He led Cassandra into the living room and invited her to sit down in his armchair by the window. To his surprise, she declined.
'I would never sit there,' she said, and Severus frowned. 'Look at this chair. It is so you. How many hours have you spent in that chair?'
Too many to count. That chair had been one of the few items he had brought here from his old life. It was certainly dear to him.
'Shall we go directly into the kitchen then?' he suggested and led the way.
As he had feared, there was not much to be found in his refrigerator. He almost never cooked, so there was no point in having a well-stacked refrigerator. He saw Cassandra eyeing his groceries with an almost professional expression on her face.
'Looks like we are going to have soup,' she stated. And Severus realised that he would once more be peeling carrots and potatoes.
Preparing yet another dinner with Cassandra had been quite enjoyable. And despite the limited resources his refrigerator had had to offer, they had managed to throw together a tasty soup.
Cassandra was – for a lack of a better word – amazing. Severus could barely believe how much he enjoyed spending time with her. She was delightfully straightforward and down-to-earth. She joked and laughed, and to Severus it felt as if he were spending time with an old friend and not with a woman he had met just two months ago.
'I am rather enjoying this,' he told her as he poured her a glass of Scotch.
'Drinking?' she asked, grinning broadly, and Severus cocked an eyebrow at her. She just had to make this uncomfortable for him, didn't she?
'No,' he replied, moving his chair closer to the table in order to gain some time. 'I rather enjoy spending time with you.'
'Ah.' The grin on Cassandra's face had given way to a warm smile. 'Quite a confession for a cold Englishman.'
You have no idea, Severus thought. But he would take care not to say anything. As much as he liked Cassandra, he was not ready yet to let her know just how hard it had been for him to let anyone come close in the past.
'I am enjoying this too, Severus, very much actually.' She tilted her head slightly and looked at him with her eyes slightly narrowed, as if she were trying to read him. 'Say, what are you doing next weekend?'
'I have no plans yet,' he replied. 'Why?'
'Well, um, it's my birthday on Sunday, and some friends of mine are having a party on Saturday. And, um, I was wondering if you wanted to come with me.'
Her cheeks had become slightly flushed, and Severus couldn't help but smirk. It was reassuring to see that he was not the only one who was feeling nervous. 'I would very much like to join you, Cassandra.'
The smile that lit up her face spoke of endless relief. But almost immediately, she started fidgeting with her glass. 'There's a catch though. There is a certain dress code, and, um, well, I am not really sure you're into this. It's a Goth party.'
'A Goth party?' Severus repeated. 'What dress style would that require?'
'We're talking dark clothes. Elizabethan, Victorian style. Frockcoats and billowing cloaks basically. Can you handle that?'
Severus smirked and leant slightly over the table so he could look straight into her eyes. 'My dear Cassandra,' he said. 'I might just surprise you.'