AN: Yeah, I know I haven't update in ages but in my defence, I am ill and I've got my GCSEs next week. Thankfully, it's half term so I've got enough time to update this now. Also, I know it's not Christmas anymore but just assume that it is.
Disclaimer: I own the randomness and the plot but the characters belong to CP and the song used by Durza belongs to Immortali.
ChuubChuubChuubChuubChuub
Arya was not best pleased. As far as she was concerned, no elf should have put up with that as their alarm in the morning.
"Iiiiiiiittttt'ss Cccccchhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiisssssssstttttttttttttttmmmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaas!"
That's right, she had just been woken by someone jumping on the end of her bed yelling about what day it is before zooming off to give everyone else the same wake-up call. That someone was Eragon.
Sighing, Arya dragged herself out of her nice, warm bed and ambled down to the lounge, where Selena was setting down a tray of Christmas tree shaped cookies on the side table. Arya took one, sat on the sofa and tossed the cookie from hand to hand while it cooled.
She was quickly joined by the increasingly hyperactive and out of breath Eragon, who grabbed a cookie and shoved it in his mouth whole. Arya raised her eyebrows.
"You do realise that those cookies have just come out of the oven and they're hot?" Arya said, marvelling at the blue rider's stupidity.
Eragon eyes widened. He swallowed and started to choke, launching himself off the sofa and onto the floor. "Water!" he croaked. "Need water…Please?"
"Get it yourself," Arya replied. "I'm getting all fat because of you."
"That was your fault!" Eragon cried, forgetting all about his burnt throat.
Arya gasped. "It so was not!"
"You were the one that chose the video!" Eragon stated adamantly.
Arya pushed herself up from the sofa threatening to slap him. "It was your sperm! Besides, that video looked interesting!"
"Your egg," Eragon mumbled backing away.
Without question, Arya slapped him, knocking him sideways into the wall. Where her ring was on her middle finger, it had produced a cut on his cheek. Eragon, slightly dazed, was instantly set upon by the elf, who crushed him in a hug and stroked his hair, murmuring about how sorry she was.
Arya's pregnancy hormones; he would never get used to them.
ChuubChuubChuubChuubChuub
"Is it cooked yet?" Durza asked so close to Selena's elbow that his nose was actually touching her as she stuffed the turkey.
"I haven't started cooking it yet, Durza," Selena answered without even sparing the shade a glance.
Durza looked a little put out by that lack of attention. "Oh……. Is it cooked yet?"
Silence.
The annoying shade tried again, "Is it cooked yet?"
He gasped. He was being ignored. He, Durza the shade, the one that was so annoying that Leprechauns of ginger heaven had mounted an organisation called L.E.P.R.A.D.A.S ( Leprechaun Rebellion Against Durza the Annoying Shade) against him, was being completely blanked.
But not for long.
Durza screwed up his eyes, took a really deep breath and yelled, "IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET? IS IT COOKED YET?"
Nope, still no reaction. Selena had somehow become immune to his constant questioning. Durza suspected that Supernanny was responsible. Until he could find a way to assassinate Supernanny, he would have to find a new way to any Selena.
He seated himself on the floor and racked his tiny, ginger-hamster-driven brains. Selena could probably hear the squeaking hamster making the rusty cogs in the shade's mind turn but she kept stuffing the Christmas turkey.
The only thing Durza could come up with was the Barney theme tune but he didn't know the entire tune. A song! That was it! He could sing a song! He thought of all the possible tunes he could adapt and settled on the best.
Finally, the shade opened his mouth and sang to the tune of Frère (AN: I'm not sure if that's right but apparently that song about someone waking up their brother and that's brother in French) Jacques, "Is it cooked yet? Is it cooked yet?
Is it cooked? Is it cooked?
When's it gonna be cooked? When's it gonna be cooked?
Is it cooked? Is it cooked?"
Selena turned and stared at the maroon-eyed shade. She was speechless.
ChuubChuubChuubChuubChuub
Finally, at midday, everyone was seated at the table including Angela and Orik, who were guests. Angela was chatting animatedly to Orik, who was fiddling with the tassels on his pink cat suit and trying to pay attention, about how toads did not exist, while Morzan lectured Murtagh on how is he ate the tablecloth like Galbatorix was doing then he would choke and die.
Naturally, Murtagh was contemplating finding another rusty arrow with which to kill himself and had developed an eye-twitch, which had, inadvertently, made Eragon go into hysterics despite the fact that he had been telling Arya how worried he was that he couldn't smell waffles only moments before.
Arya was staring at the blue rider in total disbelief, wondering why she ever slept with him. This, of course, led her to the conclusion that he was funny, kind and remarkably easy to beat up.
Meanwhile, Brom was giving seriously insane and murderous Evils to Galbatorix, who was munching on the table cloth because he was hungry and Durza was singing his new found song asking, "Are you hungry?" which the mad king certainly was.
Saphira and Thorn were rolling in snow, taking full advantage of the lack of humans of elves outside. Solembum licked his paws on slabs, watching the dragons' dog-like behaviour in disgust, at the same time sniffing the smell of Selena's cooking.
Needless to say, it was utter pandemonium.
Selena sighed, bringing in a tray containing the Christmas turkey. She beckoned to Orik to bring in the vegetables and waffles for Eragon. Yep, she'd caved in and rustled some waffles up ultra quick when her son was worrying about the lack of waffle-smell. Sure, they were only microwave waffles but Eragon, being a waffle addict, wouldn't care. The dwarf was grateful for the escape from Angela.
Soon enough, everyone was eating their Christmas dinner and the chaos was forgotten. Well, almost. Eragon was still giggling through a mouthful of microwave waffles, while Galbatorix swallowed the section of tablecloth he'd already got in his mouth but it was about as normal as it got in the house.
To Selena's relief, Christmas dinner went by without any problems. Well, she'd lost half of her tablecloth, a knife, fork and plate to Galbatorix's stomach but no-one had died when she took the remaining plates out and told everyone to gather in the lounge.
"I've got one more present than you, Murtagh!" Arya taunted as she positioned herself next to Eragon on the sofa.
Murtagh sniffed, "I don't care!"
Arya smiled smugly and rested her head on Eragon's shoulder. She'd beaten Murtagh; she was feeling rather pleased with herself. So pleased, in fact, that she even let Eragon put his arm around her shoulders.
Orik, being the poof that he was, practically melted. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww! That is soooo cute!" he announced to Angela, hugging himself.
Murtagh raised one eyebrow. "You really don't get enough love, do you?"
Orik promptly went into floods of noisy tears. "I-I'M UNLOVED!" he wailed, sobbing into Angela's sleeve.
"There, there," the witch offered, rummaging around in her pocket to produce a muddy mushroom from it. "Have a mushroom!"
Orik eyes the dirty mushroom and fainted; mushrooms were not clean if they had dirt all over them and required washing in disinfectant as far as Orik was concerned.
Selena entered, closing the door to the kitchen behind her before she could sit beside Morzan, who was, after all, her husband. As soon as she had, she smiled.
"Before we open our presents, I would like to give Eragon and Arya theirs from Morzan and me," she said, elbowing her husband, who had been staring into space.
"What?" Morzan rewarded.
Selena sighed, "Our present for Arya and Eragon! Get it and give it to them."
Morzan handed his younger son an envelope marked: Eragon and his Lady Friend. For a moment, both Eragon and Arya just stared at it then Arya spoke.
"Ha! See Murtagh! Now I've got two more presents than you have!"
"Just open it!" Murtagh snapped, visualising his beloved, rusty arrow.
Arya buried her face further into Eragon's chest. "Fine," she muttered. "It's nice to know how much you care about me!"
Eragon thrust the envelope in Arya's hand, hoping to distract her from Murtagh's emoness. "Well, go on. Open it; I wanna know what they got us!"
Arya slid her nails underneath the paper, unearthing a photo. It was a photo of a caravan.
"We got you a caravan!" Selena explained excitedly. "It will be her in two days time. We plan to put in the garden. We got it so that you could have your own private little home that's close enough to the house for you to still live here because you are only sixteen, Eragon. You've got to have a guardian. And I imagine you will want all the help you can get when the baby comes!"
Eragon and Arya regarded each other. Their own caravan…. The Caravan of Eragon! It was the start of a new Era…
AN: Okay, I know this chapter was kinda rubbish but it picks up next chapter. I just had to get the caravan in there somehow.
Next chapter: What is Morzan's surprise for Murtagh (I know that was supposed to be this chapter but I ran out of time so now it will be in the next chapter)? Will Brom manage to win a fight with Galbatorix by using his shoe? Has Durza finished with Ginger Heaven? Will Eragon and Arya be able to survive in their new caravan? And what about the Morrison's/ paramedic guy? Tune in Next chapter and see!
AdriaDara: Thanks! Sorry you had to wait for so long. I will try to update soon. I really do need to update more…
Lilay to the stem: Thank-you. I love waffles too but if ever got as obsessed as Eragon, I would have to bind myself in a strait jacket!
Sadie: Sorry Sadie, I forgot what your account name is and I'm too lazy to look it up but I FOUND YOU! You can't hide; I shall see you at school. Anyway, too right! Chuub rocks! Randomation for the nation!
9ud9ir190ne6ad: Thanks! I will try! (Try being the key word there!)
Libby / StuffRocksInnit: Thank you! Tell me when you post your fic and I'll check it out.
Immortali: Thanks! Sorry I didn't put up the Murtagh's Christmas surprise bit but it will be up next chapter and I'm going to try to update quickly.
Thank you to all you people who reviewed the House of Eragon too! Also, thanks if you've read this one. Remember, I need feedback!
Please review! :-p