Rating:
This chapter is Rated T.

Beta:
Nightingale Winters; you are awesome. Thank you for cleaning up this chapter.
Isabella Rain; another chapter well edited by you!

Authors Notes:
In this chapter, Rose gets her party mood switch turned on. Does Adrian have a chance to date Rose? You'll find out after this chapter. Thanks for your support!

Disclaimer:
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

CHAPTER THREE

Freedom or Belief?

Who is the girl I am seeing in the mirror? She looks lonely, exhausted, dirty, and doesn't look like she gives a damn about what happens with her anymore. I never used to be that kind of person. I had always tried my best to look good. I would put on foundation, mascara, eye-liner, lip gloss, jewelry, make my hair nice, and wear something decent. Though, staring at myself in the mirror really made me think about the person I have become.

I have thrown most of my clothes on the floor and none of them seem right to wear to the gathering tonight. They are mainly too flashy, because you would normally use them for a date or going out of the academy to the cinema or something. The other piles of clothes are the clothes I wear around the academy all the time, like my sweats and tanks tops.

Giving up on an outfit, I decided to take a shower, and then I would go back to deciding what to wear. I felt myself heating up again and the blood rushed straight to my face. That made the decision for me, I needed to have a cold shower and stop thinking about the rest of the night. Start thinking rationally Rose, I told myself, we don't want a crazy Rose.

I finished in the shower and decided to leave my robe on and put on my make up, so the makeup didn't fall on any clothes I would be wearing tonight. Just as I was putting on my mascara, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I yelled.

Three more knocks.

I opened the door and it was one of the dorm assistants. She was holding a purple protection cloth.

"This is for you Miss Hathaway." She looked at me and down at my robe.

"Thanks. Who is it from?" I asked, stunned.

"The person said to be named anonymous until you open the gift." She didn't look too impressed. I think it was because her job wasn't to be a delivery woman; she was a dorm assistant for my wing.

I took the gift and closed the door. From the outside it definitely looked like a clothes' protector for a dress. Who would send a gift? Lissa? Yes, it must be Lissa, as she is the only one who knows I don't have that many clothes to wear.

I started to unzip the protection, and it was a deep blue and black dress. It was a halter-neck and fell just above my knees. It had tight black material from my shoulders down to my waist and from there, it let loose and free flowed to above my knees in deep blue.

As I lifted the dress up to have a better and closer look, a note fell onto the floor.

Rose,

I know it's very rare you get to leave the academy and be able to go beauty shopping. I couldn't resist in getting you this beautiful dress that will fit perfectly on your beautiful body. I'm 100% sure the dress is in your size. Don't use any excuses that it is not.

Please don't hesitate in wearing the dress to the gathering tonight. I can't wait to see you in it.

Always

Adrian xx

I didn't like the thought of Adrian buying me clothes. However, I had no other clothes to wear and it did look beautiful. Adrian was right about it being in my size as well. How the hell did he know my size? I put on my dress, touched up my lip-gloss and prepared my hair.

I returned to the mirror to look at myself for the second time today. My hair was half pulled up with curls neatly dangling down. I had light blue shimmery eye shadow with a little pink lip shine and my shoes were light blue Roman sandals. I was actually feeling happy looking at myself in the mirror. This was the girl I was used to seeing in the mirror, not the girl who looked like she didn't want to be here.

As I was in the bathroom touching up my lip shine, I heard a knock on my door.

"Hey Eddie."

"Hello Rose." He kissed me on the cheek. "You look beautiful as always." He was still looking me up and down.

"Thanks. It's not much. I didn't know what to wear really," I said.

"Do you mind if I escort you to the gathering mistress?" he said with a bow.

"You may sir," I said with a laugh. "Let me just check and see if Lissa and Christian are ready."

I opened the door further for Eddie to come inside and he sat down on my bed, while I slipped into Lissa's body.

She was just slipping on her little heel black shoes.

"Lissa, are you sure I have to go tonight?" Christian asked, bored. He wasn't the type to socialize.

"Christian, you're going to be with me, is it going to be that bad?

"You know parties or social gatherings are not my thing, so maybe you could go with Rose?"

"Christian Ozera, you are coming to Xander Badica's gathering with me whether you like it or not." She stood up and walked over towards Christian, who was looking at himself in the mirror.

"Fine. Anything for you my princess." He grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him, kissing her cheek.

"We better get going if we are going to be meeting Rose and Eddie."

Christian pulled Lissa even closer to him and started to kiss her intensely. I could feel the love and passion Lissa had for him, it was so strong. He made her heart beat out of her chest.

"Christian..." she giggled. "Maybe we could pick this up a bit later. Rose and Eddie could come here any minute."

"Now sounds good to me." He pushed her towards the bed. He kept kissing her intensely and I had the desire to go all the way.

I mean Lissa did. Argh, being inside her body was gross, especially when making out with Christian.

She wrapped her legs around Christian's waist and he began pushing against her slowly. Lissa didn't like the idea of dry humping but she couldn't pull herself away. She pulled Christian's shirt over his head and began to slowly trace his abs.

Looking at Christian this way was disgusting but I had to admit he was well toned for a Moroi.

Christian slipped his hand up her thigh and began pulling her underwear down. He threw them to the floor and pulled the bottom of her dress up to her hips. He slowly kissed her down her neck and back up to the side of her jaw.

Oh god! I really need to get out of Lissa's body. I don't want to be here, I'm going to be sick.

I tried to pull myself out her of body, but her emotions for Christian were too strong and she was pulling me back in.

He started to take out a condom and began slipping it on. "Hurry up... hurry up Christian." Lissa groaned. "What is taking so long?"

I have got to get out of here. Come on, come on. Think Rose, think.

He kissed her back on the lips and then she gasped.

Rose, get out now!

Their bodies were moving back and forth.

Fuck! I have to get out of here.

"Rose." Eddie was kneeling in front of me.

"Yeah, I'm back. Sorry it took so long."

"Are they ready to go?" He seemed very eager. I wonder why?

"Um..." Maybe I should leave them alone for a little while? Na, screw it. If they wanted to do it now, then they have to deal with it. "Yeah, they're waiting for us to show up," I said with a smile.

As Eddie and I were walking up to Lissa's dorm with linked arms, I saw Dimitri at the end of the hall talking to someone else. I wasn't sure who he was talking to, because I wasn't familiar with all the guardians around here.

The conversation looked quite intense from my point of view. He had his hands in a fist and looked like he was going to hit something. But tonight my mind was suppose to be spent on having a good time with some friends and not thinking about Dimitri. But how could I not think about him?

"Is something wrong Mistress?" Eddie joked.

"Just a little worried about tonight," I lied. "Not used to socializing again."

Eddie squeezed my hand. "You've got me, remember?"

"Are you going to be drinking?"

"I might have a few. It might be the last time I can loosen up before graduation," he winked.

"Is someone trying to get lucky?" I hope he didn't mean with me.

He didn't answer the question, instead he just laughed all the way down the hallway.

We reached Lissa's door and I knocked on it twice.

There was no answer. I slipped into Lissa's body and she was making herself look presentable again.

I knocked for the third time. "Coming. Won't be a moment," Lissa called.

The door opened and Christian was staring at us. "Oh, it's only Rose," he said with no feeling. He looked beside me. "Oh and Eddie," he said with a happier tone. They hit each other fists.

"What's with the panting?" I asked with a sly smile.

Christian glared at me. I couldn't help but let out a laugh. I loved making him speechless.

Lissa came to the door. "Rose, you look great. Is that a new dress? When did you get it?"

"Thank you Lissa and yes, it is. It's from a fri -" I didn't know what to call Adrian. He wasn't a friend and he definitely wasn't my boyfriend, but he would like to think he was. "It's a great dress, isn't it?"

She nodded and the four of us were off to the gathering.

"Not drinking tonight Rose?" Xander came up to me.

"This is the responsible Rose, Xander," I said with a wink.

"Come on, it's not a party without everyone drinking."

"I thought this was a gathering not a party?"

"Gathering – party, it's all the same." I recognized the voice.

Adrian Ivashkov.

He had the cockiest smile ever. He started looking at me up and down, while checking out my curves.

"Says the one boy I have never seen sober in the two months that I have known him," I said with sarcasm.

"I don't get tired of the way you speak to me Rose," he grinned. "The dress looks amazing on you by the way. Perfect size I see." He was still studying me. "You would look even better out of it."

"I make any piece of clothing look great on me and you will never see any more of my body Adrian."

"Indeed you do. What is the reason you are not drinking tonight?" he asked with curiosity.

"I'm graduating in a few months Adrian. I need to be sober and aware at all times for Lissa's protection."

"In a few months, yes - but not now. You still have time to be free and have a good time." He handed me a bottle of Vodka.

"I can still have a good time as well as being responsible, you know. Not everyone drinks and sleeps all day long like you Adrian," I said with venom. I shoved the Vodka back in his free hand.

"If that's the case little Dhampir, then why is it when I look around the room, you are the only one that doesn't have a blue and purple aura with a hint of gold? No one is going to judge you if you break out of the responsible Rose manner and be free for a couple of hours. They would only think you're human." He placed the Vodka back in my hand again and leaned only centre-meters away from my face. "Relax a little. Show me the fun Rose Hathaway I've heard about."

I looked around the room and saw that Adrian was right. Everyone was having fun and laughing. Lissa and Christian were playing kiss poker and Eddie was drinking over in the corner with a few Moroi.

"You're right; I do need to enjoy myself just one more time," I said, and then I leaned over and whispered in Adrian's ear, "I need to show off this dress."

Adrian stayed with me for most of the night. I didn't find it annoying as I normally would have. Maybe it's because I was trashed and he was always there to pick me up when I fell.

Lissa and Christian were going to stay at Xander Badica's gathering for a while longer and Eddie had passed out on the couch, so it was up to Adrian and me to walk ourselves to our dorms.

Adrian insisted that he was to walk me to my dorm. I was just about to open my door when Adrian spoke.

"I had a lovely time tonight little Dhampir."

"Any time you spend with me is a lovely time for you," I slurred.

"I'm serious." He looked me in my eyes. "You look beautiful."

"You don't look too bad yourself," I smiled and opened the door. His hand grabbed my arm and I turned around.

"You don't have to keep playing hard to get," he said with a smirk.

"If I was playing hard to get you would know. I'm not playing because I'm not interested in someone who drinks and smokes all day." Okay, that was harsh. I probably would consider dating a guy who does that if they had a great personality, but I wasn't letting Adrian know that.

He looked hurt and started to walk away.

"Adrian!" I went to run towards him and I stumbled. A pair of hands caught me.

"I think it's time for bed, little Dhampir."

"Yeah, I think -" A movement caught my eye past Adrian, and it was Dimitri talking to the dorm assistant. I forgot he was on duty tonight. He must be checking in on numbers.

"Little Dhampir?" He looked around to follow my gaze. "I see. I'm not the type to get your attention."

"Adrian you're a nice guy but -"

"But I'm not him?" he sighed. "You two can't be together. It's not right. You could be with someone who you can really be with and who makes you happy. You could get married and have children."

"Can we not talk about this? I'm feeling really dizzy; I'm going to head to bed." It was too late. Dimitri had seen Adrian standing with me outside my dorm. He did not look impressed. Dimitri has never liked the company of Adrian, and I can't even imagine what he is thinking Adrian is doing at my dorm at this time of night.

"Goodnight Adrian." I kissed him on the cheek and took a peek in Dimitri's direction. He caught it, perfect. Why not make him jealous? It's not like he wanted me, because he was back to his tricks with Tasha Ozera.

Adrian kissed my hand and said, "Will you give me a chance to show you how well we could be together?"

"I'm sorry for not giving you a chance, Adrian. Don't give up though; you never know what could happen." I went in and gave him a hug. "You'll find the right girl for you."

Adrian turned around and started walking away. Dimitri was still looking my way. I gave him a wave with a mischievous smile. I saw his fists clench again for the second time tonight, and he turned around to walk away.

I slipped out of my fancy clothes, and got dressed for bed. I couldn't be bothered into taking my make up off. I know it's not healthy for the skin, but I didn't have the energy and I wasn't feeling too great anymore. I was starting to feel nauseous.

I was wearing little short pajama shorts and a tank top that showed two centre-meters of my stomach. I let my hair out and it fell just past my shoulders.

Sleep didn't come easy. I couldn't stop thinking about what Adrian had said to me. He looked serious and I had never seen him like that before. He is a girl player, and he can get anyone he wants, but he still tries to get in my pants. The seriousness in his eyes was surreal, but why would a rich good-looking Moroi want to be serious with a trouble making Dhampir? It didn't make sense. He just wanted to use me like most of the other royal Moroi men do to Dhampir women.

Then there was Dimitri. I saw him arguing with another guardian earlier tonight and he hardly ever loses his self control, never-mind losing it at another guardian. From what I have seen since my time with Dimitri, he hardly ever loses his self control, and when he does, it's at me for instigating our relationship. Then there was his face when Adrian was at my door, and I decided to test him further by pushing my limits.

I wanted to hurt him the way he was hurting me, but I didn't want to see him like that. With the way I left us in the gymnasium this morning, and then my actions tonight; I think I gave him enough to think over for now.

I sat up out of bed and ran to the bathroom. Nope. Nothing happened, just a sickening feeling. Probably didn't help that I hadn't been able to sleep, because Dimitri is on my mind. He is always on my mind.