AN: Heya guys and dolls. It's nice to retreat back in to some fiction, but I don't want to disappoint you if I miss a day. So hopefully I'll be updating regularly, but don't start sending me hatemail (please) if I miss one. Transpacificmove/Gradschool=hard. And I know that sometimes I don't lay all the plot points out in a strait line and that can be frustrating, I just hope the excitement of letting it piece itself together is worth it in the long run. For me, some dashes of realism tend to strengthen romance also, and I hope to bring yall around to that way of thinking too…I'm devious like that. Okay, on with the show:

*****

"I did both," he said bitterly, and then gently picked me up and placed me on the table while he stood. Apparently he needed to walk around to talk about it. "You know, Bella….I can be pretty melodramatic too," he said, a hazy smirk creeping up on his face before it was snuffed out by his next words. "When you left, I didn't phase back. I ran. The pack understood, but they expected me to return eventually. I might have if I hadn't imprinted." He suddenly stood still, the pacing abruptly stopped as he stared out of the black windows. "Maybe." The voice now was the entranced one. "I may not have…when you were gone, I wanted to be gone. I wasn't human for longer than a day for three years, and then I smelled her…When I came stumbling back to La Push, naked and human and covered with wounds, talking about a body in the woods, Sam thought I was going to die. I insisted they help me bury her, so they did, and then the rest of the pack was brought in and made sure I didn't kick the bucket. But when I got well we didn't know what to do. I couldn't stay in La Push. I couldn't stand being human. And Embry and Sam had been talking, bringing Leah in to the discussion, leaving out the past. They thought I could do an extended patrol on the outskirts of our territory. Keep me close, but out of the range of civilization." He turned towards me again, but his eyes were still miles away. "I decided to extend the mission."

"You started hunting, not patrolling."

"With their reluctant blessing. It took some persuasion." He looked at me, and the set of his mouth told me I didn't want to know what methods he'd used to argue his point. "After I survived the attack in the mountains, we weren't sure whether or not I could be killed." He flexed his shoulder muscles, absently, and then was still again. "We thought it would spare more of the kids….the change…if we headed the vampires off at the pass, before they could even reach our territory."

"Very strategic," I said. Now I was bitter on his behalf.

"Leah is indeed very strategic," he agreed, and I softened. For Leah, the change had been the worst thing that had ever happened to her—beginning with the death of her father and causing the loss of love. Of course she would want to make sure no one else was faced with the loneliness life had given her; in fact, Sam, Jacob and even Embry would have given up almost anything to be able to be normal as well. The right tool for the job, Jake had said. I'd misunderstood; the job hadn't just been hunting vampires. The job had been trying to keep more of the children in La Push from becoming wolves.

Something occurred to me. "You were still part of the pack, right?" I looked at him. "You're talking like you were following orders, and talking to everyone…but you said they couldn't hear you."

He didn't move, just staring incredulously back at me. It reminded me of Leah, sarcastically remarking on my new skills of observation. "Actually, no." His eyes bored in to mine. "My imprint became my alpha. She died defending me and the rest of her own pack, and I never rejoined Sam's. Of course, I didn't really want to….we're not sure if I could have heard them before I found her. I'd refused to be second before you were even gone from Forks, and Sam and I'd always…had a hard time seeing eye to eye. I got too big to push around. It was better for everyone that I wanted to stay away, even before." I gazed at him—there had been more in this group? The woman Jake had imprinted on loomed large in my imagination. Children of the moon had packs, like the La Push Wolves? My mind gaped at everything I hadn't understood before, and I realized my mouth was hanging open. Jake watched me curiously.

"Jake—why wouldn't you tell me all of this?" I was baffled. When he hadn't mentioned that the home we'd been staying in belonged to his family, I had been hurt; how many more things was he keeping from me?

"I'm sorry, Bella." His brow lowered. "I guess…I guess I'm not used to sharing things, any more." He looked thoughtful, his eyes briefly wander as he chewed on the white scar tissue dividing his lip. "It wasn't as big a deal to me as I'm sure it should have been—like I said, imprinting was almost the strongest thing I've ever felt." His eyes turned hard briefly, but we didn't look away from each other. "Sam and I talked about it, the differences…I'm not trying to say it isn't important, or that I shouldn't have thought to tell you. But…she wasn't you, Bells. When she died, it hurt, but it hurt mostly because I had proof that nothing would ever help me get away from you. I felt…haunted." I felt myself breathing, felt my heartbeat; I breathed deeply and deliberately, trying to rid myself of the rushing wave of guilt. A moment passed, and then he shrugged, and I pulled myself back to the present. "And to be honest, you never cared much about my past before." He looked at me sharply, hearing my long, begrudging exhale as I took in his words.

"What do you mean," I asked, and almost instantly regretted it. I knew I was about to hear more things about myself that would hurt.

"You never asked about my mom, when we were kids. You never cared about how I took care of Billy, or asked about the twins, or anything. You never cared about anything like that." He quickly looked down, then back up at me, full in the face, his eyes now defensive. "I know you're not like that any more, Bells, but—you were really different when you were younger." We stared at each other. I felt like hours had gone by, but the stark black of the windows told a different story. How could so much happen in so little time? I once again worked to return to the moment and study Jacob's face; his cheeks were getting slightly fuller, the furious white of his scars still prominent, his sleek muscles relaxed. He was the picture of a resting warrior, but his eyes still bore in to me, as if leery of what new suffering was to come.

"I'm sorry, Jake," I whispered. Our history was so awful. And so misunderstood. My feet dropped to the floor and I shuffled towards him. "I did care, I just didn't ask you because I didn't want to hurt you." I slowly came closer, and I could see his defenses dropping away, and any remaining ferocity going with it. "I spent months after…what happened…talking to Billy, collecting photos from when we were kids…" I stopped in front of him. "I still have the albums, if you want to see them?" My hands wrung themselves uselessly in front of my body, and I felt awkward and foolish until he reached over and took them in his wide, warm palms.

"I'd like to see," he said softly, and then slowly pulled me to him. "And Bells… I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I think—I know I understand better why you hate it so much when I wolf out."

"There's a lot of things about being a wolf that kind of suck, Jake," I said, watching his face. Instead of the grimace I was expecting, a small, shy smile played on his lips as he bent it towards mine.

"I dunno," he murmured. "There's some things about it that are pretty cool…" I felt his heat on my mouth and my knees almost gave out; just as the pulse of his tongue gently traced my lips I suddenly felt his hands under me, lifting me, and I wrapped my legs around his waist without a thought. The smell of him, so close, drove any hesitation away. "The stamina, for one…" he continued in between gentle kisses along my neckline, his lips trailing down from my ear like wildfire on my skin. "And the speed, that's pretty incredible—" I was suddenly splayed on the table, legs still firmly wrapped around him while his long arms propped his muscled torso above mine and the heat between us prickled and enflamed my body. "And then there's the strength…" The force of his movements pushed an unwelcome reality in between my conflicting desires. I interrupted him as I realized he was about to literally tear my clothes off, one long fingered hand deliciously poised above my collarbone and his dark eyes looking nothing short of starved as they swept over me. My heart clenched as my senses sucked in every detail—the silky tendrils of his hair playing over my face, the sweet, hot breath blowing over my mouth…

"Jake…" He froze instantly and withdrew, chest heaving, and bitterly fighting myself, I let him go. We both looked over at the pieces of wood that were once a chair littering the floor. "We still have some things to talk about before we get…carried away."