Chapter 25

BAU Headquarters
Quantico, VA

Spencer

He had to tell Kate what happened later that day. "So Blackburn was the first one?" Kate asked.

"The only one." Spencer replied. "He, um, didn't want to share. And I think most of the others were uncomfortable with my FBI status."

"Makes sense. And that was how he hurt Alice? By making her watch?"

"Yes. It hurt her more than most would expect."

Kate looked up. For a moment she wasn't just a fellow agent. Her eyes held the compassion of a friend. "And you?"

"Depersonalization and derealization became an issue."

There

Then

Once again Spencer fell to his knees as he tumbled into the holding room. He could sense that it was empty, that he was alone. He also knew that he should get up and get in the shower, but at the moment he couldn't quite care. He couldn't quite feel anything.

He felt the door open, sensed movement behind him. "Spencer." Alice said. He could hear the tears still in her voice. "Come on, we should get you cleaned up."

"I'm all right." He said. He really wasn't feeling much of anything, was he? "I'm just tired."

"You might be bleeding. You're certainly a mess. Come on." She started tugging on his arm to get him moving.

But he just sat there. "You know, they've verbally claimed pretty much everything from my knees to my waist." He said conversationally. "I think in truth it's just all theirs now. It doesn't feel like it's mine anymore. And nothing feels quite real." It took a moment for him to realize what he said. "Derealization and depersonalization. That's what this is. It's a trauma reaction. Maybe if I don't even think of it as rape it won't be real.

"I can see that." She was quiet a long moment. "I never ask this, but, do you trust me?"

"More than I trust anyone else here."

"Then let me take over for a while."

Spencer considered this a long moment. "You know I've never really thought about being submissive. But then I've always known I'm not an alpha personality..."

"Compared to whom?"

"My co-workers. Who, I must admit, are abnormally alpha."

"You know, the most amazing submissives I know are alpha personalities who choose to submit to authority, simply because it brings them comfort and a release from stress."

"I can see that. I've also never really explored my sexuality at all." He felt his lips quirk into what could be a smile. "Although Maeve did once say something about making blindfolds fun again. I admit to being intrigued by that."

"There's a start."

Even Maeve hinted at this, he thought. She might have done this. Maybe this is what I was meant for all along. "So I guess what I'm saying is...yes."

He felt her hand come up and caress his cheek. So gentle and so loving and so different from everything that had come before. "I would kiss you right now." She said. "But I doubt you can taste anything but them."

"No, not really." Even after he brushed his teeth he could still taste that salty bleach flavor.

"So I'm not going to kiss you until I cleanse your palette. Likely with lime custard. Very tart lime custard."

Sweet and silky and tart all at the same time. Spencer could just imagine that. "Wonderful idea." He leaned into her touch. My mind and my heart are still my own, he thought, and while they may make my body feel pain my mind and my heart can still feel love.

"In the meantime come on." She tugged his arm again to get him moving.

"What are you doing?" He couldn't see a thing, but the light told him they were heading in to the bathroom.

"Washing him off you as best I can." She turned on the water, but it didn't cover her sigh. "I just wish I could protect you."

"Isn't that supposed to be my line?"

"Not necessarily."

Spencer was quiet for a long moment as he processed what he could remember of what just happened. "This is what you two were fighting about, isn't it?"

"Pretty much."

"I'm the last one to figure this out, aren't I?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

It took him a minute more but he chuckled. "You just won, didn't you?"

She started chuckling as well. "Maybe. Granted there was no way he could win, it was really a question of me or Jack or no one at all."

"Yeah, I like Jack but he's not really my type."

"I think we noticed that." She pushed him gently and all of a sudden there was warm water everywhere. Plain soap and a rough cloth came next, and gentle, caring touches and...

Somehow, in the middle of all this misery, Spencer Reid realized he'd found something wonderful. He found his destiny.

Fiola rooftop
Washington DC

Rossi

"I lied." Alice said.

Dave Rossi had to admit it. He was cheating.

The case was wrapped. The Unsubs were in jail. They had more than enough evidence. These two weren't going to be testifying anywhere. There was no need to worry about clean interviews anymore. And Dave was concerned about his friend, especially after a little birdie told him about the romping good time Spencer and 'Lady Victoria' had the other night.

So he spoke to his friends who owned one of the best Italian restaurants in town, reserved the rooftop for the afternoon, and had them open a very good bottle of wine. And then another. And if he was pouring a fair amount more into her glass than into his, well, wine did lubricate the conversation, did it not? "Oh?"

"He's mine." She said. "He is. Besides, what is a submissive personality anyway?"

"Someone who prefers giving up their power." That was the pat answer she was expecting, and he wanted to see where she was going with this.

"Yes, well, that's not him." She gazed into the ruby red liquid in her glass. "But sometimes you need a safe space for your emotions. Sometimes."

"You do that for him."

"I did, and I intend to continue, if he wants me to."

"What about you?"

She fixed him with those large, dark eyes. "What about me?"

"What about a safe place for your emotions? You've been through hell too, you know."

She was quiet a moment. "So easy not to think about that in a place so beautiful." She raised her face to the sun.

"DC is beautiful?"

"I've had my fill of the mountains and woods. Give me a city to hide in for a while. Yes, my emotions. Like I said, gentle and strong, he doesn't seem to have any expectations. It's remarkable. I never felt like I could fall apart with anyone before."

Rossi smiled. "Making that safe space for each other, trusting that he'll be there for you like you're there for him, that's called being in love, bella." And it was exactly what he'd hoped to hear.

"Bother." But she blushed as she emptied her glass. "When it comes to the community he's still mine."

Ah. "I understand. You fought Blackburn for him."

"And. I. Won."

She was speaking from the lingering trauma, warning him off likely like she'd ward off any male dominant that got too close, or perhaps any alpha male. Well, that was all right, Reid could stand up to her if he wanted to. That she wasn't letting go spoke of a great deal of love. "If I wanted him, and either of us was in to men, I could have claimed him years ago." In other words, he was not a threat here.

Her smile was a little wicked. "Your loss."

"Very likely." She wasn't quite ready to stop protecting him, even though there was no longer a need. He could understand that. A kink-friendly therapist, time, and support from the people who loved them would help them sort it. "You know they have an extensive dessert wine list here."

Alice laughed at him. "God no. I was planning on going shopping this afternoon. Now my accountant is going to be miffed because you got me tipsy. Yes." She grinned at him. "I know what you've been doing. And it worked, dammit. No, strong coffee and a dessert menu, please. I have to sop up all this wine."

Rossi laughed with her. "How about I just order one of everything?"

"Marvelous idea."