AN: Okay, You're lucky I re-read Eragon earlier or I wouldn't have been tempted to write this now. Anyway, I'm just gonna continue with the story now.
Disclaimer: I'm not CP; therefore, I don't own the Inheritance trilogy. Be assured that if I did, the third book would be out by now (or not, knowing my track record for updating but I'd like to think it would be). Come on! It was supposed to be out in 2007 and it's halfway through 2008 already! Yeah, I don't have much patience…
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On Christmas day, Arya had decided that Eragon's yelling was the most annoying alarm clock ever but, as much as she hated to admit it, she was wrong.
"Are you up yet? Are you up yet?
Are you up? Are you up?
Are you getting up yet? Are you getting up yet?
Are you up? Are you up?"
Yes, Durza, the annoying Shade was in her bedroom! Sure, Eragon now shared it but that didn't mean she was going to let just anyone have that privilege - especially not Durza and especially not first thing in the morning.
The Shade took a great gulp of air and opened his mouth to sing the song again. Thankfully, he was interrupted by Eragon, who shot out of bed yelling, "WAFFLES! WAFFLES! WAFFLES!" and promptly left with mention of, "I can smell waffles!"
Durza shook his head opened sucked in some air to start again. "AR-"
"OKAY! OKAY!" Arya called, sitting up with the quilt held tightly against her, not that it made much difference; as far as Arya knew, Shades probably had x-ray vision or something. "I'm up! Now get out of my room!"
"Aww!" the Shade said, dejectedly ambling in the direction of the door.
"And get a move on with it too!" Arya called.
Durza just turned to look at her with large red eyes. "Don't you know what day it is?"
Arya sighed. "It's the twenty seventh of December – the day after Boxing Day. Why?" she asked, regarding him suspiciously and inwardly shuddering as she realised he was picking his nose.
"You get your caravan today!" Durza cheered.
"Oh yeah. Now scram!" she ordered. Secretly, she was convinced he was a pervert no matter how childish he seemed; you can't be a mixture of different evil spirits in a human body and be completely normal.
She dragged herself out of bed to eat breakfast and wait for her caravan to arrive. Eragon had better not have eaten all the waffles.
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In the lounge, Murtagh was happily watching Supernanny next to Selena. Galbatorix was munching on a waffle he'd managed to pilfer whilst Eragon's was giving Brom, who was tied to an armchair, a funny look and swallowing a mouthful of waffles. Brom, of course, was struggling madly as Selena watched attentively. She'd seen all the episodes of Supernanny many times but it didn't matter; it was still good telly and would help her refresh her memory about parenting the Supernanny way.
Their viewing was interrupted by a loud, exultant voice. "IT'S TODAY! IT'S TODAY!" The voice belonged to Morzan.
Selena hushed him with a finger on her lips as her charged into the room. "Inside voice please," she told him, quietly.
"It's today!" Morzan stated in a much quieter voice.
Selena smiled. "Thank-you," she said, turning her attention back to her beloved Supernanny.
"It's today!" he crowed again.
"What is?" Murtagh asked involuntarily. Almost as soon as the words left his mouth, he regretted them. His father was sure to find a way to turn the conversation into a lecture.
Morzan grinned. Murtagh shuddered; that grin was not natural. It was not sane. He visualised his precious, rusty arrow, wondering if it was possible to summon the essence of rusty arrow if it was possible to summon the essence of silver.
"Why it's your Christmas present!" Morzan explained. "You didn't think I'd forgotten about you, did you? You're my son, Murtagh. Of course I've got you a present. I'd be a bad parent id I hadn't. No, it's arriving at two, an hour after the caravan will."
"I'm not addicted to anything!" Murtagh snapped before he could stop himself. "It's cigarettes, isn't it? I never was addicted to them! Or is it waffles? If you want to cure someone of that addiction, try Eragon! He's the one that's been addicted to them from the start!" Or perhaps you're trying to sure me of my non-existent addiction to … to…" he scanned the room and settling on the first thing he saw. "to… sitting on chairs and you've bought some Tesco value chairs! I'm not addicted, okay! I'm not addicted to chairs. Waffles, cigarettes or anything!"
Now you've done it, mini emo one. You need a muzzle.
Shut up, Thorn! Murtagh snapped back at his red dragon. He was not in the mood for Thorn's taunting.
"Cigarettes!" Morzan exclaimed.
Selena reminded him, "Inside voices."
"Sorry!" he apologised, lowering the volume of his voice. "Cigarettes! Murtagh, haven't I told you enough times now? If you smoke cigarettes, you will rot your lungs and cough a lot then get lung cancer and drink your life away…"
Thorn! Help! He's lecturing me!
Thorn performed the mental equivalent of a sniff. Nope. Sorry mini emo one, you told me to shut up so I'm going to ignore you now and roll in some snow with Saphira.
But Thorn! Murtagh begged. You're my last grip on the climbing wall that is sanity!
Thorn chuckled. Nice metaphor.
Thanks! So will you help me now?
Though they haven't been the same since you discovered that your present from Selena or the Supernanny obsessed one, mother of mini emo one and little one, was a trip to an adventure holiday for everyone. Nope, sorry mini emo one. You were mean to me… Eurgh! I rolled in werecat poo! You don't want to know what I'm going to do to Solembum next time we meet.
Fine! Be that way! Murtagh retorted. But know that when I summon the essence of my rusty arrow that was hidden in the shed, my suicide is all your fault!
Good!
You die too, you know!
I don't care! You were mean!
"…then you will get kidney failure and they won't operate because of your appalling lung condition – and that's only if you've beaten the cancer – and all your organs will start to fail and you will die. And if your organs don't fail, you pumped full of anaesthetic and will think you can fly down the stairs. You will break your ribs and be right back where you started, smoking and then you will…"
Murtagh biting so hard on his lip to avoid finding the words he needed to summon the essence of his rusty arrow that he'd drawn blood. He was just about to give up and start his search through the ancient language when a distraction walked in, gagging on a green slipper that was stuffed in his mouth.
The slipper was Arya's and the distraction was Eragon, who was choking on the slipper.
Brom, who had managed to force the gag out of his mouth so it hung limply around his neck, looked from Galbatorix, who was trying and failing to devour the carpet because they had floorboards after Orik had spilt a whole bottle of perfume on it and stain it but Selena wanted a new one anyway, to Eragon and cried, "Good lord! It's contagious!"
At that moment, Arya stepped from the kitchen into the lounge, looking triumphant. For explanation, she offered, "He ate all the waffles."
Eragon gagged at this and yanked the slipper out of his mouth. "What did you expect?" he protested. "I was hungry! Besides, I was going to make you poffles later! There was no reason to shove a slipper down my throat! You nearly suffocated me!"
He massaged his throat and stormed out of the room with Arya following, yelling, "Eragon, I'm sorry! Come back! I've got to kiss it better!"
Morzan looked at his eldest son and said, "Woman trouble."
He'd forgotten about his lecture.
Murtagh's only thought was: saved by the bell!
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Eragon was hiding behind Saphira in the garden, having avoided Arya all morning because after she'd 'kissed it better', and she had slapped him and insisted on kissing that better too. He had legged it before she could injure him again.
Saphira! He scolded as his blue dragon moved to set fire to a garden gnome that looked remarkably like Orik.
What? She replied, regarding him with unfathomable blue eyes.
Eragon sighed. I'm trying to hide behind you!
Oh, that's what you were doing! I thought you were measuring me so that Arya could gloat that your dragon is bigger than Murtagh's. She explained, nuzzling the tape measure that Eragon had discarded by a pot plant.
Well I was doing that too. He admitted. But I'm still trying to hide behind you so please, stop looking at me like that; it's very patronising and to conspicuous!
She ignored him, riffling his hair with her nose. Little one, I'm your dragon; I'm allowed to be patronising.
But you're younger that me! The blue rider argued.
Saphira hummed. But my shared memories make me older.
Stop doing that! He told her. It's too loud!
I will do what I want! She replied, getting louder.
I will hide behind Thorn instead! He threatened.
Saphira gasped. That's treachery! You wouldn't dare.
Wouldn't I?
You wouldn't!
I would!
Not!
Would!
Not!
Wou-
"There you are, Eragon!" Arya exclaimed, grabbing Eragon's arm. "The caravan's here! It's in the front garden and it's HUGE!"
Glaring at Saphira for giving his hiding place away, Eragon allowed himself to be led into the front garden, where a massive caravan was parked. It would house them quite easily. There was plenty of space for Eragon, Arya and the baby, whatever they would call it.
"We need to think of baby names," Eragon announced.
Arya nodded as they reached the caravan's door, where the others of the house, Orik eyeing the caravan dubiously as if wondering if it was clean, which he probably was.
Selena launched herself at Eragon, squeezing all of the air out of him. "My baby's all grown up!" she cried, literally crying into Eragon's hair as she kissed the top of his head. "My baby's moving out!"
"Mum!" he protested. "Mum, I'm not going far; I'm still on site!"
"Her 'baby' is having a baby," Brom commented, "but she didn't feel the need to repeat that."
"Eragon's having a baby?" Galbatorix said through the mouthful of his shirt he was chewing. "I though men couldn't have babies."
Murtagh slapped his forehead. "Arya's having the baby you nitwit!" Angela would've been proud of his choice of word. "But it's Eragon's baby too. And Brom, why are you so mean to my mum?"
"She made me watch Supernanny!" the ex-rider accused.
Murtagh sighed, turning to face Morzan and Orik. Morzan was telling Orik that his surprise for Murtagh would be arriving soon because they had taken so long to assemble at the caravan. Murtagh had just glanced at his watch when a lorry pulled up outside.
Morzan grinned that insane grin again. "Today, Murtagh, I'm combating your addiction to…"
Murtagh was almost shaking with the tension.
"... alcohol!"
Tow things happened at once: Murtagh's eyes widened to the size of dinner plates as he sank to his knees screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
And a guy wound down the window on the lorry, calling, "Oi! Insane rich freak! I got ya booze in the back! Where do ya want it?"
Yep, the Morrison's paramedic guy had got yet another job and Selena was still hanging on to Eragon, oblivious to her elder son's cries of torment. Orik fainted at dirt encasing the lorry while Brom used the distraction to hit Galbatorix on the head with a shoe he plucked from his foot.
It was a catastrophe.
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AN: Okay, I was over ambitious with my next chapter feature last chapter and I didn't get around to doing anything about ginger heaven. I did get some Durza in there though, for any Durza fans out there. The Brom vs. Galbatorix bit will happen next chapter, I think. I know there wasn't a lot of the Dragons or Orik and Angela in this chapter (in fact, Angela wasn't in it at all) but there will be next chapter.
Next chapter: Baby name choosing. What will happen to Murtagh now Morzan's found the right addiction? Will Selena ever let go of Eragon or will Arya move into the caravan without him? Read on and find out!
IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ!
I put these on her because I want people to read them but I need to know that people actually are. Come on people, I need feedback. I like reviews. Reviews make my day (along with alerts and favourites)! I don't mind getting constructive criticism 'cause it improves my writing and I love praise.
I need feedback! So please, make all this worthwhile! I will still write the rest of the story for the people who like it but I need to know what you think!
Reviews make me write faster!
Anyway, THANK YOU to all my fantastic reviewers.
AdriaDara: Thank you! It's a shame about the hormones excuse; it doesn't work on my mum either!
Sadie193: I found your account name! The caravan is in there! Thanks for reviewing and for helping me rid my trousers of that gum. Emily was right; it really can be evil! Oh and the million dollar idea is on its way!
Destiny: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it. About my life, it's just laziness mostly but I have got my GCSE science this Thursday, followed by the dentist, then I'm going out. Yeah, Thursday is busy day for me!
Please review :-P