Chapter XVI: Together We Stand

Cassandra was finally asleep. Severus had dried off her tears and cradled her in his arms until her breathing had become slow and regular. Then he had carefully put her head onto the pillow. He himself had remained sitting with his back resting against the headboard. There was no point in lying down. He knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep. His mind was too busy processing what he had learnt over the last couple of hours. So he decided to just sit there and look at Cassandra for a while, hoping sleep would overcome him eventually.

Her hair was dry now and messier than ever. Severus wondered when she had decided to cut it short. He couldn't remember if it had still been long in the memories he had witnessed. Not that it mattered. He loved her hair the way it was now. It was just as wild as her temper. And he loved that, too.

He let his gaze wander down over her neck to her shoulder. The bathrobe had slipped down slightly, and he could see the ugly scar on her upper left arm. She had told him that she had gotten it in the car crash where Thorbjörn had died. Now he knew that it had probably been Yaxley's doing. If this scar was the result of a Dark curse, it would explain why it had healed so badly. Wounds from Dark curses never healed properly. Was this why he had never seen Cassandra wear short sleeves, not even in the height of summer? Was it yet another way for her to cover up her past?

He reached out and carefully pulled the bathrobe back over her shoulder. Her skin was warm now, soft like silk. He let his fingertips slide up her neck and over her jaw line; let his thumb caress her lower lip. He loved her lips, the way they curled into a smile when she looked at him, the way they felt against his.

He saw the corners of her eyes twitch. She was probably dreaming. Severus hoped it wasn't an unpleasant dream. She deserved nothing but sweet dreams.

He mused over the fine lines around her eyes. Laughter lines, he figured. She had been upset quite a few times over the last months, but no matter how many tears she shed, he would never forget her laughter. After all, it had been her laughter that had made him raise his eyes from his book that afternoon in the park.

Earlier that night, he had feared that he might never hear her laughter again. Cassandra had seemed to be enwrapped in darkness, and Severus had not been sure if he would be able to coax her into the light again. But then she had opened up to him. She had trusted him enough to share the memories no one else knew about.

How had he deserved her trust, he wondered. If anything, she should blame him for taking away her security. If it hadn't been for him, she would have been able to go on ignoring the Wizarding world like she had done for the last ten years. When he had stepped into her life, he had brought the Magic with him and had opened the door to her past, which she had kept firmly locked for all those years. He had awakened the ghosts of her past. But surprisingly enough, she did not blame him for anything. On the contrary: she trusted him, just as much as he trusted her. It had been because of her that Magic had re-entered his life as well. Without even having meant to, Cassandra had given him the key to unlock the door to his own past.

In the beginning, he had been terrified. He had not wanted to be reminded of the world he had left behind, had not wanted to remember who he had been. But then he had started to understand that he could not live without his past. It was a part of him.

He let his head fall back against the headboard and closed his eyes. Yes, his past was filled with shadows and darkness. But they didn't seem threatening anymore. He had finally understood that he had done enough good to be allowed into the Light.

'Will the pain ever go away?'

Severus opened his eyes to find Cassandra looking at him. He hadn't noticed her move, hadn't heard her sit up. It had first been her whispered question that had made him become aware of her. And now she was looking at him with her blue eyes, asking him the very question he himself had been pondering for the good deal of two decades.

He felt it, too. He knew the pain she was talking of only too well. He, too, had lost the people he had loved the most. He had failed to protect them. They had slipped away, and he had seen them disappear, unable to reach out his hand and make them stay.

He wrapped his arm around Cassandra's shoulders and pulled her towards his chest. 'No, my love,' he whispered. 'The pain will never go away. But one learns to live with it.'

A soft knock on the door made Severus wake up from his slumber. He had fallen into an uneasy sleep shortly before dawn, a sleep filled of strange dreams: he had seen his parents, Lily, Dumbledore, the Dark Lord. He hadn't had those dreams for years, and he was glad to be woken from them.

Gently he freed himself from Cassandra's embrace and slipped out of the bed, hoping that he would not wake her. He looked back at her as he put on the bathrobe he had hung over the chair by the bed a couple of hours ago. She was sleeping peacefully now. She had faced her demons last night. They did not haunt her now.

He silently opened the bedroom door and came face to face with Per. The blond man was dressed in a tailored black suit, his shoes were polished, and his hair was pulled back into a ponytail. He looked like he could take the whole world by storm. But his pale skin and the shadows under his eyes bore witness to an ill spent night.

'Is Cassy okay?' he asked in a hoarse voice.

Severus nodded. 'She has been asleep for a couple of hours now. I apologise for not having informed you.'

'That's alright,' Per answered, rubbing his neck. 'I figured you would call me if you needed help. Eventually I fell asleep on the couch.'

He pointed towards the bathroom. 'Your clothes are dry. And I have already called Cassy's school and informed them that she won't be coming in today. They were quite understanding. I, however, have to go to the office. Can you stay here with her?'

Severus nodded. He wouldn't have to be at the hospital before four o'clock. And if necessary, he would take the day off.

'Good, good,' Per said. He was nervous, Severus could sense that clearly. And his eyes kept darting towards the bedroom door Severus had closed behind him. 'Is she really alright?'

Again, Severus nodded. 'We have talked. She has cried. And, for the time being, I believe that she is alright.'

He saw Per chewing his lower lip. The look on his face was that of a concerned brother, a devoted friend. 'Would you mind coming downstairs for a cup of coffee, Severus? And a chat maybe?'

The coffee was warm and strong and tasted slightly of cinnamon. Severus sat down at the kitchen table and closed his eyes for a moment. He had slept a few hours, but he did not feel rested at all. What he had seen last night was hard to digest.

'I want to apologise to you, Severus,' Per began. 'When Cassy showed up here yesterday night, crying, I immediately assumed that you had hurt her in some way. That was not fair of me.'

Severus raised his hand in an absolving gesture. 'You care deeply for Cassandra. It is only natural that you wanted to protect her.'

'I've taken care of her before, you know. After Thorbjörn died …'

Severus nodded. He knew.

'The look she had in her eyes last night,' Per went on, 'it was the same look she had that day when I found her in her bathroom. It scared the shit out of me. I was afraid she was going to hurt herself.'

'What did Cassandra say when she came here?' Severus wondered.

'She didn't make much sense, to be honest. Something about you going back to England.'

Severus sighed and clutched his cup a little harder. 'I had planned to ask her if she would come with me. But I never got the chance.'

He looked up, and his dark eyes met Per's grey ones. 'You know her well, Per. Do you think she will ever go back?'

'You know, Severus,' Per replied. 'Only a couple of months ago I would have said no. I was convinced that Cassy would never return to England. Something had happened there, something worse than the death of Thorbjörn. And it had terrified her. But now …' He paused, evidently looking for the right words. 'Severus, I do not know what it is about you, but you make Cassy feel safe. And I think she needs you. So, yes, if you decide to return, I think she will come with you.'

Severus frowned at Per's last words. 'She would do it for my sake?'

'Cassy loves you, Severus. I think the love she feels for you might outshine what she once felt for Thorbjörn. It feels like you two belong together somehow, as if you were two of a kind.'

He shrugged and put his cup into the sink. He didn't look at Severus anymore, and there was a hint of sadness in his voice when he spoke again. 'I think she would go to the gates of hell and beyond with you, Severus. And even back to England.'

Severus stayed seated at the kitchen table after Per had left for work, contemplating the situation at hand.

Was it true? Would Cassandra really face her fears and return to the Wizarding world because he wanted to return? Could he ask that of her? Could he really make her face her demons just because he had finally slain his own? Was it right? Or was he just acting selfishly?

And what if she decided that she did not want to return, that she couldn't? What would he do? Would he make a sacrifice for her and continue his life as a Muggle, for her sake? Or would he pursue his plans and return to the Wizarding world alone? Would he ever be happy again if he left her behind?

He sighed and buried his face in his hands. One of them would have to make a sacrifice. One of them would have to make a decision. And he did not want to be the one to make it. For the time being, he even regretted ever having considered going back.

'Glad to see you are still here.'

Severus spun around to face Cassandra. He had not heard her enter the kitchen. Moving soundlessly was one of her most uncanny habits.

Her voice was croaky, as if she were suffering from a severe cold. Her hair was a mess, and there was still some smudged mascara under her puffy eyes. And like Severus, she was still wearing one of Per's bathrobes, which was at least three sizes too big for her. She looked a mess, and at the same time adorable.

'Per has left for work,' Severus explained. 'And he has informed your school that you will not be coming in today.'

Cassandra smiled faintly. 'Thought he might. He always does.' She moved to the kitchen cabinet and grabbed a cup, poured herself some coffee and then opened a drawer to take out a spoon.

'You seem quite at home in Per's kitchen,' Severus stated dryly. He was himself surprised to notice how much that bothered him.

'Hm,' Cassandra replied. 'I've been here once or twice before.'

She settled on a chair on the opposite side of the table, holding her coffee cup against her chest as if to warm herself. For some minutes, neither of them spoke. Severus resolutely stared at his coffee, and Cassandra seemed to be looking at something only she could see.

Finally Severus found the courage to address the matter. 'You and Per are very good friends,' he started.

Cassandra nodded, her gaze still lingering on something invisible. 'He was there for me when I needed him the most. He was the only one I would let in. And he was just there, comforted me when I cried and kept me from doing something stupid. And he never asked for anything in return.'

'Have you two ever … I mean, have you …' Severus wanted to know. He wanted to know if there had ever been anything more than friendship between the blond man and the red-haired witch, but he didn't dare to phrase the question. Thankfully, Cassandra understood anyway.

'We tried,' she explained. 'About a year after Thorbjörn had died, we actually tried. But it didn't work out. There was always something … missing. It felt as if we didn't belong together.'

She had turned her head and was looking straight at Severus now. Her blue eyes locked onto his dark ones, and although she didn't move her lips, it was almost as if he could hear her thoughts.

I have found the missing ingredient now. In you.

Severus knew that he should have said something then. He should have run to her, embraced her and told her just how much he loved her. But he couldn't. He didn't dare. There was a possibility that they would soon make decisions that would separate them. Telling her that he loved her now didn't seem fair. So although his heart seemed to burst, Severus held his peace. And so did Cassandra.

Instead, she got up from her chair and put her cup onto the counter. 'I'm going upstairs to get dressed,' she said. 'And then I want to go home. Would you like to come with me, Severus?'

He nodded. 'I will check out when there is a bus leaving for Hveragerði.'

She brushed his shoulder on her way out and smiled. 'No need to bother. I was thinking about Apparating.'

Severus just stared after her as she left the kitchen, too staggered to utter a single word. Cassandra suggesting using magic was the last thing he had expected.

He rinsed his coffee cup and put it beside the one she had used. Hers was blue with bronze flowers, and his was green with a silver rim. It might just have been a coincidence, but Severus couldn't help but smile. Blue and green, Ravenclaw and Slytherin. Maybe, he thought, just maybe, there was a chance that magic would not divide them after all.