A/N- As always, thank you to katydid2363 who talks me down when I'm ready to jump. To Dinx & Angstaddict09 who keep me on the right track. Thank you all so very much. To fngrcufs who's new story, Conjunction, is simply put, brilliant. Long A/N at the end. Please stick around to read it.
I don't own the characters. I just give them troubled pasts.
Chapter 13
It's so hard to take this hurt
And hide it on a shelf
It's just cause I never
Want to be from somewhere else
-TheAvenue, Cowboy Mouth
BPOV
There are reasons why I had never let myself get too close to a man. There are reasons why none of my flings had ever stayed the night. Waking up to an empty bed was at the top of that list.
I had fallen for Edward and I had fallen harder than a set of beads thrown from a Mardi Gras float. I knew it was inevitable that he was going to have to return to New York. I knew this in the back of my mind, yet for some reason, I chose to ignore it. Maybe I felt safe in the little bubble we had created for ourselves. In our little world, it was just us and the sweet, sweet music we were making together. In our world, no other place existed.
I lay in bed thinking over our night. My body ached and tingled all at the same time. We had consumed our bodies more in that one night than I think I had ever done in a year alone. We had loved each other everywhere. The kitchen counter, the walls, the tables, overlooking the people walking down Bourbon Street, the shower, and finally, we took it slow and sensual on the bed. The very bed I lay in now, crying over his empty spot.
Yes, it was his spot now. After one week of spending every moment with this man, he had claimed a spot in my bed and in my heart. I was royally fucked and now he was gone.
I wiped my eyes because I refused to cry anymore and rolled over to his pillow where I found a single sheet of paper. I stretched lightly and smiled, unfolding the note and laid my head on my own pillow. I held the note up, smiling at his elegant penmanship.
Bella,
You know I didn't want to leave. You know I'd rather have you sitting next to me on the plane. Who knows, we may have even joined the mile high club. I hope I can wrap up this trip quickly, because even though it's only been a few hours, I miss you like crazy. What have you done to me, Bella? Whatever kind of hoodoo you have over me; I don't want it to ever go away. I'll call you when I land to let you know I have arrived safely and so that I can hear your voice.
Love,
Edward
PS- I'm thinking that your little toy in the bedside table might come in handy tonight.
I laughed out loud and cried as I read the letter. I seriously doubted that I held any kind of magic over him. If anything, he was the one dazzling me. I folded the note and tucked it inside the very same bedside table he had mentioned. When I spotted my vibrator I smiled, thinking over his words. He was right, this would definitely come in handy tonight and every night he was gone.
The clock on the nightstand read ten after nine. There was no use lounging in bed all day watching crappy TV and drowning my sorrows away in cheap wine. I still had a life before Edward and a job. It was Saturday, so the bar was sure to be packed, even for lunch.
I went to the bathroom to start a shower, and as I was brushing my teeth, I couldn't help but recall the things he and I had done on that very counter. Looking into the mirror that we had damn near knocked off the wall, I smiled. The steam from the shower had begun to fog it up, so I grabbed a towel to erase the moisture. There was something in my reflection that I had to see. When I stared back at the woman looking at me, with her toothbrush hanging out of her mouth and her hair in complete disarray, it dawned on me. I was a woman in love. A surge of happiness rushed through my body along with a trace of fear. I had never been in love with anyone. Sure, I had loved and, of course, lost, but never had I looked this happy. Satisfied. All of those adjectives described me at that very moment. I was so screwed.
~xxx~
Edward called as I was leaving the house for work. We spoke briefly since he was on his way to meet with the board of directors from the Met. I worried that they might offer him something more than what I could give him to stay. I didn't voice these concerns to him, however. He had more than enough on his mind and my now semi-jealous tendencies were the last thing he needed to fret over. He asked me to call him when I got home from work. No matter the time, he wanted to hear my voice.
When I arrived, there were only a few people sitting around the tables and a few more lined up at the bar. Rosalie was filling in for Mike, our regular bartender, while he took a long weekend to visit his family who had relocated to Georgia. When I walked in, she gave me a weak smile. I returned the gesture and walked toward my dad's office. When I walked back to the front, Rosalie was grabbing her things.
"Hey," she called after me, "you okay?"
I nodded. "I guess. Not used to the whole morning after bit, I guess."
"Sucks to have them there and to get used to them in the mornings, don't it?"
"Yeah," I said, looking down at the scuffed floor.
"Bella," Rosalie said, moving around the bar to stand in front of me. "Listen, you don't have to be ashamed or embarrassed that you've fallen for Edward so quickly. You can't put a time limit on love."
"I know, I just never expected it to hurt this bad," I admitted.
"Sweetie, love hurts. It's a fact, but it also heals and most of the time it feels pretty damn good to love a man and get that same love back. I know that I haven't been the easiest on Edward, and to be honest he's still not one hundred percent on my good side, but what he's doing for the band with the CD, Bella, that took some balls on his part."
"It is kind of awesome, isn't it?" I asked, smiling.
"Awesome? I think Emmett has used every single word in the dictionary to describe how awesome it is. You'd have thought that Edward told him that he was going to be the King of Bacchus this year."
We shared a laugh and gave each other a sisterly hug before I deposited my things in my dad's office. When I rounded the corner and got back to the bar, Rosalie had her purse on her shoulder.
"Bells, I gotta run home for a minute. You mind tending bar until I get back? I shouldn't be long," Rosalie asked.
"No, not at all. Is everything okay?"
"It's fine. Esme and Alice are over to help pick out the new colors for the house. Emmett's there alone with them and if I don't go and interfere, my house will look like a frat house."
"Well then, you better hurry."
"I'll be back in a couple hours at the most."
"It's fine, Rose. I got this."
Rosalie darted out the door while I closed out the tab for the two men who had been sitting on the barstools. Surprisingly for a Saturday, the bar was relatively dead. I'm sure most people decided to leave the city and visit loved ones in places that they had evacuated to.
I was cleaning the dirty glasses when I heard footsteps coming down the back hallway. I turned my head slightly and saw my mother walking over.
"Hey baby," she said, sitting down on an empty bar stool.
"Hey mama. Where's daddy?"
"He had to run a few errands. He'll be back pretty soon. Rose take off?" she asked, looking around the bar.
"Yeah, she had to run home before Emmett let Esme and Alice decorate their house with Greek letters."
My mother laughed before resting her chin on her hand. She eyed me for a moment making me slightly uncomfortable. I knew she wanted to discuss something, most likely Edward. I waited for her to speak, finally giving her my bitch brow, letting her know I knew her wheels were turning.
"Bella?" she asked. "Are you okay? I mean, with Edward leaving and all?"
"Of course," I lied.
"Isabella Swan," she said sternly. "I may have been absent for a couple of months but I am not stupid. I know how you look at him."
"And how is that mother?" I asked, a little too snotty.
She sighed and regarded me for a moment longer. "You look at Edward the way that I still look at your father. You're in love with the boy."
I was thankful at that moment I wasn't holding a glass because it would have surely slipped from my hands. My hands trembled at my mothers words. If she could see it, could everyone else? Could Edward see the way I looked at him? The way my body reacted, the way my heart skipped a beat when he was near?
I looked up at my mother and let it out. She jumped from her stool and rounded the bar, holding me in her arms. I wasn't quite sure why I was crying. As my mother smoothed down my hair, whispering that it was going to be okay, I knew without a doubt that I was in love and the whole world probably knew before the one person who mattered did. Rosalie was right, love hurts.
~xxx~
Rosalie came back to work just as the night crowd began to filter in. Emmett was with her and so was Jasper. Esme and Alice had declined the outing to the club, insisting that they had work to get done at home. Carlisle showed up not much later and before we knew it, it was well into the night. We played to a crowd with a band no better than those pilfering for change in the quarter. It was missing something and I think we were all certain what that something was.
Renee on the other hand, sang her little bluesy heart out. The crowd loved her and most of the patrons were glad to see her back home. My mother was something on the stage. She fed off of the crowd. My dad could sit back, playing his little banjo, while my mother flirted and teased the other men in the crowd. Daddy had always said that it never bothered him what she was doing. At the end of the night, she always went home with him and that was what mattered.
As the bar closed down, Jasper was the first to bolt from the place. I could only imagine that the few hours he had spent apart from Alice were killing him. Must be nice, I thought. To go home and see the one you've been thinking about all day. I didn't have that luxury. I had to roll my eyes at my inner monologue. This club was closed for pity parties. I needed to woman up and deal with it. I still had the possibility of a little phone sex to ease my mind.
Rosalie and Emmett took off next. She was anxious to get home and look over the samples Esme and Alice had left for them. The Doctor offered me a ride home but I refused. I enjoyed the walk. The weather wasn't too cold and the city was beginning to show life again.
I bid goodnight to my parents after stacking the chairs on the tables. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Edward's number. He picked up on the first ring.
"I was wondering when you were going to call," he said as a way of greeting.
"Miss me much?" I asked, smiling like a dummy.
"Miss you? There are not words to describe how much I miss you. Are you just now leaving?"
"Yeah, walking home."
"By yourself?" he questioned.
"Yes, by myself. I do this all the time."
"It makes me nervous, you out in the city alone at this time of night. Just do me a favor and keep me on the phone with you until I know you've made it home okay."
I rolled my eyes but granted him his request. "And when I get home you plan on letting me go?" I teased.
"Um, I don't think so. I do believe you have something that you've been neglecting over the past couple of weeks. I'm only gone for a short while and you may need to have one last rendezvous with it."
"Oh really," I said as I crossed the second out of four blocks to my house. "So you're saying that it's not something you want to break out with us together?"
"Bella?" Edward asked, his breathing loud in the phone.
"You need to run home, now. I need to hear you call my name out. I need to hear you cum."
"I bet you do," I giggled. "What are you doing right now, Edward?"
"Oh, you want to start playtime early? You want to talk dirty to me while you are walking down a public street? Alright, I can play that game."
The phone rustled around a bit before Edward spoke again. ""Cher, I'm stroking my cock and thinking of your tongue wrapped around it, licking the head before plunging it into your beautiful, little mouth."
I moaned loudly and picked up the pace. Of course, in the process of getting somewhere quickly, my thighs rubbed against one another causing more friction.
"What else?" I asked.
"You've got one hand on my ball sack, massaging them while you take me in all the way. You're moaning around my shaft, sending vibrations through my body."
"Oh God, Edward."
"You like that? You like hearing me talk dirty to you? You want to know what I want to do to you?" he moaned into the phone.
"Yes," I whispered. It felt wrong, yet scandalous, to be on the phone having sex with my boyfriend while I passed revelers on the street.
"I want to bend you over the bed and fuck the shit out of you from behind," he said.
I smiled at the visual of him twisting my hair around his hand and gripping it while he pounded into me. As I rounded the corner, now able to see my building in sight, I slowed down to prolong his talking. From the corner of my eye, I saw two men standing in the shadows of the alley, talking very close to one another. I rolled my eyes and focused on Edward's labored breathing.
"I'm almost home," I said to Edward.
"In my head you're still on your hands and knees, looking over your shoulder at me while I grip your hips. I can't wait for you to strip down and play with yourself. I want to hear how it feels to stick the vibrator in my spot."
I kept my eyes on the two men in the alley, wishing like hell that they would conduct their drug business elsewhere. This was the middle of the quarter for Christ sake. People came down to New Orleans to have a good time and get drunk off of hand grenades. They didn't need to be exposed to some kind of shady drug exchange.
The man who had his back toward me slowly turned around to see if anyone was paying attention to them. When I saw his face, I gasped. No! It couldn't be. Tears welled up in my eyes and I wanted to scream at him, I wanted to punch him like I had the last time I had caught him doing something like what he was doing now. Instead, he quickly slipped his drug of choice into his coat pocket and locked eyes with me. I turned around and ran to my building.
"Bella, I'm so close," Edward breathed out. "Hurry, 'Cher, and get home so I can imagine myself cumming all over your perfect ass."
I wasn't paying attention to what Edward was saying. My breathing had picked up as I fumbled with the keys to my door, dropping them as my hands shook. I couldn't believe after all of this Jasper was back to square one with the drugs. I guess I should have been thankful that it wasn't some stripper's tits he was snorting it off of. Oh God! Alice! How could he! How could he possibly do something as stupid as this when he had an amazing woman who cared for him? How could he fuck his life up?
"Bella, are you there? Bella say something. You're scaring me," Edward said in a panicked state.
"I…I…" I stuttered out.
Before I shut the door of my apartment, I heard my name being called from down below. I knew it was Jasper and I shut the door as quickly as I could and locked it.
"Bella, if you don't say something right now," Edward warned.
"Edward, it's Jasper," I said, sinking to the floor and holding my face in my hands.
"Baby, what about Jasper?"
"Bella!" I heard Jasper shouting from the other side of the door. "Open this goddamn door!"
"Is that him?" Edward asked.
"Bella, I'm fucking serious. You open this door or I'll break it down!"
"I don't know what's going on, but you do not open that door, do you hear me?" Edward said in tone that was a complete one eighty from the need he was projecting just minutes earlier.
"Edward, give me just a minute. I'll call you right back, I swear," I assured him. I needed a minute with Jasper. I didn't need to hear his pitiful excuse, but I needed to get rid of him or he would bang on my door all night.
"If you don't call me back in five minutes, I will blow your phone up."
"Five minutes," I promised.
I hung up and cracked the door open just barely. Jasper stood on the other side, running his hands through his disheveled hair. He spun around when he heard the door open and made a move to open it further. I held my whole body against it trying to stop him.
"Tizzy, you got to let me explain. That's not what you think it was."
"Fuck you, Jasper. I'm in no mood to hear your sorry ass excuse. I'm tired as hell and I want to go to bed. It's none of my business what you do anymore. We're not fucking. You want to do blow and get fucked up? Be my guest. Just don't think for one second I'll have anything to do with you anymore," I seethed.
"Bells, please?" he begged.
"No," I firmly stated. "Get the hell off my doorstep before I call the cops. I'm sure with what you have in your pocket right now they'll have more than enough reason to bring you in."
I slammed the door and locked it once again. I stood and listened for him to leave and when I heard what sounded like the main door of the building shut, I breathed a sigh of relief and headed for bed. My eyes were red from the tears and my heart hurt heavily. Edward called back and after telling him that I really needed to just go to bed, without explaining a thing to him, he reluctantly let me go. It took a while for sleep to come but in the end it did.
~xxx~
I woke up the next morning with a pounding headache. All of the events from the night before came flooding back. The good, which was Edward pleasuring himself to thoughts of me, and the bad, Jasper buying drugs. I lay there for a few moments recalling everything I said and didn't say.
I was so mad at Jasper. I'm sure I had scared Edward, and as much as I wanted to tell him everything last night, I knew that he would have gone into overprotective brother mode and called Alice straightaway. I had to question why I hadn't told him. Was there a part of me that might have believed that Jasper wasn't that guy anymore? Could it be that it wasn't what I thought it was?
I crawled out of bed and jumped in the shower thinking this over. I had known Jasper my entire life. Sure, I had caught him in a situation like this before, but now it seemed so stupid for him to throw everything he had away for a quick high.
I dressed and left my apartment, intent on finding out what was going on. I had lied to Jasper when I told him that I didn't care what he did anymore. Of course I cared. He was my best friend. I wasn't about to watch him lose it all. He had so many people now who cared for him. There were so many dreams ahead for all of us to look forward to.
I sprinted to the club, thankful to find my dad and mom behind the bar.
"Hey kiddo," my dad said, looking up from the paper.
"Hey, I can't stay long. I just wanted to know if I could borrow the truck."
Charlie dug the keys out of his pocket and tossed them to me. "Thanks," I said. "I'll have her back before long."
"Where ya headed?" my mother asked.
"I just need to take care of something." I didn't want them to know I was going to see Jasper. That would only fuel them to ask more questions. I needed to have it out with him first before I rallied the troops for an intervention. I guess that's what I was planning if he had in fact purchased drugs.
The old truck was parked behind the building of the club. I revved her up and headed down the streets of the quarter to the one place I had grown up. Navigating down the streets, away from what the typical tourist saw, I came upon houses with no roofs and grafetti on the walls. It saddened me to see my city still in this mess of disarray. I knew that clean up wasn't something that could be fixed overnight but, in all honesty, it didn't seem like anyone really gave a fuck about these parts. The Treme, the lower ninth ward, these weren't places that boosted the economic factor of the city. No, these were places that birthed musicians and artists. Fuck where they came from.
I pulled into Jasper's driveway, where at the end his FEMA issued trailer sat. It was pathetic. Hardly large enough for one person, some families had packed in four or five people in these things. I rushed out of the truck and began banging on the fiberglass door, just as loud as he had done to my door. After a few seconds Jasper opened the door, shirtless. His pajama pants hung low across his hips and the deep V of his stomach was enough to make a nun blush. He eyed me wearily for a moment, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
"Mornin," he grunted.
"Is it?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Tizzy, quit being a bitch and get inside."
I rolled my eyes and followed him into the tiny cabin. "You want to explain last night to me?" I asked, not bothering to make polite chit chat.
Jasper chuckled as he went to the refrigerator to pour himself a glass of orange juice. "You want some?" he asked.
"No, and I'd rather you not be all chummy with me right now. Tell me what the fuck I saw?" I demanded.
"Oh, so now you want to me explain? I tried that last night, and as I recall, you told me you didn't give a fuck."
"Jasper," I said, my tone softening. "Please. Please tell me you're not using again? I can't… no, I won't go through that with you anymore. You have a beautiful girlfriend who loves you. We," I said, pointing back and forth between the two of us, "have an opportunity to let the world hear us. Why are you throwing it all away on blow?"
Jasper's face fell a little as he walked around me to the small bed in the back. When he came out, he sat on the small sofa and motioned for me to join him. I sat and looked at him with pleading eyes. I never noticed he held something in his hands until his own eyes shifted down. When I saw the black velvet box with the beautiful diamond on the inside, I covered my mouth and gasped. I looked back at him with tears in my eyes.
"Jasper, you know I love you but I'm seeing Edward. I'm not sure how he and Alice would react to you proposing marriage to me."
Jasper shook his head and laughed out loud. "This is what you saw me doing last night. I met the guy after the show last night to pick it up."
I hit him, hard, against his shoulder. He grabbed it, wincing in pain. "What the fuck, Tizzy?"
"You are an asshole! Jasper, really? You pick up an engagement ring in some dark alley? Haven't you heard of jewelry stores?"
"I know, but he had it ready and I didn't want to risk anyone at the club seeing it. He does have a store," he said pointedly, "but I didn't feel like driving all the way to Baton Rouge to pick it up, and he didn't want to come out to the Treme."
"So why in an alley like some shady drug deal? You had to know what that looked like when I saw you. I mean, hello? The last time I saw you in that position…"
"I know, I know," he said, raking his hands though his messy hair. "But hey, at least this time I wasn't pressed against some stripper." He playfully bumped my leg and I smiled a little.
"Honestly, he was out and about last night with some friends. He told me where he was and instead of me parading around in side the Hustler Club, I met him a few blocks down."
I looked at the ring a little more closely. It really was beautiful. Simple, understated, but the diamonds ricocheted into tiny prisms when the light hit it.
"She's going to love it," I said aloud.
"You think? I'm so nervous, Bella. What if she says no?"
I looked up at my friend and placed my hand on top of his. "Jasper, she'd be a fool to turn you down."
"Thanks, Tizzy, and thanks for coming by. I'm really sorry about last night."
"Ah," I said standing up and shooing him off, "you're just keeping me on my toes." We shared a laugh before I asked the all important question. "So, when do you plan to, ya know?"
"Oh, um, I was thinking Christmas. Do you think that's too cheesy?"
"Not at all. I think it's perfect. Have you asked the Doctor for his permission yet?"
Jasper's face went pale white as he stared at me. "Oh shit! Should I?"
"Jasper Deaveroux Whitlock! Of course you should! You're a southern gentleman, aren't you?"
Jasper regarded what I had said before addressing me once again. "Do you think he'd tell me no?"
"Would it matter?" I asked.
He laughed and put the ring back into his pocket. "Not in the least."
I hesitated to bring my next question up. "Jazz," I began, "as much as I'm sure Alice won't mind where y'all live, do you plan on bringing her back, here?" I gestured around to the cramped space.
Jasper shook his head and laughed. "I wondered when you'd mention that. Naw, I've got some money saved up. I figure we'll put a deposit down on something in a good area that needs to be fixed up. I mean, everything in New Orleans needs to be fixed up, ya know?"
I nodded.
"Let's face it Tizzy, a lot of people aren't coming back. I figure Alice and I will buy what was their little piece of happiness and turn it into our big mansion of happiness," he said smiling so big his eyes were squinted.
~xxx~
I realized, on my drive back to the club, that I hadn't called Edward all morning. In my hasty attempt to confront Jasper, I had put our abrupt conversation from the night before on hold. When I arrived back at the bar, I chatted with my parents for a few moments before I walked back home. Pulling my cell phone out of my pocket, I dialed Edward's number.
After it rang only once, he picked up. "Thank God! I've been trying to reach you all morning. Where have you been?"
"Well, good afternoon to you, too," I said playfully. "I'm sorry; I don't have any missed calls."
"Well, your cell phone coverage sucks then. What's going on? Bella, I was so worried last night. What happened?"
I explained everything to Edward, starting at the beginning of it all. When I was done, I had arrived back home. I slipped my shoes off and plopped down on the couch. He paused before speaking.
"So, let me get this straight. When you and Jasper were…sleeping together," he said in a tight tone, "you caught him doing blow off a stripper in a dark alley. You kicked him to the curb," he said and this time, his voice held a little more pride, "and called it quits. Last night, you saw him in a similar situation but this time he was buying a ring off someone with the intentions of asking my sister to marry him?"
"Yeah, that's about it."
"Well, I'm not sure how to react to this."
"I probably overreacted a bit. I kind of tend to do that," I admitted.
"Ya think?" Edward asked with a laugh.
"Well, what would you have done?" I asked.
"I probably would have called him out when I saw him."
"My mind was otherwise occupied. I'm sorry if images of you fucking me doggy style clouded my judgment."
"Speaking of which, we didn't get to finish that last night. Wanna have a go?" he asked, dropping his voice.
"If you mean that you'd like to have a go, doing exactly what you described last night to me, then I ask when will you be home?"
Edward sighed into the phone. "'Cher, I want more than anything to do that and more to you, in the flesh, but I'm not going to make it home today."
"When then?"
"Honestly, I'm not sure."
"I thought everything was settled with the Met?" I might have been a little short and pouty when I asked, but damn it! I wanted my boyfriend home with me for good.
"It is. They're planning a going away party Tuesday, and not to mention, I have to pack up my apartment and get the contracts straight with Tyler on the album."
My heart dropped and I wanted to cry. "So you're saying that you won't be home until?"
"Wednesday at best, but I don't think that's going to happen either."
"Okay," I whispered.
"Hey, listen to me. I'm coming home to you, for good. I'm going to wake up next to you every morning and shower with you every day. This is only temporary."
"I know, it just…hurts."
"Believe me baby, it hurts me just as much. I miss you so God damn much."
"I miss you, too."
"So," Edward said after a few seconds. "How about you go get that naughty toy in your night stand and you tell me what a bad girl you've been?"
I laughed but did exactly what he said. "Oh, Mr. Cullen," I said in my most seductive voice, "I've been a very bad girl."
"How bad? What have you done?"
I heard the phone rustle as if Edward was removing his shirt. I followed suit and before I knew it, I was lying naked on my bed, vibrator in hand.
"I've started this show without you," I admitted as I turned the vibrator on. Edward sucked in a breath when he heard the buzzing noise over the line.
"Yes, I'd say that you have. Are you wet for me? Touch yourself, tell me?"
With my free hand, I ran a single finger through my wet folds and moaned into the phone. "So wet," I panted.
"Good girl. Tell me what you're doing now?"
"I'm thinking about that being your finger and, oh God," I gasped as I pinched my own clit. "I'm thinking about you sucking me into your mouth."
"Bella," Edward said raggedly, "I want to be inside of you. Put the vibrator inside of you. Pretend it's my cock, my hard, massive, needy cock, aching to be sheathed by your pussy."
"Oh shit, Edward. Keep talking like that to me." I inserted the vibrator, imagining it was Edward, and moved it in and out. It was a much slower pace than I would have liked for him to take, but it was something.
"Does that feel good?" he asked. "Tell me, 'Cher, do I feel good inside of you?"
"So good, baby."
"Touch your clit for me. Pinch it, flick it. Imagine it's me hitting that spot over and over again," he said, his voice shaky.
"Edward, I'm…I'm…"
"Yes, oh God, Bella, I'm going to cum all over my hand and chest. It's your pussy I'm cumming into. I'm filling you with all I have."
I screamed as my orgasm overtook me while I heard Edward chant my name over and over on the line. We lay silent, both of us catching our breaths.
"That was…" I said, gasping for air.
"Yeah," he agreed.
"But it's not the same."
"Not at all. Nothing compares to feeling you beneath me."
"I…" I started to say something but abruptly stopped.
"Yeah," Edward said back.
I wondered if he caught what I was about to say. I couldn't believe I was about to tell him that I loved him over the phone. Our first time saying what was supposed to be something I'd never forget. I didn't want it to be after we had just had phone sex. In the back of my mind though, I felt he knew what I was trying to say and why I hesitated. If I could get through this week without him, I was going to tell him when I saw him again.
~xxx~
The rest of the week flew by. For one, I was kind of glad. That meant every day that breezed past was a day closer to when I would see Edward again. Of course, by Thursday I began to panic. The benefit was the following night and he still couldn't tell me for sure if he was going to be home in time. A small part of me was angry. He had known about this and yet he still wasn't here. Another part, the part that thought about everything long term, knew that when he did come home, it would be for good.
I was on the phone with Edward on Thursday afternoon before my shift when I finally broke down.
"You know I have to call in a replacement," I said.
"I know. I don't want you to, you know that, right? The contracts were supposed to be finalized and ready today, but the attorney is back logged. I'm considering camping out at his office tonight to make sure he approves everything so I can get out of here early in the morning."
"You do whatever you have to do, just like I have to do what it is that I have to do."
"As long as I'm not being replaced in your heart, we'll make this work," he said lovingly. It was moments like that, that made me want to shout to him how much I loved him. I felt the same emotion, thousands of miles away.
"I gotta go," I said. "I need to call him."
"Hey, please know I'm doing everything I can to make it there. I'm not giving up yet."
"I know," I said, barely above a whisper.
We said our goodbyes, and after I hung up, I picked the phone back up to call the only other good cornet player I knew.
"Hello?" he man on the other end said.
"Jake? Hey, it's Bella."
"Hey babe, how are ya? Ready for the benefit tomorrow?"
"Um, yeah sure. Listen, I kind of need a favor."
"Anything, you know that."
"Edward Cullen, Doctor Cullen's son, was going to play with us, but he's out of town and we're not sure if he'll be able to make it," I said, choking up a little.
"So you want to know if I could fill in?" Jacob asked.
"Yeah, listen I'm sorry. You have every right to tell me no."
"Bella, I'd love to. Besides, we all know I'm the best cornet player in all of the New Orleans."
I laughed but deep down I knew it wasn't true. Jacob was good, but he was no Edward.
When Friday evening rolled around, we all arrived at the club two hours before the show was set to start. I was nervous to be playing for so many people. Alice and Esme had really outdone themselves on promoting our little show. People, even two hours beforehand, were starting to filter into the tiny hall.
"You heard from Edward?" my dad asked while we stood behind the bar, filling drink orders.
"I've tried to call him all day but I get no answer."
It was true, since I had woken up this morning I had called him, damn near every hour. He had yet to pick up. I was worried but then I thought that maybe he was in a meeting, finalizing the details of the album. I knew he wouldn't leave until we were all being offered the same, fair deal.
Carlisle approached us, grabbing a couple of beers as he helped us tend bar. "Keep the faith, Bella," he said.
Yeah, yeah. Ever since I had met the Doctor, that's all he had said to me in regard to his son. I was beginning to think I needed to have that tattooed on my ass. Instead of getting snarky with Edward's dad, I gave him a half smile that he only chuckled at.
My back was to the bar as I made to grab the bottle of Jack. I heard my name called followed by a whistle. I quickly turned around to see James perched on the edge of the bar top.
"Damn girl. You just get finer and finer, don't ya?" he asked, smiling and taking in my form.
I rolled my eyes and leaned across the bar to kiss his cheek. "You made it. I'm glad."
"Yeah, wanted to see my old girl do her thang. Vicky," he shouted to a red-haired woman who was chatting with a few other patrons. "Victoria, this is Bella. Bella, this is my new girl, Victoria."
My smile widened and I reached across the bar to shake her hand. "I've heard so much about you, Bella."
"All good I hope," I said, looking over at James.
"Of course!" he said, faking hurt. "I don't have a bad thing to say about you."
"Well, what can I get y'all? First round is on the house."
James and Victoria ordered their drinks and she scampered away to join friends at a table. I watched a smitten James keep his eye on her the whole way to the table.
"What's gotten in to you?" I asked.
"What can I say, doll, I think you inspired me."
I raised a hopeful eye to which he just laughed. "You're exclusive?"
He nodded. "It's nice, ya know? Waking up beside someone, going to bed with them, sharing showers," he said with a wink.
"I know exactly what you mean."
"So, where is your man at?" James asked, looking around the bar.
"Oh, he, um, may not make it tonight. He's in New York wrapping up things to move down here."
"Permanently?" James asked.
"Yeah."
"Well, if you and me ain't just turned a gold leaf. Who would have thought it, huh?"
"You're right, James. But I wouldn't trade it for anything."
"Me either," he admitted. "I gotta run. Sing something for me, would ya?"
"Of course." I kissed him once more on the cheek before he strode over to join his new found happiness.
My mother, followed by Esme and Alice, came around to the bar. All three were helping out as servers since most of the house was standing room only. Rosalie had moved behind the bar to help Mike, while the rest of us performed on stage.
"It's time," Renee said.
I looked at the three women as they each gave me a hug. Esme whispered not to give up while Alice said she'd castrate him if he didn't show. With five minutes left until show time, I wasn't sure he would.
As I made my way to the stage and picked up my clarinet case, I turned to the band and felt empty as I took in the missing piece to my puzzle. We'd still sound great, there was no doubt about that, but it wasn't the same without him. I realized then that I wasn't the same without him.
I put on my best smile and took a deep breath. With or without him, there was still a city in need and musicians trying to get home. "Ya'll ready?"
~xxx~
A/N- I know, I know. I left y'all with a cliffie. I'm sorry. The next chapter is more than written so it shouldn't be too long. Katydid2363 and I have looked over my original outline and we've decided that this story could be wrapped up in three more chapters. My reasoning? I don't want to drag this out for y'all. I don't think it's fair to be honest. Besides, with everything I have planned for the characters, it could easily be settled up sooner, rather than later.
Sunday marked the fifth anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. After watching several documentaries over the course of the weekend, I've come to realize that I haven't portrayed the aftermath of the storm correctly. It was ten times worse than I have written it. To any of you who are from there, I'm very sorry for my inaccurate description. There are a lot of people still recovering, even today, five years later.
I've entered a submission for the Love Lost contest. It's anonymous so I can't tell you which one is mine, but check out the stories if you are so inclined. Here's the link if you want to check them all out. http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2458839/
My good friend ShellWRX has begun posting her very own story! Show her some love & check it out! It's called, The Little Fish, & the link can be found here. http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/6267921/1/
Thanks so much for sticking with me on this ride. Now, I'm sure you want to yell at me for leaving it the way I did. I'm all ears.
Xoxo
Holly
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