Chapter 30

FBI safe house
Somewhere in Washington DC

Morgan

After everything was settled and they got to the safe house Morgan tried again. "Look kid, I'm sorry. Making fun of you, of anyone, is wrong. It not only damages unit cohesion but it hurts my friends who don't deserve it. From now on I will remember that my friends and my team come before relations with any cops in the field and that even among friends teasing like that can hurt. And I won't do it again. Forgive me?"

It worked. Morgan could see it work. "Of course." Spencer replied. There might have been a hug in there, but neither of them would likely admit it later. "And thank you for staying for me. I always knew you would, I hung on to that."

"You know it kid." Morgan replied with a grin. He looked over at Alice who happened to be peaking in to the kitchen. "We good lady?"

"We're better." But she was smiling in a much friendlier sort of way.

Which was fine and great and dandy until dinner came around. They ordered pizza from the nearest place, which didn't seem to bother her any, and sat around a battered card table on mismatched folding chairs in a worn-out room, which also didn't seem to bother her any. She seemed to be contentedly hanging back a bit, quietly on the edge of things. But something wasn't right. Sure, Spencer was babbling on about something like he always did, irritating the other agents in the room, but that was so normal it was comforting. So why did she seem like she was on edge about something?

After a bit she got up to go to the kitchen to get more pizza. He wandered back there to join her. "Okay, what's wrong?" He asked.

She was quiet a moment. "How well do you know these men?"

What kind of question was that? "They're FBI agents." He replied. "I trust them at my back. Why? You think they're going to go after you?"

"Not me." No, she wasn't afraid. "But Spencer's scared."

Huh? Morgan turned his head to listen, to watch his friend's body language, the tone of his voice. Sure enough, his friend was nervous, his tone and body language all showed it. "Damn. I didn't realize."

"He babbles like that when he's nervous about something. At least in the time I've known him. I just can't tell if it's a general reaction or if he's subconsciously picking up on something."

A threat? Hells no, these were FBI agents. These were their brothers. But then Morgan stopped for a moment. He would have said the same about Sheriff Blackburn and his men. That had been the second time Spencer had been attacked by dirty cops, and now he'd surrounded him with even more male cops, strangers. At this point he would expect strange men with the bearing and body language of cops to put Spencer on edge. "Likely a general reaction." He said. "But I'll be here tonight, just in case. Why don't you take him to bed, get him away from it."

"All right. Maybe I can calm him down a little."

Morgan opened his mouth to say something, but stopped. "Nope, not going to say it." He busied himself with his pizza and soda. A moment later he felt a sharp, stinging smack on the back of his head. "Hey!"

"Penelope said your mother told her that's what she used to do when you teased your sisters." Alice said with a smile.

"Yeah, but she pulled it." That hurt, darn it. But he was grinning.

"I never pull my slaps." Alice replied with a grin. "At least not on large, muscular men. Spencer." Little brother turned at her soft call. "Bedtime." She mouthed.

"Right. Uhhh, good night everyone." Spencer said as he bowed out and away from the table. She tugged him down the hall toward the bedroom.

"I'm going to call that a compliment." Morgan said as they headed out.

"Do." She replied with a grin. Then the door closed behind him.

"What a freaking weirdo." One of the younger agents said.

If nothing else Derek Morgan learned from his mistakes. "That is one of the finest agents we have. He has more commendations than I have shirt space for them. I'd want him at my back any day." He said rather sternly. "Don't you have to check the perimeter?"

Suitably chastised the younger agent nodded and went with his partner to walk around the house in the rain.

Don't worry little brother, Morgan thought, I got your back.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked as she sat on the bed.

Spencer didn't know. He felt restless and out of sorts as he paced around the small, plain bedroom. "I don't know." He said. "I'm not sure."

"Remember to breathe." She said

He breathed, slowly, in and out. In and out. And after a few he managed to relax enough to sort out what he was feeling. "I'm afraid."

"Of?"

"Of having to do that again." There were so many strange men in this place. On the one hand he knew they were all fellow agents, here to protect them. On the other hand just having them around was unnerving the hell out of him. "I can't risk that again."

"Risk?"

It was easier to say this to the moon out the window than to her. "I was so close there at the end. I was so tired and I hurt so much and Schrader wanted..." He just couldn't say it.

"I know what Schrader wanted." She replied. "And I know you refused to give it to him. Your strength is admirable."

"Thank you. But I know how tired I am." He closed his eyes, the moon was so bright. "I can't do that again. I can't fight like that again."

"You know..."

"I know." If he didn't want to give it to someone, to let someone have that power, if only so much of it, then this wouldn't be an issue. "And I know what you're going to say."

"Do you? Am I that transparent?"

"Profiler. Are you really up for that right now?" She was as wounded as he was, at heart if not in body. More.

She was quiet a long moment. "I don't know what I could do with it." He felt her shudder from the far side of the room. "I...need to heal. As do you. But we already had this discussion."

"Yes. In there."

"Does being out here make a difference for you?"

"No. Does it for you? We never discussed if that was temporary or not."

"No, we didn't. But that is your decision to make."

He finally looked around and managed a smile. "And you don't have any say in this?"

"I cannot accept or decline what you do not offer. Remember, you can only give. That cannot be taken, not by Blackburn, not by Schrader, not by anyone in the future." She smiled gently. "And you know, once you give it only you can take it back. So if anyone tried they'd have to answer to me."

To her. To a delicate woman who was not quite well. But somehow she was so very strong, he knew that if he did she would never let go. If he did this part of him would always be safe. If he did he would always have that safe place at her side. And no one could ever take that from him, ever.

He moved from the window, sat on the bed beside her, and rested his head on her shoulder.

She wrapped her arms around him and held him. "I accept." She said. "Mine."