Chapter XIX: Getting Ready

The all too familiar pain in his left forearm made Severus sink to his knees. He stared at his arm, terrified. This couldn't be! The Dark Mark could not be burning! Not after all these years!

He did not want to look, not really. The outline of the dreadful Mark was still etched into his retina, even after all these years.

No, he did not want to look. Every cell in his brain told him not to. But he felt that he had no choice. Ignoring the pain would not make it go away. So he closed his eyes for a moment, gathered his strength, brought his right hand to the hem of his left sleeve and started rolling it up with shaking fingers.

The Mark was as horrid as ever, or even more so. It had started to fade the night the Dark Lord had fallen by the hand of Harry Potter. At least, that was what Minerva and Poppy had told Severus when he had awoken in the infirmary. And by the time he had arrived in Iceland, the vile brand had disappeared almost completely. But now it was back, etched into his very flesh, a dark and hideous scar.

Severus' stomach lurched, and he suppressed the urge to throw up. It just could not be! The Dark Lord had been dead for almost eight years. His own spell had finished him off. He was dead, stone-dead. Gone.

Or was he?

The Dark Lord had been thought dead once before. And he had been resurrected. Was it possible that he had managed to escape Death's clutches once more? Had he once again managed to escape the darkest pits of hell?

Severus felt tears well up in his eyes. Whether this was due to the pain in his arm or due to the sheer horror he felt, he did not know. But he knew that he would have no other choice than to answer the call. If the Dark Lord was back, he would fight him. And that meant that he had to meet him, face to face. Ignoring the tears in his eyes and the taste of vomit in his mouth, Severus Dispparated. Where to, he did not know. He had never known.

Blood-red eyes were the first thing that met him when his feet hit the ground. Lifeless, blood-red eyes in an equally lifeless, yet pale face. Instinctively, Severus bent his knees but changed his mind in the last second. No! Never again would he crawl in the dirt in front of that Creature. Never again. And so he stood tall, his face an inscrutable mask.

'I was not sure if you would answer the call, Severus. I was not even sure if you were still alive.'

Cold. The Creature's voice was cold as ice, cold as death itself. It sounded like fingernails scratching over a blackboard, like human bones being crushed by an enormous weight, like the death-cry of a beloved.

Severus felt the strong urge to run away. But his brain told him to stay put, kept his feet rooted to the ground. He must not run away. The Creature had to be defeated.

'My Lord.' He almost choked at the words. 'We thought you dead.'

The Creature nodded. 'Yes, I was dead, Severus. But then again, I was not.'

Severus stared at the Creature, refusing to flinch. Maybe he could not be killed. Maybe both his body and his soul had already been too damaged to be killed by something as earthly as a rebounded Killing Curse.

'I thought you dead as well, Severus,' the Creature went on.

Now Severus did flinch. Of course the Creature would have thought that. After all, it had been the Creature himself who had wanted him to die. The Creature had misinterpreted the situation and had demanded Severus' death to gain control of the Elder Wand. But the Creature's plan had failed.

'I am pleased that you are alive, Severus,' the Creature went on. 'You have been one of my most loyal servants. And I regretted your death.'

To that, Severus almost snorted. Was it possible that Lord Voldemort, the dark wizard whom everybody feared, had still not understood that he, Severus Snape, had been double-crossing him for almost two decades?

'Yes, Severus. You have been one of my most loyal servants in our past life. And you have served me even in our new life. And you might not even have realised it.'

Severus frowned. Whatever did the Creature mean?

'There aren't many of our kind left, Severus. And to become strong again, we need to cut away the disease that has infested our kind. You have located the canker. And I have disposed of it.'

A cruel smile flashed over the Creature's face, and Severus felt a chill going down his spine. From the corner of his eye, he saw a movement and whirled around. The sight made him sink to his knees and scream in agony: in front of him stood Yaxley, back from the dead, his face scarred, his left arm crippled and his eyes lifeless. And at his feet lay the mangled body of Cassandra.

Severus' eyes flew open. His lungs filled with air. Coughing, gasping and screaming all at once, he shot up from his pillow just to feel himself being pulled back by a pair of warm, soft hands, Cassandra's hands.

'Hush, love,' Cassandra whispered. 'It's been a dream. Just a bad dream.'

Severus' nightshirt was sticking to his back. His whole body was shaking. It had been so real. The Creature's voice was still ringing in his ears, and there was a taste of blood and vomit in his mouth. But Cassandra was there, right beside him, alive. Not dead, not shredded to pieces. He could feel the warmth of her body against his, could smell the comforting mixture of musk and honey. She was there. She was alive. She was holding him in her arms. Her embrace was comforting, and Severus let himself be pulled back against her chest. But he did not dare close his eyes. The dream had been so real that he was afraid it would return. And for some moments he just stared into the darkness, waiting for his heartbeat to slow down, for his breathing to return to normal.

'I am sorry I woke you up,' he said, surprised how hoarse his voice sounded. So his screaming had not been a dream.

'You didn't wake me up. I've been watching you for quite some time,' Cassandra whispered into his ear. 'That was not just a simple nightmare, was it?'

She tightened her embrace, and Severus let his head fall back against her, hugged her arms against his chest. But he didn't answer. He didn't know what to say.

'I know those sorts of screams, Severus,' she said, her breath tickling the side of his neck. 'Screams like those come from the darkest corner of one's soul. You either let them out or they will tear your heart into pieces.'

How many nights had she woken up screaming, Severus wondered. How many times had she relived the worst moments of her life?

'This is not the first time you're having nightmares,' Cassandra went on. 'Something is bothering you, isn't it?'

She was right, of course. He had been suffering from dreams like that for the greater part of his life. There had always been faces hunting him at night: his mother, Lily, Dumbledore. The faces of the people he had held dear and whom he had not been able to protect. And now there was a new face in them.

'I cannot make you do this, Cassandra,' Severus whispered into the darkness, suddenly very much aware why his nightmares had come back. 'I cannot make you return to the Wizarding world just because I want to return.'

For a moment there was nothing but silence, and Severus was afraid that Cassandra would agree with him, that she would tell him that she could not come with him.

'You are not making me do anything,' she finally said, her voice calm and warm.

'Would you have returned on your own?' He needed to know. He needed to know that she was not just doing this for him.

'No,' she answered, and Severus felt a stab in his heart. So it was as he had feared: she wasn't ready.

He had seen her break down. He had seen what her past had done to her. Returning to the Wizarding world would mean that she had to face her past, her fears. What if she could not handle it? What if it destroyed her? How could he, Severus, ever live with that guilt?

He freed himself from her embrace and turned to face her, acutely aware of how cold he felt now that her arms weren't wrapped around him anymore. It was too dark for him to see her face, but he could feel her eyes upon him.

'Then why have you decided to return, Cassandra?' he asked. 'For my sake?'

He heard her sigh and reached out for her, pulled her towards his chest. If she told him that she was not coming with him, he wanted at least to feel her body close to his for one last time.

'I have kept away from the Wizarding world because I am afraid, Severus.' Her voice had lost its calm. It was shaky now, filled with tears. Severus brought her hand to his lips and placed a tender kiss on her palm. He could feel her pulse under his fingers. It was slow and steady.

'The Wizarding world has changed, Cassandra,' he whispered. 'The Light has returned. The shadows are gone. Does it still frighten you?'

'I am terrified. I still see shadows lurking in every corner. And there are still nights when I wake up screaming. But I am tired of running, Severus. So tired. I want to live again.'

He felt her slump against his shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around her, buried his face in her hair. 'I will be there for you, Cassandra,' he whispered. 'If you return with me, I swear that I will never leave your side.'

Severus was woken up by Nicodemus, who was trying to creep under the warm blanket.

'Do not even think about it,' he growled. He had never understood why Cassandra allowed the cat into the bedroom, yet alone into the bed. But then again, that cat had been her best friend, her companion during lonely years filled with heartache and despair.

He rolled over to pull Cassandra into his arms but found the pillow beside him empty. Swiftly, he sat up and listened and heard her move around in the kitchen. 'Is she making breakfast, your mistress?' he asked as he absentmindedly patted the tabby on its head.

Nicodemus started purring and rubbed its head eagerly against the wizard's hand. And despite himself, Severus picked up the cat and cradled it against his chest. 'Your mistress is a wonderful woman,' he murmured. 'She has brought a joy into my life which I never hoped to experience. She made me live again.'

Nicodemus purred and rubbed its head against Severus' chin before wriggling itself free and jumping to the floor. It looked up at the dark wizard with its intense green eyes, backing slowly towards the door. And for a split second, Severus could have sworn that the tabby was making beckoning movements with its head.

He pulled on his dressing gown and followed the cat out of the bedroom, suddenly realising that talking to the woman herself would be a much smarter move than talking to the cat.

He found Cassandra in the kitchen. She, too, was wearing a dressing gown, and her red hair was as messy as ever. Severus smiled and remembered the first night he had spent in her bed and how awkward he had felt the next morning when he had entered the kitchen. But the only feeling that filled his chest now was the feeling of endless happiness. He loved the woman in front of him with all his heart. And today he would tell her.

'Have a seat,' she said, smiling, and beckoned towards the kitchen table. 'Breakfast will be ready in a minute.'

Severus settled on the chair that stood closest to the window, enjoying the warm sunlight that was falling through the glass. Then his eyes fell on a piece of parchment that was lying on the table. He recognised it at once. He had filled out one of those himself a couple of weeks ago. It was the form every teacher had to fill out before starting to teach at Hogwarts.

He eyed the form curiously. 'Magical Languages?' he asked.

Cassandra smiled at him. 'What did you think I was going to teach? Potions?'

Severus couldn't help but grin. 'Then you actually do speak Elfish.'

When the sound of her laughter filled the kitchen, Severus stared at Cassandra in awe. It was back: the carefree, hearty laughter he had fallen in love with that day in the park. It was finally back.

He let his eyes wander over the parchment, admiring Cassandra's handwriting. 'You are aware that you have forgotten to fill in your last name?' he asked.

She settled onto the chair opposite him and took the parchment from his hand. 'Yes, I am aware of that. I didn't know what name to write there.'

Severus looked at her, confused, and she smiled.

'It doesn't seem right to carry the name Svensson into the Wizarding world. That name is part of my Muggle life. It doesn't belong to me any more.'

Severus reached out to take her hand. So she had taken farewell. She was ready to go home.

'How about Black?' he suggested. 'Both your brothers have played a vital part in the defeat of the Dark Lord. And Harry Potter has seen to it that the name has been cleared.'

Cassandra shrugged. 'I have hated that name for so many years. It's hard to just … take it back.'

He squeezed her hand, and she raised her eyes to look at him. 'Would you like to carry my name, Cassandra?' he asked.

For a moment, she looked at him, puzzled. Then a mischievous smirk appeared on her face, and she narrowed her eyes. 'Marriage proposals normally involve the man getting down on his knees, Severus Snape,' she stated, her voice dripping with irony.

Severus felt his heart drop. Damn her! She must know what an effort it had taken him to ask a question of that kind. Why would she ridicule him like that?

When he tried to withdraw his hand, she held on to it. 'I'm sorry, Severus. I shouldn't have … I'm sorry.'

She pulled his hand closer towards her, wrapped both of hers around it. And when he looked up at her, the smirk had gone, had been replaced by a questioning look. 'Why would you want to marry me, Severus?' she asked.

'I promised you last night that I will always be by your side,' he answered. 'I intend to keep that promise.'

A soft smile appeared on Cassandra's lips but disappeared almost as quickly as it had come. 'You don't need to marry me to prove that. You are an honourable man. I know that you will keep your promise.'

Severus felt his hand shaking and squeezed hers tighter so she wouldn't notice. 'When we return to the Wizarding world, you will be all I have, Cassandra,' he whispered, his dark eyes locked on her blue ones. 'I need you to be by my side.'

Had he just said those words, he wondered. Had he, Severus Snape, just told another human being that he needed her? Had he just confessed his vulnerability? Then he saw the smile reappear and felt Cassandra place a tender kiss on his palm.

'I will be there, Severus,' she promised. 'I will always be there.'