The rain was pouring down, clouds obscuring the top of the fjord. Steve peered up through the mist and sighed.
And we have to hike up there today? He thought.
Clint rushed inside from the rain. "Hey Steve, there's a shuttle that will take us from the hotel to the farm, get the others."
Steve whistled to catch the attention of his other teammates. They were sitting around the lit candles in the lobby under blankets. The power went out early that morning, and with the whole, albeit tiny, town out, it could be hours before anything was back up and running.
"Can't we just sit here?" Tony whined. "I'm perfectly fine with just sitting here."
"Tony, the farm is called Westeros, you've been talking about this all week." Bruce reminded him. Tony sighed and drooped his head.
"Clint got us a shuttle, at least we don't need to walk in the rain." Steve replied. "It's just outside."
Reluctant Tony aside, the other Avengers raced through the rain to get to the tiny van, packing into the wet seats.
"It won't take us long to get up to the farm." The driver said, starting the engine. "When do you expect to be ready to return?"
"Maybe three o'clock?" Steve guessed. "We'll be sure to be there at three."
The driver smiled and took off up the winding mountain road.
"Itinerary?" Natasha asked, ringing out her hair on an unfairly dry Thor.
"They're allowing us to hike around their property to some famous lookouts, we have lunch there, then will visit a waterfall." Geirangerfjorden was famous for its waterfalls, the group had passed the Seven Sisters waterfall on the ferry ride into town. Boating out on the Aurlandsfjord was cool with its marine life, but to be right up close to the falls was exhilarating.
The driver laughed. "Anyone is allowed on their property. There's a law here in Norway, 'allemannsrett', that permits any person to traverse over any uncultivated land regardless of ownership. Many places allow camping as well. I'm sure you will see many tourists while on your hikes, Westeros farm has beautiful land."
Once at the farm, Steve removed a map from his pack, bending over it to shield it from the rain. "Ok, first we need to head off to our left, there's an overhang with a famous view of the fjord. After that hike we can have lunch at the farm here, then we go up that trail there to the waterfall. Any questions?"
"Can I use the bathroom first?" Tony joked.
After everyone was situated, donned head to toe in rain gear, Steve followed the map to the overhang.
"Hey Steve, this looks like pastureland for goats." Bruce said. "Look, there's some up on the hills."
"And I just stepped in something that would confirm your hypothesis." Clint muttered.
"Are you sure we can be here?"
"The sign said the lookout was in this direction." Steve replied. "And the driver said allemannsrett, so I think it's ok."
"This trail is dark and full of terrors!" Tony shouted suddenly.
"Goat poop is coming!" Clint shouted back, excited.
"We are not turning this into a punny version of Game of Thrones." Steve instructed.
"But we're in Westeros! The sign said so." Tony said, pointing back the way they came.
Steve rubbed his face as the two of them started having a Game of Thrones quote war.
The clouds hadn't decided to leave, and the further down the path they went, the more the fjord below became shrouded in mist. Steve was worried that they'd reach the outlook but then have nothing to see. But, alas, after tramping through nearly a mile of goat crap, the group finally made it to the lookout.
And they weren't the only ones. Several other tourists had cameras out and flashing. Waiting their turn, the group slowly made their way down the slope and out onto the grassy outcropping to get their photos.
"Get one of me leaning over the edge." Clint said, passing the camera to Thor.
"Are you sure that is wise?" Thor asked, peering down over the precipice.
"Just take the photo." Clint replied, throwing some jazz hands for the camera.
"I think we'd get a better shot if I got up in the tree." Tony suggested, pointing to a small tree on the upper level of the lookout. He shimmied up the trunk before latching onto a branch. "Hand me up the camera."
"I can't reach that far." Bruce said.
"Then throw it."
"That's my good camera, you're not throwing it!" Steve protested.
"Said the man who took 60 pictures of a rock." Tony retorted.
"That was an accident! You couldn't tell anything from the plane!"
"Enough, Tony, get down, it's starting to rain anyways." Bruce decided.
Tony just sat there, unmoving. "Uh...guys...I think I'm stuck." He finally said.
"Oh jesus." Clint said, facepalming. "It's cold and wet and muddy out here, I want to get back inside."
"Don't jump, you'll break something." Steve cautioned.
"Wrap your right leg over the branch." Natasha instructed. Tony tried, hands in a claw grip around the branch. "Good, now slide down towards the trunk of the tree."
"Are you insane? I'll slip off!" Tony shouted.
"Do you want to be left out in the rain? Didn't think so. There's a branch near your left foot, you need to reach, but it's there."
"Not feeling it."
"More to the left and down about half a foot."
Tony relaxed slightly when his foot found the branch, but that's all gravity needed. Losing his grip, Tony slipped off the branch and landed on the muddy bank.
"That's the last time you let the Russian give directions." Tony muttered, spitting out a chunk of dirt.
Epilogue: Their name is Mud
The lunch was delicious, Steve had now made it his sole purpose in life to find a sour cream porridge recipe, and Tony had managed to clean up as best he could. The hike to the waterfall was tough, but when they inched their way behind the falls, it became worth it. Tiring of the cold, the team began their descent, the farm now coming into view.
"Last one to the farm has to eat an ice cream sandwich!" Clint shouted and took off down the hill.
"Not fair, you're in front of the group!" Tony shouted. He started to push ahead despite the narrow path.
"Careful you guys, you're gonna trip." Bruce said. "As if you could get any muddier." He muttered as an afterthought.
"Well I'm not going home with mud in my hair." Natasha decided, stepping aside to let Tony pass her.
Tony was now ahead of Bruce and Natasha, he just needed to pass Thor and Loki to get to Clint. Then it was just a straight shot to the farm.
"I'm too agile for this mud." Tony said to himself. "Look at me, dodging all these mud puddles."
As Tony approached Thor and Loki, he figured he could launch himself of the edge of the path and in front of the two. However, as Tony stepped forward to make the jump, he caught his foot on a root and was propelled forward into Thor, who in turn knocked over Loki. The three of them rolled and slid down the muddy trail, coming to a stop at the feet of a laughing Clint.
"Your knee is in my face, Stark." Loki said, greatly annoyed.
"Aye, and brother, your elbow is in my stomach." Thor replied.
"That was on purpose."
"Look at you three." Clint said, still laughing. "You look like you crawled out of black lagoon or something."
Tony was tired of the mud. He had already fallen out of the tree, his pride had taken a huge beating. Before he knew it, a heap of mud was in his hands, and he launched it at the archer, hitting him square in the chest.
"Seriously? Really man?" Clint said, trying to wipe the dirt from his clothes.
Thor, Loki, and Tony stood up, covered head to toe in slimy mud.
"What the hell happened here?" Natasha asked, smirk on her face.
"I told you this would happen." Bruce said, also grinning. "Now you three look utterly ridiculous."
Steve whipped out his camera and started flashing photos.
"Watch me take 60 photos of how stupid you look, Tony." Steve laughed, clicking photos.
Tony waved him away. "Yeah, yeah, yeah, ok, Karma gave me a big fat slap on my ass today, let me just go clean off."
"You know...maybe we should dump him in the fjord." Loki suggested.
"I like the way you think." Thor replied.
"Guys, guys, the fjord is an hour walk from here." Steve intervened. "You aren't serious."
Natasha put a hand on Steve's shoulder. "Go get a coffee, Steve, it will be all over soon."
The look of sheer terror on Tony's face was priceless.
Epilogue for the Epilogue: Cold Feet.
"Fuck you guys." A drenched and freezing Tony Stark shouted as he crawled from the Geirangerfjord.