Rating:
This chapter is Rated T.

Beta:
Isabella Rain; I absolutely love you!

Authors Notes:
I'll like to say a big thank you to: BookLuver2389, SKDanielle16, PeaceRoseG'ladheon, for all your support and reviews from Chapter One to Chapter Three.
I'll also like to thank VAcrazy13 for supporting me and putting my story into a community!

Disclaimer:
The author Richelle Mead owns the Vampire Academy universe. I Want To Experience Love is a Vampire Academy Fan Fiction story and it is not intended to infringe on any copyrights held by Richelle Mead or Razor Bill Company. Richelle Mead is the creator of the Vampire Academy characters, however this story is my original work. Copyright 2010 by xx-RedRoseBlackThorn-xx. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization.

CHAPTER FOUR

Loved but Perplexed

Knock, Knock, Knock.

I stood waiting for the door to open. There was no answer. I knew this was a bad idea. I should have stayed in bed. No, I shouldn't have stayed in bed because I couldn't sleep and I had unfinished business to attend too.

Knock, Knock, Knock.

Please open the door. I feel like I'm going to pass out.

The door slowly opened up and I saw Dimitri appearing through the small crack.

"Rose?" he looked half asleep. His hair was damp and he was in cotton pants and a T-shirt.

"Let me in, Comrade. I don't feel so good." He stepped aside and I pushed the door further open and sat on his bed.

He closed the door and slowly turned around. I think I caught him off guard, because he wasn't looking at me. He was looking up at the ceiling.

"Is the roof about to fall in? Because if it is, I better escape now and be the one alive to tell the story," I joked.

His eyes came back from the ceiling and looked me in the eyes.

"Why are you here?" he said with a poker face. "It's inappropriate for you to be in here."

"Relax, Comrade. It's near the middle of the night, no one is around," I smiled.

"What about the hall matron and the guardian on duty? They might have seen you." His tone was impolite but his eyes were saying a different story.

"You know that's not the case, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to make it to your room. Now are you going to ask me for a drink or keep patronizing me?" I hissed.

He walked over and sat beside me on the bed. "Would you like something to drink?" he asked politely. "Did you want something for your nausea?

I looked at the small distance between Dimitri and I on the bed and it reminded me about Victor's lust charm. I badly wanted to be that close to Dimitri again, but after today's events, I decided I needed to break the space before something went wrong.

I stood up and walked across the room to a chair and sighed. "A glass of water would be fine."

Dimitri got up and filled up a glass of cold water. He kept secretly sneaking glances at me, thinking I didn't notice. Walking over to me, he handed me the glass of water.

"You didn't just come here because you were sick. You could be sick in your room. What's the problem, is it the Princess?" He looked worried.

"Her name is Lissa and no, nothing is wrong with her. She might have a major hangover in the morning though," I hissed. The last half of the sentence was to me.

He ignored my attempt to start an argument and he sincerely said, "Why don't you go lay down on my bed. You're looking a little pale and you're starting to shake." He gestured towards his bed.

"I can't," I could hardly make my voice loud enough for him to hear. Memories kept popping into my head.

"Rose, I don't want you to pass out." He came over and grabbed my hand and led me to his bed. I didn't have the energy to fight him off. The hangover was starting to win me over and lying down did me no justice.

The last thing I remember was I smelt his pillow I was laying on, because it smelt like him. I was looking at him through my eyes. He was sitting in the seat I had placed myself in earlier. My eyes began to slowly close and I drifted off to sleep.

I opened my eyes to a light in my face from the window. It was morning for the Academy because we live on a nocturnal time schedule, but for the human world the sun was just setting. I was still half asleep when I realized I wasn't in my room. I looked around and noticed Dimitri was asleep in the chair across from the bed.

He looked so peaceful and happy. It was one of the only times he didn't have his guard up. I didn't want to wake him so I tip-toed into his kitchenette and had a glass of water.

"Crap," I said a little bit too loudly. Dimitri started to stir but didn't wake up. The water was too cold for my body when just waking up. When I jerked back from the brain freeze, I realized I had a pounding headache. All the memories from last night came to my head all at once.

That explains why I was in Dimitri's room and laying in his bed. He had been a gentleman enough to offer the bed to me and for him to sleep on an uncomfortable chair. I walked back to the bed and looked at the alarm clock it said 5:45am. It was too early for a girl with a hangover and it was Saturday, so I didn't have training with Dimitri. I pulled the covers back up and closed my eyes.

I was having a nice dream until Adrian decided to show up and invade my privacy.

"Hello, little Dhampir," He said with a smirk.

"What do you want Adrian?" I looked down at my outfit and I was placed in the dress he brought me for the gathering.

"I wanted to see how my favourite girl was feeling?" He walked over towards me so he was only a few steps away.

"How do you think I'm feeling? I have a major hangover and you are not helping," I said with an irritated tone.

"How many times do I have to tell you Dhampir, you are asleep? How come you're not in your room?" he asked with curiosity.

"I'm in my room." How did he know I wasn't? What time was it?

"Because I came to check on you this morning and you didn't answer. I figure you wouldn't be in the gymnasium because you had a heavy night last night. I put two and two together and it leaves me to think you are with someone else in another room." He gave me one of his biggest cockiest smiles.

"Did it occur to you that I'm not feeling well so I could have been in the bathroom?" I hissed. He still reminds me that he is the only one to realize and see that I like Dimitri. Whereas my other friends haven't seen a thing between Dimitri and I, but amuse something is happening between me and Adrian. Adrian had become aware of Dimitri and I the first time he met me and he didn't know anything about me then, well apart from what he heard from others.

"Settle down, beautiful. It'll be our little secret," he winked.

"It's not our little secret because there is no secret. I'm in my own room. Get me out of here Adrian."

"Doesn't Belikov want you to tell anyone? Is he scared he will ruin -"

I was out of the dream with Adrian but still shaking from him getting me so livid. I opened my eyes and found Dimitri sitting next to me with a concerned facial expression.

"What's that look for, Comrade?" My voice was still hoarse.

"You were having a bad dream. I couldn't wake you up." His finger was rubbing the side on my cheek. "You started to scream. I began to shake you lightly to wake you up."

"Oh, sorry. I'm glad I'm awake now," I forced a smile. I felt so sick. The sleep didn't help at all. I'm glad he woke me up; I didn't want to be around Adrian any longer. "What time is it?"

"It's nearly 9:00am. How are you feeling this morning?" His fingers were still moving up and down.

I moved my left hand and put it on top of his hand on my face. "Not so good. I know it was irresponsible for me to drink last night, but I just wanted to forget about the day I had," I frowned remembering.

"I'm not going to punish you, Roza." He said my name. He was feeling affectionate towards me this morning. Maybe I would feel good this morning after all. "I think the hangover is punishing you enough."

"What about you?" I asked worried. He took in my expression and looked confused.

"What about me?"

"I kicked you out of your bed and you had to try and sleep on that uncomfortable chair." I moved my hand up to his face and wiped away his frown lines. "You wouldn't be feeling any better than I am at the moment."

"Oh Roza." He shook his head. "I offered you the bed and I don't think I would have been able to sleep with you here anyway." He stood up and walked away to his clothes drawer. "You should probably think about getting back. You're friend's might be wondering where you are."

"I don't want to go back," I pouted.

He pulled out a pair of black jeans and a blue polo shirt. "I don't want you to go back either, but sometimes you got to do what you got to do." He had a look at me and walked over to the kitchenette. He came back and handed me a glass of water. "If you don't mind waiting for me, I'll help you get back," he smiled at me.

I took a sip and placed it on the bedside table. "You're so eager to get rid of me."

"They might get the wrong idea and think you ran away again," The edges of his mouth crooked up.

I looked at his clothes again and noticed they weren't the casual clothes he usually wears around the academy. He must be leaving.

"Are you going somewhere?" I asked.

He sat down beside me. He didn't say anything but the look on his face meant he was deciding how to tell me something. I sat up in the bed and took another sip of water. I waited patiently for him to answer me.

"Guardian Petrov, Guardian Stephen and I, have a meeting to attend to." He didn't look at me while he finished his explanation. "It shouldn't be too long. We should arrive back at the academy later tonight, if all goes well."

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Why won't you look at me? Is there something else? You can tell me."

He sighed. "The meeting is about Victor Dashkov. There is some important matter to discuss. None of which can be shared without authorization." He was in full guardian mode. It would be hard to get him speak about it. He takes his job very seriously that's why he won't let us be together. Well one of the reasons.

"I need to know about this Dimitri. You can't just tell me half of it," I shouted.

"You're not going to know about any of it. I shouldn't have even told you that." He got off the bed and grabbed his towel.

I stood out of bed, trying to keep my balance. I started to fall but his strong, rough hands caught me. "Be careful, Rose."

Damn it, he used Rose. His feelings of affection had dissipated.

He escorted me back to the bed and started walking towards the bathroom, but I grabbed his hand and pulled him back. He could have easily pulled out of my stance if he wanted too, but he didn't. He was stronger than me and I was also weak at this moment, so it wouldn't have been hard for him to pull away and keep going to the bathroom. He let me pull him down. I didn't let go out his hand. I loved his warm touch. It made me feel safe and happy.

"If you weren't supposed to tell me, then why did you?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Because you were not going to let it go," he squeezed my hand.

"You got me all figured out don't you," I let out a nasty tone. I don't know what came over me. Yes, I was annoyed with him from yesterday but his presence most of the time calmed me down.

Dimitri flinched. "I know you better than what you think, Rose."

"We have to talk," I pleaded.

He looked me straight in the eyes and said, "Yes, I think that's best," He snapped. He was still holding up his mentor appearance.

"Can you quit the crap, Dimitri? I'm not acting as your student at the moment; I'm acting as your friend." I pulled out of our hold, pushed the blankets off and headed for the door.

His strong arm pulled me into his body. His arms wrapped around me and his chin was on the top of my hair. "Don't be silly, Roza."

I wrapped my arms tighter around his body. He smelt and felt so good. I could stay like this in his arms forever and I would be happy. The whole morning seemed to be repeating itself. It was either me or Dimitri pulling each other back when we were about to leave. I knew why I didn't want him to leave but why did he keep pulling me back? Maybe he did still want me, but I thought he wanted to be with Tasha Ozera.

"Do you want me?" I sobbed into his chest. I had a feeling he wouldn't answer it, he hardly ever did.

"Of course I want you, Roza," He said like it was plain obvious, surprising me with his answer.

I sighed in relief. "That's all I needed to hear." I quickly added,"For now."

Dimitri moved his right hand away and used it to lift my face up so he could get a better look. "What makes you think I don't?" he looked hurt.

"I've just been feeling insecure recently." I dug my face into his chest again. He drew me closer. "Not just with you... with everyone. It's not only feeling lonely, I get angry quickly as well for no apparent reason. I'm sure you have noticed." I shivered, remembering the way I have been treating him, when he treats me so well.

He kissed my head. "Is it any different to the Rose Hathaway who loses her temper every other day?" he laughed. It made me laugh too. It was so rare for me to hear him laugh. I mostly only hear him laugh with Tasha. I flinched and stopped laughing. He noticed and stopped too.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing," I shrugged.

"Roza, don't make me search it out of you. I've had enough with secrets." His thumbs were rubbing up the small of my back.

"I was just thinking that I love hearing your laugh, but I only got to hear it the most when -" I took a deep breath.

"When?" he prompted.

Why did she keep coming in between Dimitri and I even when she wasn't here. My voice came out as a squeak. "When you were with – Tasha."

He filched for the millionth time today. Bringing up Tasha Ozera was a sore spot for the both of us, but he asked for it. I was prepared for a lecture, but instead he moved away from me so he could look me in the eyes.

"There is nothing going on between Tasha Ozera and me." His face was full of seriousness.

Though for some reason I couldn't believe him. What was wrong with me? I trusted Dimitri with everything, but I couldn't trust him on this one. Not when I heard him and Alberta talking about her. Not to mention we haven't even spoken about yesterday yet. There is heaps of information to discuss there. I tore my eyes away to look at the ground and gulped.

He reached his hand behind my neck and said, "Trust me." He looked so hurt by my betrayal, but I did have a good story to back up why I was so reluctant. "I'll prove it to you."

When he said those five words, I looked up and didn't have time to respond to his kiss. At first I was just standing there dumb struck. I wasn't feeling dizzy from standing up too long because most of the time I was leaning on him for support, but I couldn't get my mind around him initially kissing me first.

He noticed my lack of enthusiasm and broke away taking a breath. We were just staring at each other for a while. I think he took my lack of affection to a new level. He thought I didn't want to kiss him back so he backed away a few meters.

"I'm sorry I thought..." He looked confused and he was deep in thought.

"Don't back away from me, Comrade," I smirked. He looked at me again in the eyes. "You caught me off guard, that's all." I walked over to him and kissed him passionately. He returned the gesture.

After what seemed like a while, we broke apart. I was gathering my breath when I noticed the time.

"Holy Shit!" It was past 10:00am.

Dimitri turned around to follow my gaze, and quickly grabbed his clothes and towel. Before he headed to the shower, he stopped in front of me and gave me a quick peck.

"I'm running late and I have to be at the air strip in half an hour. I didn't know we would take so long talking. I've got to get you to your room before -"

I cut him off with my finger placed on his lips. "It's no worries. You go get ready for the meeting and I can manage to take myself back to my dorm," I smiled.

"Rose you don't have to go by yourself. I did say I would take you."

"I'll be fine Dimitri. You're running late. You don't want to be running later then necessary, do you?" I tried to raise an eyebrow like him, but it didn't work so well. He laughed. "Go on, have a shower. I'll see you tomorrow," I gave him a kiss and started for the door.

"I'll come see you tonight." He saw me about to argue so he continued, "we have some things to discuss and sort through, remember." He looked at the clock. It was getting later and later for him. So I decided to make it short.

"I can wait until tomorrow. You took away my worries, for me to last overnight," I winked.

He nodded and entered the bathroom. Just before he closed the door he said, "Get well Roza." I smiled and left his room.

I was able to walk to my dorm safely in a cheerful mood. I slipped into bed and closed my eyes. I nodded off to sleep in a happy state.